| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:06:12 PM |
After one date he asks you to be exclusive? I would be thinking control freak and/or low self esteem.
I would think that anyone who requires a formal "exclusive" conversation is stuck in high school, no matter how old she/he really is. It makes me laugh, everytime I hear people talk about it. When there is mutual interest, sufficient to propel two people to explore a relationship, both of you know it. And, if that's not there, I don't waste my time. We're either "into" each other, with overwhelming chemistry, or it's a waste of time. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:50:28 PM |
We're either "into" each other, with overwhelming chemistry, or it's a waste of time thats my point exactly... most of us are looking for something to work between two people so if it does, why would we waste the time fishing for others once the chemistry is felt...I have had numerous men try and do this to me on the first date, maybe they make assumptions, or maybe they are insecure...who knows, but its creepy | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 8:58:57 PM | Yes!! It's so sweet and romantic but so unrealistic! lol!
We hit it off... We met and there was a big connection.
He told me he wanted to get rid of his account and not see anyone but me. I haven't met anyone else since but I don't think it's smart to put on a label or make things official until you really truly get to know the person. And that takes time. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:02:30 PM | I had a guy kind of freak out and act like I was out of line when I told him I was unavailable to see him and when pressed, admitted I had a date with someone else.
I'd been out with him once and he was so taken aback by the concept that I wouldn't naturally and automatically stop seeing anyone else because we'd gone out that he said he didn't want to see me again.
We'd had a fabulous first date and it was really weird when that happened. It's never happened since though and that was a few years ago.
I think most people just figure it will happen fairly naturally, usually after a physical relationship begins. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:02:44 PM | | I'm not sure exactly how to put this or if this is a good place to get advice. I wanted to hear from as many men as possible between the ages of 50 and 60, I'm 52.I just started this POF. Everything was going really well on the site and on the phone we were talking for hours every night. We met and it was wonderful. We really liked each other. I have always been an exclusive dater or shall I say I date and jump right into an exclusive relationship. Ok this is the part you will think is weird. He takes me home we neve talk about tomorrow. He calls me about 10am and doesn't leave a message and I don't hear from him until about 6pm that same Saturday night after our first date. He leaves a message telling me he has been out and about will make himself something to eat and maybe we'll talk later or tomorrow. I automtically cannot understans why he wouldn't be crazy to see me again and again. Why he wouldn't want to talk more. I'm not clingy but I like a lot of attention. When I go out on a date I don't have to make out with the guy, I did with this guy. I guess I took it more seriously than he did. I didn't enjoy the feeling. Is this normal? If you go out with 3 men or however many and you like them do you make out with all of them and its ok? Is that what you guys are doing? Just going out and trying out women as if you are trying shoes on> I really thought we liked each other a lot. I thought it would be more exclusive. I want to hear from men. And is women have these feelings I would like to hear from them too. I guess I'm a little old fashion and dislike the thought of no commitment,, just going out and....What is the purpose of that. I have never been that way and I don't expect to start now. I feel disappointed and since I told him how I felt I know i will not hear from him again. He was very truthful and explained how he felt about me. I guess it was the making out part that I should not have done. I feel I gave too much too soon. I'm sad. But I have learned my first lesson on POF. Its too bad I lost a really great guy. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:07:48 PM |
thats my point exactly... most of us are looking for something to work between two people so if it does, why would we waste the time fishing for others once the chemistry is felt...I have had numerous men try and do this to me on the first date, maybe they make assumptions, or maybe they are insecure...who knows, but its creepy
If there is strong chemistry, it is mutually experienced, and no one needs to ask about being "exclusive". If there isn't, then very rarely have I gone on to continue to see her, and if I do, it's more likely to be in the "friends zone".
I have never, ever asked a woman to be "exc;usive" Never had to, and never will. If the interest in each other at the end of the first date is intense. it will be one on one, and if it's not, what difference does anything else make? | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:11:17 PM | tinkerdoll57 you should probably put that in its own thread and use some paragraphs. I really don't know what you are saying.
