| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:33:02 PM | | In the past...It was assumed by the other person after a week we were exclusive....hummmm...generally I like to actually KNOW a person first...It happened several times on a former sight...I was honest and then ended the connection. We are not teenagers here...lets leave that game for them to play! | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:51:18 PM |
And then, when you have this "exclusive conversation", are you "going steady", does he give you his high school ring that you wrap in angora, do you get matching sweaters? Actually I gave my bf a ring tailed lemur.
Communication is so important in a relationship, nothing should be assumed in my opinion. I don't want to sleep with anyone that isn't feeling what I am or isn't on the same page. See that is part of being an adult, knowing the importance of communicating so that there aren't any gray areas or misunderstandings. Like my being on here. Some guys would have major problems with it, but since we talk, he knows I am here etc. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:39:26 AM | i don't expect anything, but usually after a few dates, it becomes exclusive for the time it lasts. most recently one relationship was three years (with an intermission, where neither of us dated anyone else). after that, there was one for a few months. i guess in both instances we chose to be together and focus, because there was mutual enjoyment. it also could have resulted in dating a few people and taking more time to figure out, where i wanted to zero in at a later date. however, i could not be intimate with several people at once!
no one has asked me per se. but, there has always been general discussion. most of the men i meet are not screw arounds and have sewed their oats already. they are looking for the real deal. whether they are ready for that is a whole other story.....i do believe i am, but would not rush to move in with anyone for a good year, at least and maybe even more than that. i would, however, be and expect him to be monogamous after we decided together we were ready to give it whirl. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/28/2009 1:47:26 AM | I am honest enough to say I've done it both ways...dating several men at once ( dating, not sleeping with), and dating one at a time.
I feel that if I like a man well enough to see him for more than a month, and we begin to be more than just friends, which means starting to bring the physical into the relationship, I should not see other people. I just think it would feel skanky, but that is me, and those are my feelings.
I have had the 'exclusivity' conversation many times, and with my current bf it began right off the bat. I knew I didn't want anyone else, and so did he. The main thing is to be honest...it's not fair if one of you is being exclusive while the other plays the field.
Thank you for your support!
Beth | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/28/2009 1:50:46 AM |
I figure the exclusivity starts when you have sex.  If you do that on the first date you owe it to her to then become exclusive on the first date if you wait until date 3 then that's when you become exclusive.
Haha, nice theory but doesnt actually work in practical terms.
Sex is just "Sex". It does not grant you any rights or ownership over anyone.
Just because a girl or guy puts out on the first date doesnt mean you owe them anything but an orgasm....... | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 7/28/2009 2:27:54 AM | I'm seeing a pattern here.
Everyone seems to have a different opinion. The one agreement is that anyone who does things differently is creepy or puerile or in some way bad.
This is pretty much par for the course around here. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 7:19:14 AM | This question shouldn't have to be asked at all, it should just be a given especially if we are both having a good time.
I date only one person at a time and if we are having a good time on the first date and connecting well I expect my date to be exclusive to me, besides if we were having such a good time why would you want to be looking for anyone else?. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 7:32:35 AM | ^^^Sorry, one date is not enough to know if I want one guy for the long haul. It only tells me if I want the next date. A month in? Different.
Just because a girl or guy puts out on the first date doesnt mean you owe them anything but an orgasm.......
Even that's not owed. Male or female if you're not having an "O", it's your own fault - after all no one knows you better than you. Giving one is appreciated, expecting one is a turn off. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 8:12:09 AM | It's very hard to date two women at the same time. What do you do, tell one to sit in the back and the other one on the front? Wouldn't one feel favoritism over the other? Then when you are at the restaurant where do you sit, in the middle? Who orders first?
Which one pays for the dinner and drinks? And it gets even more complicated later on when they want something or tread you like a piece of meat.
So I don't recommend it.
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 9:24:18 AM | Sorry, one date is not enough to know if I want one guy for the long haul. It only tells me if I want the next date. A month in? Different.
If you were connecting very well why would you be looking for anyone else that doesn't make any sense to me.
If we were connecting very well on our first date and I saw you put yourself on the date night list I would immediately end things because I would take that as a lack of interest in me and yes that did happen to me recently and I was very stunned because I thought we were connecting very well, you either want to date me or you don't there is no wait and see. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 11:47:28 AM | I've never been able to date more than one person at a time.
I figured you dated someone to see where it went...if it didn't
work out...you dated someone else.
I'm learning here apparently that is not the case.
You date several people at once until you decide which one you
like best, then you dump all the others.
Then when you become exclusive and decide YOU'RE the one
you make plans to have two separate places to live FOREVA so
you can have most of your time to yourself.
The upside is...you CAN stay on a dating site and type in the
forums and give advice to others on what works best.
oy vey
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:09:49 PM | I figured you dated someone to see where it went...if it didn't
work out...you dated someone else.
That's exactly how you do it especially if you want something to work between the 2 of you.
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:50:31 PM | Despite the fact I make it very clear I am not interested in becoming engaged in an exclusive relationship, I have had men tell me on the first phone call that he wants us to be exclusive. I have had numerous men tell me they wants exclusivity on the meet and greet.
This exclusive stuff seems to be prevalent when meeting through an internet venue. I never have those kinds of conversations with men I have first met face to face. The relationship evolves naturally into whatever it is going (or not going) to be without the soap opera drama. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:57:39 PM | | I have found that when men say they want to be "exclusive" it means at the exact moment their penis is inside of you and not a second longer! | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 1:43:04 PM | If you were connecting very well why would you be looking for anyone else that doesn't make any sense to me.
