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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:05:43 PM | I agree you don't need that, neither does any one else. I'm sorry that women like this treat men like you in this manner.
However, while I'm sure her friend told you the truth, I think it would have been a good idea for you to confirm the answers directly from the woman you were seeing/getting to know.
Whether the communication is good or isn't good - each person has the right to be face an accuser, and state what's true and what's not. Relying on someone else's version of the story? Can also cause you to be deceived.
If you're a person who trusts - because you are by nature honest and assume everyone else is? It may do you well, to in the future verify all sources and not be so willing to trust.
I hate to say that.
But I am also a very honest person and because I am, I always assume that people are being totally honest with me. I've learned tho, the same as you have - that NOT everyone is honest.
But I've also learned that those people who offer to "fill me in" on others? Aren't always honest either.
Question motives, agendas and who's benefitting. Always.
Sorry! | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:11:48 PM |
She said that there was serious potential here, and wanted to see where this could go
She wanted to see where this could go.... and she did. It went to another man. She has no comittment towards you. On the other hand, you have no commitment to her. It seems rather selfish that she will spend so much time with you and then disappear to be with another guy and then text you much later.
She seems to be an undecisive and manipulative kind of person - These type people are high maintenance and disrespectful of others, as you've learned. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:24:55 PM | ^^^ "high maintenance?" "disrespectful of others?" I don't know where you get that.. really.. How was she high maintenance? How did she disprespect him. They dated (non exclusively) for a week. He believed some so-called friend of the girl in question who put doubt and "fear" into his head. If she was such a friend, wouldn't she know whether or not Op was still seeing her 'friend" why did she have to ask him if he was still seeing her?
Any alpha male who wanted someone as badly as Op has portrayed through his opening post would take over and make sure the other dude didn't have a chance. Op: She texted you when she got back.. either find out or give up.. but don't complain in an open forum about some poor chick who hasn't done a damn thing wrong. You Were Not Her Boyfriend.. Chances are the other guy wasn't either. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:40:34 PM |
I never responded.
I don't need that.
Yeah, I'm just starting to get back into the whole dating thing.
I'll call her. May as well.
Any other tips?
Ummmm....make a decision?
waffling: not good
putting it out there to see what others have to say: good
read the responses, see what makes the most sense to you, and for you: very good
make a decision and stick to it: the best
Kimbo | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:53:25 PM | You made the right decision OP. People need to realize this and it's the same thing you realized and that's " Just because we aren't in an exclusive relationship, there are still things people should and shoud not do" . For example:
1.) If you're dating a guy and you invite him over to your house, don't have another guy over there who's pbiviously dating you too.
2.) If you're out with a guy, don't pick up the cell phone and start texting and ignoring your date.
3.)If you're dating a guy, don't give him false hope by saying things like " I can see real potential here".
She's was definitely trying to be manipulative. For all the people on here saying she didn't do anything wrong, you're not seeing the whole picture. We're not saying she cheated on him, but she did give him false hope and that's wrong also. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:06:20 PM | I would say she is a player and you got played. It is a good thing you found out early and now it is time to cut then run. Also, you don't owe her anything with a call explaining why you have not been talking to her; she is not your friend.
-Michael | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:17:57 PM | Op wrote:(While she was gone, however, I ran into a friend of hers who asked if I was still seeing her. I told her what had been going on the past couple weeks and she just looked at me funny. Turns out that her friend saw her out a few times that week with a different guy. She was all over him every time her friend saw her, who just couldn't believe it.)
Im missing the part where he actually talks to the woman and asks her for the truth. Not he said, she said but the truth! | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:23:34 PM | for her to have it going on so quickly with this man, she was talking to him, amongst others, who are in the line up for more bedroom activity. you were just a boytoy added to her collection. men and women work off a backlog of people that they are playing at the same time.   | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:25:53 PM |
We're not saying she cheated on him, but she did give him false hope and that's wrong also. False hope? How can you say it's false hope when he didn't return her page. She didn't tell him "I can see real potential here" and then completely ignore him, she kept in touch during the week before she left and she ..
