| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 5:55:01 PM |
If you mean you can't date two people on different days and give them your attention at that time, then it's no different than saying you can't have two friends in your life period because having more than one takes away from knowing the other.
as I was saying dating is in a whole league of its own and should be treated much differently then when you go out with a friend or family.
Bottom line for me is this, If you are having a nice time and you are connecting with your date you shouldn't even be thinking about anyone else that you might want to date besides why would you even want too date another person if you are already having a good time and connecting with this person.
It would make me think what is else is this person going to do months from now, I would be thinking future cheater if this person is already doing this now.
but for the sake argument I will agree to disagree with you | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/21/2009 6:01:35 PM | Re Message 4 - (Page One)
If I found the "right" person I would have no need to keep on looking....................not all of us are built the same way 
BTW I love Stephen King too.................LOL. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 12:17:41 PM | the U.S. has the highest STD rate for those under 30; 54% divorce rate, and a breakup rate of 91% within 5 years for those living together.
He may have been insecure at saying that but women are as sleazy as men and many women online are sleeping with multiple guys.
He went about it wrong and overreacted but you getting on him is kind of pathetic too.
You may feel better judging the guy but what do you expect? it's online dating; also the girls gone wild mentality of women have made women as sleazy as men. Women cheat as much as men.
This guy like others wanted something serious and he may have liked you; he was insecure;
Like many online some are into the attention and some just want to screw around with multiple people. He had the right mindset, just went about it wrong and went too fast. He should have just said I'm interested in you and would like you to be open with me on your intentions. I think you need to lighten up. This didnt' deserve a post. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 12:39:55 PM | If you mean you can't date two people on different days and give them your attention at that time, then it's no different than saying you can't have two friends in your life period because having more than one takes away from knowing the other.
I fail to see the "logic" in that statement. Dating someone, in anticipation of forming a relationship, is completely different from any other friendship. It's monogamous by nature, and requires, IMO, a singular focus. In fact if, there isn't strong chemistry to start, that makes you NOT want to be dating anyone else, then, in my experience, there is zero potential for it be "the one" that most people seek.
You simply can't be "in love" with more than one person romantically. If you think you are, then you're not in love with either, or any, of them. So, for me, that initial infatuation, that is exclusive by nature, is a key component of it ever becoming "serious", and I wouldn't date someone, who is dating others, nor would I date more than one at a time.
It's not as if it takes all that long to figure out if someone you're seeing is someone in whom you're interested for the long term. Often, the first meet results in "one and done". At most, you know after 3 dates, which shouldn't involve more than a week or two. Why stretch it out over weeks or months, hoping that "lightning will strike" later? It never does. If there is no "there" there, then you simply move on, after "losing" what? A week or two? | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:15:27 PM | completely agrees with RenaissanceMan1950
my previous opinion still remains
I will not date someone who dates others at the same time because they don't have there focus on forming a relationship. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:22:13 PM | I think that when you meet someone that you like, even on the first date, you generally know whether you feel there is something a bit more special about him or her compared to others you have met and unless you are talking in general about the whys and wherefores about exclusivity then there is no need to discuss it. Of course it would be different if you didn't want an exclusive relationship and then it would be an important factor to bring to the table.
I know that I personally would not continue to see other guys if I thought that the one I had just met was as interested in me as I was in him and I would like to think that he would have the same values. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 2:25:37 PM | | it happens...in my experience, the guys that press for exclusivity early on are the ones still looking. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 2:41:40 PM |
How many men ask that of a woman after the first or second date? and why???
Never have, but I suppose if a guy is sprung on a particular woman, I can understand wanting to have this conversation earlier in the dating relationship. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 9:18:21 PM |
it happens...in my experience, the guys that press for exclusivity early on are the ones still looking.
If you have to "press", it's not worth having. When the pieces fit, it's a very natural, simple, and exclusive focus. I've dated a lot in my life, and had a fair number of relationships. Never once has there been a need to have a formal "talk" about exclusivity. It's pretty simple. Yo want to date others, fine, I don't have any problem with that, except that I won't be part of it. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/22/2009 9:26:06 PM | Re: Renaissance....I'm not talking about being in love with two people at once; we're talking about the initial meeting and date or two - not a serious thing, unless you fall in love that fast, and then that's you. Not all do that. By the time I am in love with someone it's been so long that this isn't even close to being an issue.
Weeks or months isn't my point, but it always seems that those arguing me tend to jump to the conclusion that if in one date I'm not ready to settle down that I must be talking about months of dating more than one.
Once again, I never said that. I said after ONE date.
Granted there will never be enough guys I like that much that more than one would actually occur, but if they did - I'd want to be good and sure in the first couple weeks who I was more into. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:27:27 AM | People who serial date are pathetic, I will not be second choice to anyone because the other ones fall through and I won't be tossed aside because my date found something better.
when you are on a date with someone you either have a connection with them or you don't there is no wait and see. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/25/2009 11:25:25 AM | | I chatted with a guy on here who acted like I wasn't allowed to chat with anyone else. I blocked him. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/25/2009 12:51:12 PM | | I call 'em after the first date and say "Well, I see no reason to look further...how about you?" If they say "yeah", consider yourselves exclusive. If they hem and haw and wriggle wishy-washily, assume that you're "open", "free", whatever you want to call it. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/26/2009 10:09:26 PM | | Just my opinion but probably the bloke was quite smitten with you and wanted to have ur undivided attention to see if u could make a relationship out of things. I've been in the "single again" game for 7 years now and i myself find it quite frustratin when u actually meet someone that u think has potential and they're off willy nilly cruisin the net and wafflin about and can't make a decision if they want to date u or not. Kudos to him......in this browsin for dates 2010 world that he had the brass balls to ask u straight out if u'd want to focus on the two of u for a while. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/26/2009 11:35:27 PM | | I can see that you make a date for in a week and then have another date before that with someone else. Unless sex is involved, I would understand following through with outstanding commitment. But I would expect her not to make new dates after we meet (if she is interested). To connect with someone, a certain focus is necessary. Plus, do we really pursue so many options in a fairly small timeframe? | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 4:39:11 AM | Wow. Reading this thread, I feel empathy to a woman's perspective, and not for anything the women posted. It's the guys. You guys are seriously creepy with your "like me right away, like me immediately" mentality.
