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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:15:16 PM | OP,
Some people are socially inept/ makes common verbal blunders, or they are a bit
sarcastic. My guide on this is:
*Do they exhibit the same type of behavior with everyone? Or just with me?
*Do they even 'get' what they are saying? aka, is he socially inept?
If he can take as well as he can dish it out, at least that's a bit more balanced.
I would just gauge his future behavior, with the awareness that he has had this pointed
out to him. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:37:12 AM |
I don't recall using a gender in my post... let me check on that... nope, "person" and "they" and "their" are pretty androgenous terms... definitely nothing gender specific in there. I know many women who are like that too... it is not something only men do. So then, you are saying the OP is equally insecure and a quart low on self esteem as her BF?
Normally I don't engage in these kinds of debates online... but normally I am a little more elaborate in my responses too... I was very tired when I posted... so please let me clear something up on what I said. I was obviously not clear enough last nite. If you wish to respond to me further on this, ~ds~, please take it offline.
I can understand WHY you have concluded what you did... but your conclusions are wrong... that is not what I was trying to say... I will attempt to clear up any misunderstanding. When someone initiates the cutting sarcasm it is usually a sign of low self-esteem.... in my opinon (these forums are for opinions, are they not?), the OP responding to his cutting sarcasm with the same kind of remarks was just a symptom of being hurt.... she is human too. It is human nature to react to hurts "in kind".... and it takes a lot of inner work and self-control to teach ourselves to "act, not react" - it is a Buddhist teaching if you wish to know more. In an earlier post, the OP even stated how she sees it not working... and that she will act on her new knowledge and insights.
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:06:51 AM | | If a man is truly attracted to a woman and wants to know she is happy then he will do what it takes to make it that way. A joke such as that is just thoughtless and ignorant. I know from my own personal experiences that women struggle enough over self image and for what? To be appealing to men. If this guy is so dumb as to insult such a pretty woman and so early on ,its obvious that he has no appreciation for you or your company and it is a sign of doom for sure. The right man will compliment the woman and the outcome will undoubtedly be positive. I think the things my mother told me when i was a boy apply here. First off, " If you dont have anything nice to say then say nothing at all" - Really, If you think about it, Nothing good could come from the fellas shallow comment and secondly "There is a half truth to everything" - How could anyone say something like that if they didnt really if even on some level,mean what was said??? Its not a good way score points at all. If i were you i would have confronted him about it on the spot. If he made an apology then and seemed genuinely sympathetic then i would consider a second chance but if he was anything but completely apologetic then i would say "Good bye"!!! If you talk to him again,you can tell him that i said that i think that he sounds like a real "JOKER" !!!! | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 8/16/2009 11:25:49 AM | Bottom line, if a guy treats you like crap. Then he doesn't really care if you leave.
If a guy isn't showing you respect, then guess what. He doesn't respect you. And if a guy is really into a women and doesn't want to screw it up, then you got it. He is not going to screw it up.
Guys are not as dumb as they act. They know how to behave. I am a nice guy, but I have said jerky things around women that I didn't really care about. But when I find someone who is my equal, I treat them with the utmost respect.
With that said, there is a certain amount of learning curve when you start dating where people have to learn what type of behaviour and humor is going to be appropriate or not with the other person. I would make note of it and continue dating, and find out how quick of a learner he is, because if he doesn't change then he doesn't care.
There is also the possiblity that he has never dated someone who he has respected before so he is unsure of how to act. It can be intimidating when you date an equal. Sometimes you have to put guys in check, and tell them when things are inappropriate. But even though the statement was insensitive, it could of been innocent enought, for most people eating a big mac now and again is not a big deal, but for gym rats it's like eating the devil. Plus some people just suck at communicating, it could be that. | |
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| Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:01:34 PM | So it's about a month later... I'm guessing you two aren't seeing each other anymore.
Also, I suspect deliberate "negging." Unusual among men our age, as it generally only works on women who are both young and insecure, but not unheard of - and his response when called on it was sufficiently immature to bring this to mind. "I didn't mean anything bad by it" is merely a refusal to take responsibility; vastly different from "I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable," which IMO would've been more appropriate. Then again, if he'd been grown-up enough and had sufficiently good manners to apologize in latter fashion, he wouldn't have made such an idiotic remark in the first place. | |
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