| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:03:36 AM | I've dated three women who claimed to be 'bisexual.' In one of these relationships the woman had a best friend, a girl, who she had once dated, and whom I knew to be obsessed with her, basically waiting around for a chance. That dyke destroyed our relationship. The problem with bisexuals is that they can tell you it's a 'girls night out' and you never know what the girls are doing, however I didn't have to worry about that because it just so happens the dyke was bringing a dude to introduce to my ex.
I don't trust bi's, period, if you can't have loyalty even to a GENDER how can you have loyalty to a person? And any of you can argue this all you want, I have the actual experience of being screwed over three times. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:09:04 AM |
Is this a phase she's going thru? Can she be monagamous with me?/ Should i run for the hills?
Well monogamy and being bisexual have no relation to one another. I like all women, but I have yet to have a serious relationship where the lady would have been cool with me dating others. So she likes women as well... and where does that equal a 'get out of monogamy' card?
If she doesn't want to be monogamous, then decide what you want out of this relationship. I'll be honest, it probably would not bother me and I would even suggest we try to find a woman together. 
But I also have to say I have dated a few women who said they were bisexual and it hasn't happened yet. They weren't opposed to the idea, it just never happened. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:20:49 AM | If I was faced with this, I'd be OK with it and respect the fact she trusted me enough to tell me. I will assume you are already involved with her on some sort of commitment level. If so, you have every right to express how you feel about her maybe seeing women to scratch that itch. If this would bother you, then tell her and try to part with her on friendly terms, or try to understand and accept it.
Giving this some thought, I would not feel threatened if she had sex with another woman provided we agreed that it was OK. It then would not be cheating. Now if she wanted other men, that is a whole different story. I'd run as fast as I could. I can't accept that. But let's face it, to many, if not most men, the idea of 2 women together is the biggest fantasy there is. Ground rules, limits and boundaries would have to be set. But If I was really into her and trusted her, I can see it working.
Yes, too, believe bisexuals can be monogamous as anyone else. And cheating is cheating regardless of gender preferences. I would not and could not deal with cheating. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:26:30 AM | | I appreciate all the responses..altho some got off the track a little, there are still alot of unanswered questions, which i intend to ask her rather soon. To clarify and for those that are math wizzes, this women is 46, (short breaks in between the relationships). When i know more in a few days, i will update the blog.Altho i like her alot, i am going to keep the relationship at arm's length until i know more about it. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:47:43 AM | Firstly, bi-sexuality is a distinct sexuality separate from heterosexuality and homosexuality (check the current research within psychology in the area of sexuality)
2nd, the first point does not negate the possibility of experimenting.
3rd, sexuality has nothing to do with monogamy... you'll have to go with your instincts. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 11:26:41 AM | | Either she's someone who doesn't cheat or she's someone who cheats, her bi orientation has nothing to do with it. On the other hand, some couples don't call it cheating if the bi partner only has affairs with the same sex, or if they add the same sex people to their bed, it all depends on what you want and who she is. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:41:24 PM | Walk...don't run in another direction.
Bisexuality is a mixed bag.
Unless she has completely renounced her former...umm..."feelings"...there's always going to be tension.
In my experience,most bisexuals that I have met are generally unhappy and confused (that's the open ones...obviously I'd have no idea how the closeted bi's are/were) and those levels of unhapiness and confusion probably won't translate into a solid relationship.
It's,of course, your choice.
But if you have doubts...haven't you already made a choice? | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:36:38 PM |
Right after making love for the first time, she tells me she's bi, and do i have a problem with it?/ I told her not right now..lol...but seriously, i would like some feedback. I'm not familar with this at all. Obviously there are alot of questions. To give you some history, she was married at 18..which made it for 11 years..then she was married again for 9 years, then she was in a serious relationship for another 5 yrs. Almost her whole life she has been intimately involved with men. Is this a phase she's going thru? Can she be monagamous with me?/ Should i run for the hills?
OP -- As another poster alluded to, this cookie was indeed smart enough to have told you AFTER you had sex. AFTER you took that plunge.
Very smart indeed.
And a good reminder why I prefer to (and always will) get to know them well before we ever sneak beneath the sheets.
I just use a former love of mine. We reconnected after a long absence from each other's lives. We fell in love again, and talked often about plans and hopes and dreams and a future together and all that great and wonderful stuff that comes with it. We talked about sex and intimacy as well, and just as often. That's when she made some comment about this women she was seeing. Said she was bi and asked if I ever knew that.
