| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:06:40 AM | | These people are a good match for the ones who always need entertaining. People who belong to neither category are liable find either type to be quite exhausting. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:42:27 AM | NJbubble wrote: (Okay, I get him being an outgoing person that loves to laugh. However, him asking personal questions to the waitress while you are on your first date. Is just rude in my opinion. I would of walked out if I was you. A first date would be a time to get to know each other in my opinion.
Even if I was going to act up like Im the life of the party. The last thing I would do is start conversations with other men in the room. Another poster touched on the fact that he might have been trying to get someone else attention. You do not know him good enough to know that is how he acts all the time.
I would throw this 1 back or say let's be friends!
Edit: You said this was not a first date. Well, than I dont know what to tell you. You cant change someone, I have to agree with the other posters. You probably will have to consider accepting him for who he is or move on.)
Afashion lady typed in response:
(NJbubble...no...we've been dating for about 2 months now. The first date--nope, he didn't do that at all. And I think I also said that he isn't like this all of the time as well...so...not sure where our communication gap lies but I didn't tick you off)
Also afashionlady you wrote:(This isn't a one-time deal...it happens almost ALL of the time we're out somewhere, and even if we're home alone! )
That is what I wrote, where do you get I was ticked off!
AFl that is my advice take it or leave it. Accept the guy or move on, someone that is a licensed psychologist might have an answer. However, Im not that and I dont think you are either.
You dont have to take people views that are different than yours as someone being against you. How would you grow? | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:50:28 AM | A lil "overly friendly" to everybody? I would probably not jive with that personality type either....if he doesn't know how to flip the entertaining switch off that could probably be quite annoying to the person he is spending the most time with...
Guess you gotta evaluate whether you are compatible now...guess you gotta be a real people love too and admire the attention he is giving others but it would be natural to need some attention from him too | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:50:37 AM |
How do you turn someone "off"? Or can you?
I don't think you can. The feeling I get here is that this is just the guy's personality, and you can't, and shouldn't, try to change a person's personality. If you want a different personality type, you need to find a different person. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:58:38 AM | OP: I personally would not date someone like him. It is a BIG TURN-OFF. If this is his personality, you either accept it or move on - you shouldn't want to change a person.
There's always the Ringling Bros & Barnum Bailey that he could very well join! :O)
Best,
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:26:44 AM | OP,
what I wrot ein my earlier post would also fit with him not being that way at the beginning.
When you met he was 'safe'. You didn't know each other, there was no pressure to get deeper, it was more likely to be somewhat superficial. The more people get to know each other the more they shed their layers and let the other get to know them. That's when it gets scary for him. So, the more he has the desire to open up to you, the more he compensates with exterior things, joking, turning attention towards other people etc. He's scared of getting hurt and it's a defense mechanism.
Of course I can be wrong and this doesn't fit at all for him. That's for you to see.
I would suggest for you guys to do some things that only involve you both, but without the pressure of being home alone. Maybe a picnic in a quiet space, where there aren't any other people. Maybe a hike in a quiet park. Somewhere where he can't divert the attention and pull other people into the conversation, but where he also isn't under pressure of having to open up. That's when he may let go of that defense voluntarily. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:32:03 AM | | Some people are attention whores, some people are wallflowers. It takes all types. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:35:14 PM |
Ren...please separate what I'm asking about from women who've tried to change you! *I don't want him to change the fundamental person that he is*. I cannot be clearer about that. I did say above that this is NOT how he was "all along"...normally you read everything that someone says but it's like you're not this time.
You're right AFL. I wasn't reading thoroughly last night, and sort of jumped to a conclusion that wasn't a fair interpretation of your comments. I apologize.
Seriously Renman...apples and bing cherries--your comparision isn't valid. Since we're going with the weight factor.....I'm fat...it's obvious that when you see me, hey, fat chick
Again, apologies AFL. I didn't pick weight to point towards you. It was just an example that popped into mind. However to use it in "your" thread was insensitive. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:46:37 PM | Njbubble--oh no no no good lady! I was using what YOU said in response to someone else! LOL...no what YOU said was fine. Sorry about that! YOU are fine with your response...go back and reread my response to Renman and you'll see that I used your quote to respond to ALL of the very good responses.
afashion lady typed in response:
(NJbubble...no...we've been dating for about 2 months now. The first date--nope, he didn't do that at all. And I think I also said that he isn't like this all of the time as well...so...not sure where our communication gap lies but I didn't tick you off)
Also afashionlady you wrote:(This isn't a one-time deal...it happens almost ALL of the time we're out somewhere, and even if we're home alone! )
That is what I wrote, where do you get I was ticked off!
AFl that is my advice take it or leave it. Accept the guy or move on, someone that is a licensed psychologist might have an answer. However, Im not that and I dont think you are either. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:51:05 PM |
You're right AFL. I wasn't reading thoroughly last night, and sort of jumped to a conclusion that wasn't a fair interpretation of your comments. I apologize.
