| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:17:53 PM | I think I read somewhere that 8SF8 aka forum ninja, found himself a single mom to date. Irony of Irony. FS is still around, I think the regulars got bored with the same post over and over again therefore ignore her.
Forumphantom, would you change your opinion for an interesting good looking single dad? | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:31:46 PM | WHOA WHOA WHOA ....LADY! chill out and slow your role a sec. I am a single dad I have my kids cause my ex died............. Now not every guy should be look upon as a **stard who cheated his ex outta the kids in court, I wish for the perfect....well not perfect but a good woman in my life but has no luck with women who wants a guy with kids. if thats how you women are thinking thats sad  I understand its womens lib but not every guy is a jerk off and stole the kids in court to be evil. its many cases where we haveour kids its could be cause moms not stable enough mentally, money wise, able body, or just on drugs or alcohol. us single dads need love too us men excepts women with kids no matter what with open arms. please change the way you think PLEASE. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:44:19 PM | Some guys do take thier kids away from thier mothers in court even though there is nothing wrong with the mom. They can get some slick expensive lawyer and take the kids. I know of a single guy in my nieghborhood that did that to his ex and all the single women in the neighborhood ostracize him. They refer to him as "the big creep". If you are one of those dads who won your kids in a bitter custody battle just understand that some women will be afraid to date you because she would probably be a little creeped out about the situation. Every womens worst nightmare is losing her children and if you made your ex lose hers it will scare other women away. Even if you say your ex was nuts or a druggie it doesnt matter because most divorced people talk shit about thier exs and the woman wont believe you because your ex wont be thier to tell her side of the story.
Being a full time custodial single father is a set up to have a lonely life, it makes most women run for the hills. Women will be like awwww its so sweet that you're raising your kids all alone but she would never think about dating you. She will be thinking ewww why does he have the kids?!? OMG! Whats wrong with thier mommy? Did he rip them away from her??? Is she crazy? On drugs?? Whoa other womans kids= excess baggage.... crazy ex unfit mother who will make my life a living hell?? or is he a nasty creep who ripped the kids away from thier mommy?
The poster Jen8800 is just being honest about what women think about full time custodial dads at least she was honest and not like those women who give the fake smile and are like awwwww how nice a dad raising kids all alone and then ignores the guy after that and wont give him time of day.
Jenn8800, Futureshock, Shaniqua, soliderfalcon88, opiedopie,that mchurch guy with the list they all told it like it is about how single parent dating sucks azz big time. Too bad solider is dating one now but he has a history of dating crazy loser women his ex wife was nuts.... | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:59:18 PM | | ya mandanj, hope he does too cuz after all we are all out to trap men into having children with them according to many on these forums... but guess if that happens he will blame it on her anyway... | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:08:36 PM | I had to keep myself from falling out of my chair when I read the posts by Jenn8800. Yeah, you can really tell by your post how happily married you are. Too funny.
I didn't waste my time by reading all of your posts, so will only comment on the ones I did read. Did you give any thought to those single, fulltime parents who were thrust into the position they are in and the fact they stepped up to raise their children the best way they know how, without having a 2nd opinion or shared responsibilities? Since you are so happily married, I am sure you are not aware of the pressure and stress a fulltime single parent deals with everyday, knowing that every decision they make will affect their children. They are 100% responsible for the love, care, teaching, discipline, health, etc....of their children. Some took on this responsibility willingly and thrive being a single parent.
See, I am a single, fulltime father of 3 young and beautiful children. I did not ask for this responsibility, but I stepped up and knew the kids mattered more than anything and I had to do what was and is best for them. See, their mother was killed in a car accident three years ago this month.
I'm new to this site and when I first read the title to this thread, it struck a chord with me because I have experienced exactly the same type of issues this thread addresses. By the way, if you are so happily married, why are you viewing an internet site for dating and even more, why post to a thread dedicated to us "loser single parents"?? | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:23:11 PM |
Being a full time custodial single father is a set up to have a lonely life, it makes most women run for the hills. Women will be like awwww its so sweet that you're raising your kids all alone but she would never think about dating you. She will be thinking ewww why does he have the kids?!? OMG! Whats wrong with their mommy? Did he rip them away from her??? Is she crazy? On drugs?? Whoa other woman's kids= excess baggage.... crazy ex unfit mother who will make my life a living hell?? or is he a nasty creep who ripped the kids away from their mommy?
Note fixed some of the typos. I hate to say it but this post rang true to me. Then don't forget if you have small children in a social setting, it is assumed that you're part of a couple. Single dad's have a handicap in dating. Does this mean that I am doomed to be dateless? No, not a all plenty of fish has helped me along the way, along with my charming and glowing personality. ...Yes some women like nerdy single fathers too lol. Then some women don't want the complication of the other woman in there life. Let's say that mom is involved with the child, this can be a turn-off for a lot of women. They may think that dad maybe yearning to get her back, or vice versa and they don't want to deal with the potential for competion. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:45:55 PM | gadgetdoc, I agree with much of what you stated. I would think if you can get to know a woman enough to have that conversation, it would eliminate much of the anxiety on her part.