Nope. I did not.
Asked me if I had a problem with it. Nope. Not at all. She is who she is and who she will always be, and even if I didn't "like" it, it's not like it would change her way of life. The only thing I expressed was that should we ever get to the "future" part with her and I together, all I ask is that if she wants to be with her or her or her, just don't do it under our roof and don't tell me all about it. Just let me know you're going here or there to spend time with her or her, and I'll do the rest of the math in my head. I just don't want it in my house. Live your life and do what makes you happy, but just have enough respect for me to never do it here or fill me in on the details.
That was fair, and we agreed.
I still see it as cheating in a sense of the word...but something I can deal with way easier than I could if I knew she was with another man. Another women is "okay", but another man is a dealbreaker to end all dealbreakers.
I dunno how you're gonna deal with your situation, but clearly I would say that if there's a next time...get to know them better first and DEEPLY before ever sneaking under the sheets. Be smarter next time. Finding out she's bi AFTER you've had sex is just...bad form. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:51:15 PM |
In my experience,most bisexuals that I have met are generally unhappy and confused (that's the open ones...obviously I'd have no idea how the closeted bi's are/were) and those levels of unhapiness and confusion probably won't translate into a solid relationship.
I disagree.
I've had LTR's with two women who were bisexual. We never had any problems or issues, in or out of the bedroom. I'd even go so far as to say that we had a closer bond simply because there were fewer unknowns between us, because I did not judge them negatively. They valued my ability to not judge them negatively because of their sexuality.
There are different degrees of bisexuality. Don't paint them all with the same brush. It's not fair at all.
Some are merely bi-curious (lipstick lesbians), and simply act upon the "fantasy" every once in a while, while some are very driven and torn between which gender they prefer.
The different levels of bi-sexuality in women is a complex subject. We can only scratch the surface here.
I have little desire to expound much further on the topic, but feel it's important to post support for those women who do have bi-sexual tendencies to know that not every guy will freak when he hears the word "bi-sexual". | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:00:14 PM | OP, I've had this experience just once. To be honest, your best bet is to put this down now. Because no matter how open she was in telling you what she's open to, you may not necessarily be. And that can make a huge difference between what is going on now, and what there will be to later experience.
In my experience, I was told that she was bi; and before I had a good chance to absorb it, she was already heading towards womanizing. Dude, save yourself the grief of another breakup, and end it while you're ahead. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:04:37 PM | | I don't think she can be monogamous with you. A woman being intimate with a woman is still a woman being promiscuous. If you don't mind it, there could be a prurient fantasy thrill factor for you in watching her get it on with another woman if she's inclined to let you watch. Maybe they'll even let you join in-! But be prepared to feel "left out", denied affection, slighted. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 3:29:35 PM |
There are different degrees of bisexuality. Don't paint them all with the same brush. It's not fair at all.
Some are merely bi-curious (lipstick lesbians), and simply act upon the "fantasy" every once in a while, while some are very driven and torn between which gender they prefer.
The different levels of bi-sexuality in women is a complex subject. We can only scratch the surface here.
I have little desire to expound much further on the topic, but feel it's important to post support for those women who do have bi-sexual tendencies to know that not every guy will freak when he hears the word "bi-sexual".
Very well said verityone. I agree completely. Seems to me, we all paint many people with the same broad brush. Each person is different and have various levels of things we all find ...well, "different" | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:09:06 PM | I had a female relative who was married for most of her life. While I’m not privy to all the aspects in an nut shell she divorced for one reason or another and then did the bisexual thing. Now a day’s she’s in a long term relationship with a guy, but also did have a serious relationship with a woman during her gayness. So it could very well be a phase. My relatives phase lasted approximately 4 or 5 years, how long do you want to wait for this woman’s tastes to sour on the taco and go back to solely sausage?
I wouldn’t run for the hills if I were you. I would be trying to build a friendship and enjoying some great sex, until I got bored, then I would try to make the move into just friends territory. The two girl one guy threesome is something that every guy should experience at least once if he has the opportunity. I hope you can hear it knocking.