Dating is a process of finding out about someone, and one date in you know nothing. Sure, you really never know someone after years, but you know a hell of a lot more in a month than you do in a couple hours.
If we were connecting very well on our first date and I saw you put yourself on the date night list I would immediately end things because I would take that as a lack of interest in me and yes that did happen to me recently and I was very stunned because I thought we were connecting very well, you either want to date me or you don't there is no wait and see.
When people don't take the time to know the person they're dating they tend to get into stuff they didn't see coming. Unless until I've met someone a few times, I don't cut myself off to other options and neither should he (tho it's his choice to do what he wants). I don't know what else he's doing before we discuss dating only each other - it's none of my business, so avoiding a guy who dates more than one woman (GASP) before he's known me long enough to know my last name isn't possible because I don't ask.
I don't see the rush in sealing the deal so fast...IMO it's insecurity. If you like dating one at at time, that's cool - expecting someone to discontinue their social life (well that never ends, but you know what I mean) based on one meeting and possibly a first date is jumping the gun.
Your right it is a process of finding out about someone but you can't possibly get to know someone thoroughly if your dating other people at the same time as well
So you don't have more than one friend or family member then right? Because having more than one means you can't focus on one and neither gets enough attention from you. Dude, you can concentrate on one person while they're there with you and another one the next day unless of course you can only do one thing a week. Do you drive and talk at the same time?
Exactly its not about rushing. it's about getting to know one person at a time and concentrating on that one person so if things are going well after the first date it should be automatic and not needed for discussion that you are already exclusive with me.
Actually I learned the hard way many times when I was younger and not just with dating that assuming anything and not talking about it is a dangerous thing to do if you end up with someone who's ideas are different than yours. Since no one's talking, it's possible that one's attached and thinking this is it while another is dating 2 or 3 people. Neither is wrong, they just see it differently. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 2:08:06 PM |
Dating is a process of finding out about someone"
Your right it is a process of finding out about someone but you can't possibly get to know someone thoroughly if your dating other people at the same time as well
I don't see the rush in sealing the deal so fast
Exactly its not about rushing. it's about getting to know one person at a time and concentrating on that one person so if things are going well after the first date it should be automatic and not needed for discussion that you are already exclusive with me and if things are going bad it ends.
So you don't have more than one friend or family member then right?
Dating for me is in whole different category as well as family is its own category and friends are in a different category with each one having its own rules and customs and for the record when I am with a friends I am usually only with one of the them at a time so I can spend time with that one friend. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 2:53:16 PM | | I had a man tell me he wanted to marry me on the first date or I set the date and he'd be there..I said "Are you nuts". I also said I don't think this is going to work but you have luck in your fishing. He then wanted my gum (to put on the bottom of his coffee table) to remember me by...Holy poop... I got out of there quick and learned how to delete and block him. To bad he made another profile and came back on the site. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:39:08 PM | | I have had men ask me to date them exclusive after the first meeting. NO WAY! I didn't feel the same as they did. I like to get to know the person before dating someone exclusively, I have my favorites that I wouldn't mind at all. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:44:14 PM |
How many women out there date a man ONE time and have them ask you if you would please ONLY date them so that you can be exclusive???
I've dated one at a time, I've also dated several. It all depends on what I'm looking for and where I am in my life.
How many men ask that of a woman after the first or second date? and why???
I can't answer for "why" men do this, I can say that there have been times when I've agreed to exclusivity very early one and there have been times when I've made it clear that isn't an option. Just depends on the man and the situation at the time it's happening. JMO  | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:55:44 PM | I can date anyone I want...She can date anyone she wants... UNTIL we boogie... After the "boogie-boogie" I expect exclusivity.... if she doesn't then I call her "slut" and move on.... 
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:57:12 PM |
Dating for me is in whole different category as well as family is its own category and friends are in a different category with each one having its own rules and customs and for the record when I am with a friends I am usually only with one of the them at a time so I can spend time with that one friend.
If you mean you can't date two people in the same room or simultaneously, then yes - good point.
If you mean you can't date two people on different days and give them your attention at that time, then it's no different than saying you can't have two friends in your life period because having more than one takes away from knowing the other.
If you can spend time with one friend at a time in order to give them your full attention, you can also date one on Wednesday and one on Sunday and also give them your full attention. The nature of the relationship or task is irrelevant. If you can do more than two things on two different days, the argument isn't valid - unless you're suggesting people are so slow that they can't possible know two people at once. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 4:11:38 PM | I don't see how anyone can know enough about another person to be exclusive in one date. I think the exclusive talk should happen before it gets physical. Why, because I think communication is critical and if you can't talk being exclusive before sex then you should wait until you can.
I can think of a great reason for only dating one person at a time beginning at the first date. That is because you are looking for the shortest distance to marriage. I have been married and am more interested in enjoying a ladies company than I am on whether or not she will be the next Mrs. That being said once a lady keeps my attention for more than 2 or 3 dates, yes I am focused on her and will ignore the rest of the female race so I end up dating one person at a time. Until then I see no reason not to date whomever I am interested in. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 4:21:57 PM | I only date one guy at a time, but I don't consider that to be exclusive, I just find it hard to juggle multiple men. If I'm talking to several guys on line and meet all three in a week (and this has happened) one usually stands out and I date him alone. I tell the other two the situations and tell them I'll be in touch if it does not work out. I've found men appreciate the honesty and I've never had a bad reaction.
I ask a man to be exclusive when we start a sexual relationship. I won't go there unless I feel like they are on the same page as me. | |
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