| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 10:03:20 AM | I'd rather just wait for the right person.
I knew a man who didn't get married for the first time until he was seventy years old because he didn't meet the right girl until then. They were married for fifteen years, and they were one of the best couples I've ever seen.
Settling is for losers. Don't settle for anything. Just wait, and live your life | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:38:37 PM | Right on, Its Margo! There's a whole lot of wisdom in your post. Although I think I'm a bigger fan of compromise than you:
often compromise, although I don't like that model in relationships I can't imagine a healthy relationship without it.
As for ...
It is okay NOT to settle when you have realistic expectations. Sometimes lowering your expectations so that they become more realistic is NOT a bad thing. Absogodamnlutely jf468! | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 4:00:03 PM | I definitely would rather be really alone, all by myself, than be with someone who would make me feel ALONE all along amidst a crowd. Settling with just anyone and worst, someone that is not your type is a kiss of death. You are just a proverbial 'jumping-from-the-pan-to-the-fire' case!  | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:36:27 PM | This is very timely post. I was out with a girlfriend last evening and over dinner she told me about her on/off again relationship with a man she described as the love of her life for over 22 years--most of that time unfortunately, spent in separate lives. They were together for only a few years, and revisited their relationship intermittently between other relationships/marriages. Their last parting was about 2 years ago--The final impasse: she wants marriage it's her deal breaker...he doesn't want marriage.
Meanwhile they've gotten older and know intuitively (as do both of their respective sets of friends, colleagues and families) that the other is the only one that each will ever truly love--so transforming is the love they have for each other.
At a random point in the conversation with my friend, I mentioned going forward and revisiting the hold out and perhaps, to just let it go...finally. Really, just how important is marriage if the alternative is no life together with this man who is essentially everything to her? After 2 years incommunicado, she launched an email over that embankment only this morning, resulting in a flurry of back and forth contacts all day long. We'll see how they emerge in a few weeks.
My 2 cents: Don't settle--You do yourself no favors--but do revisit your 'deal breakers' and your 'hold outs' periodically--especially if you've been single (for forever-or what feels like forever)...is it still as important as it ever was? Think beyond what you're holding out for and clear that obstacle mentally. Sometimes straight ahead is what you've been looking for...no more hurdles no more excuses and that’s not to my reckoning, settling - it's simply realizing that you have changed priorities. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:53:42 PM | being with someone who "isn't your type" is worse than being alone, you would feel like an inmate in your own life as opposed to actively living it
I did make a decision about this a few months ago after being single and thinking on this for a little while, and I assume like most people in this thread I came to the "alone" conclusion | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:12:30 PM | Alone.
I know far to many people in long-term relationships, who are miserable and lonely in them. It's beyond me why you'd want to feel isolated and lonely IN a relationship.
Especially people in very controlling/abusive relationships, who lose their independence while in them, who are too afraid to be alone to get out. I feel sorry for people like that.
I'd rather die alone, than settle for a relationship like that.
Thats not a relationship to begin with. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:18:35 PM | I have my own interpretation of the Jean-Paul Sartre quote , ("Hell is other people"),
that may not be at all what he had in mind when he wrote it, but as far as I'm concerned, to be with a person whom for whatever reason you don't enjoy being with is pretty self-defeating. There is a whole world of people out there so why be a masochist? There is also a whole world inside of ourselves, unexplored by many of us, which can best be accessed in complete solitude (meditating on the proverbial mountaintop, for example) so whichever way you cut it, being with a person who abrades your spirit just don't make sense.... | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:31:17 AM | 
I would rather be alone than to settle for the sake of having a warm body around.
As far as people have high expectations, I'd say, if someone thinks someone else's expectations are to high then it's because that they can not fill those expectations.
And not a bad thing, it's just they are not Mr./Ms. right.
I keep hearing, "you always have to make concessions when your in a relationship".
Per my friend....like I haven't had to make any concessions ever in my life.
There are the "do able" and the "no way, no how".
Being a type A person, there is no way I could settle for sitting on the porch and watching the world go by.
Or going out by myself to different activities while Mr. couch tater stayed home.
Going camping while he stays home and watches a sports game.
Then what good is he????
Other than making huge butt prints in the sofa/recliner.
I'm by myself but I'm never alone.
ceeceekitty | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:19:40 AM | Personally, I'd rather be alone than hanging out with someone I only pretend to care for...
That's a form of lying, and it is really kind of unfair to everyone involved.
Unless you are just "hanging out" as "buddies" or something... and yes, I have women friends, who are just friends and activity partners, and never in my wildest dreams would I hit on them, or anything. It would be kinda like hitting on my sister or my best friend's wife or something. You just don't do it. | |
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| Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/20/2008 12:08:11 PM | I think this is an individual question each person would have to answer for themself and depends on how much of a taker or giver you are.
It also depends on what any one person wants out of a relationship and what they are willing to settle for and also the other persons understanding of your feelings, are they deeply in love with you or do they also feel half hearted and settling. If the person is not your type you would be unsatisfied and still wondering about where is Mr. or Ms. Right. Eventually I think most people would go on the hunt again especially if Mr./Ms. Right was later encountered hitch-hiking on the road of life. If and when one person does go hunting again they should conscionably have to ask themself is/was it worth taking up time out of another persons life and quite likely hurting them.
For myself the answer right now would be, better to be alone. It is very hard for me to tell someone who in themself is a very fine person that they do not measure up to who I want to be with after I had known it for a long time and I do not want to waste time for another person in their life. Someone wasted years and years of my life and I know what it feels like. Maybe when I am 105 and only want to stare out a window I could settle for just about anyone, but not yet. | |
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