| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:57:37 PM |
How is she being "used" for sex, anymore than he is? They both agreed to have an ongoing sexual connection over weekends, and that they weren't going to have a relationship. No one is being "used". No one was deceived. No one is being "treated like crap". It's what she said she wanted, and what she has.
Aren't you the big Christian guy? Seems counter-intuitive that you would be defending perpetual booty calls as a substitute for a binding, spiritual relationship.
~Justin | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:05:04 PM |
Aren't you the big Christian guy? Seems counter-intuitive that you would be defending perpetual booty calls as a substitute for a binding, spiritual relationship.
Dood, I'd seriously suggest more reading rather than typing, if you're going to post things like that. 
When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
You could, but they will probably be futile. Most men, I've found, tend to say what they mean, and mean what they say. So if he's already told you he isn't "looking for" or "ready" for a relationship...then he means exactly that. Whether it's just in general, or specifically....he means it. If he was looking for a relationship with you, there wouldn't be any doubt in your mind of his intentions.
Best of luck, OP, but I wouldn't pin my hopes on this one.  | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:29:28 PM |
he'd let me know when he's going out of town so we could meet up for dinner before he does.
This is exactly what I told him I wanted.
I think most thus far have given you very polite & as helpful as they can opinions. That could change soon. *lol*
Anyway...
Sorry but I think the above quote said it all for me, as far as your true question goes...
As I firmly believe that you shouldn't have to of "told him" this is what you wanted. No, not because he should read your mind but because if he was truly "into you", he would "naturally" do this, as he would be feeling the same as you & all those little daily text/calls/etc. would be there. I firmly do not believe that a guy or girl that's "just not that into you" will ever be. I could be wrong of course, there's always an exception 'eh. 
Just whatever you decide, don't take it personal sweety, you mentioned of not being able to get/do/have better, or did I misread that? Well anyway, of course you can! Don't sell yourself short!
As for this whole argument of him mistreating/using her, etc... Well, yes & no... He has pulled the strings just barely enough to keep her hooked. For example where she confronted him about it being physical only & he assured her it wasn't. Well maybe it isn't purely physical, as maybe he also enjoys the occasional human companionship too. Even players need that sometimes too or? *lol* But yea babydolllll, again just my opinion, take it as you will. Nonetheless, good luck... | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/19/2009 8:08:40 AM | OP - if you are thinking about a serious relationship with this man when you "are ready", it's possible the two of you may drift into some type of long term live in thing IF he's on the same "maybe when he's ready" page and timing, but it is very likely he will find someone else that rocks his world, and you will be left behind. Or you will move on and he will be left behind.
but, if knowing all of that, and having a current agreement to be just how you are together, and being happy with that, know that if you revisit the converations with him of "what is/will be our status", your current association with this man will change, and what that change will be you won't know until after the conversation. | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/19/2009 11:01:08 AM | You want a relationship, but you know you're not quite ready for one -- and frankly, since he doesn't want one and that's more obvious on his end, you're not trying to break down the door to a relationship. So you're FWB, and you want to put things on a path that will end up in a relationship, if possible.
If you're developing feelings, and his aren't there, spend a little less time with him, and see how he reacts. It'd be good to back away and focus on meeting other guys if you're getting emotionally involved. It's the downfall of FWB -- one person's going to REALLY like the other person more, and drama ensues. Reverse that by focusing on meeting other people.
You shouldn't sit back and hope for a relationship when he's ready. You do want one, but appreciate the lack of disadvantages when you're single. Again, avoid falling for him if you're on a path for FWB. Let him know, "Hey, we're attracted to each other, we like each other, but I think my feelings are building a little too much for not being in a relationship... what are your thoughts?" If said in a non-emotional, objective way, I think he'll be comfortable giving you feedback and giving you perspective on where he's at. | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:23:54 PM | | "He said he didn't want a relationship right now" means "I don't want to be in a relationship with you" or "I'm not sure you're the one, " Sorry, that's just what men tell women they're not really interested in. He's telling you exactly how he feels, but you're refusing to listen or believe him. And, please remember that no one can use you , unless you give him permission to use you. | |
|
| |
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:41:39 PM |
"He said he didn't want a relationship right now" means "I don't want to be in a relationship with you" or "I'm not sure you're the one, " Sorry, that's just what men tell women they're not really interested in. He's telling you exactly how he feels, but you're refusing to listen or believe him. And, please remember that no one can use you , unless you give him permission to use you.
Pretty much. There's no hidden codeword here, he's made it unequivocally clear that there's no hope of a relationship.
If you're comfortable with the current arrangement, fine but if you're not, then say something and take a stand. But I'm thinking you probably won't and will continue as you said you like the sex and I don't think you're willing to let go of that. | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:51:15 PM | I dont get it, deceiving yourself about your location in this man's universe isn't going to help yourself NO if and’s Candies and nuts ,youre not Relationship material for him, nor will you ever be, When a man really likes a woman believe me you will Know, you will never doubt it.