I'm not sure why an exclusive talk is considered grade school. Having the exclusive talk comes during the have you been tested etc. talk. Communication is important in a relationship, if you can't talk and discuss everything in a relationship, I don't see it lasting. Of course I am not the kind of person that ever moved in with anyone or had anyone move in with me except for my ex husband. So I think if you aren't living with someone, it can be important to make sure you are on the same page.
I never had problems with someone dating others, I just didn't want to date them at the same time. I don't compete. If they want to date others, they weren't the person for me to go out with. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:12:48 PM | | Why? Maybe because he liked you and wanted to stop playing for a while. Its hard to do that if you are seeing other people. However you both have to feel that way. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:18:58 PM |
Its too bad I lost a really great guy.
Am I reading this correctly? The two of you had sex, he wanted to have sex with other women, and you are somehow feeling that you lost out? | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:20:01 PM |
Its too bad I lost a really great guy sorry to be so rude, but you need to post your own topic, and there is no such thing as "losing a great guy" get a spine, you cannot lose what you don't have... | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:20:52 PM |
OMG.. you barely know a person after two dates. I think it's too early to call it exclusive after only two dates. People forget dating is a process to get to know a person. Why is everyone in such a rush to 'go steady'? This is why so many relationships fail. People are missing out on that friendship/courtship phase... which can take months.
I think you misunderstood my intention. I mean you can tell if there is a chance of a relationship or just friendship after 2 dates. A romantic interest & a friendship interest is completely different. All I ask is be exclusive for the first 2 dates to see if their is a romantic future...
If you think you will know someone after even 3 months you are kidding yourself. You are usually still in the honeymoon period. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:23:48 PM | I guess i never had a real date I met people generally at social function and we would go do things like go to beach or meet for coffee or it would be someone I met at school I can honestly admit I never took anyone on a formal date type situation that I ended up speding any significant time with and my last 3 relationship lasted over 3 years. Man that sounds wierd even to me. To be honest while in relationship we went to dinner and movies but does that count as dating or spending time with someone you care for. Generally if someone said to me after a couple of times of being together socially that they wanted exclusivity I would probably wait a lil while not so I can date around and find anything better just to make sure I was not dating my future stalker phyco chic or something.  | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:24:43 PM |
I think that when you enjoy someone and want to see them again, you will stop seeing others and it will come naturally without all the pressure and rules.
Well said...
If you still wish to search for someone else then it isn't there then maybe you need to try another flavour... ;-) | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/26/2009 10:27:35 PM | A point that some have brought up but that bears repeating: Exclusivity is something that is given, not something that can be demanded!
Only fools demand exclusivity from date #1 or even before. If there is a connection between two people - exclusivity just happens on it's own. Unless they are the type who can't commit to one partner. If that's the case they are better left behind ya anyway!
As far as the discussion of it? My experience is that if it needs to be discussed - it's usually not going to happen anyway.
Again exclusivity is something that has to be freely given, otherwise it's just one more rule that may very well end up broken!
Cheers | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:43:11 AM | | Hiya Im with you on that one Forumfilly, if Im interested in a guy I dont want to multiple date, and I wouldnt want the same done to me, one at a time please . | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:20:29 AM | Only This....this man and I lived about a 2 hours drive from each other, both had children, worked shift work, etc. While we were waiting for a day we both had open, we spoke on the phone a few times that week. That's what...3 phone calls? 4 max?
Another man I had been corresponding with asked me out for a drink. I said yes. I also told guy number 1 (though I don't think he needed full disclosure). He was upset, asked me not to go and not to see anyone else until we met.
The worst part wasn't that he was lacking the confidence to be sure that he and I would hit it off, but that he was completely and utterly confused when I got angry. He had no idea why I should mind that a man I hadn't yet met was trying to control my social life. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:44:50 AM | My experience has been that a lot of women assume too much. You go out on a date with them, and they automatically expect you to take your profile down and don't talk to any other women. Interestingly enough the first site of discord is when they ask you WHY haven't you taken your profile down. So you tell her that since you two just met, you are not asking her to go exclusive but to let things grow and see where they go. Some women are fine with this, others freak out. But I have seen so much of a double standard because, since women are usually approached instead of the approacher, they think it's okay for them to leave their profiles up, but not for the guy.
