| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:35:02 PM | Life can very much be unpredictable, so it is totally believable something happened the first time.
but having it happen twice in a row with no positives shows a trend... the very fact you're assuming cancel speaks volumes. I think once is totally acceptable and understandable. I think twice is pushing it; some people will go for it, some won't. If you go for a third time, he's used his get out of jail free card. if he cancells again, dump him and tear up the number. He's playing games with you; or he doesn't respect you.
Up to you if you try for the third or not. It's nice giving people the benefit of the doubt; but sometimes you're just wsting your time. Listen to your inner radar. it sounds like it's already telling you plenty...
Best of luck :) | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/2/2009 7:46:37 PM | | The first could have been genuine. The second cancellation is the biginning of a habit. Isn't your time more important than sitting around waiting on him to cancel again? | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:33:54 AM | Ahhh, go for the 3 strikes your out. If he cancels/no shows again let him know your done! Erase his number from your phone and move on! He is not worth your time if he doesn't have follow through.  | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:10:28 PM | Things happen.
All the posters on this thread who have said "drop him" and "two strikes and you're out" are making huge assumptions based on a one paragraph post that you have made, which tells little to nothing about your situation with this guy other than he cancelled on you twice.
You have a third date set up, keep it going and if he calls and cancels the night before tell him that you think this is quite unusual and you will not be able to set up additional dates unless he gives you a really good reason why this sort of thing has been necessary.
Depending on what he says, you might or might not set up an additional meeting.
My thoughts are that he's one of the many losers on this board who never intend to meet up either because they're just getting a kick out of messing with you, or they're social misfits who are scared about going on a first date, or perhaps he's got another relationship going on the side, possibly marriage or living with someone and he's trying to work you into his schedule.
But you never know. Like I said, things happen.
Don't let a bunch of anonymous internet strangers make up your mind for you. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:36:50 PM | | Proceed with caution. If he comes up with excuse #3, then he needs to be toast. It's obvious, that he isn't "into you", if he's got to come up with #3. If one is truly interested, THEY MAKE IT HAPPEN! | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:26:31 PM | | Ya. You defenitly have to stick to some rules regarding missed dates, etc. Never ask someone out more than 3 times, never allow someone to cancel-out on a 3rd date and never allow someone to cross you the wrong way a 3rd time. If this of this occurs, you must cut off all interaction with the person and move on. This is only for your own good and healthy state of mind. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:57:38 PM | | Find out where he is "really" from; don't just go by what his profile says. Then ask him to meet you at a coffee shop in the town he is from. Watch for the red flag, if he starts to mumble and fumble with his response; it may be that he has a significant other and he is just trolling. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:24:48 PM | Wow!
He really was trying hard to meet you!
I am sorry - if a man does not try hard to be with you at the beginning - he never will. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/5/2009 7:56:38 PM |
I've been talking to this guy on-line for a couple of weeks when he asked to meet in person two weeks ago. I agreed. The night before our meet he cancelled saying that he had to do something for his aunt. We re-scheduled for this week and the night before he cancelled again stating that he was sick. We have re-scheduled a third time for this week. I am a little apprehensive, as I think he might flake out again. I want to emphasize that I did not push to meet him in person. I was content talking to him via email and phone for the moment.
So, my question is this: What do you think of this behavior and should I give this guy a third chance and meet him in person?
i dunno but sounds to me, dine 68, like your apprehension is quite warranted. i mean cancelling and re-scheduling once is one thing, but do it twice? mmmmm, sounds bad to me. there are a lot of flakes on these on line personals sites, so, he may just be one more. i will be interested to learn if he shows for date # 3 or not. please keep us posted! | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:03:09 PM |
But you never know. Like I said, things happen.
If a person is in a car wreck and was life-flighted to the hospital, that's an acceptable excuse. If it's very much less serious than that, 1 strike is it. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:03:01 AM | Flakey is only good when it comes to pastry!
Although I don't see why one more try would kill you if you feel a connection.
Then again, it could be indicative of his personality and would you want to be with someone like that?
Or he could just be chicken.
Will not knowing bother you more then finding out for sure that he's a flake?
If so, then go. But tell him this is his last chance and mean it.
