| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 4:31:51 AM | Say it again ...Girl Power...unh Hunh? Gurl Power
Wishes, ya alright?? ya got a novelette goin there babe.
I thought this was an easy one about some jamoke who tripped on his balls over a new gal for a week, she goes to Maine, plays rub the Spot with a new guy, Jamoke feels all bunched up, decides he doesn't need this shIt, but is gonna call her and weep a li'l bit anyway.
I could be wrong
Kimbo   | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:06:31 AM | akimmbo[[[Oh waitaminit.....she's from Maine.????
Well, there ya go. That should've told you something.
That's the prob right there my friend.
She's a Mainer.]]]
What's with that? Something wrong with Mainers? | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:35:47 AM | OP. You sound like a nice guy. I don't know how long you have been separated (maybe you said in subsequent posts-didn't read them all). But sounds like you need to slow down abit so that you can be sure what what you want and how you will go about getting it. It sounds like a whirlwind which can be very seductive. But often it plays with your mind and creates an illusion of closeness. Emotional intimacy takes time. Better off to take it slow.
You responded very kindly to her. She was lucky to have you. And you need to find somebody who appreciates what you have to offer. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:12:49 AM | | Im happy that you got down to the bottom of the situation! There is always problems when you play the guessing game. Now that you know she is a stringing you along, I wouldnt go any futher with this relationship. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 6:37:16 AM |
Anyone who is playing games and dating several people at once is high maintenance - in an emotional, psychological and rational sense. They are also disrespectful in the sense that they must be hiding their behaviour through misleading conversations - leaving people dumbfounded when the truth is discovered.
She met guy, they hung out for a week, she felt like there might be something there. As many others might when they are not dating exclusively, she met another guy, apparently hung around with him, now she is confused. Many people date more than one person until they are really sure there is something to explore.
Where was she dishonest with the OP? What is the definition of all over a guy, and is it possible that the friend had a knee jerk reaction and made more of what she saw than was really there? The woman texted you upon her return so possibly she figured out while she was gone that guy 2 was just a hormonal attraction and that you have more substance.
As far as the separation goes, most states, even those that do not have no fault divorce, do have measures in place to force a divorce when one party is being unreasonable. Is your ex dragging her feet because you are squabbling over b.s.? Sometimes it is better to let someone have what they want so you can move on with your life. Petition the court to finalize the divorce. A hearing will be set and if she has no valid reason for holding it up it will be done. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:13:45 AM | ^^^^ What she said !!!
Wishes, ya alright?? ya got a novelette goin there babe. lol.. sowwy! Dude challenged my post .. and I had insomnia :0)
I see a guy who's afraid of success and subconsciously sets himself up for failure and blamed a girl that didn't even know she was expected not to see other people after one week of seeing him. I'd have said the same thing if the gender rolls were reversed.
Communicate.. if after doing that you don't get the answer you want, one you can't work with or.. deflecting statements that don't answer you... THEN you can make an informed decision as to where you stand with the other person. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:31:44 AM | WTF?
She LIED.
She said she was too busy getting ready for a trip.
She didn't say "I'm too busy for YOU," which was the truth if the friend is to be believed that she's out with another guy several nights that week. The guy is beside the point. She had lots of free time to do fun stuff. Just not with you.
She intentionally misled. A lie.
Do you come second fiddle? I don't.
I tell women "Nevermind, I don't play second fiddle" and then they go oh! a man! and drop the other date and go out with me. "Cancel it, i'm more fun" is a frequent line. You sir, are the canceled guy. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:33:53 AM | OP, this happens to everybody...it's why so many people have on their profiles "no games"... so you're not alone. However my assessment of the situation is that if you dove hook line and sinker into this girl for a week right after you met her, then you need to develop some interests (or as they say "get a life") outside of dating. Maybe if you had shown her that you didn't have all that time for her, she would have thought twice about thinking she could just put you on the backburner while she plays her game on another dude.
So what was the outcome after you called her? Did you get to talk to her or just leave a message?
~lou~ | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 7:36:48 AM | | Wait you guys are not exclusive so I don't see the problem here. And the so called "friend" might have lied to you even if she's closer to you than to her. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 8:07:11 AM | I'm not getting into the "he said, she said" BS. But I think you're going to run into alot of this until you take care of your unfinished business (getting your divorce finalized).
Really, how can you expect someone to commit to you when actually you're not able to commit to them? When she said "potential" she may have been thinking if you weren't still married!
Your profile says "Dating", and that's what the two of you have been doing. So I don't think she strung you along.
And I guess I'd have to ask..while she was gone, what if some hot chick wanted to go out with you, would you have went? Try being honest with that answer. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 8:42:23 AM |
She said that there was serious potential here, and wanted to see where this could go
This could be a source of miscommunication if the OP heard this as "we're exclusive" and she meant "see if this develops into exclusivity".
Potential doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 8:44:56 AM |
And I guess I'd have to ask..while she was gone, what if some hot chick wanted to go out with you, would you have went? Try being honest with that answer.
Highly doubtful. If I think I've found a good thing, I'm not going to chance ****ing it up. If I've found someone that I think has serious potential, why would I keep looking?
Hey noodle, answer my question.
Sorry 'bout that. Yeah, near the end of the week and a half we were seeing eachother, we spent a couple nights together.
As far as the friend that gave me the heads-up on what she saw... another friend of mine corroborated, and he has no reason to make that up either.