Renman...it's all good. I figured you were having an off night sir.  | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:54:48 PM |
I would suggest for you guys to do some things that only involve you both, but without the pressure of being home alone. Maybe a picnic in a quiet space, where there aren't any other people. Maybe a hike in a quiet park. Somewhere where he can't divert the attention and pull other people into the conversation, but where he also isn't under pressure of having to open up. That's when he may let go of that defense voluntarily.
Varinia...that's a good suggestion and definitely one I'll be making. I think a nice picnic somewhere would be great.
It would definitely allow me to see if he's uncomfortable being with just me and himself with no one else to entertain...thank you for the idea. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:02:09 PM | OP...I know of someone that is exactly the same. He's a friend so I can deal with it. To allow your mind to be 'still' is one of the hardest things anyone can do, it comes from inner acceptance, tranquility so hard to explain in mere words.
Your date seems to suffer from really low self esteem, don't let he's so called outgoing personality fool you because from my experience anything that's OVER done normally requires 'something' to be UNDONE....that 'something' could just as well be a constant need for reassurance. It's tiring and takes an enormous amount of energy to be with someone like that. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:24:19 PM |
Your date seems to suffer from really low self esteem, don't let he's so called outgoing personality fool you because from my experience anything that's OVER done normally requires 'something' to be UNDONE....that 'something' could just as well be a constant need for reassurance. It's tiring and takes an enormous amount of energy to be with someone like that.
Arabianangel, this really is an absolute stellar point... My son is small in stature, so as the "little guy, who's oh so fun to mess with", his armor is his sense of humor. He can't beat the jocks, and being a brainiac isn't all that hot at 13, so to deflect the entertainment OTHER get out of picking at him for his size, he takes on the entertainer role... It is also part of his personality, however I think you really hit on something when you said when it's over the top.
My son is still finding himself, and I am sure will survive with out over whelming women with unend shticks... It makes a lot of sense when someone feels they have to compensate for something that has made them feel like they have something less than others seem to want...
Great point...  | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 2:25:25 AM | Nexthyme...at 13 your son still has a lot of growing to do, my youngest is 14 isn't tall at all, he was constantly nagging me to ask our local doctor lol...apparently whatever their height was at the age of two you just double it and this should be the height they end up with......looks like my son will be a approx 5ft11 which is a good height.
I've also noticed this trend with overweight people, ever notice the fatter a person is the funnier they tend to be?...(no offense intended). | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 2:35:15 AM |
It is "Who" he Is. I am one of those who believes that people are who they are and they are entitled to be themselves. I have no right to change or try to change Anyone but my own self. If I am with someone whose behaviour is 'not to my liking' or outside my comfort zone .. I don't have any right to try to change Them. I have choices - I can either choose to Accept them "As they are" .. or I can get over myself, loosen up, lighten up and accept that a little silliness is harmless.
Otherwise .. I'd cut this one loose OP - If you feel this strongly about his behaviour .. it's new and 'obviously' he's not for you .. so cut him loose and let him find a woman who'll let his spirit soar..
Well said! | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 6:36:11 AM | All fat people are funny, I think that is a stereotype. I know a lot of people that consider themselves the life of the party because they feel everyone else thinks they are sexy and pretty. Sometimes these same people when they go out on the town will look at a woman or man that seems a little scruffy looking or overweight, as that person should keep their mouth shut.
If a person that they think is undesireable tries to make a joke or take over in the entertainment department. They feel insulted with their nose in the ear as if, who the hell do this guy think he is. These same people will make all the jokes at the party and be quite entertaining, untill 1 of the undersireables starts laughing and then it's like awkward.
I think you get where im going with this!
On the other hand, I know some fat people that can clear the room with a negative energy. The funniest people in the world to me are skinny Seinfield, Stiller, Chris, Dave Chappelle, Carrey. However that stereotype of fat people being jolly still goes a long way!
Back on topic AFL I think you are a nice woman. You should definitely date around stay friends unless you cannot handle friendships. I have had so many misunderstandings lately on the forums. I though that comment was projected at me...Apologizesss! | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:44:10 AM | AFL, I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. Although I am sure that I am considered an aszhat by many forumers, let me say that you shoulda known me when.....lol
As a young man, I was always "on." No joke was too little, no cliche too hackneyed. There were a number of factors at work, including some minor esteem issues. Part of it was habit, perhaps even just momentum.
It took, for me, hearing the message a few times before it sank in: that I don't always have to be "on" all the time. It took actually ticking off a couple of friends in a couple of situations who shared their annoyance with me. The important thing was that we still remained friends. They didn't make it a deal-breaker over our friendship. By the same token, I didn't want to be annoying to them. It took some effort to be able to look more critically at what I found funny, what I should share, etc.
In the end, thanks to the frankness of friends who felt free to express themselves to me, it was an important part of my development. I grew a lot from that experience. I had to learn to share.
I can't speak to your experience directly, but I can share what I went through.
I can also tell you that I'm glad my friends didn't just kick me to the curb (can we institute a new cliche to replace that one?) as would seem to be the advice of some of the posters here. I'll bet that most people who are always "on" can be "trained" to not be so.