Sent. Him. A .Text.When.She.Got.Back. He is the one that ignored her. Do you want her to chase him?? Keep texting while he continues to ignore her?? Jump through hoops for him??? Or: Do you think it would be prudent for him to have called her after her text to see how her vacation went and see if she was open to another date wherein he could ascertain for himself what her actual intentions were???? Perhaps she's thinking He~ Played her???? | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:53:54 PM | "The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place". - George Bernard Shaw
This is one of my most favorite quotes. You will never know what this woman was looking for from you/your "relationship" unless you ask her and even then I have found that people have a hard time being honest about their feelings. They could honestly not be sure about how they are feeling, they could assume that it is understood that everyone is free to date others until the relationship is made exclusive, they could just be "hedging their bets" until someone better in their eyes came along. If you really want to know then you have to ask, otherwise move on.
Ideally, people should be honest with one another, but I have found that more often than not what happens is what I refer to as the "cut and run" where the communication just ends without any resolution for one of the parties. My thoughts on why is because it is easier to avoid than deal with situations. Although it sucks for the person on the receiving end of it, you have to think that maybe they just did you a favor cause I know that I wouldn't want to be with someone that ran away from "problems".
Communication is the key to success in any relationship. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:03:53 PM |
^^^ "high maintenance?" "disrespectful of others?" I don't know where you get that.. really.. How was she high maintenance? How did she disprespect him
Anyone who is playing games and dating several people at once is high maintenance - in an emotional, psychological and rational sense. They are also disrespectful in the sense that they must be hiding their behaviour through misleading conversations - leaving people dumbfounded when the truth is discovered.
He believed some so-called friend of the girl in question who put doubt and "fear" into his head. If she was such a friend, wouldn't she know whether or not Op was still seeing her 'friend" why did she have to ask him if he was still seeing her?
You seem to be defending the girl's behaviour. Blaming the friend for not knowing everything is rather foolish, don't you think? If a person is dating several people at once, I'd think they keep that kind of thing private so as to not get caught. Maybe the friend knew what was going on broached the topic in order to stop the guy from getting too involved. Even friends get tired of being around bullshitters and manipulators.... it's a reflection on them for supporting such behaviour.
but don't complain in an open forum about some poor chick
Geez...... all women are victims, right?
Maybe the poor chick should stop misleading and placing false hope in men's minds.
Any alpha male who wanted someone as badly as Op has portrayed through his opening post would take over and make sure the other dude didn't have a chance
Number one rule is to ignore the above ^^^^
If a woman is creating a battle for two men then she isn't in it for the relationship - she's in it for the attention. Again..... high maintenance.
You Were Not Her Boyfriend.. Chances are the other guy wasn't either
^^^ So. What does that make her? A poor victim?
lmao.
False hope? How can you say it's false hope when he didn't return her page.
He didn't return her page once he found out about the other guy.
One thing that caught my mind was the fact that they were appearing to be headed in the same direction (emotionally) but then she didn't have the time of day for him the entire week prior to leaving - that's hard to believe. But then again, manipulators want you to believe it as the truth.
Personally, if I was interested in someone, I would have made time to say good bye face to face.
Perhaps she's thinking He~ Played her????
That's a good spin. lol!
It's amazing she never called him to say "Hi. I'm back!"
She sent a text, instead - that's a fairy tale ending if I ever heard one (sarcasm)
Sent. Him. A .Text.When.She.Got.Back
That's almost as meaningful as sending an empty postcard. She didn't have the time of day to call him.....at best she would be a fvck buddy and nothing more. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:14:25 PM | That's why I will not date a"separated" man. I did once and that was a mistake. They expect you to be committed to them, while they are still married WTF!(umm bye bye)  There is much better dating prospects out there then the string alongs | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:36:33 PM | | Sucks but you did the right thing by not chasing her around. Just some constructive criticism but I do not feel she strung you around, I think you might have failed to notice she was talking big game but had none or at least none for you. Most people I know do something when they want it done, they don't talk about it or around it, they simply just do it or at least you can see effort. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:44:41 PM | Okay. Some more details.
