| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:57:02 AM | | Isabella, I think when you try to explain why you're rejecting, you leave the door open. A polite, but firm, "Thank you for writing, but I don't think we're a match" works for me every time. | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:49:29 PM | | My best friend tells me all the time what I should be doing, what she thinks about me, what I do wrong etc. Sometimes it can be draining because I feel like I need to change what she sees as being "wrong." Taking the criticism isn't as easy as just paying cash and knowing the truth, it goes deeper than that. Once you know how others percieve you, it can hurt your ego greatly. Pick yourself up and be proud of who you are, friends are good refrences and are free!!! | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/12/2009 3:33:13 AM | Hi Childlike, I tried your suggestion and wrote back with a polite but firm "Thank you for writing but I don't think we're a match" to 3 emails I got this weekend. 2 out of the three replied to my message, here's one of them.
"How do you think you can tell? What are you looking at to draw that conclusion without ever talking?"
So now if I'm on the defensive and being placed in the position of not answering and coming off as a jerk or being roped into further communication with someone I have no interest in talking to.
So thank you for the suggestion, I do appreciate it and I guess I feel better, having given politeness one more chance. But the results were not what I wanted at all so I'm afraid I'm going to go back to the read and delete policey. I kind of feel like after trying to politely close the door on any further communication, they are being rude/pushy by continueing to write. | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:12:57 AM | Tikirose ~ are you asking your "friend" for her opinion or does she just offer it?
If you feel she is out of line, I would tell her if you want her opinion you'll ask for it. It's been my experiece that people will try to "fix" you to avoid working on themselves
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:46:37 PM | | Isabella, sorry that didn't work for you. I guess I'm just getting all of the polite guys. ;-) | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:04:54 PM | | I always try to reply. I would rather have a reply that said sorry we are not a match, than no reply. I even reply back with a thank you and I realize not every one matches. I will say I scratch my head somtimes. I have most of the same intrests,looking for the same things in life, etc, but no reply or sorry we are not a match. I have never recieved a reply from someone trying to convince me, or that was rude. I guess , if I did , I would block them, but most are respectful and move on. I like to give everyone the benifit of the doubt . Steve | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:03:31 PM | I will admit, I am an offender of not always replying. When I first joined, I was deluged - I had not even had a chance to finish filling out my profile. Men were obviously sending me messages based primarily on my [non-suggestive] picture, and many did not bother to say anything more than "how r u?" or "i like ur pic" or some nonsense like that. So here are my suggestions:
1) Have the decency to use proper grammar/spelling. If you can't be bothered to try and impress me by your brain, I can't generally be bothered to respond.
2) Read, or at least scan, my profile and give me something interesting to reply about. If I have to spend more than 10 or 15 minutes trying to figure out some way to carry a conversation with you, it may not be worth my time - leading questions are a win for you!
3) Be patient. It takes effort to write a quality response, and an inbox full of messages can take hours to tend to, what with reading profiles and finding common ground. If they don't get back to you within a day or two, perhaps your message got lost among many - send another, different message asking some question pertinent to their profile. Show that you really are interested and not just spamming in the hopes of a lucky bite.
(Make sure to read thoroughly - I have had people ask things that are stated clearly and in plain sight. I can forgive that with the first message, but if you're messaging me a second time and screw this up, that can be a deal-breaker!)
Ok, so this may sound a bit harsh, but at least for me, that is the way it is. I don't generally believe in completely dismissing someone, especially since I am looking for friends as well as dating. It could be you are a very interesting person with a bad profile - who am I to say? But if you can't prove yourself capable of an interactive email conversation in that first or second message, I will find people who are and spend all my time on them. | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:44:52 PM | Pay for rejection?
You are only the best of whom you are - is if you believe that you are that person. What purpose does a rejection letter mean - someone's opinion. If you present yourself in a way that reflects whom you are happy to be - there is no such thing as rejection. Just not a match. Thing about online dating - it exploits the worse out of you if you do not take the time to honestly (note I didn't say creatively) present yourself. A picture is great but honestly how you present yourself in your profile defines how other see you. And you know that when you write which is why 90% of the profiles online have 7 pictures but less than a paragraph describing them and or so long that it just details the list and what one is looking to find.
Well written and well presented, and a continuation of yourself while communicating. You do not need rejection letters - just the understanding how you present reflect those whom contact you and whom will communicate back to you.... | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:48:29 PM | Personally, I respond to every contact I get and have always given at least a tactful reason why I'm am or am not interested.
If someone doesn't send a reply they aren't worth contacting to begin with and they are moved to the trash. I want honestly and the time of day even if it hurts. I'd rather have a broken heart than feel like a fool...or have my time wasted for that matter.
I'm not sure I would pay for honesty though...I mean really, if they can't come up with it on their own then they're not worth my time. | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:56:49 PM | ...to add on to what I stated
Honestly is an opinion, and is only relevant to that person's point of you. That doesn't mean it's your truth or someone else's. I never take what others say to heart unless I believe it's true to begin with. I want honesty, because it shows me how other's are seeing me (wrong or right) and helps me to understand they people I come in contact with.
Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things I feel down about...there's nothing like have salt rubbed in an open wound, but I want to know just how much of that I am putting out there for others to see. | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:25:45 PM | I just very recently joined this dating site but was on a different site previously. I always try to reply to each email I receive even if just to say "Thanks for taking the time to write, but I don't think we are a good match" --just to be polite.
However, if I write to someone and they don't reply, I don't worry about it or wonder why they didn't reply. I assume the reason they didn't reply is because they didn't want to --they are not interested in me for whatever reason. It doesn't really matter what those reasons are, they're just not interested. That's all I need to know. So I just move on.
But I am wondering how to respond to guys who email me with messages such as:
"Hi, you look good in that dress."
And that's all they say. I'm not interested in going out with them, but they aren't asking me out, so I can't reply saying "thanks but we're not a match." They are just complimenting me, so how do I reply? Normally, to be polite, I'd say thank you. But that would open up a dialogue that I'm not interested in having. So do I just ignore these types of emails? Or simply say "thank you for the compliment" and then just leave it at that even if they reply? | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:32:02 PM | I've said a simple "Thank you" before and it was just left at that
If they respond with more and want to meet you, just proceed as usual | |
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| Pay for Rejection?
Posted: 11/13/2009 11:17:18 AM | LOL!
Just let it go, you probably dont want to know,
it would hurt your feelings and likely nothing
you could change. If your u in ur ad then what else
could you expect anyone else to take u as?
LOL | |
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