| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:13:22 AM | Ok... Sorry to anyone I may offend (actually I don't give a ratzazz) with my comments here but they are simple.
This is fuked up.
18 & 42???
Nope. One word describes this situation. WRONG
This is a classic case of an adult manipulating a child.
No self respecting man of my age would do this. He would know that he was basically taking candy from a BABY and his conscience wouldn't let him do it.
Argue amongst yourselves all you want. This is BS
Thanks Fa que - took the words right out of my mouth.
>> It isn't a gender issue - I would feel Exactly the same if it were a 42 year old woman playing with a boy of Barely 18 who Just got out of highschool!! holicrap ..
All I can say is absolutely dysfuntional. Messed up. Lord help any male or female of this age coming near my sons or daughters. At the age of 18 (notice the 8TEEN) they are going through the whole idea of wodering if they are a child or a adult. Never mind the government starts allowing them to gamble and buy cigarettes. Not even legal drinking age. Need I go on. Wow this just makes my stomach turn ! | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:19:24 AM | | Quted from the OP own profile "I don't know what I want to be when I get older. Just want to have fun" Need I say more ! | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:21:25 AM | Ask your dad what he thinks.
Tell him you're sleeping with a married man who "refuses to put a label on what you are" to him and you feel it's "obvious that he was only willing to see you for sexual reasons."
What do you think your dad would say to the man? How proud of you would he be? | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:27:22 AM | | ^^^ Yep! OP: I have to ask. What in heavens name is a young attractive girl of 18 years old doing looking for a relationship on an online dating site? Surely there are better ways than the computer for you to find someone your own age or a little older that you can better relate to. What do your parents think about your situation and the fact that your searching online? | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:29:04 AM | OP, you are a pretty young girl. I would give the same advice to any woman, even an older woman. He's separated. He probably is going through a lot of emotions right now, as most people coming out of a marriage do. He has a family he is responsible for. He has a lot of concerns right now most likely. He has said he doesn't want a relationship. Listen to him. He doesn't want a relationship. You're pretty, at the start of your adult life....go and have fun, meet people, get an education, concentrate on you.
If I had a daughter your age (I do have a 19-year old son), I would be furious with this man. It would probably try to stop the relationship as much as I could. But regardless of the age difference, this man is unavailable to you. He might even get back with his wife.
When I was young, I didnt listen to men when they said they didn't want relationships. I thought I could make them want one with me, if they'd just see how much fun I was, etc. I learned over the years that if a man says he doesn't want a relationship with you, listen to him and move on. Why waste your time and energy on this? Why allow some 42-year old separated man with 3 children upset you?
I hope you take this to heart because truly you are way too pretty and seemingly sweet to do this to yourself. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:00:47 PM | | I think it's rather easy to see what a 42 year old man, separated and maybe (maybe not, we don't know his wife's view of all this) getting a divorce...we know what a score a pretty young 18 year old would be, although even with that mentality he seems to be trying to separate from the OP too and not become a cliche of middle-aged man drooling over hot young teenager, but what is the reasoning behind a pretty teenager clinging to an older man with a wife and 3 kids? This is pretty dysfunctional for the OP, so I am more interested/worried about her issues and why she needs this daddy figure as a sexual experience and why she needs him to commit to her. ??? This is something much more important and could have a hell of a damaging effect on her life than if she were just screwing around with the old fart getting his kicks to forget his wife and kids a while and pretending to be young again. OP, really, why are you in this and what are you getting out of it? | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:35:54 PM |
Nope. One word describes this situation. WRONG
This is a classic case of an adult manipulating a child.
A child that can vote, smoke, and go to war. A child that can enter a legally binding contract. A child that can choose to get a job or which college to go to. A child that is bound by every law and has no access to juvenile court. A child that her parents can kick out onto the street. A child that can get married without parental consent.
By every measure society has, she is not a child. What is the difference if she sexes with a 42 year old or another 18 year old? And why do you care? An 18 year old can lie his ass off to her too. A lot of college aged girls just plain out slut it up for a number of years. A 42 year old is kind of foolish to not take try to be part of that gravy train. She's gonna screw anyway. Might as well be him rather than some punk 19 year old who can't even keep his pants pulled up to walk across the street. Those young guys aren't looking for any real relationship either. This is even before mentioning how women brag/claim that they mature faster than men.
