| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:19:18 PM | You need to go. It's his house. Using him like this makes everyone sad hence we all say go, and if the reverse were true how would you feel... Would you want someone around who is living in ur house in this manner, not liking or respecting who you are? Hanging around hoping u will change, and because of some false sense of ownership via his time he put in to finding and decorating?
You say you did all the work. Thats just par for the course. Can he take back all the time he put into romancing you, all the effort and care he gave you? No. The time you gave is gone. The best thing you can do is spend your future time, and his more wisely by getting out of his life.
It's not so very hard to move and can be done in a weekend... Just take ur stuff and go. That way you will both be free to meet someone who you can both have a healthy loving relationship with. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:43:34 PM | I thought opposites were suppose to attract?
Then you don't have much relationship experience.
Are you going to tell me that your astrology charts said you two should be a good match as well?
I'm taking advantage of him and as good as he treats me, I'm admittedly a total ****.
Basically I'm blaming him for letting me walk all over him, and I tell that straight to him. I've never been such a **** before, it's not only with him lately it's with friends and such, and my patience is just a thin thin rope waiting to snap.
Well that's just great.
And that's his fault?.....
Will he man up or do you think I'm doomed?
I don't know if he'll "man up", but you definitely need to do some "growing up" yourself, otherwise, you'll just be the same with the next guy.
It'll will always be about "them" never about "you".
I'm tired of being a ****
I bet no one would miss you being a **** either.
and thinking about therapy as expensive as it is, just to get some of my questions answered, your opinions would still help.
Ok.
I just wish he would be more chivalrous, and more manly.
Duh....You should simply find another man.
I know I have a good thing going here, I just want to appreciate him more the way he deserves to be treated.
Do him a favor and let someone who will appreciate him, find him.
You go and find your "real man". | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 3:30:55 PM |
Then MOVE OUT OF HIS HOUSE.
OP, have you heard this part at all?
No? I didn't think so, because this is the part that you don't want to hear. You don't want to save the relationship; you want to stay in the house.
You even go so far as to suggest that you could stay in his house together in separate rooms. Wow, that would be sweet, wouldn't it? You'd have the benefit of the nice house that you got all excited about decorating, but you'd have no obligation to him as anything other than a tenant. If your BF wants or needs a room mate to help defray the cost of the home, he could find one (romantic partner, or not) who would treat him with more respect.
You are attached to the house you've lived in for SEVEN MONTHS? You feel some entitlement to stay there 'cause you've bought a few knickknacks and you've been cleaning the place? That can hardly be considered an investment in the home; call it an investment in the relationship if you must. Oh, and speaking of the relationship, it's time you put it out of its misery. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 4:43:38 PM |
The OP is being honest and I actually applaud the fact that at her age she is questioning her OWN emotions...wow how many people twice her age can admit to being a total bytch??? Let alone take responsibility for their actions....
arabianangle...... is it really important that the op is being honest with us....or is it more important that she is being dishonest with the one person that she should be honest with.
AND as you are lifting her to sainthood for her bravery...is this truly your concept of honesty... of self respect...of self worth..... in my opinion a women that gives herself to a man that she has no love, no respect for.... does so only for financial gain....and we all know what the dictionary calls that...
dogslife2live.....She is being honest about how she feels, she put this thread up for ADVICE...I am sure she said she's contributing by paying rent and keeping the place well maintained…..When people ask for advice it's normally a good sign not be condemned for it….
How is her situation any different to married couples that have grown apart? It’s always easier to end a relationship when you have a justifiable reason, for instance when your partner is being abusive, deceitful, or hurtful…but it’s a hell of a lot harder when they’re being ‘nice’…and I believe this is exactly what the OP is struggling with… | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 5:25:29 PM | I thought opposites were suppose to attract?
Opposites may attract but they sure do have a hard time staying together! No, he is not going to change. People rarely do.
Honey, you need to stop taking advantage of this man and break things off. It's not fair to him OR you. And in the future, you need to find a masculine man with a few common interests if you ever expect to be happy. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 8:21:29 PM | How is her situation any different to married couples that have grown apart? It’s always easier to end a relationship when you have a justifiable reason, for instance when your partner is being abusive, deceitful, or hurtful…but it’s a hell of a lot harder when they’re being ‘nice’…and I believe this is exactly what the OP is struggling with…
no different than a married couple, except that her bf will not have to pay her... or lose his house to her. she has asked for advice... received good advice, and turned to spit in the face of the adviser. i say she did not come for advice but rather for pity....but the mistake she made was to challenge all womens self respect with her "i lost respect for him" comment!
on the subject of easier of breaking away from a abusive relationship.... if that would have even a shred of truth....so many more women would have left their abusive lovers BEFORE they lost their lives.....in truth it is much easier to dump someone that you have no respect for... than someone that has total control over your..... | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:34:40 PM | | When you would rather jump off the deck or drive your car into a bridge rather than face them or anything that reminds you of them. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:35:33 PM | I couldn't agree with you more about being a b*t*h, let me just add selfish and immature to that as well....
