| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:24:16 PM | 1) Don't have massive expectations
2) Have fun and enjoy the experience
3) Keep a hint of optimism
^ Good points. Sceptisim is the other one i'd add and a sense of humour so
4. sceptical
5. sense of humour
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:01:58 PM | | I don't believe in "The One" anyway. We can love more than one person simultaneously - for completely different reasons. It doesn't HAVE to mean you get married, have kids and skip off into the sunset forevermore. I believe people fall into our lives who suit some need at the time or teach us a valuable lesson. We all just sort of brush past each other in this life, occasionally someone holds your hand for a while, then lets go when the time is right. Human relationships are fluid. They ebb and flow like the tide. I may well love someone again but I'll not stuff relationships into convenient boxes and I'll certainly never remarry. | |
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JTFN
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Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/20/2009 11:10:51 PM | I guess where you go in your social life will dictate the odds etc- Doing the clubbing thing and being under 30 should potentially produce more results...
As i've got older i've found that there are NOT so many potentials as in my 20s and teen years. I've learnt what to avoid (barge pole) and see whats really what.
I agree with the OP and the odds. There has only ever a few that would float my boat long term.
I wonder if the poster that will shag anything has actually had an increase in the mailbox..  | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 1:51:28 AM | Perhaps i'm odd but i can never look at someone and fancy them, i can appreciate when someone is attractive looking but to me thats different to fancying someone, to fancy someone i have to know their personality, the last guy i was seeing i didn't initially find physically attractive but when i got to know him i fancied the arse of him.
I have chatted to people online who i think are attractive but just not fancied and only once did i find someone attractive, start to fancy them by chatting online and on the phone and when we met the chemistry was amazing, short lived but amazing nonetherless.
But i have a few friends who use this site, one met her husband here and another is now very loved up so anything is possible. | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 2:00:31 AM | Next to no chance for a whole host of reasons.
I personally think the majority of internet "dates" are doomed to failure from the outset anyway, because they are an unnatural way of first meeting someone, with the "do-or-die" expectation or hope of a relationship being present.
The majority of women also have unrealistic expectations, which probably comes about as a result of internet dating being a "women's market". You only have to see how many favourites' lists some of these ladies are on to realise that they have no shortage of options.
I'm as open-minded as I can be, but invariably find that it leads nowhere. In fact, as has often been mentioned; even a reply is a rarity! | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 3:24:07 AM |
Flipping heck you want me to walk, count 100 men and count how many i fancy......I will walk into a lamp post or fall over.......
Mmmm, thought women were good at multi-tasking!
The odds on winning the lottery are high, but people do win, just as some will find 'the one' through an internet site.
Internet dating is A way of finding someone, just not the ONLY way. Seems to me that you stand as much chance of success , in fact a lot more of a chance, if you get yourself out there in the real world and do it the old fashioned way. Yeh, try to meet real people.
Internet sites, just like the lottery - you got to be in it to win it, but the chances of winning are small and ninety nine percent of rich people make thier money through doing real life things, not the lottery. | |
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Joe1uk
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 33 | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:00:07 AM | I must admit that when I see posts (and I go in the Global forums quite a bit too) where people say they are mad about someone tey have been chatting to it kind of bothers me.
I never treat a first meet as a date - it's just a meet up.
A 'date' is too much pressure I think
From the meet it's then a case of being in contact (if you even want to be) and seeing how you get along and whether you feel anything..a connection, chemistry and whether you can easily talk to that person..
Then you see where it goes from there..but still in a more relaxed way than 'dating'..
I just don't like 'dating' I suppose.
I haven't ever been on a lot of dates in my life and I don't intend to. I find the whole 'dating' thing a little bit pretentious and fake..and then come the does he ring you do you ring him games...can't be bothered with all that! | |
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Pud78
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Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 35 | |
| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 5:31:15 AM | The chances though may not be as bleak as the OP points out as you at least have the chance to meet people who are single and are actively looking, we meet lots of people every day but how often do we get introduced or start talking to someone who you know is single and looking?
Plus it gives you the chance to put yourself out there and don't have to the face rejection in an awkward real life moment and it does work, not for everybody, but you have to be involved to win. | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:05:43 AM | but how often do we get introduced or start talking to someone who you know is single and looking?
Not very often these days but it wasn't always that way.
Not thinking exclusively about dating sites, but email, facebook, twitter, texting, etc etc.
What effect is all of this having on our communication skills. Is our new way of communicating losing us those skills of getting out there and meeting new people? We go for safe, the virtual world, rather than for real.
