| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:20:26 PM | Listen, we've been warned since junior high school that there are all sorts of wicked cooties out there that we can catch if we have unprotected sex. We've been warned by the media, the church, the educational system, our parents, the government, health officials, and medical personnel, just to name some...
WE HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED.
That means that we are personally responsible for what happens to us when we take off our pants. That means that we should not depend on friends, neighbors, the guy at the bar, or anyone else to tell us anything -- the telling is over; it has been done. If we refuse to take heed, it's no one's fault except our own what we might catch.
Also, as someone said, if you are not their personal physician, you do not 'know' anything except some gossip, which may, in fact, be slanderous.
Having said that, i t is my 'duty as your friend' to tell you that you may be walking into something like that the very next time you engage in intimacy with anyone, since 20% of the adults in this country have herpes. Unless you have been TESTED since your last partner, you could, in fact, have herpes and not even know it, because many people are asymptomatic. Therefore, maybe YOU are the one that people should be warned about, right?
Finally, Herpes isn't 'dangerous'. Facts don't seem to be your strong point. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:55:44 PM |
Finally, Herpes isn't 'dangerous'. Facts don't seem to be your strong point.
Apparently you're guilty too...
Try reading up on "Ocular Herpes" and also Herpes + Meningitis... | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 7:58:31 PM | WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR: The reason that a person shouldn't tell that another person has herpes is because, like I said, unless you have stood in a doctor's office with them when they were diagnosed, then you have no idea if they have herpes or someone spread a nasty rumor about them. It happens in my town all the time.
AND.....you can store the herpes virus in your body for 7 years before having an outbreak. Which mean, even if you slept with a new chick and then got herpes, that doesn't mean you got it from here, you could have got it from any person you slept with in the past 7 years. Which also means, that you COULD have it and you ARE spreading and you don't even know because you haven't had an outbreak yet. NOW CHEW ON THAT FOR AWHILE. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:01:21 PM |
If you contracted herpes from someone that was dishonest with you and you later found out that a friend of yours knew about it in advance and didn't tell you, how would you feel?
I would walk up to them...
I would ask...
"Why?"
"Why, when you knew"
"Didn't you tell me?"
Then I would listen patiently to their reasoning...
And then I would hurt them severely... | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:07:15 PM | I'd definitely tell. God, reading threads like this have me wondering if I'll ever have sex again. It's so freaking scary out there.
What is it about groups and sex cycles? I know of one group out here, one had HIV and passed it around till everyone else had it. They are just young too! Freaking scary man. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:08:35 PM |
Apparently you're guilty too...
Try reading up on "Ocular Herpes" and also Herpes + Meningitis...
Both of these are caused by HSV-1, the ORAL, rather than GENITAL form of herpes. The oral form of herpes manifests itself in approximately ninety percent of the adult population.
Are you are going to become the kissing police, too?
Read up, indeed! | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:30:31 PM |
YES!! I did mistake you for female because I dont run across to many real men who would come here and brag about being little gossiping heros!!
I thought it was a girl too. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:32:47 PM |
Both of these are caused by HSV-1, the ORAL, rather than GENITAL form of herpes. The oral form of herpes manifests itself in approximately ninety percent of the adult population.
Are you are going to become the kissing police, too?
Read up, indeed!
Ok... so then YOU might want to read up on HSV2 (GENITAL HERPES) and Acute Necrosis of the Retina....
HSV2 acute retinal necrosis:
http://www.springerlink.com/content/05278n7j10108104/
Or....
http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/sexual_health/sti/herpes.htm
Are there possible complications associated with genital herpes?
Complications are rare, but you should be aware of the following:
Herpes Keratitis
The eyes are vulnerable to herpes and can become infected when someone touches an active infection and then transfers the virus to his/her eye by touching or rubbing. Herpes Keratitis can eventually lead to blindness if not treated. Warning signs include:
A prolonged feeling that something is in the eye
Pain
Irritation, redness, swelling or eye discharge
Unusual sensitivity to light
If you experience any of these symptoms in association with an active herpes infection, you need to see a medical provider immediately.
While most Ocular Herpes is caused by HSV1 it can also be caused by HSV2 and the pictures of ulcers on the eyeballs of the people who get are really not nice.... | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:37:24 PM | Wow some of the people here scare me! So I assume from their comments that they wouldn't like to be told if someone knew that the guy/girl that was flirting with them had herpes.
