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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/24/2010 11:55:25 PM |
Thank you Arabianangel
You have just explained one of the mysteries of life to me
Island Home…I’m glad I was able to be of service :)
Lacking another example, you are a lot more my type. I feel safe saying that since you have to assume I'm not asking for a date. You're in freaking Australia;-)
Revisitit….I’m many guys type….. only I can’t seem to find MY type …
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:08:49 AM | Your mistake is going in the past. Rule never talk about your ex relationships until you have something stable to build from. Sure it comes up because we are human beings but that doesn't have to mean you have to show pics of an ex huge mistake brother. It's not a low self-esteem issue as much as you not taking her down that path. If they ask, you tell them you do it for me I like you I am attracted to you. We all want reassurance that we are attractive that doesn't mean she has low self-esteem issues. Low self-esteem issues is when she lets herself become a doormat and lets herself be used and doesn't have a backbone to say no to you about anything especially if your being a**** You just need to put the past behind you and not talk about your past GFs and don't ask about her BFs and talk about why you are attracted to her let her know that she is what you are into because she is. If she asks than say I made mistakes in the past so that I can do all the right things with you. Steer away from the past because you can't change what had happened and neither can she. If she had been treated poorly in the past it is what you do to let her know that now she is in a supportive relationship.
Also, it's not your job to put her together again if she's been wronged, you can be there to support her and get her through it but don't be that guy who puts together the "Broken Birds again" so that they can fly because that is self abuse brother.
Cheers, | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:22:36 PM | Actually it could be the AIM/text message disease in which no one can see or hear the other persons emotion when asked a certain question.
I stay away from AIM and texting as much as I can in the beginning, because it can cause misunderstood situations like this.
Don't talk on AIM when it regards questions like that...use the phone, if she brings it up on AIM tell her you feel more comfortable talking about these topics over the phone....or try and bail and talk to her some other time, hoping she won't ask again. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:03:34 AM | | A lot of men don't get this. It could be she was giving you an opening to say all the reasons you think SHE IS YOUR TYPE. That's what she was hoping for. When you didn't bite, then she knew, YOU WEREN'T HER TYPE. Experience is the best teacher. Do better next time. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:49:46 AM | eastend - thats game playing and manipulative, its not suggestive of healthy esteem, quite contrary really.
Some guys do spot that - but if shes showing signs of thinking this passive agressive approach is a good way of doing things this early ... And some women wonder why early dates go well and then poof. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/27/2010 10:46:07 AM | Personally I believe everyone has moments of self-doubt / low self-esteem, but openly fishing for compliments or self-deprecation isn't sexy - keep that to yourself and your dating life will probably go a lot smoother.
If you train your eye enough, you can usually spot the potential "sore spots" on either men or women. When I first scan a girl I note any perceived imperfection and file it in the back of my mind for further observation on how she handles/hides it.
If I meet a lady that's openly self-deprecating I try to toss a compliment her way to cheer her up, but if it goes on deaf ears, she's out. I don't have the time nor the inclination to try and instill a sense of self-worth into someone - they need to do that on their own.
Also if the lady tosses out a blatant compliment fish hook (e.g. "These jeans make me look fat"), I simply agree with their self-deprecating statement and walk away (i.e. "Yeah they do at that, maybe you should buy ones your size next time"). I can't STAND those kind of people...
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/27/2010 11:54:52 AM |
Personally I believe everyone has moments of self-doubt / low self-esteem, but openly fishing for compliments or self-deprecation isn't sexy - keep that to yourself and your dating life will probably go a lot smoother.
I agree with this partially at least. I do agree that even the most hardcore among us has moments of self-doubt and diminished self esteem on occasion...environment and surrounding stimuli can trigger that in most cases. It's only natural, so easily accepted. It's when it gets to the openly fishing for compliments or validation that puts people off, I have found. I can attest that this puts me off big time. While I may play "bite the hook" from time to time, if it is a frequent and almost never ending game, then yea...she's clearly got hangups that even I couldn't help her with. On the self deprecation though...this is a tricky one for me, since I do it all the time and in such a way that makes most around me chuckle. As long as it's said in context and not just a pity me kind of way, self deprecating humor is actually appealing to me lol.
