| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 5:53:46 AM | Please say you have not slept with him.Your just 18 and gorgeous, surely you can get a date outside this place of iniquity.There is nothing wrong with older man per-se but a 42 year old and an 18 year old.Early thirties I could understand but a man in his forties.Have you father fixations.
You are 18 and still growing, immature and inexperienced.He is embroiled in a divorce with kids, so he says, I would wonder about that.
Sweet lovely girl, get your education, have fun and grow as a person.Get yourself a free man, young with no entanglements.Leave the old guys alone and enjoy your youth.At least he appears to have a conscience. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:03:07 AM | | Jersey: Can you read? The OP said he wasn't really interested in the sex part either. Doesn't exactly sound like someone just looking to take advantage. You obviously have a negative attitude towards older men. If I did have a daughter and she was 18, I would probably stay out of her business because SHE"S 18. Is it better that she date some irresponsible teenager who only has one thing on his mind? My only concern would be that she be responsible. Adults can make their own decisions. There's a difference between smothering your child with a negative attitude and giving them advice. Funny how a guy's intentions are always above board as long as the woman is a certain age but they miraculously become a letch just out for sex just because the age dips below a certain number. Age doesn't suddenly turn someone's intentions bad. What a complete crock of hypocritical one sided bulls*it. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:06:20 AM | (Op wrote: I thought it was obvious that he was only willing to see me for sexual reasons but he's willing to even give that up. I really don't know what to do.)
Cali cutie you are a very atractive young girl(just stating a fact! Trying to keep my head from being chewed off from the male poster that has insulted every older woman that has answered to this thread.). That is just a fact. However, you are only 18 and you might think that you have a lot going for yourself, and actually have a lot going for yourself. It is when you start to get life experience you will know that people have complicated, complex situations. This man in question seems like he is atracted to you physically, but makes it clear that he does not see any other potential there.
He is not going to shoot you down in a mean way. He instead will say it and leave you hanging. That way your ego will not be bruised. Sometimes men can be atracted to you but for only 1 thing. He is not gonna make an anouncement on a loud speaker about it. It is called sexual atraction, it might just be with you and a couple of other women. However, a different woman comes along and he is willing to offer her everything.
Throw this 1 back, he is still married and is implying he will get a divorce but who really knows. Date a guy that is unattached!
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:12:01 AM | | njbubble: Smart advice. The married thing is the real reason to avoid this situation. Ages really have nothing to do with it. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:50:06 AM | Do you really believe "he's willing to give that up", i.e sex?
Don't dream, sweetheart. Enjoy the ride if you want to but, never expect commitment from a married man.
The day of the major disappointment to arrive -and it will be- he will remain you "he isn't ready for a relationship".
Cut your losses, even if it's hurt. It will be better now, to avoid in the future to feel desvasted. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:21:19 AM | Sweet, another thread where women get the opportunity to psychologically poison men to feel guilty and sinful about their natural lust for sexually mature, young, and beautiful women.
Hey CW..I'd love to see what your opinion would be if it were YOUR 18 year old daughter coming to you, asking what she should do about a 42 year old separated man with 3 kids whose been coming around to have sex with her?
What is the difference? All of the 18-41 year old boys/men are trying to do the same thing. What makes the 42 year old any different than hating any other man trying to touch your daughter? I wouldn't want a 16 year old touching me daughter either, but you just accept you don't get to control some things and live with the fact that girls like penis.
At least the older man is more likely to appreciate it. And if these were actually marrying times of yore, I'd prefer the older man because he'd actually have the resources to provide for her. This sort of relationship used to be very common, before the female shaming machine kicked into effect so that the older men would marry and provide for older women instead. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:28:25 AM | Ok... Sorry to anyone I may offend (actually I don't give a ratzazz) with my comments here but they are simple.
This is fuked up.
18 & 42???
Nope. One word describes this situation. WRONG
This is a classic case of an adult manipulating a child.
No self respecting man of my age would do this. He would know that he was basically taking candy from a BABY and his conscience wouldn't let him do it.
Argue amongst yourselves all you want. This is BS | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:38:28 AM | this is 2009. you can do anything you want with ANYONE YOU WANT as long as you're 18 except drink alcohol.
but please don't pressure him fro a comittment. it's like a man pressuring a woman for sex.
i get a kick out these threads, lots of women pooh poohing the relationship, especially the older women. deal with it ladies. young women are attractive and sexy and YOUNG!!! we love them. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:48:52 AM | LOL, this is pretty hilarious as far as the posts I'm reading. This girl has the right to date whomever she wants, and if a 42 year old guy can score someone that hot more power to him. But like I've read in here, if this girl was MY daughter, and I dont have kids mind you, he'd have daily visits from me in a not-so-nice manner until he was smart enough to leave her alone. As a matter of fact to prevent this from ever happening, if I have a daughter I plan to switch her with a boy at the hospital.  lol | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:52:45 AM |
Thanks everyone. I know what I have to do but its just super hard because I know its going to hurt. I care too much about other peoples feelings and making them happy that I push my own feelings aside.