I was in this exact situation and my friend Jackie kept pulling me away from the cute guy I was chatting with at her party. I finally asked why she didn't want me talking to the guy (I knew he didn't have a girlfriend or anything) and she whispered to me that he had herpes. I asked how she knew and she said that her partner Gary had found out because "cute" guy is friends with some of the guys he knows. He got it from a very attractive girl who every guy at the party was trying to flirt with.
Makes you think. I can't tell you how grateful I was. It doesn't mean it won't ever happen but I really DID appreciate my friend's efforts in telling me at the time.
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 8:43:50 PM | If I was talking to a guy and my friend neglected to tell me he had herpes, I'd be furious with her! That's what friends are for, for heaven's sake!
And that goes for knowing that anyone has an STD, I believe in protecting my friends. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:39:10 PM | folks starting googling Herpes! Before you continue to give advice and making threats to others. 90% of the those with Herpes do not know they have Herpes. The only difference between Herpes 1 and herpes 2, is location. if you do contract herpes there is really no telling who gave it to you. Men and women can transfer the disease.
While it is incurable, it is nothing like Aids.
So please before more of you scare other people,please read up on the subject. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:16:28 PM | There really is a holier than thou attitude when it comes to Herpes. 20-25% of the population has the virus, but most don't even realize it. Most of us haven't had the Herpes blood test, which isn't part of a normal STD screening. So we all just assume that we are clean when in reality, a good portion of the posters probably have the disease and many of us have slept with somebody who had herpes....ignorance is bliss!
I am among the untested masses. I don't think I have herpes, and I know I don't want it. Getting herpes wouldn't be the end of the world, but it would make my dating life more challenging.That said, if I am flirting with somebody, I don't some well meaning, but nosey, “friend” butting in with a herpes accusation. Flirting is absolutely safe, so don't ruin our fun!
Maybe my case doesn't work so well because I don't sleep with strangers.
But mostly, I figure I can handle this myself. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:50:51 PM |
AND.....you can store the herpes virus in your body for 7 years before having an outbreak. Which mean, even if you slept with a new chick and then got herpes, that doesn't mean you got it from here, you could have got it from any person you slept with in the past 7 years. Which also means, that you COULD have it and you ARE spreading and you don't even know because you haven't had an outbreak yet. NOW CHEW ON THAT FOR AWHILE.
How many people aren't concerned with COLD SORES because they "don't get them"?
There's such a rediculous stigma attatched to genital herpes...chances are...if you've slept with more than 3 people in your life that you've probably got the virus in your body....a lot of people are just IMMUNE... "they don't get cold sores" ....
Condoms do nothing...skin to skin contact is all that is needed....stop running around in fear and inform yourself....
Let your friends do what they will....because they probably have the virus and are just immune....big deal.... | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:59:35 PM | You could say it's none of their concern. But to all of the people in this thread, wouldn't YOU like to be warned, some way or somehow, about a sexual partner having Herpes, or any kind of STD?
If you told me that someone I was about to sleep with had herpes, you'd be doing me a d*mn good favor. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 12:04:31 AM |
If I was talking to a guy and my friend neglected to tell me he had herpes, I'd be furious with her!
And there you have it in one sentence folks, the fear, the stigma and the plain, simple ignorance that the topic of herpes provokes. She wants to know if a guy has herpes when she's TALKING TO HIM. Maybe it would just be better if those with herpes were forced to wear a sign around their neck. Or how about some sort of brand or visible tattoo? You know, a scarlet letter, so you know who you shouldn't even bother wasting your time talking to that night at the club.
While it is utterly reprehensible for someone with herpes to sleep with a new partner without sharing that info, it also isn't the responsibility of a third party, friend or not, to share info they think they know either. As someone said, unless you were in the doctor's office for the test results, you don't know if you're doing anything more than spreading a rumor. Check the stats that have been mentioned over and over here, the 20-25% that have herpes, and the high percentage of those that are walking around without even knowing they have it, then do the simple math some night you're out at a local place, trying to find some strange. The one real, true fact in all this is that your sexual health is your own personal responsibility. The only way to be sure, given the odds that are out there, are to be celibate; anyone think that's a good option? You can reduce the odds by not sleeping with strangers, and by being mutually tested before becoming intimate. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 1:28:31 AM | "If you contracted herpes from someone that was dishonest with you and you later found out that a friend of yours knew about it in advance and didn't tell you, how would you feel?"