So yeah. Again, if she had just been up-front, it woulda been a diff story. The fact that she felt the need to try baiting me and leading me on emotionally saying she wanted to pursue this, then lying... it just gives the wrong vibe. Nothing wrong with dating around. How else are you going to find someone?
I'm not getting all butthurt over this. Just disappointed. Don't see why people feel the need to try to "hook" someone emotionally if they're still looking around. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 9:29:30 AM | Did it occur to you that she meant the words when she said them? Does that matter?
Probably not. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 9:42:29 AM | its got nothing to do with exclusivity, it has to do with 'HONESTY". I dont care if you've been dating them for 10 years or 10 minutes..just be freckin' honest ladies!!! If it was me, i'd give her a piece of my mind, tell her i know whats up (in detail) , find out why she lied and b.s.'d and then say goodbye..(4-EVER)!!!
This really pisses me off, as it has happened quite a few times to me recently. When i hear the words "i'm too busy" , it sends up a big red flag. What it really means is... "i'm blowing you off for some other dude, or i'm just not that into you".
Move on..but only after you get a few things off her chest (via phone convo) not texting..and trust me..you'll feel better and have some closure.
Good luck. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:29:29 AM |
The fact that she felt the need to try baiting me and leading me on emotionally saying she wanted to pursue this, then lying... You keep saying she's lied to you. You don't believe she meant it when she said that she saw you two as having potential. So, give it up. You'll never have potential now because she probably thinks you're a weiner who gave up on her after you had sex with her. When you didn't return her text she went away without a fuss.. Most guys say they prefer that rather than a big scene after they've ditched a girl.
You'll never know the outcome of what could have been because you bailed.. and frankly, I think you were too scared of what might be because subconsciously you're not ready for anything too serious. Blaming her makes it easier on you is all. Don't feel bad.. people in here (as you can read by this thread) do what you did every single day... but they'll swear up-n-down they're looking for a committed relationship.. Human nature has a sense of humour. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:57:01 AM | Geez...
The more I read about forums like this, the more I enjoy my "non dating" status...
OP... I do wish you the best. It is so difficult to just be ourselves and just be as honest as possible.
Why do I say as "possible", simply because I recently was in a situation where I just do not want to hurt the person that was "really into me" and I was not THAT much into him.
I tried as best and as diplomatically as I could to let him go easy. No avail... It was like he never heard my words. He had planed my whole month of July... Like wtf.
(I am on holidays.)
I know it sounds lame. I am in no way saying she is not into you...
Dating is hit and miss. I, frankly, find it exhausting to a degree.
Just my two cents here.
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:13:09 PM | Kick her up to the curb. It depends on the understanding you 2 might have reached or if you talked about being exclusive but betraying someone's trust like that, even if it's only minimally developed btwn you both, is inexcusable.
Had a very similar exp myself about a yr ago, only she seemed to make a POINT of not calling or getting back to me very much. Wouldn't hear from her for days, sometimes even a wk & this occurred over a relatively short period, just under 6 wks. And in that time we saw each other face/face maybe FOUR times - does that sound a bit deficient or is it just me? 
At one point she went to Rome on vacation & heard from her once - OK, I can accept the fact that it might be hard to find a means of communication in a foreign country. She comes back, doesn't contact me for nearly a wk.
So I sent her an email saying I was confused about her lack of communication (during the 6 or so wks we saw each other) & she sends a reply saying "its too bad you want too much at once". Not to get into conspiracy theories, but I'm fairly sure she was seeing other guys when she wasn't talking to me.
Hmph, FOUR DATES in SIX WKS?? | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:37:11 PM | | You are obviously very sensitive to being "burned" since it's in your heading which tells me you may be waiting or expecting to be "burned". It's curious that a man is posting this complaint. I expect it more from women. But turn about's fair play..men do this type of thing all the time. She's allowed to see more than one man at a time just as you are allowed to see more than one woman at a time. Communication might be in order...ya think? | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:52:24 PM | | Gotta say "Bo" you always make me chuckle...and you are dead on with your comments..Life/Love..it is what it is...L. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:54:42 PM | OK, call me naiive, but if I were in your situation, I'd call her (or him, as the case would definitely be if it WERE me in that situation) or at least make contact in some way - email, text, whatever. Just let her know what her "friend" has told you, and that you'd like to know what she feels the status of your relationship is - whether she's decided she'd rather be with someone else, or she'd just like to remain open to seeing others, or what.
That friend of hers just may have delivered here own, "enhanced" version of the truth, for various reasons. Or maybe this gal you met really did meet someone who just "knocks her socks off", and so really is just stringing you along. But I'd want to know the answers to these questions, as well as let her know what you're thinking, before I just wrote her off altogether because of something someone else said. | |
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| Got strung along again.
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:01:52 PM | Hmmm, two thoughts. You had no agreement to be exclusive, so in that regard she did nothing wrong. And you would not have either if you had been out with someone else while she was. In the future, don't assume something is exclusive unless you have both talked about it and agreed that it will be exclusive. A real relationship (as opposed to a heated little fling) requires communication, communication, communication...might as well start that early. But I'd say realistically that a week is just too soon to know someone well enough to decide to make something exclusive anyway...assume that your next fling is not exclusive.
I would not have been too happy with the dishonesty..."I'm busy" would have technically been true (just "busy" with someone else)..."I'm busy with work" was not true. What can you say? People should just be honest, but many folks are not...they lack the balls to tell the actual truth. It sux, but it's life. Don't let yourself be hurt by it.
Cheers,
Gruuve | |
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