I've been "separated" for 3 years, because she's been sitting on the damn papers I signed that long ago. She's living with my ex-landlord, and it doesn't seem to bug her a bit. I've been trying to get into this whole dating thing again for the past year, but it's tough. I'm out of practice.
The friend of hers is actually a better friend of mine than hers. They're more "acquaintances".
It's not the fact that she was dating someone else that bugged me. It's more that she went through the pain of telling me that she thought there was something here and that she wanted to pursue it, instead of just telling me that she was still dating around and was still trying to figure things out for herself. That woulda been fine. pulling an emotional bait-and-switch on me just doesn't settle.
So I called her tonight. I told her that I knew, wasn't upset, and let her know that if she feels like pursuing things again, let me know, but to take her time and try to figure herself out first.
Argh. Things can't be simple, can they? | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/14/2009 11:54:27 PM | | I think your making it worse, by letting her take her time to figure it out, its like your giving her a license to see someone else and then come around if it does not work out. I could be wrong but I feel you just put yourself in the backup position. Do not waste time on this one. You can do better than her, but that wont be possible until you throw this one back. They can be simple but you have to watch how you react and you have to pay attention to what people are saying vs what they are doing. This one is simple, walk away. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:28:47 AM |
Anyone who is playing games and dating several people at once is high maintenance - in an emotional, psychological and rational sense. They are also disrespectful in the sense that they must be hiding their behaviour through misleading conversations - leaving people dumbfounded when the truth is discovered. Then 90% of those who are online dating should be considered as being high maintenance. They are only disrespectful if they are lying about their situation.. The girl in this situation only knew Op for a week she did not tell op he is the only one she is seeing, ... Being lied to in order to manipulate something to her advantage is psychologiacally damaging and IMO is no way rational. The opening post does not show me that she was in anyway manipulating him in anyway. They both enjoyed a week together wherein it ended ambiguously with no promises or discussions about exclusivity. Dating is all about finding someone who you are compatible with and where there is a mutual desire to only be with each other. Op and this girl didn't get far enough to establish anything mutual because he failed to return her text so it never went any further.
You seem to be defending the girl's behaviour. Blaming the friend for not knowing everything is rather foolish, don't you think? If a person is dating several people at once, I'd think they keep that kind of thing private so as to not get caught. Maybe the friend knew what was going on broached the topic in order to stop the guy from getting too involved. Even friends get tired of being around bullshitters and manipulators.... it's a reflection on them for supporting such behaviour. No, I don't think it's rather foolish in the least. In fact, I think it's rather weak of this friend to even ask someone she barely knew if he was still going out with her friend?? What business of it is hers to ask or volunteer any personal information about anyone else but her own?? .. "Maybe the friend knew what was going on broached the topic in order to stop the guy from getting too involved".. yes and MAYBE If my aunt had ballzzz she'd be my uncle. Why are you "maybeing?" Maybeing is what Op is doing and it's got him all in a tither. Friends may get tired of a friend who is a manipulator or bs'er.. however; we have no proof that this girl is either of those things.
Geez...... all women are victims, right?
Maybe the poor chick should stop misleading and placing false hope in men's minds No.. not all women are "victims" and If you've read any of my posts you'll know that I do my best to tell a woman to own her own sh*t and to quit looking at herself as a victim. This woman did not mislead and any false hope that Op got was because of his own expectations.. It's not like he secured an exclusive relationship with this girl.. Are you claiming that all men are victims?" You're certainly painting the Op out to be one in any case.