I WOULD MOTHER FUCHING KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 1:48:27 AM | | I read that everyone will have an std before they die.....herpes is 1 in 4.....And have u read how easy it is to get?....I just had a test done for all std and I'm clean....I don't know why people think that using a condom helps that much because you can still get hiv or anything....I've had them break before.....seems to me your taking a chance everytime you have sex.......I hate using a condom it doesnt feel that far from masterbation to me......So the right wing is right"abstinence works everytime"........But I'm not going without sex....lol.....worth dieing over?I think the population says YES! | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 3:16:20 AM |
You could say it's none of their concern. But to all of the people in this thread, wouldn't YOU like to be warned, some way or somehow, about a sexual partner having Herpes, or any kind of STD?
If you told me that someone I was about to sleep with had herpes, you'd be doing me a d*mn good favor.
No where did the OP say anything about anyone sleeping with the person. The exact words were "Whenever one of these people starts talking to someone I'm friends with, I feel obligated to inform my friend of their situation just to give them a heads up about it."
AFAIK, you can't get herpes from talking to someone.
But as a 2nd point here; I'd question why the OP maintains a friendship with someone who he knows is HSV2+ and knowingly lies about it? If that is the sort of "friend" he has then I'd also question his own morals/ethics. If I had a friend that I found was that deceitful I'd kick them to the curb in a hurry and I'd tell others to stay away from them because they are a dishonest, lying turd - I wouldn't need to get into their HSV status. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 4:34:36 AM | This isn't about Herpes so much as it's about STD's and loyalties to friends.
I'd out them to my friends in a heartbeat if I was informed by the carrier personally that they were in fact being socially and sexually irresponsible.
If your not part of the solution,you're part of the ever growing problem!
Sure....condoms help....but so does FAIR WARNING and informed choice!
Where is conscience in this thread? For those of you who think it's "none of his business" would you still say that if you happened to sleep with someone he knows with herpes and found out he didn't warn you?
I think not.
Sexually transmitted diseases are ALL of our business,especially when people are out right omitting they are carriers of ANY STD!
MY GAWD.....this issue could just as easily be HIV!
Hey...'it's none of my business to warn someone I care about"....OH HELL YES IT IS!
It's called having a CONSCIENCE! | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 5:23:05 AM |
Sure....condoms help....but so does FAIR WARNING and informed choice!
True enough. But the question here is WHO'S responsibility is it to inform and give fair warning?
Sexually transmitted diseases are ALL of our business,especially when people are out right omitting they are carriers of ANY STD!
Then maybe we should start requiring mandatory testing and posting of test results in the local newspapers... They could insert it right alongside the "Police Blotter" column. That way we'd ALL know who has what. Would that be a problem? Shouldn't your hair dresser, grocer and gas station attendant know too?
IMO, it isn't anyone's business except that of the two people involved and only when it reaches the point of actually sharing sexual intimacy. I talk to a lot of people when I go out. I actually sleep with very, very few of them. Why should several hundred people that I'm never going to sleep with be informed of any medical condition relating to me? (and no, I'm not HSV+ nor do I have any other STDs...)
You are right however that this is a question of loyalties... I'll go back to my previous question though, why would anyone maintain any sort of loyalty to someone that they know lies to others about this sort of thing? It seems to me that saying "Hey, let me introduce you to my friend the liar." is a larger abuse of loyalty here.
The solution isn't to sneak around behind the liar's back and inform people. That just encourages the liar to continue lying. The solution is to make it clear to people that you won't maintain a friendship with them if they lie, force them to step up and accept responsibility and be honest with everyone. If that happens then the entire issue of whether or not you should tell is moot. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:28:41 PM | Wow. Just wow. Some people....
I dont rely on others to tell me if they are STD free! There is a lovely little thing called "universal precautions" and if you are ignorant enough not to use those precautions, then you have no one to blame but yourself.
Its not up to my friends or lovers to be honest or dishonest to me. It is up to ME to make mature choices in who I f*ck around with and who I dont!!
There is only one person who I hold responsable for what happens to me..and that is ME! So these little ****es that run around and gossip trying to be a hero in everyone elses life, can keep their comments to themselves because why should I believe them. They could be lying out of spite! Because their lives are so pathetic that the only way they can gain attention is to make up stories about everyone else around them!
YES!! I did mistake you for female because I dont run across to many real men who would come here and brag about being little gossiping heros!!
I'm done speaking to you. You clearly don't get it. Have a nice day.
Finally, Herpes isn't 'dangerous'. Facts don't seem to be your strong point.
Perhaps dangerous was a poor choice of words. A better choice would have been extremely cumbersome, life-altering, and permanent. Perhaps you're okay with contracting something that burns like all hell (their words, not mine), significantly decreases your dating pool, and will be with you for the rest of your life. But many others do not feel that way.