It's not like your hopes are up all that high by now anyways.
I would probably do it just for curiosity's sake.
Id make it convienent for you however, make him jump through a few hoops for putting you out two times.
Oh yes! By all means make him dance!
You at least deserve to have some fun with this!  | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:01:18 PM | | Sorry, one strike and youre out. Life is too short to waste it on flakes. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:23:23 PM | For me, it depends on how interested I am, how much I know about the person from email and phone calls, etc., and how they've handled the cancellation and rescheduling. If they cancel, rescheduling efforts are up to them.
If I'm not that interested, the first strike may be the last. If I'm very interested, they may get as many as 3 chances, but almost never more than that unless it's clearly a valid and unusual situation that causes the cancellation. If I have other good prospects, I may be less inclined to reschedule, and it would have to be fairly convenient for me. I'm flexible, not desperate! | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:04:44 PM | | its herpes, dont worry about it. come to see me, do u like potatos and guinness? lol | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:46:35 AM | .
I agree with ForRumOnly, it would depend on how he rescheduled. If he contacted me Before hand and made a new date right then, or at least planned a time to talk about a new time, OK. But unless he was in a coma, or kidnapped by aliens, it better not be a stand-up with no explaination.
For me, it depends on how interested I am, how much I know about the person from email and phone calls, etc., and how they've handled the cancellation and rescheduling. If they cancel, rescheduling efforts are up to them.
I've probably just been lucky, but I've never actually been stood up or had someone cancel on me, so all that tough talk aside, I'm not really sure how I would react, but it probably would depend on how into him I was.
If I'm not that interested, the first strike may be the last. If I'm very interested, they may get as many as 3 chances, but almost never more than that unless it's clearly a valid and unusual situation that causes the cancellation. If I have other good prospects, I may be less inclined to reschedule, and it would have to be fairly convenient for me. I'm flexible, not desperate!
Namaste,
Ginny
 
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:10:26 AM | | Yep, move on. Two missed dates says a lot about priorities, and leaves questions to be answered. The only time I ever make exceptions are for single parents, things can change in a minute for them so that I understand. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:07:39 PM | Thanks everyone for your opinions, replies and thoughts on my topic. Well, I decided to give him a third chance and we had a date tonight. Oh my gawd - worse date yet and I've been dating frequently within the last two months. The bottom line - this guy is cheap. Now, first let me explain something - when a guy asks a girl on a FIRST date - in my humble opinion, he should pay for it. I'm old fashioned, my parent's have been married for 51 years and this is what I am used to. Once you've dated for awhile - then I can understand going dutch or even the woman paying for it all. Okay, so example number one: He doesn't tip the bartender when we're having drinks. 1st Red flag. Then, when we sit down and look at the menu - I'm looking at the entrees. So, I ask him, what are you having? He orders something off of the appetizers menu. Okay. So, I feel obligated to order something from it too. Red flag number 2. But, the kicker is this - when he's paying for the meal - he asks if I could help him pay for it - maybe pitch in for the tip. I look him straight in the eye and say no. I wait a beat of like two seconds and then I reach my hand across the table, tell him it was nice meeting him and walk out. I didn't feel like sticking around for anything else. Can you believe him? I mean, if he couldn't afford the place that we went to, he shouldn't have choosen it. But, come on - you ask your date for money? Cheap. Anyway, that was my experience. If he's smart he won't contact me again.  | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:05:56 PM |
in my humble opinion
Guess I need to revisit my understanding of "humble". If anything I see the complete lack of humility in this post. | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:21:51 PM | | What are you saying Rock man? You don't think a man should pay on the first date? | |
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| 2 strikes and you're out?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:35:43 PM | | I think it depends on how you felt he was when you were getting to know each other online. Did he mess you about then at all? How much of a pattern is this? Personally, I'd be concerned if he missed one date, but might give him the benefit of the doubt. Twice would be too much. I'd just think it was highly unlikely he'd be prevented from meeting twice like that. Generally, too busy with something else is a bad sign - either of lack of interest or other romantic interests. If a guy is interested, he is never too busy and would be very unlikely to cancel. It's the same way with contact. You shouldn't have to worry about whether he'll be in touch or will meet you. | |
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