I would guess in many cases, a fulltime, single father or mother is in the position because the other parent is absent in one way or another.
In my case, there is no "other woman" to contend with. Yet, I'm still not trying to replace their mother. My kids were young when she died and chances are, if I were to remarry in the next few years, the woman I marry would be who my children remember as their mother.
Bottom line, if a woman is scared off because of your parent status, then they are not worth your time. Move on and find someone who is. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:50:33 PM | | Very well said. I too did not ask for this but my children mean more to me then anything. She chose drugs over her children & because of that she will probably choose to never see them again. She is weak & has always had a hard time facing her mistakes so she continues to turn to drugs so she does not have to face reality. If she does not accept help soon she will probably end up in prision or dead on the streets. Its sad to say but it is the cold hard truth. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:53:05 PM | | That is not always the case, Take my soon to be ex-wife, she turned to heroine & cocaine over her children I did not battle in court for my children. The last thing I wanted was to take my kids from seeing thier Mother, but she chose that road & I will not put my childrens welfare or future at risk for anything. She is an addict & refuses to go to treatment so I kicked her out. She has not once called them & only seen them once since then. She is so addicted to drugs that it is all she thinks about. She did not even try to fight for them nor has she even sought out an attourney. She has now gotten a new phone number which she did not give me & now I have no way of getting in touch with her to sign divorce papers so my children & I can get on with our lives. She even showed up at the house the one time so messed up on drugs that she could hardly walk & my kids had to witness this. So YOU see I had no choice but to give her the boot. She made a concious decision to start doing drugs & this is the price she has to pay for poor decision making. I did not cause this situation & do not deserve to be lonley but if that is the price I have to pay to raise my children properly then so be it. So don't ASSume that all men are out to rip thier children away from thier mothers. Typically if one parent gets soul cutody is usually because the other parent is unfit to be a parent. Quit being so bitter because you may have made bad decisions that caused your own misery!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:08:16 PM | | Lady your a nut job, know your facts before making idiotic rhetoric posts. You are obviously not happily married or you would not be here. You probably made bad decisions yourself that caused you lose custody of your children. Quit blaming your mistakes on others. GROW up & accept that somewhere you screwed up. The courts do not award fulltime custody to one parent without proof that the other is for some reason unfit to share custody. In my case I would be an unfit Father if I allowed her shared custody. Second of all she chose to be a drug addict over her children, refuses help & has not even called her children once since she has been gone. I don't even know where to find her or how to cantact her. So YOU see I was thrusted into this position & have ahd no choice in the matter.These are my children, I love them & I am now the one they count on to make all of the decisions that will affect them. I am not some cold heartless **stard that you make us all out to be!!!!!!!! | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:49:12 PM | | Sounds like someone is a little more upset about having to pay child support than not spending time with their kid. Talk about a rant!! Before you condemn the man, don't you think you should at least take the time to find out why he is a single father? I have a friend who is a single father, because his wife died. And how many strung out doped up women out there have just abandoned their children and spouses. The only point that your post made clear to anyone is that you are simply a self absorbed idiot who can't imagine life from any other perspective than her own. Get over yourself! | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:07:19 AM |
Forumphantom, would you change your opinion for an interesting good looking single dad?
Hi gadgetdoc - I don't think I would...I just never saw myself in that role. I adore kids...but other people's kids, but potentially having them in my personal life - ? I don't know...I don't think I'm built for it. When I was single, I did message a few single dads, but the interest was not reciprocated, so I guess at that time I was open to it.
Being a 34 year old Catholic school teacher, I get the "you don't have kids?!?" crazy eyeball a lot - people are surprised because it's very obvious that I love working with all sorts of kids. But I do like keeping work at work, and then coming home to pursue my other interests. I'm only with your children during work hours, I feel it would be different if it was in my off hours too - I need a lot of quiet time (introverted when not at work). I really don't feel a loss that I never had my own kids (partly by choice, and partly due to health reasons) - I get to teach great kids every day and I'm so blessed for it!
I'm with a guy who doesn't want children either - he's a wonderful uncle and kind to all, but it's just not what he wants, so we're a good match. We're hoping to marry in the near to middle future, so your question is moot for me, but when I was single - I dipped my toes in the water so to speak, but didn't walk in. Cheers!
Good luck to all! :) I love reading the single parent forum because I find it very thought provoking - it's an interesting one! Being a single parent is a hard road, and I admire those who work so hard at it. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:25:33 AM | Torque0521 Wrote:
...In my case I would be an unfit Father if I allowed her shared custody..
Astute comment there, Torque0521. Sounds like you've tried to get your errant partner to return to your family home but faced with the dilemma of being unable to show the authorities that your children would be safe in your control.
