| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:38:13 AM | I agree with the above poster, silence is done by both sexes. I don't agree with it as I find it to be very cruel and immature. It allows the one, who is not being talked to, to drive themselves crazy, wondering. Communication is of the utmost importance. Yes, there may need to be a time out period until the one individual can formulate their thoughts, however they should tell their partner that they require this time out, and will get back to them at such and such date.
Ah....the perfect world. | |
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Joe1uk
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 28 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:44:32 AM | The one I was dating is giving me the silent treatment till it suits then messaging and reblocking. What does that mean?
Another who promised me a hotel room for the night and went off with the key ignored my requests to ring the hotel to authorise my usage.
All very bizarre behaviour and not people I wish to be around.
Opposite to silent treatment was being slagged off whilst in ear shot in the car park.
If people have a problem its best they discuss it so that it can be solved if possible. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:46:44 AM | | I had one girlfriend who, if I asked a question where the answer would not be favourable or she didn't want to answer, would play silent or change the subject. She'd also refuse to discuss things - clam up. Some of this behaviour it took me a long while to understand and - it lead to the death of the relationship. Communication is fundamentally important in a relationship innit? Unless it's just a physical thing - and there's still a need for communication - but words can be unnecessary or even impossible. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:20:23 AM | | I use the silent treatment when I need to cool down and reflect about what I am upset about and how am I going to address this....once I've cooled down, then I talk..... | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:30:02 AM | | yeah its sulking, if i see it i tend to talk even more and make really nice comments.. frustrate them into laughing. If that works i just say sort it out and let me know when your done, its just a reaction thing. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:36:10 AM | Sometimes you do need to 'take time out', and I don't think that's so inexcusable.
It might be that you're unsure how you feel, or how to put it in to words, or you're too angry to talk constructively, or you just think it's the wrong time and/or place.
However, you need to agree when you will talk so at least the other person knows they're not going to be left hanging for ever, and ideally you need to try and explain why.
Burger,
I like that you are willing to try and use humour to break the silence, but sometimes people really do just need a bit of space when things have got too heated, and when that's the case, I think its best to respect it. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:47:37 AM | It seems that most people think the silent treatment is childish or just plain sulking and the guys mostly dont seem to mind a right ear bashing so i,m finding the comments made really interesting lol.This just goes to prove that those books which think they all have the know how on how men and women think and behave are complete bollocks!
I think i,ll definately be sticking to the communication way.Anyway, if i want to 'punish' a guy,i,m sure there are other ways of doing it. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:50:19 AM | I wouldn't bother with that, if you have nothing to talk about then you are not compatible so my idea of this situation is ' bye bye I have other things to do' 
Anyway, why would you want to spend time with someone who is not interested in what you have to say?
Hehe, I realised I am sometimes too much to handle and I had a monologue times about the Chinese revolution and philosophy of Mao Zedong before sex.. well.. for that you need to have an intelligent guy and also willing to listen  and not some poor soul who has no idea what I am about | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:40:56 AM | | yeah i agree with that SS, although i dont really do arguing or heated like that, i didnt mean that in an aggresive way by saying i would let them get on with it, im just not that type that spends alot of time trying to figure out what ive done wrong, if someone tells me then i will try and put it right, waiting for me to guess it then it could be a long wait!!! | |
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HenXX
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Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 36 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:01:49 AM | | My silent treatment last maybe half an hour.In that time I reflect on what is said,judge my feelings on it,am I over reacting in my thoughts? or did he really say that?????? Luckily it takes a lot for me to react this way..As for doing it for hours and days? I have never understood it......lifes too short for silly,stupid games.If something really is bugging me,better to sit and talk about it,will debate my case but absolutely hate arguements.....whats the point?????.........do people REALLY have to get to that point to enjoy the "making up" ??????? | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:25:25 AM | Burger,
I agree. Playing the guessing game is just ridiculous, and I can't see me falling for a hothead again either!
I like a quiet life, but silence is too much of a good thing. If something was bugging me and the other person needed ''space', one of us would probably have to go elsewhere for a bit, or I think I'd just get annoyed!
Hard to say though, as I've always found its me that wants to get things out in the open or if possible just agree to disagree or ideally, find a compromise, but the other person hasn't known how to talk. They've always waited until all they're capable of is a tantrum, or just clammed up and walked away when challenged.