Yea, I'm odd like that.
If you train your eye enough, you can usually spot the potential "sore spots" on either men or women. When I first scan a girl I note any perceived imperfection and file it in the back of my mind for further observation on how she handles/hides it.
This is an interesting thought too. I also make a habit of doing this, and once where I had to tell myself each time to be on the lookout, now it is more subconscious and just happens without even thinking about it. I have, even been known to openly gaze or gawk at things like scars, moles and birthmarks just to see how they'd respond. Do they talk about it? Laugh about it? Cover it? Snipe at me for leering?
All reactions valid, and important to determine suitability.
If I meet a lady that's openly self-deprecating I try to toss a compliment her way to cheer her up, but if it goes on deaf ears, she's out. I don't have the time nor the inclination to try and instill a sense of self-worth into someone - they need to do that on their own.
Oh HELLZ yea. Big +1 on that. These are the validation seekers I have mentioned in several of my own posts throughout the years. Those types are just validation vampires. Enough is never gonna be enough for them. They need to be validated constantly, and that in itself becomes a full time job with no pay. They have all the self esteem and self worth one could fit on the head of a grain of rice. UGH. Again, self deprecation in proper context and well timed can be appealing at least to me...so it's easier for me to observe whether this is similar to my own use of self deprecation, or if this is just a Red Flag that screams "I NEED VALIDATION DAMMIT!". In the latter, I just have no time or patience for it...they need to be "whole" long before I get there. If they're expecting me to provide them their "Jerry Maguire" (You...complete...me), then they're barking up the wrong tree.
Also if the lady tosses out a blatant compliment fish hook (e.g. "These jeans make me look fat"), I simply agree with their self-deprecating statement and walk away (i.e. "Yeah they do at that, maybe you should buy ones your size next time"). I can't STAND those kind of people...
Thankfully those types are the easiest to spot. If they say it once, it is chuckled about and we move on. They say it again, then they're on their own. I have no time to dig through my bag of "appropriate responses" to see which one they're looking for.
S'pose I should stop tellin' people I'm hung like a lightswitch, eh? LOL  | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/27/2010 12:04:18 PM |
S'pose I should stop tellin' people I'm hung like a lightswitch, eh? LOL
BDJ my friend, I'm going to start paying you royalties from NOW because I plan to use that line all the way up to my annual Valentine's Day club hunting trip.  | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 1/27/2010 12:32:13 PM | | palifornia, is asking a question that has gone in all directions. people need to go back to read this question.....reading comprehension. okay, i think that the woman, girl, chick or whatever is not interested in pally guy. this is her way of saying "i'm not into you" instead of just telling him that she does not (or at that time didn't want to hang out) want to be bothered. a lot of women ask men what the previous woman looked like, age, race, and stuff like that. i always ask men, especially black men if the last woman they dated was white or hispanic? why ? i don't know , i just want to know. (i do know but won't tell). pally and most men know that they like those "low-self esteem chicks. the women who act like rosie o'donnel, monique, rosanne barr, anne coulter, and sarah palin SCARES most men off. especially the beauty queens likes: halle berry, alicia keys, beyonce, jessica simpson, christie brinkley and angelie jolie. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/6/2010 10:05:06 PM | | Then you are just tired of meeting women. 'Low self-esteem' is a condition which can either be acute or longstanding. It is also a relative observation. But more than anything low self esteem (in others) is your friend; this is what makes you valuable to them. If her self esteem was super high she wouldn't even be talking to you. If it were dangerously low she would be on suicide watch. -However if it is 'healthfully low' it means the person will work hard for their validation. Low self-esteem is what compells us to get the best jobs we can, to dress nicely, to learn more, etc.. . This is a good thing, don't be mistaken. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/7/2010 5:25:05 AM | Actually, the way this post is written, you haven't actually met them yet.
Some might actually be saying you are not their type, because you aren't their type in their opinion, with others you might be right..who knows?