I mean seriously... taken advantage of? 18 year olds are incapable of decisions? Women take advantage of men on a daily basis by flaunting their bodies around. The very act of displaying cleavage is one of power. They run around claiming this power and that power and how they're equal all the way, but all of a sudden the girl has sex and it's some guy taking advantage of her. What the hell ever.
he'd have daily visits from me in a not-so-nice manner until he was smart enough to leave her alone.
Yeah he's the wrong one, but you're the one breaking laws. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 1:23:59 PM | | Thank you everyone. I know that all of these things are true I just think I needed to hear them from someone else. I was supposed to see him tonight but I just told him I can't see him anymore. I told him I'm gonna be setting myself up to be hurt. I told him that he wants something in the here and now that will help him get through what he is going through but he isn't looking for a future with anyone. I also apologized for trying to push him into something he didn't want and asked if we could be friends. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 1:50:35 PM | | He refuses to put a label on your relationship because the label is booty call. Sorry to tell you dearie, he is using you. You are pretty young to have to learn the lesson not to get involved with someone who's divorce is not final and is not completely over his ex. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:24:18 PM | | Hi Cali - I scanned through all the answers quite impatiently, thinking to tell you RUN LIKE HELL... but I see you came to a wise decision. If I may venture a little past the question and add something from personal experience as someone over 40 now and having dated older men in my early and mid 20's... despite what "cooldude" tells you there's age difference and then there's AGE DIFFERENCE. From my experience, MATURE, WISE men over 40 are not looking for 18 year-old girls period. You feel mature now and guys your age may not interest you, but trust when you are older you will look back and realize just how young you were! I do not have hang-ups about age having dated or been in relationships with 10 years younger and 20 years older, but chances are that gap at your ages in this case signals immaturity at best, exploitation otherwise. Trust me. And 4 moths is nothing to know someone in. Be well. | |
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Iam40
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Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 62 | |
| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:32:28 PM | You are so young calicutie, and such a pretty girl. Don't you want to start your own family some day? What's wrong with boys your age?
He's using you for sex dollface. Tell him to get bent...unless you are ok with that. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:43:08 PM | | Female Math = 18 goes into 42 more than 42 goes into 18 ... :) | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:54:39 PM | | You made the right decision calicutie but trust me you didn't owe him an apology he knew what he was doing and what his intentions were. If you were my daughter he'd be the one that would be sorry. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:07:43 PM | I wouldn't be interested in an 18 year old. For one thing my daughter is older than that. Secondly, what would we have beside great sex, not that great sex is bad. But you can't be in bed 24/7. We wouldn't have anything else in common, maybe not even the same version of the English language. And she probably wants children one day, which I'm done with. It would be negligence on my part.  | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:59:28 PM | | i'll bet the older man would treat her alot better than the younger guy and respect her too. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:11:33 PM |
I thought it was obvious that he was only willing to see me for sexual reasons but he's willing to even give that up.
wait just one minute, OP. you two already had sex and he's telling you that he's willing to give the sex up to show you that he's not ready for a relationship?
you need to end this relationship and finish up your schooling. i suggest majoring in jurisprudence. keep the guys at bay for a while until pass your state's bar exam and work in a law firm or a public defender.
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:23:53 PM | | Theres nothing wrong with dating a older guy... just watch your heart.. try not to get in too deep with out knowing where he stands... by the sounds of it he's just using you. You are only 18... trust me honey theres so much more out there, you still have so much to learn and live. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:31:47 PM | | Just because the age difference isn't illegal doesn't make it immoral and a bit disgusting . This man is just taking advantage of this young girl. And she's to immature and naive to know any better. Plus, the fact he's married. Wrong, just plain wrong...IMHO. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:38:53 PM | If he wasn't married I would approve this relationship.
Love is limitless (as long the participants are over 18), no one here has the right to judge anybody elses' feelings. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:46:58 PM | I'm with JerseyGirl2008 on this one. 18 and 42? Get serious. It's clearly wrong. If you can't see "cradle robber", you're blinded by your youth and inexperience. Go for someone closer to your age. An 18 year old young cutie is every older man's fantasy. But it IS a FANTASY.
