| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:00:11 AM | | Would you go on job interviews to places you didn't want to work...shop in stores that didn't carry anythig you were interested in...eat in restaurants where you didn't like anything on the menu? Why should your personal life be any different? | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:10:19 AM | | Just because you care more about the company than about establishing a relationship with the person, doesn't mean they feel the same way. We all are looking for different things and there's nothing wrong with that. One of the biggest problems in this world IMO is that it seems most people feel that because they think something, then that is what others should think as well. Having different thoughts, feelings, ideas, and wants is what makes people unique and special - and there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is to be honest about those things to the people you are out with because they may not share yours, and then you are simply using them or stringing them along, whether it's intentional or not. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:16:08 AM | | As long as you're only looking for a friend and activity partner, and take sex out of the picture, no, it's not a waste of time. If you'd like to explore your sexual desires with someone too, better to spend time with someone you're attracted to. There's only so much energy to go around, and, if you're spending all your time dancing, hiking, moutain-biking, etc. with this friend/activity partner, you'll be too tired to think of sex. If you're not looking for sex, then this is fine. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:34:50 AM | I have seen many posts where people have stated that dating or even spending time with someone that they were not attracted to as a waste of time, and that got me to thinking.
I would not go out with someone to whom I thought it was not possible to be attracted, meaning that I allow for the fact that photos almost never capture what someone will look like in person. I've noticed that women with ``glamour'' photos taken by professional photographers almost always are muck less attractive in person, so I assume that could work the other way with the webcam photos and other snapshots people take of themselves.
Would you go on job interviews to places you didn't want to work..
Actually, lots of people waste interviews' time doing that to get practice interviewing.
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:41:02 AM | personally, ~ I think that you reach a point in your life, to where you are not sizing up everyone you met, friend or foe ~ something to eat or have a fear of being eaten.
This is the world of a "mature, complete person" and it is then ~ and only then that you reach the next level of the games we play, the game of "life"
It is at this point, of " Mind over matter" ~ if you don't mind, then it don't matter.
I pick and choice who I allow in ~ by how well people understand this and live their life with such knowledge. ~
Enough of the pretenses already! ~ If you amuse me, I will indulge you and share with you. Unless you annoy me in someway, I will always be open to you and rejoice in your personal growth and share with you.
I am easy to get alone with and hard to annoy but that don't mean it's impossible to do.
We "all" live in a huge "sea of opportunity" ~ but if you don't have the "eyes" to see these opportunities , they might as well not exist.
I venture to say, most people are blind to opportunities saved for the ones that come hand delivered with a ribbon and bow.
It's indeed such a waste, that youth be wasted on the young.
What attracts you about other people, what do you admire? You need to find such thing inside yourself.
Dance | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:41:47 AM | | I have had relationships with several men who I was not attracted to as far as thinking they were good looking. A peron's physical appearance does not equate with finding them sexy or wanting to have sex with them to everyone who is walking on earth, contrary to popular belief. I have met men in person who I found attractive physically, but the meeting was a tolal waste of my time when I reflected upon the meeting after it happened. Some of us actually look at a person as a present to be opened, and the wrapping sometimes covers the best surprise of your life. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:00:40 AM | OP, Your question relates to dating and finding an establishing a relationship--so if a person you're going out with under this context doesn't fundamentally 'do it for you'...meaning that you're not attracted to them...then why the heck bother???
If you've ever been in a relationship with someone that you're not attracted to physically, you'll realize that it takes an almost superhuman effort to be with them intimately because you're fighting to overcome the elephant in the room---that lack of attraction....and that is a huge obstacle.
Btw, by 'intimately', I'm not just suggesting merely sex...although it factors here most significantly imo. By contrast being attracted is a baseline and impetus for the relationship to grow beyond the bedroom...wanting to be near them to see how they react to things...wanting to listen to their point of view...wanting to explore everything about them, with them....that's intimacy.
When you're not attracted...other thoughts can take the place of the 'wanting' to grow closer and that eventual 'intimacy'. What can come into focus is an almost unerring scrutiny of the other...one notices things that rub the wrong way....niggling details which can be overlooked when one is attracted to another....seem to almost take on a life of their own...with that type of start can eventual repulsion be far off?
The reality is that when we're in a new relationship everything is all shiny and new... we expect that...and we also know that some things will eventually be revealed that take a hit---not so 'shiny' after all. What saves it all... is attraction. When we are attracted to that person....we can put up with all sorts of defects and deficiencies and usually expect the same from our partner. When the bedrock of attraction isn't there..and the 'reality' hits...watch out for the hard landing.