Also, as someone said, if you are not their personal physician, you do not 'know' anything except some gossip, which may, in fact, be slanderous.
WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR: The reason that a person shouldn't tell that another person has herpes is because, like I said, unless you have stood in a doctor's office with them when they were diagnosed, then you have no idea if they have herpes or someone spread a nasty rumor about them. It happens in my town all the time.
While it is utterly reprehensible for someone with herpes to sleep with a new partner without sharing that info, it also isn't the responsibility of a third party, friend or not, to share info they think they know either. As someone said, unless you were in the doctor's office for the test results, you don't know if you're doing anything more than spreading a rumor.
Are some of you people dense? Do you have poor reading comprehension? Did none of you read where I said this:
A couple of people asked how I knew these people had it and it wasn't just hearsay. These people have told me themselves that they have it. They've also told me they're not always honest with the people they sleep with that they have it. That's the whole reason I feel put in this position.
Reading is your friend.
No one is saying people aren't responsible for their own actions. Apparently, some people missed the part where I mentioned that if they are informed about it and go through with it anyway, that's on them. But to allow a friend (not a stranger) to walk into a situation with someone that you know has an STD that has admitted to you that they have a history of being dishonest about it with people they sleep with, in my opinion, is no different from letting a friend drive home when they're staggering drunk. Yes, they are ultimately responsible for what happens to them, but a good friend intervenes when they can tell that person has a good chance of wrapping their car around a tree on the way home. They don't just show up to their funeral a week later and saying, "Hey, they knew not to drive drunk."
The question here wasn't whether or not I should tell my friends. I'm going to keep doing that anyway. Sorry, where I come from, being a good friend is a virtue not a disservice. The question was whether or not I had any ethical obligation to inform people I don't know. And I'm still on the fence about that. This thread hasn't really done much to answer that. It's only made me glad that my friends are not like some of the people here.
I have to say, though, I really did not expect this thread to go this way. I expected some people to be in favor and some against, but I didn't expect an epic attack from a disturbingly large number of (older and should-be-wiser) women that can't separate fact from feeling. Very sad.
Thank you to those that provided rational opinions. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:38:13 PM | In no way am I trying to be disrespectful to those with herpes by telling other people their private business
Really? I do. Having herpes doesn't make someone a leper, and while they're ethically obligated to tell a potential partner about this, when and how they do so is their concern, not yours.
If you are sure those friends aren't warning potential partners of the risk (and it looks like you aren't--not having always been honest in the past doesn't mean they aren't being honest to their partners at this point), then talk to THEM about that, or at least give them a heads-up that you'll tell if they aren't. The way you're going about it seems underhanded to me. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:46:59 PM |
Having herpes doesn't make someone a leper, and while they're ethically obligated to tell a potential partner about this, when and how they do so is their concern, not yours.
Which would not be an issue if they hadn't told me themselves that they have a tendency to be dishonest about it. Why are people not getting this? If these were honest people, we would not be having this discussion.
For the record, the vindictive person I don't speak to anymore. And the others are not exactly friends. They're acquaintences. Because of what I do for a living, people seem to feel the need to come up and tell me all their personal crap. So I get stuck with a lot of information about people I really don't care to know. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:58:42 PM | Thought i would reply to your comment :)
truthfully 96% of the population already have herpes, herpes is an STD but it poses no treat to you at all. Your body wont produce antibodies to it as its not seen as a heath treat.
Herpes is as simple as a coldsore... have u told every person uv ever kissed that uv had a coldsore in the past?? i dont think so therefore there is no need to tell people that you have herpes as it is only contagious when the person is having an outbreak - and from what iv heard of this not many people would have sex or sexual contact whilst having an outbreak as they can be quite painful.
If your friends had HIV or another STD that could cause major illness or death i wud understand ur predicament, however herpes does not affect the person who has it, its not exactly dangerous, not even mildly.
As the first sign of herpes is a coldsore.. routine STD checks dont even test for herpes as most people already have it an no nothing about it as it might not show any signs for your entire life.. have u had a blood test to check if u have herpes? because if not then mayb u shud because then u wud realise that even tho it is sexually transmitted it doesn not affect the carrier in any way.
hope this has helped you and i hope that ur friends are understanding as if someone was interfering in my personal affairs i wouldnt be too pleased. | |
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| Informing People That Someone Has Herpes
Posted: 7/25/2009 3:14:58 PM | | Are you conducting surveys amongst your friends to gather this knowledge? Are you one of those with the herpes, OP? Probably since you all seem to sleep with one another. | |
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