^^^ So. What does that make her? A poor victim?
lmao. No.. it makes her someone who dated a guy for a week before going on holiday, told him she liked him, text him when she got back and he ignored her because he felt like a victim but did nothing to find out where he stood. Which is fine, but don't whine and start a thread intitled "Got Strung Along Again Common denominator in that "again" is him.
He didn't return her page once he found out about the other guy. But he knows absolutely nothing about the other guy or, what he actually means to the girl he so likes???? He is simply giving up because of what a "so called" friend passed along to him..
One thing that caught my mind was the fact that they were appearing to be headed in the same direction (emotionally) but then she didn't have the time of day for him the entire week prior to leaving - that's hard to believe. But then again, manipulators want you to believe it as the truth. Op clearly stated that she text him a couple of time during the week.. He'd have liked more contact "but he didn't push it." His need for more contact from someone he just started seeing is his issue. Most men in here would call a women Needy Clingon for wanting more contact after such a short time. And, she was honest upfront and told him she wouldn't have time.. She didn't wait until that week and then made up excuses not to see him.
Personally, if I was interested in someone, I would have made time to say good bye face to face. I would too.. but getting to the stage where I would want to say good bye face to face would take me more than a week of knowing them.
That's a good spin. lol!
It's amazing she never called him to say "Hi. I'm back!"
She sent a text, instead - that's a fairy tale ending if I ever heard one (sarcasm) Texting seems to be what young people do now a days.. and I absolutely abhore it.. However; it is what it is and there was even a thread from a young girl asking if her texting to get to know someone better was a good way to go... Many do it and even argue through text ~ it's lame, but it is what it is.
That's almost as meaningful as sending an empty postcard. She didn't have the time of day to call him.....at best she would be a fvck buddy and nothing more. Well.. if had a week of great dates with someone and they appeared to want to get to know me betterand then after coming back from my vacation I contacted them and they didn't respond, I'd suspect that that's what they were trying to manipulate during that great week we had together before I left. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 1:29:57 AM | Sounds like the other guy is who she's really into and the OP was the other man and didn't know it. I hope when the OP spoke with her he made it clear he'd be free to see others too. Something tells me she'd be the first person to say "you cheated on me" as a manipulation tactic.
-Nate | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:13:07 AM | You're going to phone someone who built up your hopes and then lied to you - why? So that you can date her and perhaps try to build a relationship built on dishonesty?
There was no reason for this woman to lie to you, but she did, and possibly will do so again.
I would cut my losses if I were you and find someone more worthy of you. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:24:42 AM |
dating is just that! youve been seeing this girl for a few weeks, and unless you have had some sort of revalation in this time between the pair of you that it will be exclusive, then she has done nothing wrong!
Except saying that she thought the relationship was going to become serious, and she wanted to see where it was going to go. Imagine the replies if a woman posted this about a man who poured himself out to her and then she caught him out with another girl? | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:45:13 AM | hey OP, she did that to me too. now walk it off and move onto the next one!
cheers!
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:29:40 AM |
She said that there was serious potential here, and wanted to see where this could go.
It's not the fact that she was dating someone else that bugged me. It's more that she went through the pain of telling me that she thought there was something here and that she wanted to pursue it, instead of just telling me that she was still dating around and was still trying to figure things out for herself.
Normally I would say that both of you are not in a committed relationship, which I though also applied to you but......In this case I don't think it does at all.
What I believe is she is stringing you along, putting you on hold, while freely dating other people. Possibly till she finds out who she wants to be with. While I'm not sure if it is exactly lieing, it is definitely misleading someone which is equally just as wrong.
she thought there was something here and that she wanted to pursue it
This to me, says it all, as far as what is very misleading. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 4:09:04 AM | As said above: Never listen to what another woman says about a woman.
Many relationships have been wrecked like that. Meet up and talk to the girl face to face, ask her about Maine and the other guy.
Then you'll know. Now you can only guess. | |
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