| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:11:03 AM |
Yes I have had one night stands and had sex for pleasure but after it was over I felt very uncomfortable about sharing my intimate self with a stranger.
Yeap! You've been played. I can understand how you feel, but realize that a player is not all the other things that you said. And a player is not forcing you to do anything, you are choosing yourself to do something. Perhaps what you can do or learn from all these cynical a ss wh oles, that post in the forums is how to take control of those interactions and spot the people that do not fit your requirements. But that requires realizing that when some guy tells you how much they like/love/desire you when you haven't even met, the objectives are obvious. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:12:17 AM |
Yes I have had one night stands and had sex for pleasure but after it was over I felt very uncomfortable about sharing my intimate self with a stranger.
Yeap! You've been played. I can understand how you feel, but realize that a player is not all the other things that you said. And a player is not forcing you to do anything, you are choosing yourself to do something. Perhaps what you can do or learn from all these cynical a ss wh oles, that post in the forums is how to take control of those interactions and spot the people that do not fit your requirements. But that requires realizing that when some guy tells you how much they like/love/desire you when you haven't even met, the objectives are obvious. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 9:42:09 AM |
I wonder why it is so hard for people to grasp the idea that just because some of us want long term because we value ourselves and our bodies and sex as more that just a sport or hobby that we are some how anti sex. lol
I guess it's your misguided premise regarding what you perceive as valuing yourself more than someone who doesn't share your views on sex.
Let me tell you I am far from anti sex I enjoy sex to the fullest and am not inhibited or rigid. Infact I happen to be very sexual and love sex with the right person. I just don't like being treated like a piece of ass and nothing more.
I would dispute your claim to be uninhibited or rigid when immediately after that you presume that sex in any context other than the one you find comfortable means ``being treated like a piece of ass and nothing more.'' You seem to be unable to conceive of anyone having sex outside of a long term relationship unless the participants are degrading each other (or perhaps you only see it as the men degrading women). How much more rigid can you get?
I am offered daily to have friends with benifits sex. I have no desire what so ever in doing that.; Can't imagine anyone wanting that. Of coures to each their own, but why do these type of people prey on those who don't want that?
Huh? Do you think someone who asks you such a thing is ``preying'' on you? What happend, is your ability to say no impaired?
Same goes for perverts as they like to say things to strangers to get the shock effect.
You could solve that problem by just not being shocked.
Yes there are alot of idiots on the net and I think many of them gravitate to pof for some reason.
I'd agree with that, but I'm quite sure we would disagree on which people were the idiots.
Its very discouraging to know that so many are just on these sites for quick thrills with strangers.
I'd have to say it's discouraging to see an adult who can't simply accept that someone else's views on sex are simply different without passing judgment on them. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 9:56:05 AM | | outmind you are totally off base with your responses as many are. I know how to take care of myself and yes I have run into liars who pretend to be wonderful people and end up being total jerks. I made mistakes in some calls and I would imagine the entire race has made the same mistakes. i do not down grade those that are out there or want wild hot sex just for the fun of it. If that is their choice and they don't care go for it. Its not my choice because like I said when I have done that I feel very used and sad afterwords. So I know that is not the life style I want or makes me happy. I am refering to those that want to fool people into thinking they are caring sincere knowing I do not want a player and yet they prey on people all the time to see if they can still get in your pants some how. To me these people are sick human beings who enjoy hurting others for their own pleaser. So the word i used are to cover all the types of people I have come across that really make me wonder why there is so many of them and why do they do what they do. Yes I guess no one has the answer. I have some answers but I will keep them to myself. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:06:57 AM | | abelin Just like I would not force my religious beliefs on others, I don't want someones idea of vulgar sexual remarks or phonys who portray a nice person yet they are just out for the hunt and conquor approaching me. A few here and there is to be expected but the majority are so phony and so ready to just go straight to bed that it makes me want to thow up. Not to mention raped by someone on a dating site. Don't throw me "blame the victim crap". That is an abusers excuse for their behavior. No matter how careful you are they still manage to get under the radar. I dare say any of you who have daughters would want these type of men approaching them. And teaching them how to avoid them is not enough. Nice decent women with good upbringings have been raped and or killed as well. Your damn straight I can't stand men who only want me for sex. I have been dealing with that since I was 5 yrs old. I go to counseling to heal and cope but the jerks are out there and more than I had ever imagined. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:20:51 AM |
What do sexual preditors, perverts, p;ayers, cheaters, get out of this kind of life style?
The fulfillment of perceived need.
Isn't it a very empty shallow life with no real fullfillment or happiness?
Probably not to them. But IMO it is, otherwise they wouldn't have to keep doing it when faced with constant judgment that it's "wrong."
But then again there is a huge difference between a sexual predator, pervert, player, cheater, because there are different motivations for each. Hence the different names.
At least legally. And the majority of these terms don't describe a "lifestyle" but specific behavior. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:27:15 AM | Nice decent women with good upbringings have been raped and or killed as well. Your damn straight I can't stand men who only want me for sex. I have been dealing with that since I was 5 yrs old. I go to counseling to heal and cope but the jerks are out there and more than I had ever imagined.