When I was a teenager if you wanted to meet a girl you had to go out into the real world and meet them, the internet didn't exist as it does today. You had to say hello and risk the consequences, you had to talk face to face and meet people. Not claiming it was easy but probably character building.
Is all this new technology and convenience slowly turning into a lazy, risk adverse and socially inept population that one day in the future will not be able to cope with the real world? | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:23:14 AM | I think that you have as much chance of meeting someone special on here as anywhere. The main benefit I see to here is to do with those of us who have young children that live with us. I am not able to just make spur of the moment decisions to go and meet someone that night, but it is lovely to be able to sit down of a night when the children are in bed and chat to a variety of different people. Then if someone does spark your interest, you can chat for a little bit to see if potentially you would get on and then make a date/meet etc
So, for me, it works wonderfully. I chat to a variety of lovely people who all interest me in one way or another, not necessarily in a romantic way......some who make me laugh, some interest me intelectually and some make me go mmmmmmmmmmmmmm | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 6:36:52 AM | I am not able to just make spur of the moment decisions to go and meet someone that night
That probably goes for a lot of people, but just about everyone of us can plan a night out at some point.
chat to a variety of different people
Women usually seem to get upset if they know a bloke is chatting to "several people" and yet are happy to do it themselves - never quite worked that one out.
who make me laugh, some interest me intelectually and some make me go mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
But do you let them know which is which or just chat away letting them all think they're in with a chance? | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:57:03 AM | I gave up finding the one ages ago and got fed up of jumping thru the hoops. Over the years ive met, been out and shagged off sites but half the time your just kidding yourself and know it wont work. If people do want to meet the one maybe they should put more effort into the local area, such as joining groups or doing courses.
But wont argue its impossible, like the lotto except a winning ticket ends up a tenner lmao | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:25:23 AM | The majority of women also have unrealistic expectations, which probably comes about as a result of internet dating being a "women's market". You only have to see how many favourites' lists some of these ladies are on to realise that they have no shortage of options.
To be honest I believe thats crap, dont give up on someone you might like so easily..one of the reasons i made a new account and deleted curvydee was because i was on over 800 favs. I never talked to 99% of them, they'd never messaged me, I never even bothered checking who was on it on a day to day basis then it just got so big it was an impossible task but everyone judged me on it "she must be insecure so she likes being on favs." (im very secure thanks) "shes an attention whore", no shes not a whore and def not an attention one as i didnt pay any attention as to who was adding me", and mainly these comments from women, jealous much?. I just deleted because of the wrong assumptions.. and started again and if people dont like how many favs im on this time round they can get fxukcd. To judge someone for something so trival is ridiculous how ever much we try not to judge i realise we all do, i do, but not over something so trivial.
The other poster made a valid point I clearly don't agree from my response so not sure why you're TELLING me what a valid point is? its different to all people he might think his point is valid, i personally don't. I think if a man is interested in someone then does not bother messaging them because others have then that man just might need to grow a set dating is hard without making it harder on yourself by not bothering to contact "popular" people, that man might be missing out on someone lovely. | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:35:57 AM |
i was on over 800 favs. I never talked to 99% of them, they'd never messaged me
The other poster made a valid point, and your comments lent support to their assertion about having more 'options'.
If one is placed on a faves list, it can mean that the person is interested, even if they don't bother to send an email - they might just be testing the water.
So, one already knows that the person likes what they see, so it gives one confidence to contact the person. | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:53:56 AM | 1 - I am not able to just make spur of the moment decisions to go and meet someone that night That probably goes for a lot of people, but just about everyone of us can plan a night out at some point. 2 - chat to a variety of different people Women usually seem to get upset if they know a bloke is chatting to "several people" and yet are happy to do it themselves - never quite worked that one out. 3 - who make me laugh, some interest me intellectually and some make me go mmmmmmmmmmmmm But do you let them know which is which or just chat away letting them all think they're in with a chance?
It's true that lots of people can't do things on the spur of the moment, but I think the point was how much this contrasts with generally how much easier it was when 'we' were younger with fewer responsibilities.
1 - People chatting to more than one person at a time, and people getting upset about being one of multiple people being chatted to isn't segregated between the sexes... I'd put money on it! That accusation sounds really quite bitter.
2 - Until you chat enough to get to know someone, how do you know if they're in with a chance, surely if they weren't then you wouldn't be interested in talking to them, they'd have stopped being an ego boost by the time you'd realised they didn't have a chance.