Just remember, if that's the path you choose to try, that change, especially such a fundamental one, takes time, no matter how motivated everyone involved is. And backsliding will occur. Through all this, there will likely be more times of being annoyed. Express it. And often if needed. (Yeah, sometimes we all have to nag. lol)
Don't know if this helps. I hope you can find a good solution. My money's on you. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:51:45 AM | If this is newly emerging behaviour... or an amplification of who he usually is (which seems to be what you've indicated)... look for what might be causing it. You've mentioned he's watching the RE market slide. It occurs to me his days might be a bit blech right now and so going out with you represents a significant "high spot" for his day which might make him be a bit more 'on' than normal. Oddly enough, it might just be the euphoria of being with you AFL.
It also occurs to me, he might be feeling a bit down or insecure on the inside because of his current work situation and works up more of an 'act' to compensate for it. Given the possible interior landscape, he might be worried he'd be a real drag to be with otherwise. Kind of like "I'm laughing because the alternative is to cry" (well, the man card equivalent of that). | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:57:33 AM | Oh AFL... next time he get's goin' on like this, just stick a nipple in his mouth. 
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 8:06:44 AM | Everyone is taking a bleak look at this guy. I can tell you as 1 of those people that some might consider on. When im feeling confident and happy is usually the times I decide to have fun. There was a time in my life when things were going terrible for me and I was not the least bit entertaining and or in the mood to be entertained.
So, what I am trying to say is that people who like to laugh and have a good time, are not always insecure. Sometimes, if not all the time it take a lot of security and self esteem to be on. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 8:08:04 PM | You are dating a clown.
People that try to be funny never are; they are just annoying.
Deliver me please from anyone who thinks they are funny. What’s funny about a glass on your head?
Even children do not think clowns or mimes funny.
People like that are exhausting and painful to be around,
He kept telling jokes to the waitress, asking her all sorts of personal things (she was nice enough to answer),
That’s because she is working for tips; he is taking advantage of a captive audience.
Try throwing a glass of cold water in his face; that might calm him down. JK (not really) | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:01:11 AM | Had to laugh when I read this one – we’ve all experienced this type, there is a difference between spontaneous funny and trying to be funny.
I met this guy through a relative recently (nothing gay going on here, nothing against gays I’ve met quite a few, all ok, just not my thing) we were at a night club, I go out for a cigarette he follows me out, half an hour later – hey brother want to go out for a cigarette? No thanks, I’m ok (reminded me of when ladies go to the ladies they all go together) then he starts telling me jokes that aren’t funny and acting like he owns the place, every so often he’d come over again, hey brother your cool I’ll introduce you to some chics if you like – no thanks I’m ok. Then he starts dragging these poor ladies over and introducing us.
Cant get rid of this guy, I was stupid enough to give him my number in the beginning it was work related, hes texting me every Friday, Saturday and Sunday – what’s ya doing brother want to go out? No thanks I’m busy.
Last Saturday I’m getting ready to pick up a lady, we were going out to dinner, I get this text – hey brother what you doing tonight? Ah I’m going out to dinner with a Queensland Bikini Supermodel (in other words LEAVE ME ALONE). Cool brother I like your style which restaurant? No way not that dumb he’d probably turn up sit himself down and drink our red wine, the belly dancer didn’t turn up that night, knowing him he’d be dancing on the tables, who needs a belly dancer anyway lol.
This guy keeps texting, where are you brother, how’s dinner, everything ok brother – I turn off the phone, when I switched the phone on there were at least 5 more texts from this guy. 2am I’m taking the lady home, he calls where are you brother lets meet up somewhere.
The moral of the story – stay away from these people, they suck your energy you walk away feeling drained, exhausted. I have a lot of time for people but this type is literally draining. If I want to spend a night with a comedian I’d go to the comedy club. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 73 | |
| Always on?
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:44:14 AM | A man who does not need to be the center of attention gets my attention every time.
Savona | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:31:56 AM | Two things. My father was this way, it mortified me as a child/teen. Now, I don't know that he was into the silliness that you have described with the glass on the head, but the rest of it, the shameless flirting and talking to people, yup, that was my dad.
Guess what, that's me AND my kids. Something I noticed a few years ago, and something that I did recognize about my father as well, we get better service anywhere we go, people will break company rules to help us out, they may roll their eyes but most people in service jobs in particular are talked AT all day long, and people tend to like you even if they think you are too forward. I think if you asked him to chill and he didn't, I might have just gotten up and said, I thought I was with you, not everyone in the building and walked outside. No scene, just make it clear you've really had enough. My dad was one who more than occasionally didn't know when to stop. I don't think they mean to.
What is more strange is your comment about him not turning it off when you two are alone, that would strike me as a total inablity to deal with whether you really like him. I think mom's right on this one and depending on how long you are dating, will this continue to wear? I know there are worse things but bottom line it would mean constant ego stroking. | |
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| Always on?
Posted: 7/29/2009 11:41:39 AM | AFL - maybe it's the new wig! I wouldn't know, though; I'm completely lacking a sense of humour. (And hey! I never did get that private pic! lol)
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