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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:51:29 PM |
I hope to be in a relationship again someday, but right now it's not something that I really worry about.
Oh yeah, relationship is just icing on the cake it doesn't mean it will the only thing in life, there's so much more to life than that. I know a few people in their 40s and they're quite happy being single - they dedicated themselves becoming missionary and their lives are fulfilling and rewarding! | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:06:09 PM | Very interesting to tell the truth I did exspect it but not for the same reason as anyone else. I been out of step my whole life . Have I been ready for a relationship Yeah I have been financially and emotionally. Just a matter of timing never had the right girl at the right time in the right frame or mind. It may be regional hard to tell let you know after I move its pretty dismal here right now has been for the past 10 years if you ask me. Attitudes where I live not condusive to long term relationships. I have hopes that if I move I can go somewhere people think differently. Please don't pop my ballon its the only one I have right now. :7)  | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:20:52 PM |
not to make any woman mad , but really if a man can get his shit right then how come women cant get there head out of there ass. they say they want but are still uunsure .so you tell me . i have a job i have my own car, an i own my own house , Sunshine I had all those things, and did it on my own... My then spouse decided he liked my credit, used up, and got bored, and tossed his business in the toilet...
I lost all those material things at age 36, or most of them...
Some times we HAVE OUR HEAD OUT OF OUR ASSES, but it is the men we meet that don't... Funny when I had the fancy house, cars, boat, motor home, we weren't happy people, because what was lacking was HIM loving his family, and valuing having a spouse that loved him...
I was raised that women are to put all their trust into their husband... Won't ever be that stupid and gullible again..
It isn't about what the HEART wants, but rather what makes sense, and is a good solid logical choice, then if the heart is feeling it, we move forward... Many people let their supposed heart, or rather total emotions lead, and they get hurt repeatedly...
The one thing is when TWO PEOPLE come together and are on the same loving page, and respect of each other, THEN happiness can be built in what ever fashion those TWO see fit...
So as a older women with middle aged wisdom... Both genders have a lot of rectalcranial issues... Not just women... | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 4:10:13 AM | | Well, no I did not. In fact, Ive wanted marriage since I was 30 and now I am 41. I got tied up in 2 dead end relationships of 3 years each that wasted much of my 30's. Problem now days is that I dont ever meet anyone. I go to work and I go home. When Im at the gym or out and about, I dont really approach woman (seems so desperate anyways to do so). The times I do manage to attend social functions where there are many singles, like church singles bible study groups etc, 90% of t he ladies are fat or overweight. Or the woman near my age already have children. Call me shallow if you want but I dont really feel like having sex with a overweight /large/big woman. So, this pretty much leaves me with the option of trying to meet a sweet young filipina overseas which is perfectly fine by me. Unlike here in the USA, these filipina girls are all very serious and marriage minded anyways, just as I would want. And more importantly, they are happy with whatever you can provide them, they dont have expectations of you. They accept you for who you are and whatever you have, even if its extremely little. So, while I am keeping my options open here in the USA (w/ very little expectations of success), I am very relieved to know that if I want to start a family as I do, I still and always will have options by going overseas. And these girls overseas are all thin, petite , hot and very young also. Over there, girls in their early 20's actually prefer men 40-60 yrs old because they value maturity and wisdom over there whereas in America, we value sex and youth. With America's weight problems, and the fact that most american woman in their upper 20's do not want to date a guy in his early 40's, ...going overseas for a wife makes sense in every way. Im chatting up many young filipina ladies as we speak. Will go meet some of them soon to see who might be the right one. If I was to be stuck in the USA, hell, Id never get married or have a family. Its just too hard to find someone here in this country. We are a very socially isolated country as it is. Our people dont really interact like they do in other countries. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:16:46 AM | I never really worried about being in a relationship, at any age. I have a life to be getting on with although I feel a bit sad sometimes when I see the Welsh mountains turned red with the setting sun and there is no one to share it with.
Steve2600 - I understand, as a contract engineer most of the guys I meet at work are in their late 40's - 50's and probably 15% of them have wives from overseas.
We work hard, away from home to make sure we are financially secure, get back and find there are lots of over-weight single mum's in the dating pool. Children happen but you have to really try to not notice your clothes don't fit any more! | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:21:34 AM |
Will go meet some of them soon to see who might be the right one.
