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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:16:30 PM | Why Texting and First Dates Don't Mix
I was scolded by a man I'd never met. Admittedly, Doug1968 wasn't a complete stranger. We'd exchanged some introductory e-mails after he found my profile on a dating website. He was good-looking with a steady job, which in my online experience was hard to come by. I'd even spent 20 minutes Googling him. No police record. Things were looking promising. But suddenly, I found myself apologizing before we'd even spoken. Over text.
Doug1968 and I had decided to skip a phone conversation in favor of texting to arrange the details for meeting face-to-face. First mistake.
Here's my innocent text, confirming our plans:
"Hey, hope u r well. We still on for Wed?"
His text back: "Wed? I thought we had plans for Mon?"
Me: "I thought we confirmed Wednesday ..." Perhaps spelling it out would make it clear.
I got back an e-mail, in which Doug1968 explained that he had a class Wednesday night and would rather meet Monday. I had plans that night with a girlfriend who was just back from Europe. She trumped a blind date. I responded, asking if we could meet the following week.
He texted back: "No, let's meet Weds. I can skip the class."
I didn't want to begin a date with reservations, or with him being upset or resentful in some way. I called my girlfriend to explain why I had to cancel. Feeling relieved, I sent an e-mail to Doug1968 letting him know that I could do Monday after all.
The following morning, I received his texted response: "I just changed plans on somebody because of our texts yesterday and I had plans with you! I expect the same courtesy. See him Friday."
He thought I was blowing him off for another date? And he had plans with somebody? What happened to his "class"? This was definitely a hostile text.
I could feel the blood rush to my face. I was about to send a nasty text back, but then thought again. Because our communication was entirely textual, was it possible we were both misreading each other?
Instead, I wrote back: "It's one of my best girlfriends, not a guy, but I will cancel. See u Wed. Apologies."
I thought this was a civil response. I didn't want him assuming I'd blown him off for another date. Perhaps he would realize how ridiculous this whole thing was. Instead of a phone call in reply or some kinder words, I received this:
"She wins ... have fun. I'm having a hard time with this. Honestly, how many dates do you have a week? You realize you had to schedule me a week and a half out because you were booked up! Thinking online girls are spread too thin."
I decided to call him since texting was obviously messing things up. I got his voicemail after the third ring. I was pretty sure he was screening my call, so I decided to muster some degree of diplomacy and leave a pleasant message.
"Hi, I just wanted to call instead of text ..." I paused. Perhaps I was overreacting. He had a nice voice judging from his greeting. "Anyway, I canceled plans with my friends so I'm free Monday or Wednesday." God, I sounded pathetic. Was I that desperate to meet this guy? I kept going. "Sorry for the miscommunication. Let me know what you want to do."
I hung up feeling worse. Maybe this was why people stopped buying answering machines a few years back. Soon voicemail would be obsolete. We can't trust our own thoughts as they escape our mouths. We need a delete button for everything.
I received his texted response:
"Ok, see you Weds since you moved her instead of me, lol."
This was interrupted by a text from Rob-luv32, another online dating prospect, whom I'd only e-mailed once before:
"hope ur having a good day hot stuff ..." In a twisted way, Rob-luv32 made me feel a little better.
A moment later a new text from Doug1968 arrived:
"You're probably going to kill me but any way we can make it Thurs? Bought something on Craigslist and picking it up near your work. I can only get it Thurs. It would be better for both of us!"
I was starting to hate myself, for apologizing, for wanting him to like me despite his behavior and grammatical mistakes, for still trying to schedule this date. But I was curious. Who the hell was this guy? I wrote back:
"Hey Doug -- just changed my plans so we can meet Thurs for a drink in Pasadena -- 7 good?"
He responded:
"Can we move to 8 or 8:30? Trying to get everything done before we meet instead of having to rush after."
I knew I should stop right there. But I wanted to give him one last chance, in person. Maybe we would look back at this one day and laugh. Or not. I wrote back: "That's fine. See u then."
While sitting at the bar Thursday night at 8:20 p.m., waiting for Doug1968 to arrive, I received his final text:
"Address??? Thought you were emailing me with directions. I've never been there. R u trying to ditch me?"
I tipped the bartender $20, turned off my phone, and walked out the door.
The next online prospect I decided to meet ... called me.
*****************8
I saw this story and thought it might provide some humerouse relief on the subject.
Here is the author -
Kelly Seal is an entertainment publicist and writer living in Los Angeles. She is working on embracing her single, carefree lifestyle with the help of many, many bad dates. | |
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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:26:33 PM | Good for you.... walking away should teach her a lesson. I am appalled by how many people chat on their phone or text at a restaurant when they are with another.... I might answer it (if it's my mom or my son) , I will ask if it's an emergency, then say that I am very busy right now and will call them later on when I am free. The purpose of a date is to find out about that person you are on it with.. not to chat with those you know already. Acting that way is just tacky. Most often.. I leave my cell phone in my car... gasp.. I know... crazy, right? lol. Hey.. I'm on a date! | |
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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:25:21 PM | | just a question, but do you ask your date what they do before you date them? not everyone who texts is being rude. i've dated a couple professionals who basically had to be reachable 24/7- a client needs an answer, a patient wants attention, a meeting is just confirmed, we need you back in the office. if it wasn't work related, they never answered back, just glanced at the incoming and stuck it back out of sight. never disturbed me. however, i can't say i wouldn't be pissed if someone held a full-on text conversation while we were on a date. so rather than stooping to a deeper level of ignorance, maybe you should call out your dates behavior- ie, "i'm sorry, is that important, do you need to leave?" if it isn't, she'll get the point and put it away. if it is, she'll explain. and if she doesn't get it- well, THEN ditch the b.... | |
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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:58:46 PM | I must be a dork because I would just say hey, turn that thing off! How am I gonna get into your pants if you are texting all night.
If she laughs and turns it off my kind of girl. Gets mad or does not turn it off, I will just finish my dinner and take her home. I would not be going ot with her again, I can assure you of that.
There are some exceptions. a text or two is not big deal. Kids, friends checking to see if they are still alive. maybe text back :yea he is cute" or something.... but not some long convo. | |
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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:33:57 PM | If she was constantly txting, or txting a lot and not really engaged in conversation , she wasnt into you anyway so you leaving isnt a big deal, Im betting you werent missed!! Im even thinkin there might have been a small sigh of relief!!
^T^ | |
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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:13:51 PM | | I agree, in most circumstances it would be disrespectful of the person's date! | |
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| texting during a first date
Posted: 7/30/2009 10:16:47 PM | | I agree, in most circumstances it would be disrespectful of the person's date! | |
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