Some people just don't deserve to have quality people in their life.
btw, how is that working for you? | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:43:21 PM |
I thought opposites were suppose to attract?
Humans are more complex than magnets.
People should compliment each other, in romantic and platonic relationships. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:48:59 PM | I don't know if someone else suggested this or not because I couldn't take reading through the whole thread.
Have you considered cheating on him? Preferably with his best friend or brother or father or something like that.
That would hold you for a while and God willing he could catch you in the act.
What I'm saying is he could catch you with another guy slamming you doggy style, with your head turned to the side in a trance of ecstasy. IN HIS BED! And that would pretty well take care of everything and push him over the edge from a latent homosexual into a full fledged screamer.
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:47:09 PM | OP-
You are female, he is male--there's your opposites attract.
Obviously, it takes more than simply attraction to establish, build and maintain
a relationship. Expecting or trying to change another person is NOT conducive to that.
Maybe you should reassess your motivation for moving in with him given the telling statement that your living situation could be no more. I am leaning towards it was an easy and convenient solution. Perhaps you lack respect for yourself and are transferring that to him.
Man up ????
He must be working now for a while at a decent job if he was able to secure a mortgage in this economy, make a substantial down payment and assumed the awesome responsibilty of home ownership at his young age. Sounds pretty grown-up to me. Could you have managed that? If not, it isn't wise to throw stones when you live in a glass house--it's called hypocrisy.
How is he so different in the past 5 months compared to the 7 months prior to that when everything was going well in your mind?
Check your employee benefits at work if you have them and look into the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for a few counseling sessions, free.
It's over when you don't want to be in the relationship anymore.
Of course being, as you admitted, a *itch, and taking advantage of him, just keep it up and perhaps you may come home one day, find your dilemma solved because HE got fed up and tells YOU to get the H out. Would that be aggressive enough for you?
You SHOULD be having open and honest communication with him, not ripping him up here in forums. What does that say about your maturity? Man up girlie. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/25/2009 10:59:03 PM | I was going to message everyone last night, but my forum posts were maxed out.
I broke it off with him. We have discussed living arrangements and have both agreed that we needed time to ourselves. At that moment I turned over a new leaf and have decided to do things for myself for a while and not chasing guys like I always end up doing. We're going to see how time to ourselves goes, but chances are it's over. Then we went boating at the lake to settle everything out.
It's almost like I feel free, I can stop hating myself for being such a **** and breathe a little bit, I almost felt smothered by him. He was just as frustrated with me as I was unintentionally with him, as you might assume.
Now to answer some other questions:
My ex from last year kept living with me and we remained friends. Despite my assumptions, it wasn't awkward at all and we all hung out. (even the new boyfriend, and neither of them minded one another.) It was pretty awesome. Then the boyfriend, as I explained, bought a house a few months later after we were seeing eachother.
I had the choice of moving out on my own, or in with him with a cut on rent since I was to help majorly around the house while I was at work and school. While we new we weren't necessarily ready, we viewed it more as a tenant/renter situation. I'm not so nieve as to expect forever after 6 months.
Now, and go ahead and bash me for it: We're going to continue living together, but I'm on a different floor all together. I am starting a work from home job and I have a well established office here.
I've already become more happy, and when we went boating last night to talk, I wasn't angry at all and neither was he, we just had a good time.
Our relationship is more of a friendship, I think it's just how it was meant to be.
Right now, he's fine with everything and happy. If he gets upset or can't stand being around me, then I will cut those ties as well.
As to all the posters who sliced and diced me. Thanks for the honesty, a little hard, but it's appreciated. Girl needs a kick in the butt from time to time.
I don't take your words to heart as you only know the tip of the iceberg, and I have no problem knowing what I am and am not. I'm a good person, and it doesn't matter what you guys assume from an absurdly blunt post in a forum. :)
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom, I got a lot of awesome tips out of this one :D | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:12:56 AM | I would get out and take the lesson with me. When two people live together it should be in both names. I would never move in somebodys home. javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:22:38 AM | Glad to see you're both happy with the resolution, but now you have a new problem.