I Think you know you really want more or the chance of it going to the next level, but youre just clinging on to false hope, youre better off playing the lotto vs the game youre in . | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/19/2009 4:12:26 PM |
"He said he didn't want a relationship right now" means "I don't want to be in a relationship with you" or "I'm not sure you're the one, " Sorry, that's just what men tell women they're not really interested in. He's telling you exactly how he feels, but you're refusing to listen or believe him
ideallady...thank you. OP, she's right. I walked away from a man I loved dearly almost 5 yrs ago because he said "I don't have room on my plate for you right now". After admitting that he hadn't been that happy and fulfilled with a woman in years, he still couldn't commit. When I broke it off it hurt like a mofo but...that stopped. I ran into him late last year and out of the 2 of us, I've managed to age gracefully, move up in the world and not end up in my parent's back pocket financially--like he is. He told me "you were so right--about a lot of things". It didn't make it any better but I walked away from him knowing that I did what was right at that time for myself.
Men, as they will tell you over and over again, are simple creatures that don't need translation. MOST men say what they mean and mean what they say. He's told you HIS truth. Now it's up to you to really sit down and understand that truth and decide what you want to do next.
He won't change--you're waiting to see if he will. It's a fool's game and all you're going to do is end up feeling worse than you do now. | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:57:41 AM | Thanks everyone! I know exactly where i stand...I always do. But thing is in the last talk he mentioned it wasn't because of me or other girls, its just he didn't want a relationship for now. And that if we stop pushing too hard then maybe things would develop naturally between us... So could I take it as simple as it is?
I guess Confident-Realist was right, I'm not rushing to break down the door to a relationship right now but I want to put things on a path that might end up going towards that direction, if at all possible. Anything I could do? Ignoring him completely seems bit rude... I mean he hasn't even done anything wrong to me. | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:23:49 AM |
But thing is in the last talk he mentioned it wasn't because of me or other girls, its just he didn't want a relationship for now. And that if we stop pushing too hard then maybe things would develop naturally between us... So could I take it as simple as it is?
Well, that sounds to me like he's throwing you a bone to keep you from pestering him... it doesn't mean he's going to change or the relationship will change... it just means he's limiting the drama.... He just doesn't want you to hope or not to hope... he's hoping to keep you on retainer... | |
|
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 9:30:25 AM |
deborah815 :There's an old saying. "The fvcking you're getting ain't worth the fvcking you're getting."
That's a great expression.
And quite fitting.
Op, the guy sees you as something to screw, and nothing more. Any chance you had for a relationship with this guy ended the moment his penis entered your vagina. But don't beat yourself up over it, he doesn't sound like relationship material anyway. | |
|
| |
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 10:10:29 AM | I like the part where everyone differentiates between a fug buddy from a FWB! Now I've learned it all....there is a progression in the art of the booty call....sadly, for those females who think this will lead anywhere besides the bedroom, a booty call known by any other name is still...just...a...booty call!
You admire this guy? But what does he think of you aside from how easy it is to have sex with you anytime he wants? Does he jump up at 11pm and run to your house when YOU call or only when it's convenient for him?
If a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, you should pretend like you've heard him and act accordingly! | |
|
| |
| |
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 4:52:01 PM | Anything is possible, but I would say it's highly unlikely that a real relationship would ever develop between the two of you. He will probably never see you as "relationship material". He was honest in telling you that he doesn't want a relationship...are u really being honest in saying that you arn't either?? If your getting mad because he went to a party instead of "meeting up" with you....and you want to spend more time with him...and you told him you were looking for more than just a "booty call"...I don't think you are really being honest. You might not think you wan't a relationship, but that's not what it looks like to me....sounds like you ARE wanting a relationship with him. I don't see this ending well for you if you have developed feeling for him, I mean I guess it's not your fault, you probably didn't plan to start falling for him. I don't see anything wrong with F Buddies if that's what u truely want, but when you start wanting more ...your setting yourself up to get hurt. So, the way I see it, is either be content with your F Buddy status with him, or stop seeing him completely.
Next time you should chose your "casual" relationships carefully..try to chose someone that you don't think you'll develop feeling for....but someone you can still have great sex with...if in fact, that's what your looking for. | |
|
Savona
|
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 44 | |
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:23:30 PM | Awww OP I feel bad for you. My personal opinion is it would be very hard for a woman to be with a man every or nearly every weekend, having sex for 6 months and not feel allot for that man.
If you admit or not, most likely you have fallen for him. Seriously why would you keep going back. I doubt it just the sex for you, but sadly it could be just the sex for him
I wish you all the best of luck, and I have little doubt he will be the man who will haunt you for a long time to come. Some men can just make a woman go crazy that's all ... sometimes it is that guy who is just out of reach that we seem to want so much. And some times we like someone so much that we would agree to a relationship that we don't want just to stay close to them incase they change their minds.
If you really want him to see you in a different life then the best thing to do is break it off. Keep your distance, if he does care for you then you have a chance to turn things around, if he just lets you go, then so be it.
Everyone want to judge and say it is a bootie call, perhaps it is more but he hasn't realized it yet, perhaps it is only a bootie call. I think you know within yourself ... so take the chance. Ditch him and watch what he does, that will tell you everything you need to know.
Good luck
Savona | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:32:58 PM | My gram always said "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Your issues sound like you're into him, but he's just not that into you... just like the movie says. Until you realize you deserve more, and actually take steps toward that, you will probably always be the FWB.
My advice is cut him off at the source, be a friend but drop the benefits. Stay single a while and learn more about who you are inside, and what you want out of life before you try to go find a person that you hope will complete you. Complete yourself first. | |
|
Home
login 