That's all the more reason to not get involved with someone like this. You're setting yourself up for a pattern that will only leave you feeling used and hurt.
Stick to people who are really your peers -- coming from the same place and headed in the same direction, the direction you want to go with your own life. Good relationships are based on going through life together. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:52:50 AM |
By the way I've been seeing him in person for 4 months is what I meant
Excuse me....! OP - what exactly does THIS mean?
You met this 42 year old man - on the internet?
You're a Capricorn which means your birthday was last December, and if you've been "seeing him in person" for the last 4 months that means you began "seeing him in person" in March of this year - barely 3 months after your 18th birthday...
How is it that the two of you met?
Irrelevent.
To the poster who believes people only make something of a situation like this when it's a hot young female with an older gent and doesn't say a word except "Cougar" when it's an older woman and a young male - bullsh!t.
The age difference here is offensive to oborder on illegally disgusting.
To the 2nd poster who felt it was obvious why any man would want to date her - sexy and cute  what's really interesting is that you went on in your next point to say with her obvious maturity she would be a charming individual to date - you based this new found knowledge about her maturity and appropriate "grown up" behavior on her original post?
Clearly you were able to see something within the words that I missed.
Here's what I see - her profile:
I currently just graduated from high school. Yay me!! And it feels so good to be out. I work full time for a drug store but soon might be working somewhere else. I'm an active person. I'm always running around doing something. I've played basketball for five years and volleyball for four and hope to some day be in the olympics for volleyball. I've recently decided I might try modeling because of my height but need to lose some weight first. Umm.. what else.. lol.. I have no idea what I want to be when I get old. (its too hard to decide cause I literally enjoy doing EVERYTHING)
This is totally my opinion, OP - ask your Dad what he thinks, not us. My guess is your father has no idea who you're seeing, how you met him or how old he is.
Tell your Dad.
Then let us all know what happens. Please! | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:54:22 AM | | The guy is STILL MARRIED!!!! What is wrong with you??? | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:56:56 AM | ^^^ excellent point - I'm changing my answer.
If what you're doing with this guy is so OK and on the up and up - go tell your Dad, and then with your Dad, go tell this man's wife.
You'll soon discover what's okay and what's not about your choice of "boy"friends.
(jeez) | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:05:42 AM | Being much older than 18, never married (and thus divorced), but hearing stories about the whole divorce scenario, I can safely say that your sweet, pretty face and sweet, pretty body are merely a diversion to take his mind off the spiritual death of his nuptials with his soon-to-be ex-wife.
Let him finalize the divorce and take at least a year off from women altogether so the stink of death wears off him and so he can be in an objective mindset to decide about what you are and what you mean (if anything) to him. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:14:28 AM | His divorce isn't even finalised yet - no way can he ready to commit himself to another relationship!
I think you need to back off and stop pressurising the guy, otherwise you're going to lose him even as a friend.
Good luck :-) | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:18:20 AM |
18 & 42??? Nope. One word describes this situation. WRONG
 You nailed it. Whether it be man/girl or woman/boy -- it's wrong...and I generally don't judge, however, if my daughter was interested in a 42 year old when she's 18, first, I'd smack her, then I'd go find him and smack him. Married and going after an 18 year old? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Go ahead and bash me - I could care less.
Ewwww, I just thought of something. That would be like me dating a 25 year old. Yuck!!! If a guy can call me "mama" and mean it, it's not going to happen.  | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:20:06 AM | well, the age difference is an issue that will kick up a lot of different responses, that's for sure. And, it is quite an age difference. Yet, that alone is not a reason why something can't 'work'. It really is dependent upon what it is that you both are getting or seeking from this relationship.
It sounds like it's around the sexual thing. Some people can work within that framework, whether you're the same age, or 25 years apart.
The Main issue really is....he is a guy coming off of a marriage...with children...separated..and that is a confusing time in any persons life.
...and, if the divorce isn't 'final' yet....that only means that the real shIt storm hasn't even started yet. So, it's not unusual, for a Man...or a Woman to want to get into a 'feelgood' situation for a minute...mostly to take their mind off of what a mess their life has become.
You should count yourself lucky that this Man has some sort of conscious around it all, and has come to a decision that he can't do it anymore. Keyhrist....a lot of men that age with a young gal like you would use you up darlin, and then throw you away like a used paper towel.