We're all outfitted with something innate to our being that let's us know intuitively when we stumble across someone that is attractive to us---IMO, it's vital to start with that every time---relationships can be hard enough without bringing mediocre or low expectations and feelings of the other into it. | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 35 | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:26:12 AM | | As stated by other, the flaw I see in this logic is that being attracted to someone means that person is hot/beautiful. What attracts me to a person is not solely based on looks. I do find it a waste of time to DATE someone I am not attracted to as I need that attraction in a relationship. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:36:56 AM | Well, you are confusing "hot and beautiful" with "not even a little bit attracted to."
She doesn't have to be up for a modeling contract to be attractive. I'm not looking for a trophy, I'm looking for a person... "Do I look fat to you?" every five minutes ranks right up there with "Are we there yet?" on the annoying scale.
But, I'm sorry, if you more closely resemble Jabba the Hut than anything human, the sexual attraction just isn't there. Even if you are a nice person, we can be pals, but it's doubtful sparks will ever fly...
The physical attraction stuff is PART OF the equation, and usually the thing that gets you to walk over and say hello... BUT after that, there has to be chemistry, and humor, and a sense that this is someone I would like to get to know...
There are trophy seekers out there but let's face it, that's all about their egos... | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:49:33 AM | | That is your opinion, not the opinion of everyone else. My opinion is very different than most people on POF, I have found for sure. I cannot believe that average looking women ever get a date, as so many men seem to think that an average looking woman is ugly, and most do want trophy women. I walk over and say hello to anyone at a social setting, as we can never have too many friends, and dating is not my only goal when I meet men. I bet most men would walk over to a beautiful woman rather than walk over to an average looking woman, then after the gorgeous woman used and abused him (not saying that she would, just using this as an example), they would whine about not being able to find a "nice" woman. The sympathy is not going to come from average looking woman, as many men don't see the forest for the trees. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:56:10 AM | OP there's nothing wrong if you just want a "good time"but you have to be honest with women in the first place that you just want a good time,hang out.Some people they date first to assess if there's potential for a relationship or not that's what dating is all about.
Dont lead them on,dont give mix messages,always tell them that dont fall for you because you just want to have fun.
If a woman go for it then good,you have no responsiblities of thier feelings if they want more than that.
If you and your date wants to be intimate then tell them..its just a "release of each other's need" nothing more than that.
bottom line...always be clear what you want to happen before doing anything else. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:27:21 AM | | It seems like half the posts assume that all dates lead to relationships. I'm not talking about becoming serious with someone you are not attracted to, I'm talking about going out and having a good time. Just maybe the reason so many are on this site is that they have forgotten how to just have a good time with people, and are all caught up in finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Guess what 99% of the women or men you meet aren't going to be perfect for you, to me saying that you wouldn't waste your time going on a date with someone that wasn't perfect for you is like cutting off you nose to spite your face. I live a very busy life, but I still make sure I have fun, and I am more than willing to share that fun with any and every one regardless if I think I could have or even want a relationship with them. Maybe more people should lighten up and start having fun with people of the opposite sex, instead of trying to find someone to marry or have sex with. I'll agree that you shouldn't lead someone on about a relationship if you know there isn't any interest, but again why is every date, every meeting, and every activity so focused on finding you future ex-SO? | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:31:05 AM | Because there's no chance of sex at the end of the night?
Ok - time to stop smarting off on the forums or I'll be back in Banned camp again!
I have ended permanently a relationship/dating thing that was coming up on the one year mark this week and the reason why is this:
There is NO WAY it was ever going anywhere positive for either of us.
Now? A year later - WHY did I spend that time KNOWING that there was no way it was going any where?
I have no idea.
I have no answers.
I'm a big girl and I know better.
So why?
Entertainment?
Sure I could say that.
But it wasn't entertaining.
Sex?
No, it sucked.
So why?
Just to avoid being alone?
Sick, weak, pathetic, not the woman I am or who I want to be.
And it had nothing to do with his looks.
It had everything to do with who he was, and who I am. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:38:27 AM |
In this economy plenty of people are taking jobs they normally wouldn't take.
True. And when times get better they hope to trade up to jobs they really want. So you're saying it's ok to get involved with whoever's around at the moment until the one you want shows up and you can trade them in? | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:51:36 PM | | I recently got kind of "trapped" into spending a day and half a night with someone to whom I was in no way attracted and was quite repulsed. We had agreed to be activity partners though I don't know if I'd ever do an activity and call him. I told myself all the things about for activities only, the compatibility doesn't matter, etc. And I still had a hard time looking at him. So, I don't know. Alot of other guys with whom I've been friends were usually ones who refused to date me, so I was already somewhat attracted to them anyway. My impression is that most men will not go out with you even as friends though, unless they think you are acceptable. I've had guys who wouldn't be seen alone with me in public; they always had to invite either a buddy or another female buddy. Now, I try to identify that type and avoid them and I finally quit accepting invitations like that. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 1:06:45 PM | I just checked your profile youre looking for an LTR..it made me confused what you want.
whats your style in finding the right one?
in a contrary why spending going out with opposite sex hanging out,if you could do that with your male friends to avoid getting women feelings complicated?
