| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:36:53 PM | op
i disagree with those who say don't tell your parents. they should put themselves in this and ask would they want their daughter to tell them. i am 58 years old and i tell my kids who i am dating----it is a safety issue.
this may be okay. maybe he has changed. time will tell. take your time in committing to him until you know who he has become.
if it were me, i would probably do a background check to see if what he says is true to this point.
mostly, be careful out there,
kaylee | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:49:54 PM | Ok so you try to get a job at a day care and the people you are working for find out who your bf is? How about when you get married and try to get a loan? Think about it in the long run, that is why you are worried about your parents. You know they see things clearly and will have justifiable reasons for not wanting their daughter involved.
Yes, people change, but you aren't talking about something minor. Home invasion is a horrible crime. It is more than just a poor choice. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:56:42 PM | | I work with convicts one on one everyday.. my advice to you which you won't take because your young and obviously head over heals for a man that's been out of prison for a month........run. and run like hell baby girl and don't turn back......... if you only knew what i knew | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:57:40 PM | | You obviously like him, I would wait six months before telling your parents. Simply leave out the prison for now, actually faced with my dad I wouldn't tell him period. But seriously take it slow, and in six months if your still with him then tell your parents. and if your not with him then you won't need to worry about it. I made a rule unless I have been dating a guy exclusively my dad does not meet him for six months at least maybe nine. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:04:18 PM |
Served 3 years which is a minimum sentence for Home invation second degree.....It's not about him being a bad boy its deeper than he is a good guy.........we all make mistakes i know i have.........
Home burglary is not a mistake it is an intention to take things that isn't his and if he got caught he is ready to kill. I will fear my life with him if I were you, for he has no love in his heart... | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:04:47 PM |
Im worried about telling my family my boyfriend is a recently released convict.
Why would this information about your boyfriend's past come up in conversation with your parents? I cannot imagine. His life and history is NOT their business and if my parents were to ask any questions about some guy's background I'd feel no hesitation to tell them to mind their own business.
The past is the past. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:08:00 PM |
Home invasion 2nd degree, 3 years minimum sentence is what he served , released 1 month ago.......people change am i right?
but its not about what he DID its about who is now to me.......not sure how to go about telling my parents..........looking for advice on that not if he is a good guy or not.....
Whoa there, Nelly. You need to put the brakes on, and I mean fast. This man is out of prison after a 3 year bit for home invasion. That's not stealing a pack of chewing gum. Most home invasions involve the perpertrators being armed when they commit the crime, hence it is usually considered a very violent crime.
On top of this, you have known this person for only a month. Many, and I do mean many, people are able to pull a snow job on someone else for more than a year, sometimes years, before their true self is revealed. Not only should you not be introducing this man to your family, but you yourself should be keeping an eye out for the tale-tell signs that says that you're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
Just a tip. Convicts learn to manipulate people. If after about two YEARS together, and he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him or his word, I might say you could start thinking about introducing him to the family. But before that, no way! | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:09:19 PM | lets make some more cracks on him geez so here is something about me i used to sell drugs do drugs stole from my parents all that shit.......do i do it anymore no do i want to no!
Match made in heaven. Did you meet here? If so great! You've gotten some good training on how to pen-pal each other later in life when you're both in lock down!  | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:09:45 PM | OP
There's crimes and then there's crimes. Home invasion is the type of crime that speaks to a sense of entitlement. I would seriously question this man's values and weigh them against what you want in life. Your parents are NOT the bad guys -- they have, and will be, investing a lot of effort, and finances, on your well being. You, in turn, must do everything that you can to ensure that your parents' efforts are meaningful.
So, you've done some criminal activities in your past and you've sworn you've changed. That's good. Has your sense of entitlement changed as well -- your assumption that your parents are only there for your needs exclusively? That's the basic issue.
Why take a chance in life on someone who may or may not be the best chance for you to be truly happy? Why not find someone who has shown, through word and deed, that they have solid values and are dedicated to doing the right things in life? I know, people deserve a second chance, right? Well, wait a while, then, and see what your boyfriend does with his life. If he truly does love you, then he'll be able to show you that he will live life crime-free and work for what he gets.
Alternatively, you may decide that you prefer the "wilder" side of life, live with him, perhaps take chances on legalities -- play the odds. It's your life; it's your choice, just be sure that you can live with them later. And give your parents a break -- you're old enough to live on your own, with whomever you please, so go for it, whichever way. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:11:14 PM | | You live in your parents' home, you live by their rules. Are you willing to make them so angry they withdraw their support and throw you out of the house? Is a guy you haven't know very long really worth it? | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:11:56 PM | Oh I can hear it now.... But your Honor.... I didn't know that he was planning on robbing the bank...He just told me to wait in the car and he would be out real soon.....What???? I'm getting 5 years for being an accomplice??? But I didn't know.... Well ya he told me he had a past...but he is a good guy now.... How do I know? Cuz he told me he found God in prison..... So he was reformed right?
STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID..... So I suppose you started writing to this dude while he was still in prison.... And he said all the right things.....
Wake up and smell the cell block sweetpea...... You can and should do better....
And frankly the only reason that you are scared to tell your parents is because they are supporting you 100 percent? Hello...... What is more important..... thier support, or this crook....Yes I said crook, thug, inmate, convict, felon...... and so on, and so on....
sugar | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:12:01 PM | Why would this information about your boyfriend's past come up in conversation with your parents? I cannot imagine. His life and history is NOT their business and if my parents were to ask any questions about some guy's background I'd feel no hesitation to tell them to mind their own business.
The past is the past.
My parents are very overprotective and well they currently 100 percent support me financially so i dont want them going haywire when they find out.
with mommy and daddy footing the tab....I'd say they are going to have a bird when they find out their little baby is dating a convict. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:13:07 PM | Plus we haven't mentioned the different types of ...uh..germs that are on the menu in prison...Are you up for hepatitis..? Or worse.. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:15:41 PM | 3 points
1) I think this could be a good issue to explore with a therapist.
2) I do not mock. I just sometimes make use of the "history" button.
3) If it were first degree, that would bother me more. But if you have no means of verifying whether he's modifying any of these details, the consequences for your family could be very serious. If you don't tell them, you're possibly compromising their safety. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:16:24 PM | There's no best way to tell your parents about your new boyfriend past. All parents want to protect you from harm and what not, worry about you, etc. Better to be up front about it now then hiding it and they find out on their own. Your parents should try to trust in your judgement..
But since he has been in jail I would be careful. It's possible he has changed but also possible he hasn't or just a temp. change. No one will change unless they actually want too. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:28:24 PM | ok ...are your parents over protective because of your past( do they know?).....
Heres something to think about....if you have a past and are now getting on with your life, why would you want to gravitate back to someone with criminal behavior?
If you hang out with that element, you are inviting all that old stuff back into your life........
Home invasion is a very violent crime...not even close to break and enter(now I dont know the circumstance, so I wont judge)
I am speaking as a parent of someone with a criminal history( violent offenses like your guy) I know he means to change, but usually he gravitates back to them same type of people from his past and the cycle starts again...and it is never his fault.
I would watch things very closely, and let your parents know,since he is gonna be part of their life too....I am assuming you live at home! and I am assuming he will be in their house!
Good luck , please be open to watch for signs of trouble.... | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:32:11 PM |
lets make some more cracks on him geez so here is something about me i used to sell drugs do drugs stole from my parents all that shit.......do i do it anymore no do i want to no!
People change{/quote]
People do change- I agree with you, but as a mother, I am going to tell you this. Your mom and dad are going to hate the fact this man is an ex-con. They are not going to support your relationship with him, and you're going to have to make serious choices soon if you keep him apart of your life.
What you need to be careful of is that this man supports your goals. If you start giving up what you want to happen for your future for his sake,(your degree and career goals, yes, I read your profile) he is going to pull you down. If he starts to pull you down, get out!
NEVER EVER give up on what you want in life for a man. Believe in who/what you are. Never let anyone tell you who you are or what you are worth.
OK so there is my motherly advice-- | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:39:36 PM | I am defiantely being bashed because of my age jesus christ!
I have done shady shit in my past doesnt mean im that same person.......prison gives you time to think SOME convert back to be criminals because its what they know.......my boyfriend is enrolled in school in a halfway house and has goals of supporting himself. So he is always gonna be a criminal right? He will have to prove that to me that he has changed. I see the potential for people to be good people doesnt mean they are going to be.
I trying to get advice on how to tell my parents and if i should NOT if he is a good guy or not jesus its up TO ME to decide that! | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:41:24 PM | So, is this the same guy who is 13 years older than you? The same guy you were posting about a month ago?
If not, then you're moving way too fast.
And, before you accuse me of being old and out of it, one of my dearest friends is a man who did five years for breaking and entering. We spent several years together as a couple, now as friends.
If you are living with your parents, then you'll end up discussing the man at some point--you certainly don't want to lie.
This just feels like some serious desperation, to me.
The question is whether or not to tell your parents: Yes. You are an adult, as you keep insisting, then tell the truth. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:46:55 PM | Umm Aligirl21, NEWSFLASH at 11 pm, your boyfriend is a criminal, He's been a guest of the government HELLO, he didnt make a mistake, A mistake is getting drunk and trying to barbecue eggs in the toaster, home invasion isnt a mistake its a friggen choice he made until he got caught , if you want to think this wonderful guy can change is up to you.