Best to follow his lead..and step aside on this circus, until the dust settles. And that could take years...you just might be confusing a fascination with a Love of your Own.
regards
Kimbo | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:38:07 AM | Calicutie I'm sorry but the cold hard truth is all you are is a plaything to him. Guys that are 40+ fantasize all the time about getting with a cute 18 year old chick. Trust me I know quite a few 40+ guys and they talk about it all the time. They will do anything to get one and it's considered a huge score for them. You should of never put out to him for starters huge mistake there. He already got what he wanted from you and I'd be surprised if he just doesn't totally disappear pretty soon. You are very young and should just stick with guys around your own age, they are not all jerks you can find one that will treat you well. Stop letting yourself be a sex toy for creepy older guys old enough to be your dad. I'm sorry if this reality check hurts your feelings but you need to wake up now and learn from the mistake you made. In my opinion a 42 year old manipulating an 18 year old is pretty much legal pedophilia.
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:44:22 AM | | find a new older guy that is ready for a relationship..lol | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:51:09 AM | As someone who was very much in the place you are right now I can tell you with out a doubt no matter how much you might love him- people around you will always make you feel as if you have to defend your right to love him or his treatment of you.
You will say outloud to yourself and anyone else who seems even a bit unsure that his age doesnt matter, but in the back of your mind you know he is at a different place then you are. Right now you are exploring the world and if you arnt you should be.
He has already explored. there wont be many shared first times - chances are hes done loads of stuff already.
He will be moving away from hanging out with freinds and going to clubs or parties.... ( he has a family right?) and you are just starting that part of your life.
sure hes kind and hes respectful and hes sweet...... you are quite a catch, and hes still going through a seriously mixed up time in his life.
Only you can say forsure whats right for you.... but as an adult woman you need to know most relationships that are jumped into in the middle of a divorce situation dont last. thats the rebound thing.
He needs time to sort out his head and if hes willing to say no sex.... AGREE!! dont sleep with him dont touch him or kiss him in that way kiss him on the cheek and NOTHING more.
dont look back on your life with regret for time lost but dont charge forward with something like this thinking to yourself you know whats right all the while ignoring those voices in the back of your head telling you this isnt it. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:55:27 AM | Sorry, I'm one of those "old bags" with the opinion that there's something wrong about the 18/42 year old difference in age. When one person can say that 10 years ago they were still avidly playing with dolls and the other can say that 10 years ago their daughter was avidly playing with dolls, there's no way the life experiences can put the two people on a par. I doubt very much the OP would introduce this man to every one of her friends and family and I doubt he would do likewise with her. If not, they'd both have to look within themselves as to why not. I doubt it would have everything to do with what other people would think. It has more to do with commonality. At those two ages, what is most common is sex. I can picture the types of conversations either would have in the company of each of their peers. Both would look like a deer caught in the headlights with that "huh?" look - conversations would go over both of their heads. Both are capable of having sex and there is little beyond that they would have in common, other than to get their ego stroked. One because they think a mature adult could possibly find them mature, and the other because they think they're still hot enough that someone so young could find them appealing. For those of you who figure it's so alright, tell me - do you hang around on an every day basis with people having a 24 year age difference in either direction? I think not. The commonalities just aren't there on many levels.
The OP states in her profile that she doesn't know what she wants to be when she gets old. Of course not. She just got out of high school. She's looking for a commitment from someone when she's at an age she shouldn't be committing herself to anyone, should come and go as she pleases and have varied relationships with different young men. At 18, you only have a smattering of what is involved when it comes to relationships - it's the very beginning of the learning curve and you don't even know yourself totally, much less what you can expect from the opposite sex. Sorry, OP, but being in a relationship with someone old enough to be your father doesn't make you mature by proxy, neither does him being with you make him young by proxy. When you get older you're going to look back on this, shake your head and ask yourself whatever were you thinking of. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:49:30 AM | OMG ~ everyone is going to have a view on this including myself.
If he or she is old enough to be your parent, then besides sex it will be just about all you have in common AND you are the rebound girl.
WT*~ Rule of Thumb for dating younger (my rule - use it, get your own or chuck it ~ IDC) is 1/2 your age plus 7.
Anyways, who am I to say ~ Best of Luck to you! | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:56:38 AM | | Sorry, but I can see you getting hurt by this relationship. I don't see any harm with him showing you that he sees you as part of his life. If he can walk away that easily, then let him and find someone else (who will probably be younger and without baggage), but far more importantly, will appreciate you. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:13:09 AM | Well.. having a young daughter myself.. My only concern would be if his intentions were true and if he treated her right.. In Op's case.. His intentions are clear.. he's not looking for a full blown relationship with her.. he has told her he doesn't want a relationship but.. like most women, she refuses to LISTEN to what he's telling her. I'd be concerned about the pain she'll be suffering when she continues to hope for more from a man who is simply enjoying her physically.
OP: Do not set yourself up for a career in being someone's booty call. You are too young. I suggest you do as he suggested and refrain from the intimacy.. see how long he continues to just be content to be your platonic friend. What else does he do to show you that he's devoted to you besides cook for you and then do your dirty dishes? Kindness and good sex is great.. but if you want an actual commitment from this man, he's told you you won't be getting it from him.
Best Wishes hun.
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