Okay, some of the truth, your truth is coming out. And it sounds like you have some serious issues not just with sex, but sex as a consenting adult type of activity that leads to intimacy and love. If you could only notice your own bias you would realize what you are doing, but you will not. However, for sake of the exercise I am going to reverse a quote of yours and hopefully you will see what so many others see but you fail to realize.
You said:
abelin Just like I would not force my religious beliefs on others, I don't want someones idea of vulgar sexual remarks or phonys who portray a nice person yet they are just out for the hunt and conquor approaching me.
So look at it this way:
abelin Just like I would not force [my] (a person's) hideous, narrow minded, vulgar, fanatical religious beliefs on others, I don't want someones idea of sexual remarks who portray as nice person approaching me.
See how the meaning changes when you place the intense bias on the other side?
The hole point is that just because you have some severe issues to the point that you require therapy (and hun, there's nothing wrong with that), do not lump the whole consensual sexual exchanges that other people have as "using" "perverse" or even remotely related to "rape." | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:37:49 AM | o.p........you shouldn't put sexual predators, perverts and child molesters in the same sentence with cheaters. sexual predators and child molesters are sick criminals, nobody can answer that question but the pedophiles themselves.
perverts are just guys that have problems gettin laid, so they get off peeking in windows and stealing and smelling panties and shit. cheaters are exactly what they are...CHEATERS. they want their cake and eat it too. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:29:42 PM | | Split it down the middle. sexual preds and perverts are in it for the feeling of control and being above the other person (mentally not physically). To be a pervert or a predator you have to go against what society see's as acceptable and therefore its more thrilling to do so. Cheaters/players its a case of male pride and the feeling of "yea i did that". Its really hard to catagorise cheaters but the two main ones would be the guys who do it out of emotional feelings for someone other than there partner, and those that do it out of physical attraction. Its the latter that do it for the feeling of acomplishment and boost to there own self image. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:20:07 PM | What I am not
I am not bitter,
mean
vendictive
moody
cold
unaffectionate
rigid
anal
set in my ways
I stick with one man not a flossy
I am not lazy
not prejudice
not into bashing people who are not like me
I don't like injustice or abuse of any kind
So much for being upfront and honest on your profile....... | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:23:18 PM | Split it down the middle. sexual preds and perverts are in it for the feeling of control and being above the other person (mentally not physically). To be a pervert or a predator you have to go against what society see's as acceptable and therefore its more thrilling to do so.
undesiredheart..........i disagree that you think sexual predators and perverts are the same. they're not, a pervert can be a guy caught jerking off in public, or exposing himself in public, or looking under girl's dresses etc.
sexual predators are the sick guys who have targets in mind...like women or little girls or boys. those guys go to prison when caught. those guys are like rapist. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:39:29 PM | | To generalise as i did it is correct to say that predators and perverts share the qualities i listed. Sure predators take it to an extreme level somewhat higher than perverts but wether is commiting rape in an alleyway or watching a woman get changed through her bedroom window it still stems down to control and the aspect of going against what is considered right as society. Be as subjective as you like , to secretly watch someone and find it sexually enjoyable is about doing something you shouldnt. The same applies to the principal of rape, rapists mostly all have the same ideal of "part of the thrill is because its wrong". If it was consentual then it would defy the meaning. Without going into the terminology of the word they are essentially both the same, just because one is seen as worse (i say "seen as" and not "is" purely because rape between monkeys isnt seen as bad as rape between humans) doesnt mean its any different. Most of what we do is only seperated by levels of good to bad. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:50:24 PM | Be as subjective as you like , to secretly watch someone and find it sexually enjoyable is about doing something you shouldnt. The same applies to the principal of rape, rapists mostly all have the same ideal of "part of the thrill is because its wrong". If it was consentual then it would defy the meaning. Without going into the terminology of the word they are essentially both the same, just because one is seen as worse (i say "seen as" and not "is" purely because rape between monkeys isnt seen as bad as rape between humans) doesnt mean its any different. Most of what we do is only seperated by levels of good to bad.
undesiredheart..........everything you're saying is subjective, what i stated is a fact. i don't know of any perverts in prison. i only see sexual predators, child molesters, pedophiles and rapists going to prison.
like i stated before, a pervert is when a guy is caught exposing himself or masturbating in public for an example. he doesn't go to prison for that. if anything he might get a fine.
when george michael got busted masturbating in public he was ridiculed and laughed at, nobody called him a sexual predator. get your facts straight | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:03:18 PM | | Again... like i said the level on the spectrum of good/bad differ but the motives remain very similar. ABH and Manslaughter are the same thing with the latter going further down the scale of bad than the former. Does that mean they share the same sentances? No.. because to do so would devalue the other. Psycologically however the intent to harm is there in both cases, same applies to perverts and predators.,. the intent on doing something viewed as wrong by society is there.. the thrill from doing something they shouldnt is there.. In my post i was generalising as is obvious from the wording. The fact you seem to be intent on isolating it down to a single statement saying that they are both the same seems very strange, if you are stating facts as you have said, then i dont see how your "facts" do anything but support the generalisation i made. i am not saying they are the same thing, i placed the two lables of predator and pervert together as they both share the same intentions..just carried out differently. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:19:07 PM | Men are turned on by physical attraction, women mental. Its like if you eat the same food everyday, you get tired of it. The same with men, they always want something new, just like women and shoes.