Who the hell cares if he can change or not, nobody can give you advice what to say to your folks, your folks is your folks, and obviously youre not mature enough to sit down and have a heart to heart chat with them.
You feel for some reason you have to tell your parents about who you date? I thought you were a adult? unless youre having doubts about lover boy robbing your place. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:55:32 PM | | Home invasion? That's not like getting busted for a little weed, you know. Men like this usually do change my dear, all for the purpose of finding a little sweet something, which is precisely what he has done. He can change again -- and probably will in a flash of anger. I'd say keep this one at arm's distance until the evidence of deep change is apparent. Like 5-10 years of steady employment and being an up-standing member of society. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:55:41 PM | OP - you want to know how to tell your parents? .... be open and honest about it.
BUT.... if they freak on you, don't be surprised. Let's turn this up a notch for you... get you to start thinking on a bit of a different path. Let's just play a little game of "what if" for a moment, OP.
What if:
- you lived in your own place... let's make it a condo ... you own it, you don't rent.
- this condo is something you have busted your azz to get it all together... you have been thru a bit of a tough past, but you have come out of it and are now doing great!
- you rent one room to a good friend... she is a bit like you were a few years ago, but you have known her most of your life and she is a good person - you are trying to give her a break
- your friend comes home with a guy she just met who you KNOW is not what he appears to be.... you knew him in high school, and he is just bad to the core... and he is going to mess her up so bad she won't be able to think straight.
What are you going to do?.... are you going to tell your friend about her new boyfriend??..... or are you going to walk away and let her mess up her life?.... or are you going to say "fine, if you wish to be with him, your choice... but not in MY home" Because remember, OP, the decisions she makes affect you too.
Personally...... if you wish to be with him.... go ahead.... but if you were my daughter, you would be forced to make a choice - the boyfriend or live elsewhere..... I will not risk everything for my daughter's boyfriend.... been there, done that. Your choice not only afffects you.... it also affects your parents and anyone else who lives in that home. | |
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| So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:02:11 PM | I think I am the best person to answer this.
When I was 24 I met an ex con at work. Same thing, Home invasion, and fresh out.
My gosh he was good looking, said all the right things, VERY polite sent me flowers before I even knew who he was. took me out, sent me love notes. yadda yadda yadda. Blah blah. We moved into together. I got pregnant. we got married. He got controlling, aggressive, abusive. We went thru many many thousands of dollars I had in the bank. all his money went to his indulgances drugs faster car parts then motorcycles etc. He cheated regularly. I moved out never had the money to start the divorce. 2 years later I am wound up in his tax problems. We had a child support order . HE NEVER PAID A DIME. 2 years later he robbed a bank. went back to prison for 5 yrs. The jugde gave him 30 days to take care of his affairs before reporting to prison. He filed an emergency ex parte and took me to court to order ME to drive our son 3 hours each way to visit him. crappy judge made an order. He had me back in court after he was in prison because I DIDNT SHOW UP WITH OUR SON FOR VISIT. After I argued with the judge about my car not running well, not having the money for gas, plus telling the judge I had to work full time plus over time to make ends meet because no child support. Judge made an order that my ex's parents would pick up our son 2 times per month to go to the prison to visit. PLUS JUDGE ORDERED I ACCEPT COLLECT PHONE CALLS AT MY EXPENSE TO HE COULD TALK TO OUR SON!!!! FAST FWD 8 YRS. HE DID HIS TIME WE DIVORCED WHILE HE WAS LOCKED UP. BUT I FOUND MY SELF ONCE AGAIN MIXED UP IN HIS TAXES. I HAD TO PAY AN ATTORNEY TO HELP ME GET THE PROBLEM WITH THE IRS FIXED. HE REMAINED A CONSTANT NEGETIVE INFLUANCE IN OUR SONS LIFE UNTIL HE TURNED 16 AND GOT IN TROUBLE. PROBATION OFFICER TALKED TO OUR SON ABOUT THINGS AND HE QUOTED HIS DAD. THE PROBATION OFFICER RECOMMENDED TO THE JUDGE NO CONTACT WITH HIS DAD.... "HE SEEMS LIKE A BAD INFLUANCE" NO DUH, DUH, ****ING DUH!!!!!!!!! OUR SON IS NOW 25 HAS NOT SEEN HIS DAD SINCE 16. IT HAS BEEN VERY PAINFUL FOR US BOTH.
RUN GIRL RUN..... FAST AS YOU CAN. | |
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