You may want to take a vacation to the beaches in Venezuela. The view is fantastic, the water sparking and the women are so tired of Chaves that they will scoop you up in a heart beat. And nothing pre-arranged, just natural chemistry. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 6:27:59 AM | | ^^^I totally agree that for men who favor dating customs outside the US, moving to where they find it more attractive is the best idea. If you can work in another country or have the money to move where you feel the women are better - go for it. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 8:43:11 AM |
I think I made to many non-choices, which of course is a choice, that have led to my single status.
Lose weight, become more well read, get rid of the dumb hat and shirts. That's a good start.
Thanks for the advice, but you are a man with control of damn near everything and aren't even close to expiring like the women have. You're not too old yet.
Happiness is all relative. I WAS happier 10 years ago. Why? I had a big family around me all the time. At that time, I couldn't wait to get away from them so I could be alone-! Now I've got my wish, and it's pretty goddamn boring and lonely.
What prevents you from having friends and joining other groups that provide similar atmospheres? Sports teams? Boys/girls clubs? Hell, find yourself a dungeons and dragons club... who gives a damn? There's lots of stuff.
This thread is getting depressing and it's not because of happenstance. You guys are choosing to be miserable. No surprise the women aren't flocking around. Women want to become part of your kingdom. You guys HAVE NO KINGDOM!!!! | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 9:20:44 AM | I'll also like to mention that women can almost always "smell" the lack of confidence in a man from well over a mile away! They want absolutely nothing to do with any man who lacks confidence in himself.
I’d say for most women, a man's confidence level might even rank higher on their criteria list than appearance and money. In other words, a typical woman might settle a bit for a guy who doesn’t have the greatest looks or one who doesn’t earn lots of money, but they’ll have absolutely nothing to do with any man who lacks confidence in himself. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 10:10:56 AM | To be honest, I never thought about it much, when I was younger... I didn't expect my spouse to pass away at the age of thirty though. So, no.. I didn't think I'd be single at 35, let alone at 40. I'm with someone now but it took five years to get there and I still live my life day by day with few expectations except to enjoy life and all it brings before something else happens (because it always could)... It's funny at 40, each morning I am happy if I get up and nothing 'new' has happened to my person, despite how trivial. I actually get a black-humour kinda kick out of it. sigh ... :)
If I'm single again at 45 I will find something to occupy my time, I'm sure...
:) | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/31/2009 7:17:01 PM | OP I feel pretty strongly that a man should definitely wait until he is in his forties to get married. Live a good fun filled life before settling down - travel, build businesses -take risks and live a life of adventure and excitement...then find a young wife, and have children.
I think you are right on track.
--BB | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 8:27:40 AM | | Im actually newly not single (someone lovely on here) and its such early days but no, I did not expect to be single (well separated) at 35. I always thought I would fall in love, get married, do the kids thing. I did all that of course but never quite works out the way you expect. Saying that I have the cutest, most beautiful daughter and I hope that in time I will settle down with someone amazing who will be fantastic with her and with whom I hope I will get the chance of more children. So I have not lost the belief that it can still happen. To be honest tho in my case I could have stayed in my marriage but it wasnt the kind of relationship that was good for either me or him. The respect had gone. I think people can be 'in love' and do stuff both together but separately as well and I will be very happy to have that kinda non smothering relationship. I am also very happy in myself and the kinda person I am and am so independent anyhow. I think that is key to also being happy in any relationship. You can also be there for someone without being in their pocket. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:04:16 PM | I'd have to say yes, when I was younger, I never thought about being in a relationship. I dreamed about my career, where I would live, the places I would travel, and certainly the people I would meet, but I never thought of being in a long term relationship. Maybe that's a big part of why I'm not in one now.
I like to date, and I've had some really nice boyfriends, but on the priority list, a serious relationship is not even really in the top five for me. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:11:48 PM | No, I didn't. I was a little bit of a late bloomer coming out of the closet; and I originally assumed that women were essentially warm, kind, sane and non-cliquish- in short, decent and approachable people.