The reason men lie & play games, is because if we don`t tell women what they want to hear mentaly, they won`t open there legs.
The only reason men get married, is to get steady sex & when the sex is not steady anymore, we cheat. { ITS SIMPLE WOMEN } | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:08:16 PM | peace and love you pretty much summed up the answer to my question. Most men will not admit that but yes I do believe for many men that is the case and I run into them all the time..
However in defence to men there are men who love and respect their girl or wife and would never want to hurt her like that. Same with men who are not in a relationship but are looking for a special person to spend their lives with. Regardless if their girl gets sick and or dieing they stay by their side and don't stray for sex. Its called self control and love/respect for another human being. Not just thinking about pleasing your own selfish needs. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 4:22:24 PM | | I believe I have been calm not angry or bitter towards anyone on this forum but many have been to me. My question is not for those who both agree to do what ever they both like enjoy. If they enjoy doing it with a dog its not for me to judge but its not for me. I am sure I am not alone on that.. AGAIN i AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM. I AM TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WANT SEX OR TO TALK VULGER TO OR WITH STRANGERS AND OR PRETEND TO CARE TO GET INTO SOMEONES PANTS. Being decietful to get sex. These people are sad human beings. Does that sound angry bitter? Am I causious? Yes most self respecting women are. Do I want to have sex with every single person who is horny and approaches me? NO. I have to get to know the person and find out what their priorities are. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:00:08 PM | | But the generation gap here is a big variable.. your 54 and therefore by todays standards part of the generation where morals played a role in your early twenties. The current generation of 20ish is that of as much easy sex as possible, whenever wherever. Its perfectly fine to be self respecting enough not to take part in such activities but the amount of guys after that sort of dating contact is going to increase as it is a much more generalised and accepted part of society, that going on a night out means at the end your gonna end up in someones bed, same applies to dates and its only by self control and the odd few people holding onto there morals that it isnt seen as the norm to do so | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:34:06 AM | So the conclusion it seems is the jerks far outway the good guys. Speaking of people that get off either being vulgar, or they get off pretending to care when they only want a piece of arss. Playing the game. So finding a really special person is hundred times more difficult than I had hoped. Weeding out the jerks is a full time job. Yes my bad I used the word jerk lol. Oh well if the shoe fits.
As far as the generation gap goes, I am very up to date on many things having 2 sons very young. We like the same music. Pink Floyd, etc. I like the music of today and understand things have become much more open. Don't forget though in the 60' was free love sex drugs and rock and role. So I am not nieve to societies ways. Today or back then.
I get approached by every age group from 20 to 70. If all I wanted was sex I could have it all the time. I want more than that. An elderly couple I know told me one day that if it were not be for sex men and women would not be together. It was something I had never thought off as I thought love far outweighted sex.
Maybe that is all we are here for is to screw each others brains out till we die. lol Maybe there is no such thing as love. Maybe I am looking for something that no longer exsists. Who knows. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:27:43 AM | i've heard some guys say that the only reason why they need a woman is just for sex an to maybe cook for them or clean up after them,other wise they have no use for her, quote it was they have thier friends for companionship an family for love an a woman is only needed for p ussy an a maid..
i really had no comment after that being the 15th time i've heard that from several differant guys of all ages an races..
O an no these men werent directing that at me, it was either hearing it from discussions or over hearing it or them coming out in saying that when asked what they was looking for from a woman in life or a relationship..
so speciallady28 maybe your right in saying that some of us are looking for or hoping to bump into something that no longer exsit.. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:15:05 AM | OP: It's pointless to wonder about other people's motivations for what they do. There can be as many motivations as there are people, and you're not going to be able to get into the heads of "sexual predators, pervers, players, cheaters" etc. to figure out what makes them tick on an individual basis.
Focus on YOUR life, your desires, and your happiness. Learn how to screen prospects well to minimize your chances of wasting time with a predator, pervert, player, or cheater. Yours is not a loaded question....but it is largely unanswerable.
Don't waste time pondering imponderables. Screen daters well and get dates.  | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:29:37 AM | | spitfire I can dates everyday but not the kind I want. That is why its disheartening to realize that what I am looking for is a needle in a hay stack. Not a knight in shining armor but just an average guy with a good sense of humor and brains, who is affectionate, honest, and believes in love. | |
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| This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this
Posted: 7/18/2009 11:20:24 AM | ^^Those guys are doubtless out there. Maybe expand your search (larger distance, greater age range, etc.) People who screen for good partners can find good partners. Some of us focus on a certain "type" in dating, and perhaps that given "type" abounds in perverts, predators, cheaters and players......
There are millions of great people in both genders who are healthy, happy, and normal. The dater who perpetually ends up with losers has conditioned herself or himself to seek out losers. One has to screen differently in order to attract a different kind of partner. | |
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