| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:01:44 PM | Words by CSN&Y,
"If you can not be with the one you love,
Love the one you're with. "
Love is a western hemisphere concept. Most of the rest of the world are matched by their parents or the village elders yet in time these couples do find love.
Doc Sage  | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:04:53 PM | Not many people want to be alone, truly alone. Unfortunately society puts that type of pressure on the rest who just want a break, a break from the headgames, the disappointments, and all that goes along with that. Ergo, the dreaded "settling".
My opinion only: If you settle, man you're selling yourself short.
What we should focus on is what we want, not what we need.
I don't need a man in my life; I want the perfect man for me. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:22:17 PM | So...
15 pages.
Anywhere in those pages does someone actually say,
"Settling for someone not my type is better than being alone"? 
Sort of like the thread on laughter within a relationship.
Everyone said "yes, laughter is a good thing".
(duh)
I kept waiting for someone to say "hell no, I don't want any humor or laughter in my life". | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:47:48 PM | This thread is so, so sad.
It's probably a result of modern society but it seems like the majority of people don't know how to co-exist with a partner.
Gone are the days where couples depended on each other, tolerated each other's human failings and saw the good in each others hearts.
I truely believe that if you dumped any man and woman on a deserted island and they had to truely depend on each other for their very survival they would eventually develope a loving bond.
The trouble with todays society is that there are too many easy outs, plenty of fish in fact 
If you live in the fools paradise and believe that 'the one' with show up one day, don't you think you're just fooling yourself..... As coolio once said, 'too much television watching got me chasing dreams'
Ask people in their 80's if they think 'the one' exists
If you even believe in the word 'settle' then that's where the problem lays. The game is already lost..... You are part of the problem.
Check back to the first page and read sddude's story.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9240083.aspx
Message 25 on this thread goes some way to explaining my point too. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:04:30 PM | Ask people in their 80's if they think 'the one' exists
If you even believe in the word 'settle' then that's where the problem lays. The game is already lost..... You are part of the problem. >>
Oh, Bright Side, don't quash hope. I can tell you that love (and sex) is alive and well in the nursing homes...
As for settle, no, that is never part of the equation. But, every pot has its lid (a saying from my Swiss German mother). And it is true--go to Kmart on any weekend and observe all the not beautiful, overweight, happy couples trundling around. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:18:15 PM | ALONE! - What's wrong with being single? Oh wait.... it sucks2besingle.... LMAO
No.... it's better to be alone then to settle. There is someone, more than one actually out there for each of us. We just need to keep looking until we find them.... then latch on to them and stalk the cr*p out of them for the rest of their lives. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 9:24:08 PM | Sorry zermatt, I wasn't trying to quash any hopes.
'The one' isn't some mystical creature who's going to rescue you and whisk you away to your happy every after.
I was trying to say that 'the one' is right there in front of you if you're willing to work together on a relationship and if there weren't so many easy out then maybe people would try a little harder, compromise more, be more tolerant.
Your not beautiful, overweight, happy couples trundling around probably realise this which just emphasizes my point. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/6/2008 10:16:54 PM | It is far worse feeling completely "alone" when in a relationship than actually being single/alone. The former is a disservice to you both. Both people deserve to be fulfilled, truly loved, & happy. The latter opens you up to all manner of delightful possibilities including being free to meet/date others.
Cheers, Penelope | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:51:41 AM | | You do not have to settle for either one of those options. You can date and have fun until you find the one that is your type. Statistically, the older you are, the less likely you are to get married again, especially to the ideal person. So if you cut yourself off from romantic activities just to wait and hope that Prince or Princess Charming comes along sooner or later, you may one day find yourself eighty yrs old and still alone, regretting what you have missed. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:21:58 AM | a person with a full life is never really alone. a person who is giving and loving and shares themselves with others has the foundation to include the right person in their life. sometimes its a matter of recognizing that what you have right in front of your eyes may just be what you really need, and not all the window dressing and shopping list items that on the surface seem important, but in reality don't mean a whole lot. no one is going to fit into our perfect little life like a kid glove. this is where all of a sudden you realize, hey, I am not perfect, nor is anyone else, and in their imperfectness they can be perfect for me. love does not require a partner to be all things. when we recognize this we step up and want to be the best we can be as we are at this minute.