But if you start chatting and it sounds like some are asking things that sounds like they are worried about their looks, then why not just re assure them, that is not an issue....then lead the conversation in another direction.
For the record, some are saying with some men, if your not attractive, some won't give you the time of day....from reading post and living life... I can safely say...that works both ways for some of both genders, and yes, the media, movie's and ads portrays a lot of beautiful women, but a lot of men realise what they would look like without all the make up, and that some who are of beauty in looks, lack beauty on the inside. I feel thats a problem with the media and women in general.
Seems to me both genders appreciate beauty in people, that doesn't mean either feels thats all there is to a person. If they are going to hang up pictures of pretty women, sure men are going to look, just as women will, when handsome men are in the movies, or ads, or on stage singing. Isn't that the same thing?
Sure it is. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/7/2010 5:02:27 PM | Men expect women to be Goddesses. Women are supposed to have the perfect weight and height and wear a size 2. Get Real. I have found many men want the woman to fulfill their fantasies by wearing dresses and high heels. Many women when married have taken the back seat when it comes to taking care of themselves because they are taking care of the children and do not have enough time.
With me, I gained weight because of stress when my ex lost his job. He then told me I was too fat for him and I would not be able to find anyone else. With my second husband I learned he was cheating and I thought it was because of my weight, I was wrong, I did not weigh enough.
Now, I am in the process of losing the weight and going back to school. After a divorce people need to learn to love themselves before they can love another. Divorce is like a death, you have to go through the healing process. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/7/2010 5:29:47 PM | ^^^^Men may want their woman to be a goddess in their own eyes and by your post, you clearly validate that fact. One thought you were heavy, the other? Not heavy enough. Sounds to me like personal preferences rather than some deep-seated problem. I'm sorry you are so wounded, and it's terrible why each marriage failed, but not EVERY man is going to leave a good woman due to weight.
I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Sadly, it happens with men, too. **shrug**  | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/1/2011 8:23:56 PM | From what I have seen, a lot of men say they don’t want anyone “like” their ex-wife and to “prove” it they will date different sorts of women but when they fall for someone again you look back over their past wives and you will see quite a few similarities. They could have different length or color of hair but the general features will be uncannily the same.
So if she says to you that she doesn’t think she is your type, she could have had several disappointing experiences and is not ready to chance another at that time. No offense . . . . to you or any other guy . . . people’s preferences are their preferences . . . . not much you can do. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 5:21:32 AM | If you think they have low self - esteem....maybe that is what attracted you in the first place....
sometimes we must look at what characteristics we are attracted to....we need to be complete before we look for someone to take the journey with us. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 5:37:37 AM | A lot of people have low self esteem and sometimes it is not even easily noticed. Not until a few conversations at least. It is also not gender specific. I have met many men who have this issue. Whining about their physical build, their life, you name it.
As soon as a guy starts this nonsense, I cut it off. Fortunately they do it pretty soon in getting to know them ! I do better with a type A personality anyway. *Most * of the time people of this type do not have low self esteem or the poor me syndrome. Some, but not most. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 8:31:55 AM | I would be very careful in assuming that she has low self esteem because it makes you come off as arrogant, which I'm sure you are not.
We as men often underestimate the deep intellect of women ( who are better at communicating, generally ). It could not be low self esteem at all, maybe she picked up on something you were saying during your conversation that gave her pause.
I'm sure that if you stopped assuming she had self esteem issues and just asked her what the problem is she would be more than happy to tell you. | |
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 3:34:10 PM | You are tired of the human race then Everyone has insecurities at some point and lack confidence, its part of how we learn about ourselves and we instinctively know we have room for improvement .
Some people may not experience those things at all, but psychologists usually have it under some condition.
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| I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!!
Posted: 7/2/2011 9:27:19 PM | Well, some people have low self-esteem. Make sure this is something you want to persue. I try to stay away from low self esteem and inflated egos.
Also, a good question would be why show her pics of your ex? Why talk about your ex?
I don't talk about mine. I don't have any pics of him. In order for me to move forward I have to put him in the past - where he belongs. Harsh but true | |
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