My gf and I started as a non-exclusive relationship. But after we started to go out, dating other women became boring and a chore, while going out with her felt natural. Within six month we had the exclusive talk and decided to see where our relationship would go.
After being on the Forums for a while, you do see the recurring problem of people assuming that they have one thing when in fact they have another thing. So I believe that whatever you want, you have to convey that to the person you are going out with from the very beginning. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:10:09 AM | How many women out there date a man ONE time and have them ask you if you would please ONLY date them so that you can be exclusive??? How many men ask that of a woman after the first or second date? and why???
I usually take it one step beyond that. I want our situation to be so exclusive that they don't even date me. That way, I won't be competition for myself and neither will me,,,
-smirk- | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:28:42 AM | I was previously only setting my sites on one girl at a time and taking it from there.
However recently I have been seeing a few girls, nothing overly heavy and just seeing what comes of it.
The irony to this is that I recently met up with a girl I had dated a couple of times and I thought that it was over in any kind of romantic or sexual way. We hadn't really had any contact for a week or so and we had both been seeing other people.
We ended up spending a great weekend together and while we are certainly still not exclusive to each other, as it is we both know where we stand but I see there being more of a future with this girl than any other recent dates I have been on and would happily be exclusive with her.
But untill that time comes (which it might never) I am gonna carry on seeing/meeting other women.
The key thing is being honest about things and both being comfortable with whats on the table. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:57:23 AM | I don't think I've ever been asked, did they just know it wasn't necessary? I could never get away with something like that , I'd get their names mixed up  | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 11:12:27 AM | | Whilst I’ve never been asked that it’s a given that if I’m seeing a man, then I’m only seeing him; I don’t date more than one man at a time. You can tell quite early on if it’s going to work or not, and if it doesn’t work out, then and only then will I start to see someone else. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:41:35 PM | OP: It becomes exclusive when we BOTH agree that we want exclusivity - usually after a few dates or so. I won't ask a man to become exclusive. It has to be something we both agree on, and something he wants as much as I do.
I may initiate the conversation (exclusivity), but typically the men I have gone on a date know that I do want 1 man vs. a "bushel" as stated in my profile. lol If he doesn't/is not on the same page, and I do - our dating ends.
No man has ever asked me for exclusivity on a 1st/2nd date. 
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:52:28 PM | | I have gone out with a guy who on the first date asked if I wanted to just be his, and I said "check please!" To creepy for me. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:00:26 PM | I figure the exclusivity starts when you have sex. If you do that on the first date you owe it to her to then become exclusive on the first date if you wait until date 3 then that's when you become exclusive. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:26:20 PM | OP: It becomes exclusive when we BOTH agree that we want exclusivity - usually after a few dates or so. I won't ask a man to become exclusive. It has to be something we both agree on, and something he wants as much as I do.
And then, when you have this "exclusive conversation", are you "going steady", does he give you his high school ring that you wrap in angora, do you get matching sweaters? 
As I said, if I have met someone, and we got along great, yet she chooses to see someone else, then I'm not interested in continuing to see her. No conversation necessarry. If you're into someone, you don't want to see someone else, and if you want to see more than one, no "conversation" is going to make it anything more than it is.
If, after you've met, there are obvious walls, holding back, etc..., it's unlikely to ever be a "grand passion/great love", and if it's not, I'm not interested. I suppose that some want to date more than one, in the belief that love can "develop over time". Maybe so, but it's never been my experience. I wouldn't stick around to find out. It's either "there", and you both know it, or it's not. I'm not afraid to accept that it's "just not there", and I don't have the time or energy to waste on "auditioning".
On the other hand, I would never have a formal "conversation" about exclusivity. I am not 16. | |
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