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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:50:03 PM | "Anything I could do?", well it doesn't sound like you know where you stand Babydoll.
When a man likes you, he lets you know it. He calls, he wants to see you, he wants to meet your friends and perhaps even your family, he can't keep his eyes or his hands off of you. Men are really not that complicated, they're cowards , who would rather do anything than tell you that "you're not the one". He may not be saying it to you , but his behavior is showing it all the time. Stop making excuses for him , he's not interested in a serious relationship with you. Don't waste anymore of your time ...you're fantastic and there's someone out there that wants to be your boyfriend, now go find him. | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:05:26 PM |
I want to put things on a path that might end up going towards that direction, if at all possible. Anything I could do?
Nothing. It is what it is. Accept that it is not more.
The only thing you can do is to decide to enjoy the regular booty call and accept he does not want a relationship (and statistically never will with you) other than what you have right now and be COMPLETELY okay with that, or leave and prepare yourself for the kind of relationship you obviously want. When you are truely ready, an opportunity will most likely appear.
That's always the choice we have. Join them or leave.
Anything else is a game you are going to lose one way or the other. | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:17:53 PM | You are a "sexual stash" for him and he'll placate you for a while until he either finds a suitable replacement stash or grows tired of the pressure your desires place on him to commit to you.
My girlfriends have had a few of these scenarios. They ALWAYS say that same thing "no, it's not like that"...well, yes, it is what it is...sex, sex and more sex.
But hey, you're letting him into your panties. What did you expect? Love? | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 58 | |
| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 4:53:35 AM | Thanks... But how could I ditch him without being obvious that I'm playing games? I don't want him to think that I'm manipulating him especially I always seemed to be very agreeable when he texts / asks me out.
NO ditching not as in playing games. If you want more, and it is not going there then ditch him. I would have used the words break up, but you are not in a relationship.
If you do not want to be a FWB then stop seeing him. If he does care for you then he will let you know, if not then move on. BUT hey if you like the situtation you are in then stay there.
I NEVER said to play games. I know for me when I am in a situtation I don't like to be in I move out of that situtation. Use what ever word you want.
Anyway it is clear from your posts that you are just going to stay and hope.
I wish you good luck.
Beginning to become a stupid thread ... the OP asks for advice but of course it isn't what she wants to hear. Why even bother to post.
Lots of people are in a FWB situtation, there is nothing wrong with that.
Savona | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 4:57:46 AM | | If he says he doesn't want a relationship than he's being straight up. You can't change his mind, you can only ride it out if you really want to be with him. The only thing is, he may not change his mind or if he does the relationship may not be with you. If you've tried to talk with him and figure out where he's headed than decide if it's what you're willing to tolerate. If it is, deal with it. If it isn't, there are other people out there for you. Nothing's worth beating yourself up over, Mamacita! | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:04:18 AM | | He told you in the beginning that he didn't want a relationship. Even though he sees you during the day a couple of times a week, his previous statement still stands. Maybe he just likes the company sometimes on a Wed afternoon. Take a weekend off from him. Plan some fun activities for yourself to keep busy, and actually do them. See what he says. My guess is he won't call after you. Take that as a big sign and move on to a man you CAN have a possibility of a relationship with when you are ready. | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:52:51 AM | This is a sexual relationship - no more and no less. If you're both getting what you want right now ~ why ask about later? Nothing in life is gauranteed ... so don't do anything out of character for YOU. Some need very little while others need a lot more. Hanging your faith on false hope WILL bring self-inflicted heart ache - you decide. If you push to show more than your lingerie collection or text him out of sexual context - he'll bolt. JMO  | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:07:33 AM |
Set the date. Let's say... 6 month from now.
If your "relationship" does not progress, you know it never will.
Good luck!
That is actually not bad advice. You are not ready for a relationship right now consequently if you actually get into a relationship you are potentially messing with that person's head. From that standpoint, YOU either need to keep to yourself while you get it together or you have an FWB.
From his perspective, he either actually really means that he isn't ready for a relationship with you right now or it could be a chicken shit way to not admit that he will never be ready for a relationship with you, or he could not know his head from his ass.
Totally different subject but my daughter is nearing high school graduation and the looming unknown future is making her a wee bit nuts. She asked me yesterday what if she makes the wrong choice for her, blah, blah. I told her you do what feels okay and when it doesn't, whether school, career or relationships, you do something else. Seems like sound advice in this situation. Hang onto him for now and when it isn't working for you, when you are ready and he is still not, do something else.
And you really, really do need to pay attention to what he says and not read so much into what he does. | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:55:28 AM | Not sure what this "other side of you" is, but if it's a control freak, don't let him see the other side.
I think you can place some hopes on this staying exactly as it is, LUST, a FWB. While it doesn't sound satisfactory to you, is it better than nothing? If so, and if you enjoy the sex, just chock it up to what it is, lust, until you meet someone more emotionally suitable to your emotional needs. If not, end it.
Meantime, just make sure he uses a rubber every time...God knows where else he's been. | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:48:02 AM |
your been used and abused big style
Okay guys your all very sweet and all trying to help me face this... but lets just be fair he is not doing anything wrong. I mean I enjoy the sex as much as he does and I initiate sex as often as he does... ONLY I happen to feel a lil more when he isn't but I'm still cool with the current arrangement until I'm not... again its not like I wanna marry him right now, just wanna know what will be a better way to put things back on track because we still have many mutual friends... | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 11:14:25 AM | OP you asked..
"My only question is could things really develop between us and if I take things slow, could this turn into a real relationship somewhere down the line?"
The answer is yes but since he doesn't have those feelings for you now then he would be settling for you...men who want a woman tend to persue her!
"Or should I be bothered to let him see the other sides of me? "
I repeat....men have a really "hard" time playing hard to get but if you don't mind wating until you're the last one standing then go ahead!
Why don't you try settling for what you want instead? | |
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| When he says he doesn't want a relationship... could you at least still place some hopes?
Posted: 7/21/2009 3:17:08 PM | just wanna know what will be a better way to put things back on track
back on track? From what you stay this was never on the relationship track as far as he's concerned.
My impression from the reading the postings on here is that we are not saying HE is doing anything wrong, because he was honest with you when he said he only wants a sexual relationship. Nor are you doing anything wrong in enjoying the sex.
We are just trying to say you are delusional if you think this is going to turn into a relationship that goes beyond FWB.
We (at least some of us, anyway) are telling you to either enjoy it for what it is without expecting and/or waiting for more, or move on.
We are telling you there isn't a way to get things "back on track" when the track you want to take does not exist. | |
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