| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:42:21 AM | well, fab, don't read them if it bothers you.
I choose team bosox..not that I am much of a team player and no need for high 5's. She just makes more sense to me than the silly santimonious fools I see around these parts.
Dad was a boston red sox fan, I hate sports, but saw them win under an eclipsed moon, what a night!
Aslo, count me off the teams that think its all fairytales and unicorns.
Single parenthood is not a death sentence..
But, it is a "life sentence" for all kids, and life is hard time. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:49:30 AM |
Ugh you two are making a pain in the a$$ to read through the forums.
I have decided not to respond to posts like hers in the future (or OpieDopie's ....hahaha). Someone has to take the high road so I will do it....feel better now? | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:49:43 AM | | trust me...I'm not...but I still have to scroll through it to find the real posts. And would you please stop being so b*tchy towards me. I don't know what I posted that got you so butthurt towards me but seriously it's getting old. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:51:28 AM |
Oh my, really? Did I say it was your fault that any mother killed her child? Dramatic much? Defensive much? Honestly, if you are going to take every single thing I say personally, I would suggest you cease reading what I write period.
Contrary to what you might think, my world does not revolve around you.
The board runs rampant with hyperbole and personalization of generalizations. I think it might be some sort of odd message board disease stemming from lack of reading comprehension skills.  | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:55:21 AM |
Did you ever stop to think that Caylee's Mom killed her daughter because she was one of those moms who ventured into this forum and was told being a mother would negate her chances at love, was attacked for even thinking she could find love in the first place since she essentially ruined her life by becoming a single mother?
Not even a little bit. That's like blaming Marilyn Manson's music for the Columbine shootings.
We sit behind our screens and we type out words at times with little concern for how our message might be viewed by someone in a fragile state of mind. The message it appears that the OP is trying to convey is that perhaps we need to be more mindful that words can and often do hurt people.
As much as there is no need to be down right hurtful to anyone, there is also no need to sugar coat to protect ones feelings. If they can get themselves into adult situations, and spout thier secrets to anonymous people on the internet, then surely they can be adult enough to listen to all sorts of advice... and not just the stuff they WANT to hear. The truth hurts sometimes and it's the advice of many (the "aww you poor thing, your a wonderful person and everything will be just fine" and the "single moms are the best people EVER") who tend to do more damage than good. If your never told your wrong and that you need to do something differently, then there is no area for change and the same mistakes keep getting made.
Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. How many posts from single moms have you seen here that go something like this... "I'm pregnant with my third child from a different dad, why can't I find a man who won't cheat on me and wants to be a dad to his kids?" (ok, I'm para-phrasing here). I'd say... that's a pretty good example of insane. These women need to be told to keep thier legs shut... WAY more than they need to be told to keep thier chins up. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:56:48 AM |
So blowing smoke up her a$$ telling her everything is going to be great would have stopped her, eh. As opposed to a little truth?
Why is there no middle ground with some of the posters on here?
IRL, there are more than two ways to treat somebody. Why should message boards be any different? Is it fun to sit behind your keyboard and type rude and abrasive comments, saying things you wouldn't dare say to somebody face-to-face?
It is possible to be truthful without being rude and callous. It's called being tactful. It doesn't seem to be common on teh internets... | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:13:29 AM |
It is possible to be truthful without being rude and callous. It's called being tactful.
Not all posters deserve to get a tactful response. Just as in real life, I don't treat everyone the same way and I don't paint every situation with the same brush.
It's so much easier to be nice... we can all be nice, but then what the h*ll is anybody going to learn? Who's ever going to question thier lives and thier motives and thier parenting when we're back-patting a high-fiving? Whoo-hoo... we're ALL perfect! | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:27:43 AM |
How many posts from single moms have you seen here that go something like this... "I'm pregnant with my third child from a different dad, why can't I find a man who won't cheat on me and wants to be a dad to his kids?" (ok, I'm para-phrasing here). I'd say... that's a pretty good example of insane. These women need to be told to keep thier legs shut... WAY more than they need to be told to keep thier chins up.
If their question is about a romantic relationship, I agree. If their question is about potty training, I believe the position of their legs (2 years previous or at present), why they never married or divorced the father, or whether they are receiving public assistance is irrelevant.  | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:34:53 AM |
If their question is about potty training, I believe the position of their legs (2 years previous or at present), why they never married or divorced the father, or whether they are receiving public assistance is irrelevant.
I couldn't agree more, but right now (on page 1) there are ZERO questions regarding potting training, a couple with questions that deal with preschool and discipline (that seem to be on track with the topic) and over 15 that deal with daddies, pregnancies, why single moms can't find a man and why single men suck and won't date single moms. You never want to make generalizations... but c'mon! Legs shut means no babies. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 11:40:07 AM |
It's so much easier to be nice... we can all be nice, but then what the h*ll is anybody going to learn? Who's ever going to question thier lives and thier motives and thier parenting when we're back-patting a high-fiving? Whoo-hoo... we're ALL perfect!
There is a distinct difference between being nice and being respectful (treating others how you wish to be treated). While I understand where you're coming from, you are seeing things in only black and white: high-fiving and backpats or being an disrespectful asshat seem to be the only two options to chose from.
I'd imagine there are many people who are unhappy with their lives and use message boards as a way to take out their frustrations on complete strangers. All too often, they achieve a sense of superiority by saying/typing rude comments they wouldn't dare utter in a real life situation.
