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sldk
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Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 377 | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/21/2008 12:18:08 PM | | IMO...never settle for "just anyone"; otherwise, you will eventually be alone again somewhere down the road....perhaps you should focus on meeting more men, rather than accepting the non-compatible status quo , to increase your chances of meeting one with whom you share strong compatibility...sure would make for a better relationship, don't you think? | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:19:29 PM | "Types" are overrated, assuming you are speaking on a superficial level. If you are speaking in terms of how they treat you, etc., I apologize for misunderstanding. I am going on the assumption that a "type" includes a hair color, body type, clothing style, stuff like that.
It is better to be alone than to be with someone who is not compatible with you in all the ways that are important to you. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:41:32 PM | The question posed by this header is not a real question. It presupposes an answer to a prior question - in this case, that people are "types."
There is a term for this logical fallacy, and I forget it, but it could be something like "a hidden premise," the presumption that you can proceed as if a prior question has already been answered when it hasn't.
FWIW, I am not a "type" and I do not choose to be put in anybody's box as a member of a "type." I am a person. A free man. An individual.
And one of the greatest pleasures in life is to encounter another human being who is whole, free, complete, unique, and not at all just a member of a class or "type."
Those are the persons I take pleasure in inviting into my life, and while they are not to be found around every corner, they make it worth while to be always open to finding them. And if people at PoF choose to respond to me, as some do, then I hope that they are persons like that, and indeed they often are, and not just members of some "type." Really there is no such thing as a "someone that is not your type" unless you are into categorizing people instead of encountering them exactly where they are. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/22/2008 4:13:16 PM | | I would rather be alone than be with someone just for the sake of having someone! To me that is getting desperate. I have been married for 25 years and had a boyfriend for 6 years. When we broke up, I was so scared of being alone as I was never alone in my life. Now, looking back, it wasn't so scary after all. It was actually great! | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/22/2008 5:52:45 PM | It all depends on how you define "settling" and "your type" and "not your type"....
Is "your type" someone who is a mirror image of you?
Is "your type" someone who always agrees with you and does things YOUR way?
Is "not your type" someone who is the complete opposite of you?
Or is "not your type" someone who doesn't have ALL of your requirements and /or preferences?
Is it "settling" if you have a laundry list of 100 requirements and/or preferences, and you meet someone who has 99 of them, and the only one they don't have is your preferred eye color?
Obviously, it is better to be alone than in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, but how far can you reasonably take it regarding "your type"?  | |
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ousu
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Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 386 | |
| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:27:59 AM | I was going to vote for "to be alone" but lately I have been playing with the idea of a partnership which is could be called facade since it would look to outsiders as we usually define a relationship.
"To settle down for someone" obviously would mean (in OP's question) some sort of pretending of being in love, romantic, sexually faithfull, etc. - A good solution, in order to be socially accepted in certain circumstances, and without people being suspicious of your status (eeekkk, a single wo/man... for sure ready to seduce my partner -type), could be respectful, drama free partnership in which you would share support, ideas. public relations (you might have fun with this if dealing with same minded person) but if there would not be needed chemistry, e.g. for sexual relationship, that could be handled in discreet way.
Do not get me wrong, I do not say that I am against love based, romantic relationship but in the case you do not fall in love... At least, I have noticed that usually those men I find interesting, having respect, and whose company I really enjoy, are somehow genderless for me - there is no "chemistry" needed for a sexual or romantic relationship. (Heh, no wonder I have stayed single... "my type" is an impossible type :-P ) | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/23/2008 9:27:42 AM | It is better (and more healthy) to be by yourself.
The question posed by this header is not a real question. It presupposes an answer to a prior question - in this case, that people are "types."
The more life experience I get, the more I do believe that people fall into types. They have specific ideas on the role of women in a relationship and as a member of society as a whole. They have specific ideas about money and it's importance in life. They have ideas about religion and morality. They have specific styles of self perception, sharing, and problem solving. People are not nearly as unique as they think they are. And believing that everyone is completely unique I think leads people to either ignore what they see or believe that a characteristic is more fungible than it in fact is.
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:00:11 PM | | i think it would be funny to finally realize your type is all wrong for you like x amount of people say Like the girl that likes the bad boy or the women who always end up wit abusers there is usually more that can go wrong if you go for a type they dont call it playing the field for no reason its to meet all types instead of narrowing your perceptions. The Stones infamous lyrics "You dont always get what you want-you get what you need" | |
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custis
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Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 394 | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:11:01 PM | I settle for being alone then with someone not my type.
I have great friends and kids that keep my life busy, at nights wish there was that one right person to cuddle up with at night.
But been in a relationship were you never knew one day to the next what was going to happen, the stress was over whelming. We had some great times but really we didn't have the same values. I like routine or some form of a plan and he was a do whatever when ever and didn't really care about life, people or anyones feelings, he just wanted you there on his time. You could never plan anything. So in the end I really was still alone.
So I just make plans with friends when I can. Move on with daily activities and just maybe all find my type along the way. Staying away from the ones not my type! | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:35:31 PM | Like everyone says it matters what you mean by your type.
The last person I wanted to be with was from the uk, I'm from Idaho, we met online, I figured cool we can chat a bit. She wasn't my type meaning if I met her somewhere I would not have approched her. We chatted for a few months, and the more we did the more we like each other, after chatting with her for about six months, she asked if she could come visit me. I said sure and she did, we spent a week together and it was great, we had a blast together. And by the time she left we were talking about her moving over here someday. Well it didn't work the lack of seeing each other was hard and she met someone over there, but we are still friends. But the point is I wouldn't have thought she was my type.
Another story: My cousin, had her type, she always complained to me about alot of what I hear women complaining about on here. Well she lived in an apartment, and it was being painted. One of the painters was flirting with her and she told me, she said he asked her out he seemed nice but not her type. I said what does it hurt to give the guy a chance, so she did. That was about 4 years ago, they have been together ever since and been married for about 2.
So should you settle to not be alone? No, but do you really know who is your type, it seems me and my cousin didn't. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:23:16 PM | I mean pre-judging people on type my type might be wrong for me. I guess its insinuated by settle that if its not your type its someone that isnt someone you like or get along with definaitely if you cant get into the relationship its not worth having.  | |
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