Suffice it to say that, a while later, I almost wish that I had never bothered going through all the drama of coming out, if this is my reward- ongoing lack of even so much as a casual date, let alone potential partner, due entirely to the nature of what I have actually found out there:
*personality disorders galore
*divorcees with children (ironically enough, these types are usually the ones that make snarky comments about bi women on their profiles  )
*snobs, usually over academics, "professional" status, fitness obsession, or ultra-left politics
*cliques and gossips, to the point of feeling like I am trapped in my old 7th-grade gym room when I am at certain events IRL
*the same exact cold, self-absorbed behavior that goes on among all you straights on this site
*they live far away & are complete tools about the driving thing
*extreme butches who deliberately dress and behave like low-class men, and let their weight get severely obese accordingly
I won't actually do this; but sometimes I feel tempted just to switch my profile over to "Intimate Encounter" and just go pick up some bored curious housewife for benefits, because finding a sane and happy woman for a real relationship just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me- and I am tired of the loneliness caused by this tiny pool of nuts 'n' flakes (both POF and real life). | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:39:44 PM |
personality disorders galore
*divorcees with children (ironically enough, these types are usually the ones that make snarky comments about bi women on their profiles )
*snobs, usually over academics, "professional" status, fitness obsession, or ultra-left politics
*cliques and gossips, to the point of feeling like I am trapped in my old 7th-grade gym room when I am at certain events IRL
*the same exact cold, self-absorbed behavior that goes on among all you straights on this site
Yeah pretty much the same for us Hetero's not to mention
Crazy things about POF.
1. Guy's might want to get a motorcycle or boat if they want a date.
2. When the heck did everyone start kayaking?
3. Sarcasm doesn't translate well on the internet.(perhaps there should be a special font)
4. Most men on here (according to the forums)are perverts who send nasty pictures.
5. If you do something one-time does that count as a hobby?
6. Everyone should spring for professional pictures since that apparently makes or breaks you when contacting people. It doesn't matter what you type in your profile if you have a good picture you will get a date. Guess I am in trouble.
7. Be sure to have a passport and travel agent ready. Everyone loves to travel.
8. Men can't handle rejection. We take it so personally and act like spoiled children.
9. Taking a picture of oneself is a pain. And the pictures almost always turn out bad or crazy looking.
10. Why is this more complicated than high school? You think this would get easier as we get older.
11. Most women SURPRISINGLY are not looking for a hook-up, one-night stand.And Have to mention it in their profile. Come on guys give them a break and join a dating site that is dedicated to that kind of activity.(hint: they advertise on POF just follow the link)
12. Dogs rule! (just don't see as many cat pictures)
13. Why is it the farther away you live from someone, the more perfect the match?
14. The odds of men making the right choice from the 1000's of profiles must be astronomical so ladies cut us some slack. If YOU think you might be a match for someone don't wait for us to discover you. We might miss your profile. Reach out and take a chance.
15. Don't expect anything, just have fun.(kind of like real life)
16. Everyone loves the beach, just remember to wear sunscreen.
17. No one has time to date because they are all working out 4-5 days a week.
18. It seems clear, no one wants to go to a movie on the first date.
19. Most men are on here because they're trying to widen their range of options.
20. With a lot of the women, I don't think they're here because of a lack of options; they're here because it allows them to filter their options more easily.
21. When you are 40 years-old: you are to old to date young women and to young to date older women. Women around your age don't want any thing to do with you.
22. You will probably have more success meeting people by walking up to complete strangers and introducing yourself, than you will here.
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:41:52 PM |
I won't actually do this; but sometimes I feel tempted just to switch my profile over to "Intimate Encounter" and just go pick up some bored curious housewife for benefits, because finding a sane and happy woman for a real relationship just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me- and I am tired of the loneliness caused by this tiny pool of nuts 'n' flakes (both POF and real life).
francotiradora , if you were interested in moving the lesbian capital is Eugene, OR. This IS NOT a snarky judgmental remark, but rather where I had lived for 7 yrs. I am a naively friendly person, and got hit on by women quite often...I didn't feel offended, but had a lot to learn, simply because that wasn't something I was raised around.
YES, people judge, and have some weird ideal that people chose this way of thinking, it is NOT, and I have done research that demonstrates the animal kingdom is alive and well with gay, bi and A sexual, as heterosexual creatures, thus it IS something that is part of nature.