I've always viewed the internet much like alcohol, in that some people seem to lose the ability to differentiate between right and wrong. The only difference being, instead of blaming their poor behavior on being drunk, they blame it on the evile internets while hiding like a coward on the other side of a keyboard and monitor. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:03:35 PM | I despise those threads about why single PARENTS can get dates as much as the rest of you and there seem to be quite a few being started lately by fathers so that is not just the rhealm of single moms anymore.....
I also don't get why so many comments made by a single mother have to be followed up by someone judging their single parenthood status, as if it is really anyone else's business why someone is a single mother if it has nothing to do with the topic.
I get the frustrated feelings too sitting behind my keyboard when I read yet another thread that has ended up an all out war between the sexes. I have to wonder if some people have so little regard for the other gender why the hell they are on a dating site looking to meet one. That is pure insanity....lol but maybe they don't realize that people can read their forum posts.
I agree with the middle ground requirements...there has to be something between "It is ok, you are a great person" and "You are a stupid azz" extremes. I don't think many people know or recognize tact when they read it. I am not a bleeding heart and yet I get accused of it often by those who prefer to use the "you are a stupid azz" kind of help to posters. Ah well, we all have our perceptions and it is interesting to watch at times if for no other reason than it is a good study of human behaviour at its best, its worst and its in-between.
I know I personally sometimes lose it and react negatively towards a poster and I end up reading it later with regret but shiat I'm human too. We all have our bad days and our good days and all the days in between. There are some people though that seem to be on missions/crusades to change the world and those I find most fascinating and frustrating at the same time. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:34:25 PM | | I guess the OP's title fits well cause this whole thread is a showdown with the negative ones. Some of you ladies need to hug it out ... seriously you are only making yourselves look like catty ****es | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:35:51 PM |
I agree with the middle ground requirements...there has to be something between "It is ok, you are a great person" and "You are a stupid azz" extremes.
The problem here is that there IS a middle ground, but there are too many that get offended the minute someone makes even the slightest comment towards thier decisions that they don't want to hear. I realize it's nobodys business as to what others do, but when you make a post about it here it's up for debate. Like when a teen talks about her pregnancy and someone mentions the dreaded word ADOPTION... eek, immediatly that person is dubbed as a single- mother- hater and every other word from that poster is then ignored and considered "bashing". I find that very little women (and men) want to take personal responsibility for their actions. They can't admit that they made bad decisions, and instead are here to get the high-fives.
There is middle ground, but it's the "It is ok, you are a great person" and "You are a stupid azz" posters that don't see that. I've seen ALOT of great posts by 99% of the current posters here (including you, itsallinthesoul) and I really enjoy this kind of debate where we can go back and forth without the name calling and bashing. That's what this place is all about. Not once here have I felt "attacked" but at the same time we're honest about how we feel... THIS is the middle ground. I'm not holding anyones hand and I'm not being disrespectful. This is the kind of thing that needs to keep being said... the REAL truth about situations. If an 18 year girl is here wondering why she can't get a boyfriend, she needs to be told that it's not the end of the world, and since she's made her choice to have this baby that she needs to give up the boys (for now) and focus on the baby. We don't need to hold her hand... it's too late for that.
Anyways, take from that what you will. I guess in the long run, I'm more hard-azz than I am a compasionate little flower. I see the world as a difficult place and if your not ready to deal with the crap that's slung your way, then it just means you'll end up with a face full of sh!t. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:46:37 PM | What I've noticed hooked is that two or more posters can say the same basic thing in different ways and not all will get "bashed for saying it" and that just makes sense when you look at how some posters come across in their posts, it is not so much the truth that is spoken but the way that truth is delivered.
Spider - not sure if you are really new to the forums or not, but if you are (based on your join date only), you might want to spend some time reading a variety of poster's posts before passing judgement on them. You really do get a sense for who someone is only after reading quite a few of their posts on various topics by various OPs. The saying "Never judge a book by its cover" comes to mind. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:47:10 PM | Adding to the above sentiment perhaps a total bunch of strangers might just give them the truth she/he needs to hear. Most times people get caudled by their close friends and family.
Telling her what she/he wants to hear and not what she NEEDS to hear.
I am not about to another of their "fake " friends on the net. Some here seem like they are need of a few by being a bit too supportive. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:53:54 PM |
and that just makes sense when you look at how some posters come across in their posts
It's all about how they are perceived in their posts. Obviously if you or others don't like the way it was said, then to YOU, it's a bashing post or they've gone too far. On the other hand, there are some that might perceive it as a good post with good information.
It's like anything... you may look at an outfit and think it's gorgeous and I may think it's hideous. Who's right?
Apples and oranges, I suppose. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:57:02 PM | | I totally agree with you hooked....it does come down to perceptions, but when many posters attack one poster for the way one poster comes across in their posts, it would be a good idea for that one poster to take a good hard look at their delivery. | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:22:29 PM | | OPie, I realize you are trying really hard to get a rise out of me .... did I strike a nerve in you when I wrote what I wrote about how people who are frequently under attack by many different posters might want to take a look at how they come across in the posts? | |
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| Time for a showdown with the negative ones...
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:30:33 PM | You know...I don't think I have ever been called out for being mean, rude, unnecessarily blunt or anything along those lines. And I've been on this and many other forums for a long time. So I think Soul, you might just have something there! Or maybe people are just mistaking rudeness for honesty? You know you can be polite and honest....
example:
Rude- you need to keep your legs shut!
Honest- Maybe you shouldn't be so ready to jump into a physical relationship.
Same point. One rude...one not. The poster you would be referring to is more then likely going to read and consider the one less harsh. The first one they will just blow you off as an A$$hole. So if, in fact, any of you are truly wanting to get your point across to these people then maybe you should consider not coming off like well....an a$$hole. | |
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