When one of you is ready to date again, no one with any more sense of self-preservation than a flame-infatuated fruitfly will want to go out with either of you, because you live with your ex. After all, it didn't work out so well for this one... and it usually doesn't.
If the two of you don't wind up getting back together - a strong possibility, IMO, at this point - I think you'll just end up having to move again anyway.
Please update when/if any changes happen... best of luck! | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:49:20 AM | How do you know when it's over?
When you are asking a forum full of strangers how you know when it's over.  | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:38:31 PM | I'm taking advantage of him and as good as he treats me, I'm admittedly a total ****.
Basically I'm blaming him for letting me walk all over him, and I tell that straight to him}
so stop your whining & leave already. Let the poor guy get on with his life & find someone who WANTS to be with him & cares about him; someone who is not a ****! | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:02:45 PM | Can I have him? He bought a house you live in and treats you great? He's non-macho?
Send him my way. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/27/2009 9:33:40 PM |
Women analyse things to death. We will hang in there till we hear the actual words from him. "The relationships over, or the reason why." Yet he can’t or won’t. They lay the guilt trip or just leave. Men are no good at closure or emotional stuff.
Well, at least the men you have chosen to enter into relationships with weren't "good at closure or emotional stuff." Either fix your man picker, or start accepting your role in the failure!!!
Goddam, I get so sick of this gendereralized bu11shit...and that goes for both sides.
~ds~ | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:13:42 AM | | i laugh...you have a sweet guy who seems to treasure you...you are taking advantage of him...what does that say about you? you will get your punishment...you seem to want to have a men who treats you with no respect...get out of the house...show some class and morals | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:25:33 AM | I, personally, find it pretty incredible that you just suddenly learned all this about the guy. What are you doing with him in the first place if almost everything you have to say about him is so incredibly negative? Apparently for 7 months out of a year you were incredibly happy. Was he the masculine guy for those 7 months and just now turned into someone you love to pick at? You state you're mad at everyone. The fact that you were once very happy with this guy and the fact you sound mad at the world leads me to believe you're more the one with the problems than the guy you're with.
As far as "how do you know when it's over" - it's when you have nothing good to say about your partner, just as you are doing. Now do the poor guy a favour and let him in on your secret. If you're lingering, you're not doing either of you any favours. Time for YOU to man up and let him move on to someone else who will appreciate those qualities he has that appear to be rubbing you raw. Don't stick with him just because he provides a convenient roof over your head. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:27:31 AM | I think changing the relationship to landlord/tenant is the best option. But you hopefully have learned something from this, relationships when you are in your early 20's are best kept casual. Sharing property can gets very ugly if the relationship cools down.
Hopefully you can be friends but I would be prepared to move if he changes his mind. If he is the Mama's boy you say he is don't be surprised if she decides you need to go. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:32:13 AM | | You do not like your SO maybe that is why you are mad at him all time? You don't like anyting about your life but you don't want to change it either because then you will be lonely. If I was in your situation (and I have gotten to the point where I was irritated by all the little things) I would pack up my stuff and move out because the day I treat a man like you are treating yours, I would be ashamed. | |
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| How do YOU know when it's over?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:41:45 AM | First, if you're capable of walking all over a guy and even BEGINNING to settle in with him, you've got problems. Also, after time passes, he's being an a$$hole -- he has every right to be. It's not supposed to be the manly-trucker-i-do-what-truckers-do-a$$hole type, it's being pissed off, of course.
Not that I have much sympathy for him, but hey, he's entitled to be that way. His persona is far from attractive to most women, fine, but that in no way gives you clearance on being a b!tch and mooching off him.
Women should not be like kids and trained. You can't say, "I'll walk all over you and treat you like a b!tch if you let me." Then you're a child. Does a guy have to potty train you too? It'd be like saying, "I'll sh!t on your floor if you let me!" Come on.
Real women, when they see a wuss, they don't become attracted, and they walk away before anything really formulates. They just don't want to deal with it. Hell, many women err on the side of sensing whether a guy may be a little like that, and walk away within the first few minutes. Mooching-women, when they see a wuss or potential wuss ("Mr Nice Guy"), if the timing's right, they may see an opportunity if he's physically decent.
I hope he kicks you to the curb and cuts you off from communication. :) | |
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