As what I said mostly people date to know if theres a future..so why date them if you feel there's no future? and youre not attracted to them?I dont understand...do you just want activities with a partner?
I think the convienience is onto YOU..not with anyone else.
you may not be an ***hole,but probably just a Feck up a bit.
Probably you just want a hook up--then say it!
say what you mean..and mean what you say...thats all.
anyway,for me I dont want to date anyone just because he feels alone...im not his entertainer.I rather be alone and watch TV than with someone and I feel irritated or just to be with someone as my companion.
I can go out with my friends male or female watching movies etc not with just someone that I dont really barely know and he just there because there's nothing he can get with.
dating is like that..either its there then go for it if there's nothing there then walk away..why wasting their time?..what for,man, what for?
The way you explain that you want to go out with someone that youre not attracted is not fair. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 1:22:35 PM | tropicalknights MSG: 40
i just peeked at your profile which says you're seeking "LTR" so just like your first sentence here you state that "it seems like half the posts assume that all dates lead to relationships".
#1. even a day out with someone that you're not attracted to can develop into a LTR if only as a friendship.
#2. if you're not looking for a LTR then change your profile to "Friends" or "Activity Partner".
#3. or you can just continue to carry on and spend a day or night with someone as friends only and be happy with that.
#4. or you can just shut-up and not make an issue out of nothing at all.....
your choice buddy.......good luck
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 1:30:12 PM | | OP, it isn't a waste of time. What is a waste of time is going on a date with a hope that there might be something more possible only to discover she was never interested. Be honest. Make your intentions clear from the beginning. Give people the freedom to chose how they spend their time. Selfishly leading people on is NEVER acceptable. I have been trapped so many times by women who play this game. I have no respect for people who can't be clear about their intentions right from the beginning. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 1:51:02 PM | | Some people date to have fun, some date to find a marriage or long term commitment partner. I date to find a long term partner that might lead to marriage, but like gonesailing, have dated men when I knew it was a no win situation, and then wondered why I did not end it sooner. I have not done that in several years, and really try to not string someone along anymore, and appreciate a man being honest with me and doing the same, although I must say they seem to favor the fade away approach sometimes. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 2:32:47 PM |
Are people that say it's a waste of time really believe that you can only have fun with the hot and beautiful?
It depends on the goal. If one is searching for a mate they are less likely to be interested in simply having fun with random men and women they are not actually attracted to. Also, doing so without disclosing the lack of attraction could unintentionally lead the other person on. | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 2:54:50 PM | You know OP, I fully agree with you. It's possible that some people whose main goal is intimacy or LTR would judge meeting people according to having an expectation of "scoring" and therefore would consider anything that did not have a promise of this goal, a waste of time.
Most times, when I see a profile that says, "I don't want wasting time" I just don't let him waste my time so I do not respond or I tell him outright, 'I don't want wasting each other's time.' That is one of the profile entry that is a main red flag to me.
I've agreed to meet quite a few POF guys and not one did I say, what a waste of time! Each one had something to offer and though I was disappointed once, it does not mean there was no potential of friendship in that meeting. We are supposed to be social in nature. Not every guy/gal one meets on any occasion is going to be a relationship potential. I suspect that is why some people are prone to being hurt. Then again, it depends on what one's aim is.  | |
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| Why is going out with someone your not attracted to a waste of time?
Posted: 7/24/2009 3:54:34 PM | Wow there are so many jaded people on here.
1) I am not looking to hook up, in fact I tend to wait a lot longer than most before I decide if I want to sleep with someone.
2) I am also not talking about going out every week with them or anything like that, it is more along the lines of just going out and having a good time. Here is an example; I like to dance and I'm better than the average guy. There are many women that want to dance with me, most of whom have already told me that they have no interest in me outside of the dance floor, some are even married or dating someone else. I'm not attracted to most of these women either, some are a little to young for my tast and some are a little to old. But with all that said we still dance and have a good time on the dance floor, I have even had dinner and drinks with some. We aren't hooking up, we aren't dating, we aren't looking for anything other than a little fun.
What I so often see here is a complete from men and women to even think about anything but hooking up or getting married. When I was younger I went out with many many women that I knew I would never marry, but it wasn't about anything other having an enjoyable evening out with a woman companion. The thing that got me wondering about this was reading a post on another thread where some guy said that he would never waste his time going out with someone ugly, and I was just wondering why it seems so many have that thought that going out with someone that they find less than beautiful as a waste of time. Personally I go out when ever I feel like it, I have a list of women that are willing to go out and have a good time even though we know that it will never go beyond friends. My point was having a good time is never a waste, and how good looking the person is with you does should not affect your fun. Why do so many of you women think this is about sex? Did I say anything about sex? Do you think that any man may be interested in you for more than just sex? Why don't everybody just relax a bit more and just have fun? | |
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