That is about all I see you getting out of this relationship, a friend and maybe a threesome with her friend. She’s not at a point in her life where she wants to be monogamous right now and there’s no point in trying to force that. Go along for the ride for as long as the ladies will let you play, but in the end it’s their game. They can and will find another sausage to play with if the tire or find yours comes with too much baggage, such as monogamy. After all , it is their game, not yours. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:11:08 PM |
ask her if she has a 'good friend' who wants to come over! lol
Yeah, then you find out the 'good friend' is a very masculine woman weighing in at 200+lbs, close-cropped hair, pug nose, wearing construction boots, and more muscles than a bodybuilder... then the fun begins.... LOL
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:02:53 PM | | I cant see my self dating a Bi woman. So next time you argue is she going to go to her other lover???? If you are in a LTR sex brings you closer togher. Sex is not just sex between two people unless its a one night stand.. Do you want her to share that with one else besides you???? If she is not sleeping around with alot of other women. Which brings its own problems. Then she is having a LTR with another woman same time she has one with you... | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:05:52 PM | Sounds like she's pissed at men and figures she'd have it easier with females. I can understand the sentiment, but I can't fathom what makes someone actually go "there".
Men confuse and piss me off, but I want them anyway. I certainly do not like females enough nor hate men so much to change my sexual preference (assuming one can change that).
Someone recently stated to me that people who behave this way are simply selfish. They just want something and aim to get it however and with whoever they can. Me, I think they have mental issues. They're angry. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:33:01 PM | Someone recently stated to me that people who behave this way are simply selfish. They just want something and aim to get it however and with whoever they can. Me, I think they have mental issues. They're angry.
Then you haven't the foggiest notion about bi-sexual women, and obviously don't know any, or haven't been in a relationship with one, to make such a squalid statement. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:01:13 PM | | OP, what's her intention for telling you that she's bi? if she's just telling you to tell you, then i would fuss over it. but if she's telling you so that you'll know that the reason why she can't go out with you one night because she's out carpet munching with marjorie then, that's up to you. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:28:41 PM | Bisexual is the ability to be attracted to both sexes. However, a true bisexual to me, is someone who is capable of falling for either a man or a woman. It's not just all about sex. It's about who you're capable of making an emotional connection with as well. I've always considered my brain bisexual, but I've mostly fallen for men over my lifetime. I lean more towards men, even though I am capable of also being attracted to women.
It does not however, mean that bisexual people are incapable of being monogamous. Quite the contrary. Most bisexual leaning people still enjoy monogamous relationships. (for example, I prefer to date one person at a time, no matter what the gender) I think bisexuality is much more common in both genders then we realize, but most lean one way or the other. But because its still taboo to talk about to some, (usually due to religious nonsense), many who might have occasional thoughts about the same sex are too afraid to admit it.
I'm not sure why she would feel the need to tell you if you've only been dating for a short time. There are some women who use it as an excuse to sabotage a relationship. It's really not a big deal. It could mean she's never really had the chance to explore a woman since she's been married to men. Maybe she's looking for a guy who will be ok with that part of her, and not put her down for it. Or maybe she'd like to "mess around" with women every once in awhile along with you.
You really need to ask her, what she means by this. Does she want a female lover too, or does she just want you to know that she has thoughts about women sometimes and she doesn't want that to scare you away? You also need to ask her, does she want a monogamous relationship, or an "open" relationship? And to be fair, if you allow her to mess around with other women, you should be able to do the same. It really depends on what type of relationship both of you is looking for.
Just ask her. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:40:27 PM | | My take? She's not going to be up for a threesome. She's telling you that she either does have and will keep in the future or that she will pursue in now and in the future relationships with chicks besides seeing you. How you feel about it only you can know. I'd have a problem with it. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:46:32 PM |
Many Men don`t have a Problem with That! Especially when
they`re in the Middle
What about if you're not in the middle, but instead reduced to errand boy and you get sent out for refreshments a lot? lol | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:27:16 PM | I've known three Bi women and one Bi guy in my lifetime and not one of them managed to remain faithful*, they skipped from guy then girl then guy then girl etc, with regularity. Good luck OP!
*-Perhaps there are faithful/monogamous Bi folk but I haven't meet any. | |
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| She tells you she's bi-sexual
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:23:31 AM |
I can't be the woman that a woman might want, so I'm only opposed to a girlfriend who would want another guy.
I see it that way as well. There are degrees of bisexuality and if a man seeks only the physical aspect of another guy I can understand that as long as his romantic interests are just for women. | |
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