3 - If you were chatting to people in real life, would you stop talking to people just because you were also chatting to someone else who you bump into elsewhere? No, or at least most people would think that was pretty strange! | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:11:44 AM | You too msg 41.........I think maybe my message came out wrong or was misunderstood. I do make th effort to arrange a date when I can if someone interests me but my point was that I can't do that as easily as someone who is single without children. Therefore I find it beneficial to chat to someone first so I am not wasting their time and mine.
As far as the chatting thing is concerned.....I have no problem with anyone chatting to me and others if we aren't involved in some sort of monogamous relationship. I don't do jealousy, it is a complete waste of time and energy and therefore I see no problem with chatting to a number of different people just like I might do if I went for a night out. You are right though, I do let people know exactly what is what.......if I am interested in them in the mmmmmmmmmmmm sort of way, they will know and the situation will change. Never cheated in the past, never will now or in the future, it's not my bag.
HTH | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 12:46:46 PM | MESG 35 DONT u mmmmmm me MR i can multi task thank you .....
And i like this site !!!!! I am still here and looking , and i do go out lots and lots thank you ...AND as for real people are the people on here not real? I met quite a few a couple of weeks ago at the Bournemouth meet. every one of them was real. And as for the old fashioned way, as a 48 year old woman i wont be sitting in the pub evey night.  | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 2:48:41 PM | 1 - People chatting to more than one person at a time, and people getting upset about being one of multiple people being chatted to isn't segregated between the sexes... I'd put money on it! That accusation sounds really quite bitter.
2 - Until you chat enough to get to know someone, how do you know if they're in with a chance, surely if they weren't then you wouldn't be interested in talking to them, they'd have stopped being an ego boost by the time you'd realised they didn't have a chance.
3 - If you were chatting to people in real life, would you stop talking to people just because you were also chatting to someone else who you bump into elsewhere? No, or at least most people would think that was pretty strange!
1 - agree it applies to all, why does it sound bitter when you imply you believe it to be generally right?
2 & 3 - what was said was
I chat to a variety of lovely people who all interest me in one way or another, not necessarily in a romantic way
Not interested in a romantic way!!!!!!! - pretty clear to me what that means
Never cheated in the past, never will now or in the future, it's not my bag.
Did anyone say you cheated?
And as for the old fashioned way, as a 48 year old woman i wont be sitting in the pub evey night.
Is the only place you can meet people in a pub or at night? Just Googled "places to meet" and the first link that came up:
http://www.essortment.com/all/meetnewpeopl_rbhr.htm
No doubt there's many more, have we all lost our imaginations? | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 3:00:31 PM | | When i leave at 7- 30 in a morning for work and dont get home till 7 -15 at night .I dont have time to nip in starbucks to look for a date just coffee to go, at lunch .......Or maybe nip down the quay to play on a boat at lunch? | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/21/2009 3:07:40 PM | Used to work on construction sites - used to leave home at around five thirty to six am, get home around seven pm. Rarely left site at lunch, but didn't do it seven days a week though. Still met my ex partner and not on a dating site.
The world is full of excuses why we can't do something. So we just go for the easy can do and convenient.
Mmmmm
and i do go out lots and lots thank you
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:38:46 AM | I agree with the OP to a large extent. I look through pictures occasionally and try to find people that appeal (not necessarily that are a 10 or anything), then I look at profiles and check that they're at least a little literate, check that I'm not ruled out by their preferences, check they're fairly local, then I message with something about me and some follow up questions, and if they reply to that ask to meet somewhere. By the time someone has got through all those filters so far nothing has yielded anything, but out of the thousands of people that does cut it down to a very small number.
I think the basic problem is that people have a very specific thing in mind when they start looking on here whereas in real life when you meet people you are much more prepared to overlook things. | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/22/2009 3:04:39 AM | | It's just one avenue out of many to meet someone. Judging by some of the responses I get it seems some men think my expectations are too high. I don't think they are but i'd prefer for them too high than too low. I go through phases where I don't actively bother to date when I'm beating them off with a stick and similarly I have phases when I really would like to meet the "one" which is when everyone disappears!! | |
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| Realistic expectations of finding the One on a dating site
Posted: 7/22/2009 7:39:21 AM | Proverbial bus - non then two!
Read the thread, think the OP is about right, chances are probably pretty slim but just view dating sites as one posible way amonst all the others.
I don't go out for a night out with mega expectatations of meeting the one and I didn't come on here with the same expectations either. | |
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