settling is like having kraft dinner because that's all you have left in the pantry. getting what you want is like going shopping for what you need and like so that you have all the ingredients on hand for a more satisfying dining experience over the long term.
there is not really an either or scenario. at any given time people are somewhere in the road to relationship. it's how you feel overall that defines what it is. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:18:28 AM | it's definately better to be alone i was married for 25 years and when i married i knew i was settling i loved him but i just had this feeling inside me that he wasn't the right one. Why did i stay married for so long? he treated me bad but i felt i should do my best to make it work just like i settled when i got married don't fall into that trap.I am divorced now but an old lady and i learned a hard lesson if you want to be truely happy don't settle. I'm not saying the relationship or the person has to be perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT but something inside will tell you it is right and if you don't hear that then don't do it. It's better to be alone. My problem is after you are alone for so long you start liking it too much lol  | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:26:29 PM | | I rather be alone and wait for the right guy than be with a guy and let the right one pass me up because I was with the wrong guy. Or, hurt the wrong guy to be with the right guy because I should not be with him in the first place. That is why I don't understand why so many men have to be so aggressive and pushy. Flirting and romance ebs and flows. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:51:37 PM | If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with...
If you settle for someone who is not your type and vice-versa, then you're both going to be dissatisfied. However if you stick together, over time you may both overcome it and love each other or you'll both do things to sabotage the relationship and two people will be sad, resentful, and bitter. You get what you tolerate...
Kind of reminds me of my dog. He wasn't the type I liked, in time I got to accept him and we became friends, then good buddies. I treated him great and I guess I was his type. He recently died of old age... I kinda miss him. Now women, motorcycles & horses... same thing. Where's the lesson? You figure it out...
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it...
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:06:06 PM | ( quote ) I don't need a man in my life; I want the perfect man for me.
I have to agree, I Don't need a man, but rather WANT one & definitely not looking for a "perfect" one. If not your type, then eventually the relationship will end. So, better to be alone.At least alone without a partner! Definitely not alone if one has friends & family to do things with! | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:14:55 PM | I will be alone. There have been times I wished and wanted with all in me to be "able" to settle. I just can't. I won't. Not only does settling undermine you , but also the other person of the true happiness we seek. Yes, in some cultures it is the way of things to be "paired". I suppose in some cultures it works. And works well. But I'm not in that culture.
I have decided I will be alone the rest of my life. The one I love will never love me and I just could nolonger take the strain of wonder and what if and when. I always told ever the worst fate in this life is to be alone.........and I still and will always see it that way. Once I came to the realization that is just the way it is going to be......I just bit the bullet and said to myself. Ok..........this is the worst it's going to be. I'm alone.
It's still better than trying to kiss make love and sleep in a bed with someone you don't want to be with. As far as dating or whatever, that never has been something I "enjoy". I'm no different than a lot of people that find themselves alone. It happens far more than most people realize through a lot of different reasons. The thing is at least there is no dobut where you stand. You don't have to have your emotions toyed with. You don't have to be dissapointed time and again. You don't have to settle.
I'll be alone for the rest of my life. The hard part was facing it. I did. Now, I just live in the day everyday and find I don't get stressed as much. You just have to love yourself and know what you are worth even though no one else does. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:31:17 PM | It is truly a double edged sword! I know from experience that it is better to be alone but at the same time no matter how many good friends you have it's really tough when you just want to share life with someone that just flat does it for you and you are looking at another weekend when everyone is at home with their spouses, sig. others, kids, etc.... and you are tired of movies, books, hobbies, even your dog and it would be nice just to have another human to talk with and do something with! Like I said - a double edged sword!
For me though having the experience of marriage/divorce and a long term relationship with a sig. other and then living alone the last 2 years - I still have to vote for being alone!
The one thing I always try to remember when I am having one of pity pot moments (LOL!) is that even if all my friends/family are busy and the evening and/or weekend seems long that you never know what type of opportunity will present itself the next time you go to WalMart for groceries or to work on Monday morning!
Life is a journey that is to be enjoyed in all its forms and when the time is right you will meet that someone that's "your type!" LOL!
Peace and Blessings to All! | |
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