What would your position be if one day she knocked on your door seemingly completely sober? How would you then protect your kids? I'm going through exactly the same as you here. I have tried to agree a plan with my local social services in the event of my own ex turning up out of the blue, but they are adamant that a druggie parent would have to have gone through years of rehabilitation be seen as responsible. My own opinions are seen to be irrelevant and reintroducing her to shared care would create what the SS call "a child at risk"
You need to go through the hoops (if you can afford it). Get to court, apply for full custody, full parental control, get a divorce ASAP, change your telephone numbers, find a new house, tell all your mutual friends that you, for the well-being of your children have severed all ties with your ex, forever. If your kids want to seek out their mum, they will do so when they reach the age of majority. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:30:20 AM | abi1963 wrote:
Good god!! I hope your not the custodial parent
Why is that? I still have plenty of "manly" emotional ties with my ex. But, I must place the welfare of my boys at the very top of my priorities. Any attempt by me to integrate my ex back into her natural role as mother will be met by a very real possibility of them being taken by the local authority and placed into the care of a stranger. My armor must contain no chinks as society treats custodial fathers very differently than custodial mothers. Mothers with care are given longer leashes, they can make mistakes. Unfortunately, men can't.
We as parents, if you haven't yet worked it out, do not "own" our children. The government and the courts do. Children are chattels of the state and our duty of care can easily be taken away by often over-zealous, gender discriminatory, ageist, racist, deluded and self-possessed, devil-worshiping Social Workers (IMHO)
Getting back on track though, it doesn't surprise me one iota that any woman wishing to date a male single-parent with custody, will need to understand that "our" priorities lay with our children, not with introducing further complications by way of new long-term relationships. If I must be honest, adult friends, whether they be male or female is what I wish for, somebody to break the monotony of a life doing the ironing  | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:21:03 AM | | Lightbright, here in NC they have court supervised visitation centers. This might be the best option for you and your children, if you think that she is sober. Talk to someone at your local Social Service Department if such a program exists where you live. Just a thought all the best to you. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:04:05 PM | gadgetdoc Wrote:
.... here in NC they have court supervised visitation centers
Same here. Nearly three years back, the court ordered the ex to meet with the boys at a contact center every week. She attended the first and didn't for the subsequent ones. I had to attend with my boys regardless until I could get back infront of the judge to adjust the original order. The social services, at the time, insisted that I put my boys through the emotional turmoil of not seeing their mother and made sure that I followed the court order to the letter. The law is what counts, not, it seems, the welfare of the children.
LOL Perhaps "us" male single-parents with custody are far too intense to attract female sexual predators  | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:58:36 PM | I would go for a full time father in a heartbeat! means the guy is capable of being a father. Now if he says wierd stuff in his profile like "my kids come first and you have to accept that" then I find that to be a red flag.
A good parent does not need to say stuff like that, and a good man will make the relationships with his wife equally as important as with his kids. Each persone in a family has to have their own relationships. And if a guy comes off as if you are usurping him from his kids or if it is going to be a battle for his affection that you are guaranteed to lose then the kids are going to pick up on that create a very unhealthy family dynamic.
So I think a lot of women assume that guys with therir kids full time are potentially a lot of drama. It doesn't have to be. I am more wary of the guy who only sees his kids two weekends out of the month. Or has multiple kids by his "latest" wife and the others have no emotional, financial or parental support from him. That is a red flag for me.
You also have to realize that a lot of men who call themselves "single dads" are actually the guys who have limited or no visitation and will likely dump the kids off on the first woman they can lock into a relationship while they go "work." That is NOT being a father. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:14:36 PM | | In reply to Jenn8800, each case meaning Court case there is a reason why one parent get's to be the custodial parent. Without knowing the facts you can not judge. In most divorce cases the woman gets the kids. If, a man has the children then it was because the judge felt he was a the better parent and place for the childern. The rule of law is " it is in the best interest of the children." I have my children and if I didn't they would be a ward of the state. Any sane woman might realize there is a reason, so don't hate what you don't know! | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:19:39 PM | | No all single parents are fulltime by their choice. You seem to forget that some are widows/widowers. It seems to be harder to find dates when they find out that there are no weekends free cuz of custodial visits. We have our children all the time! So don't assume that we are single by divorce. | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:20:38 PM | And I am one of them a widow that is with a 15 year old son, wow some people really have issues hey ;/
to the OP i really do think it is the type of woman you meet, I would gladly raise someone else kids if that was part of the package, I would take no notice and get rid of any negative women who seem disintrested in your kids.
I am far from a deadbeat single mum , dont need a man to supoort me emotionally, fiancially or my son for that matter...
how very narrow minded some people are truly , horrific comments | |
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| Why do women not like dating fulltime single fathers?
Posted: 11/12/2009 6:11:20 PM | | I would date a father that has his kids full time. I think that they are a packaged deal and deserve to be wanted just like a single mother would want to be. It's hard trying to date being a single parent. You just haven't found that right woman yet. Just keep looking, you'll eventually find her. Good luck to you! | |
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