...maybe I'm scarey and just don't know it! lol | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:04:14 AM | i'm too much of a gobshite to be silent if somethign is bothering me
plus i find with guys ,if you dont tell them whats wrong they really don't have a clue | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:03:04 AM |
plus i find with guys ,if you dont tell them whats wrong they really don't have a clue
At last! A woman who undertands that the word "Nothing!!!!" doesn't actually mean 'Nothing'........... | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:21:09 AM | {one I was dating is giving me the silent treatment till it suits then messaging and reblocking. What does that mean?
Another who promised me a hotel room for the night and went off with the key ignored my requests to ring the hotel to authorise my usage.
All very bizarre behaviour and not people I wish to be around.}
Dating, it was one date. Well not sure that they wish to be around you either. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:33:56 AM | Sam, I thought thats what the golf driving range was invented for!!!
The answer is being quite open and honest from the start and maybe putting someone who can chat, be adult, hold a conversation and express themselves should be higher on peoples wish lists. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:46:47 AM | ha ha Burger!
Maybe I should put golf player on my wish list!
Yeah, I agree about priorities. The last bloke I went out with said he was all that, but it didn't take too long to find out different. Most people can go through the motions, and its not until they think one of you is going to say something the other isn't going to like that you find out any different.
It would be interesting to know how well POF's psychological assessments pick up on that stuff. If it was accurate it could be made mandatory and we could have scores out if ten on our profile! lol | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:39:31 PM | My last major ex (father of child), would bottle up his feelings, then explode in a Mount Vesuvius way six months later. I would have no clue what he was wanting to row about. If it HAD been a problem at the time, then TELL me about it AT the time.
I prefer a short sharp exchange of views, clear the air and be done with it. BUT (hey the big BUT is back ), I can do the haughty ice queen silence if I need to
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:45:00 PM |
My last major ex (father of child), would bottle up his feelings, then explode in a Mount Vesuvius way six months later. I would have no clue what he was wanting to row about. If it HAD been a problem at the time, then TELL me about it AT the time.
Exactly like my last ex. Getting shouted at over things that happened a year previously isn't very nice. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 1:58:04 PM | The 'silent treatment' is a pain!
I see it as happening on two levels.
The first is when something is irking my partner, yet she decides (for one reason or another) not to raise it. This means that it plays upon her mind for ages and gets amplified, so that when she does eventually raise it with me, it's virtually impossible for her to resolve the matter even with my explanation.
My friends are well aware of how this happened between me and the mother of my son, and which led to the catastrophic events of late 2003.......
The second is when my partner is p!ssed off at me for some trivial act (or non-act), and just goes all monosyllabic on me. It means that I have to force the 'conversation', ask all the questions, and eventually get given the 'truth'. This applies with regard to all forms of contact, such as her failure to reply to a text/email within three days.
I'm quite happy to have 'silences' in our conversations, as it gives my jaw muscles time to recover, but the times when I know something is wrong, and she's not telling me what it is, are awful....... | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:21:30 PM | tell me about it, people are so rude nowadays they can't even be bothered to say "no thanks" if they aren't interested or give u tis on how u can improve. i hate people who give you their mobile number then don't answer when you call so u don't know if they are genuine or a scammer | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:38:10 PM | | Lucky 09 i agree on the just being polite enough to say no thanks but i,m not sure i,d be asking how i can improve.I,m all for constructive critiscism and if it was a behavioural problem i needed to put right then fair enough but would ya really want someone saying something like'I,m dumping you cos your a crap kisser'?lol | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:41:03 PM | Have been laughing, how the feck can there be silent treatment over a keyboard ffs?? 
if a bint was immature enough to do that to me in real world, she would be shown the door as it stinks of mind games. | |
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Scints
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 49 | |
| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 2:42:10 PM | With my ex, he would refuse to talk about stuff like housework. I would get replies like "I'm not a house ****. I don't do housework. End of."
That's when I would do my silent treatment. Not because I thought I'd get him back, but because I couldn't talk to him as if nothing was wrong. If he refused to talk with me about what was happening between us I didn't want to talk about his mates or whatever. | |
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| The Silent Treatment
Posted: 7/26/2009 3:47:11 PM | | The silent treatment could also be called silently reflecting on the situation at hand and deciding that rather than have a full scale argument, a period of silence would be preferable to a screaming match which will not resolve the situation as neither party is available to reconciliation, due to their heightened anger, which does belong in the playground. | |
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