A child that can vote, smoke, and go to war. A child that can enter a legally binding contract. A child that can choose to get a job or which college to go to. A child that is bound by every law and has no access to juvenile court. A child that her parents can kick out onto the street. A child that can get married without parental consent.
By every measure society has, she is not a child.
Whether she can vote, drink or do whatever. Emotionally, she still IS a child for gods sake. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 9:45:41 PM | gees everyone misses the point.. you can blog the logic til the cows come home but science of the human brain already tells us what we need to know..
PS ,,, any guy that fantasizes about having sex with an inexperienced young female who is just beginning their sexual growth of their neo cortex areas of their brains.. is a dimble twink... and an uneducated dimble twink...
The brain of teenagers is not the brain of an adult.. end of story .. the brain area called the neo cortex is not complete until a young adult reaches between 21-25 .. this is the frontal area that deals with impulse and reasoning.
The singular most identifiable reason a young gal gets attached to an older man is not sex , it is because the father figure in her life is non existent or incredibly poor as young women who come from homes where their father participated in her life in a healthy way and showed her love and values does not subject herself to this stagnant.. dysfunction. There is no growth or evolutionary process for a young woman in a old geezers life... he stunts what needs to be her own growth.. as a human being and her journey to couples sexuality is not even close to being balanced as they have no experience path nor an understanding of the language of sexuality from the developmental aspect of full frontal neo cortex development.. Not unlike very young couples who find out later in life that they are not actually attracted to one another because chemistry is not something you fully aware of til the brain matures.. hence young couples attached become more like brother and sister and the sizzle is gone ..because they were not mature of brain development.
Guys of middle age who pursue young girls are grooming these teens to meet specific needs (sexual) and are usually incapable of maintaining a relationship with someone that is mature . Alot of them will tire of that gal and hunt down another .. 18 year old as the cycle continues .. this is deviant behaviour folks, there is no balance nor will there ever be hence .. power struggles and sexual issues way beyond what most immature people can handle .. the stats for success are less than .03 percent.
I noticed that most guys in this forum posting and boasting have no children.. I would venture that if you become a father of a baby girl and do your damnest to make sure she is protected and loved and given a safe happy home to grow into a woman in . that your attitude about some 40 s0mething year old man having sex with your daughter might "feel" alot different than the words you have no problem typing right now..
This man just left a marriage .. and three kids, he is not in a normal balanced state of mind anyway .. he needs some counselling and healing and to stop the relationship with this gal completely .. no friendship.. nothing .. allow her the life and growth that she deserves as a human female who is in no way ready for the challenges that she is presenting to herself.. she is not emotionally stable enough for what is coming .. he needs to cut the ties and walk away. grow up and be a man .. gees I sure hope he doesn't have a daughter as karma can blow you away sometimes .. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 9:51:45 PM | | Ah.... I think that's between the 2 people, not anyone else's opinion. | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:08:07 PM | I say let the old coots do the dirty with the young chicks. Most of the ones objecting to Jersey girl and other are only objecting out of fear. They can't attract and hold a relationship with a mature, intelligent, woman...so they go to the offspring, the inexperienced and unknowledgeable ones like wolves after the yearlings of the flock.
I know from firsthand experience that the old coots are held in disdain by the young. The young think they are doing the old coots a favor by giving them their time. When the coot throws a temper tantrum or goes into a machismo rage over something the one he thought he had superiority over did, the younger one is chagrined and the love meter ratchets down more and more and more until their level of attraction is delineated to a mere peck on the cheek while the young one checks out the asses of the young studleys.
But there will always be those who are borderline pedafiles who truly believe the only women they can "get" are the young ones who are niave and not street wise...
It is the very rare case where the old coot can keep and satisfy the young one til the end. Most of those May/December romances are just "crushes" and then the old fart winds up paying child support until they bury his sorry ass six feet under with his viagra and his check book....lol | |
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| Older Guy
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:29:53 PM | | wow, if he's 42, he's almost old enough to be your grandpa. can't imagine you would find someone so old to be attractive. and i'm being sarcastic when i say *old* because 42 is old to an 18 year old. he's got way too many problems and baggage for you. look for someone closer to your own age. i can just imagine what your parents would have to say about this situation. | |
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