My neighbor is married two kids, and they are a swinging couple, she admits she is Bi, which once again came as a surprise, but she is a lovely person.
Try not to be to hard on yourself, and be realize that no matter your sexual orientation it is TOUGH in the dating field. I have NO DOUBT it is harder when your sexual orientation is different from the majority, BUT it is SLOWLY getting more acceptance.
Good luck... | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 7:03:42 PM | frankly I am shocked that I am still single. Every day I wake up shocked.
it's not that I believed that Cinderella and her charming prince story happens to everyone.
Rather that I believed being a good citizen, a good daughter, a good aunt, a good employee and showering everyday meant that someone would notice....someone male who was in the right age group, who was looking for companionship, valued honesty, respected human life and cherished females in a healthy way.
Seeing women who are dishonest, selfish to an extreme, dirty in their personal hygiene, terrible mothers, terrible daughters, bad citizens - to see women who fall into one or more of these categories and still have a male in their life....it is mind-blowing sometimes. Perhaps her male is not any "better" than she.....but the point here is that somehow I notice there are many people who don't put the effort into having a healthy relationship, but still get something.
and those of use who find ourselves single, "left on the shelf" according to society, who genuinely seek to make a healthy connection and build a life with another human....often get nothing.
I recently completed reading a book called Shantaram.
It's long and very detailed, but the most striking feature of this novel is that it points out that not any one human is completely good, or completely bad.
So I remind myself that I want to be in a relationship for the right reasons. And those right reasons are more important than being in one for the wrong reasons. And to be in a relationship with the wrong person just to be in one is not right for me.
so I am over 40 and still alone.
I still shower daily. Maybe someone just right will notice someday. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/1/2009 7:39:55 PM | Hi nexthyme,
Thanks for the comments- I really appreciated hearing them.
Moving across the country is not something possible for me; but your city sounds like a nice place. Thanks for the suggestion.
I actually feel sorrier for bi people than I do for myself- they get judgment from us and from straights- then again, they sort of have options that none of the rest of us do, so, I guess that it all sort of balances out for them; I dunno.
I hope that if I do make it into law school for next year, that something might happen then. But enough about me; I didn't mean to hijack the thread  | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/2/2009 7:52:02 PM | Who knows whats in store for us? Life can be surprising sometimes - through personal experiences with dating, I don't know anymore. Guys can be confusing sometimes they either want a serious relationship with you, the next time they act like hot and cold with you so who knows...
Marriage isn't meant for everyone, its alot of hardwork. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:29:32 PM | I'd have to say yes, when I was younger, I never thought about being in a relationship. I dreamed about my career, where I would live, the places I would travel, and certainly the people I would meet, but I never thought of being in a long term relationship. Maybe that's a big part of why I'm not in one now.
I like to date, and I've had some really nice boyfriends, but on the priority list, a serious relationship is not even really in the top five for me.
Wow, I could have written this. I remember sitting around with a bunch of female friends in my pre teens daydreaming about what we'd all be doing when we were grown ups. I was the only one in the group without a husband or kids on my future list. I was all about the apartment, the car, the job, the pet...sure, I dated over the years, but it was more accidental - it was never a goal. *shrug* | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:53:40 PM | | I seem to be the oldest person who has posted thus far, as I will have my 52nd birthday on Friday. (also the first day of school at the school where I work, am glad the 2 did not coincide on my 50th birthday). I have always wanted to get married, which I guess is an unrealistic goal at this point in my life. One's locale seems to sometimes make a difference in the availability of potential partners , although it seems to just be a crap shoot. I have been really surprised as to how difficult it is to find compatible dates at my age. It seems as if all men want women who are divorced, and who share their interests and who have a specific appearance. Those of us who have not been married and who care little for sports or hunting or motorcycles, etc. and who do not look like the next Miss America are about as popular as yesterday's news. | |
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| Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:16:06 PM | | I always thought I'd be married and have a son early in my life but, I NEVER thought I would be divorced by 35. To me, the fact that I am still single is simply because that was indeed my choice. I could find another gf but why would I NEED to find one? Many people say they want a relationship but, what is so wrong with being single? I think that people who are always looking for a relationship are very busy looking at other people to find happiness all the while forgetting that happiness come from within! | |
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