Ugh. If I were a woman, I'd flee too. It's too much pressure before you even know if you want to make any commitment at all. I mean, seriously, you have to ask why someone would keep their options open after a first date? There is no way to know if any connection is real or based on a false impressions until after some time has been spent!
Even if there were a legit reason for exclusivity after 1 date, you guys must consider the overriding stigma it attaches to you when you come off looking weird/controlling/desperate. For me, I'd say that trumps concerns about exclusivity.
Yeesh. I just... guys... you're seriously coming off creepy. You're creeping me out, and I'm one of you. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 5:08:49 AM | "You guys are seriously creepy with your "like me right away, like me immediately" mentality."
That sounds creepy, but it is not what I read here. It was about exclusivity in dating right away. Of course, it is expected to take time for a verdict, and in case of no match you go back to dating the next person. What makes you feel more special - a woman who considers yea or nea or one who considers Tom, D!ck or Harry (or Jim or Dwayne or Brian or Andrew or the other Andrew or Peter)?
You know which dating experience I found creepy? I was dating a girl and we ended up having sex. Later she told me that she was planning on going on dates with other guys to see what's out there, but she'd tell me if it came to sex before our second time. Needless to say there was no second time - I left when I heard that. You know what would be weirder than her finding somebody better? Her NOT finding anybody better. "I guess I'll stay with you because I did not find anybody better - for now"... | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 5:38:07 AM |
That sounds creepy, but it is not what I read here. It was about exclusivity in dating right away.
OK, even with your wording, it's creepy.
What makes you feel more special - a woman who considers yea or nea or one who considers Tom, D!ck or Harry (or Jim or Dwayne or Brian or Andrew or the other Andrew or Peter)?
To be honest, it makes me feel uncomfortable to be putting that kind of expectation on a woman after one date! This kind of premature exclusivity doesn't make me feel special, it makes me feel like I'm either an egomaniac or insufferably insecure, and neither feels good. So, pass.
You know which dating experience I found creepy? I was dating a girl and we ended up having sex.
That's an interesting story which shouldn't have any bearing here. If you're having sex, of course you should have talked about exclusivity. We're talking about people here in this thread, speaking as if exclusivity after one date is normal. That's not normal. That's weird! | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 5:59:42 AM | | It is OK to have a different approach, but to call people insecure and weird because of that is a bit far-fetched. I find that exclusivity talk weird and superfluous, but with your dating method it makes sense. Well, to me dating is not the same as car shopping, so I focus on one at a time and expect the same. Perhaps our definitions of a 'date' are different, too. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:58:44 AM | I would sometimes date several women, but by the 5th date would usually know if I wanted to be exclusive with any one of them. No matter how strong the connection initially, all too often I would encounter a red flag issue in the first few dates and would then have to break it off. I'd never have met the love of my life if I'd been unwilling to overlap in the early stages of dating.
That's what worked for me, and I don't care if it doesn't work for you - we can all do what we prefer. If someone wasn't willing to date me because of this, then they probably weren't right for me anyway, and vice versa. Everyone wins. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:34:02 AM | "You guys are seriously creepy with your "like me right away, like me immediately" mentality."
See that is where I disagree with you, you should be on the date because your interested in the person that much otherwise why be on the date in the first place?. I know that before I go on a date I have already decided what I want to do because I like the person a lot and if I didn't I wouldn't even consider you an option and rule you out before I even go on the date.
my other questions to you are:
would you like to be considered second choice just because your date lost the other people people she was dating so she picks you?, I know I wouldn't, I want to be the first choice and only choice because my date liked me that much and not some second choice because she/he couldn't get anyone else.
would you want to be dumped because she found something better because she/he was dating 5 other people?, again I know I wouldn't for the same reason as above.
call it insecurity, call it whatever you like but I call it wanting my date to desire and wanting to be with me and that desire/wanting doesn't come from waiting and seeing, its there or it's not. | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:33:15 AM |
He was insane!
I meet nobody yet because I worry about anyone who may be insane  | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:56:58 PM | | I would never ask someone to date exclusively after the first, maybe even the second date if it ever got that far. But, if she wanted to see me again, I think I would stop looking at that point out of respect for her and to see if anything happens, if that makes sense. Like some of the men on here, I am old fashioned and would not date multiple women at a time if I thought there might be a chance on things progressing with one as it wouldn't be fair to the others, if that makes sense too...LOL! | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:43:01 PM | | I had it happen several years ago. Became exclusive for about 2 months, when I broke up with him he harassed me! Eventually (after I changed my phone number), he stopped...it was an ordeal though. CREEPY!! | |
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| Exclusive dating???
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:05:44 AM | LOL - in my age group, most of them are insane or emotionally imbalanced. If you're not willing to drop any other romantic interests you may be persuing 3 minutes after you've met them, they accuse you of being a 'serial dater' or a 'cheater.' Even though there's been NO exclusivity talk at ALL.
ROFL. Yeah, good times, good times... | |
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