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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:41:49 PM | Me
I see a few times a year. My ex is in the last category. I might see more of him and his wife if they lived nearer.
make a wish!
Thank God they are not near, otherwise you would have broken their relationship.
I simply do not understand your thinking at all. He and I chose to part. They chose to be together. Why would seeing more or less of me impact on that choice. As it happens they did live nearer after the divorce and we did see more of each other for a few years - and no it didn't break up their relationship or my subsquent relationship. Then we both moved further away geographically because of our jobs so I see less of them now. We've been divorced more than 25 years now but they (both of them not just my ex) were there for me when my second husband died unexpectedly.
Me
If he had thrown a jealous tantrum about me being friends with my ex I would have realised I had nisjudged him and he wasn't the sort of person I wanted a relationship with.
make a wish!
People will similar thinking spend their time in POF and not able to find a LTR mate. But then i guess they are happy with short term hooking.
On the contrary I have had two long term relationships since my divorce. One lasted 11 years and the second 15, only ending with my husband's death. My relationship with my ex didn't adversely affect either relationship and both the men got on well with my ex and his wife. Perhaps that is because I have relationships with rational people who don't get jealous when there is nothing to be jealous about. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:45:15 PM |
How could you be in a relationship with someone for years and years (I'm assuming you consider your SO a "friend" when you're with them...) and just turn your back and walk away from that friendship as though it meant nothing when you decide to call it quits???
It's actually pretty easy to do. Once it's over, it's over. I have no need to keep an ex in my life.
That being said...I don't see the problem with people being friends with their exes. It's not up to me to tell my SO who he can or can't be friends with. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:46:55 PM | Their an ex for a reason. Also, some make better friends then lovers. It happens. If you trust the person your in a relationship with, then being friends with a ex(s) shouldn't be an issue.
Only way not ok to be friends with an ex(s) is if that ex(s) is clearly not over you and wants you back. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:16:57 PM | On balance, I would lean towards not maintaining friendships with exes precisely because of that high potential for distrust it introduces into a new relationship. I'm familiar with a couple where one partner's ex stuck in the other's gullet to such an extent that it contributed to the eventual breakup. This was despite there being no contact at all between the ex and the spouce. He couldn't have put more distance between them than he did but the distrust was still there. Granted, depression and paranoia were clearly involved. Still, the point stands. There has to be a clear demarkation between friends of the opposite sex and one's spouce for a healthy relationship to work.
Also, I guess I've come across too many cases where people have kept on friendly terms with exes and not completely moved on from that broken relationship. They want the benefits of closer-than-normal friendship without the life-changing commitment they've decided against. It's actually quite a kick to an ex's self-worth if you think about it. Basically, you're saying: "I once loved you enough to have spent the rest of my life with you. Now, however, you're just another friend since there are scraps of you worth hanging on to."
Presuming a couple discovers early enough in a relationship that things just aren't workable, I think it's very possible to remain friends in an honest way. This would presume that it was a mutual decision. However, once you crossed that sex boundary and have approached marriage for a time, such friendships can get somewhat messy. This is especially true in a case like mine where she dumped me quite suddenly. I still believe we could have had quite a good marriage had she stuck with me. Instead of preparing for such a life, there's quite a large hole where she used to be which I don't expect will be filled for quite some time if at all. How does one start a friendship in such a situation? In all other respects, she would make a truly excellent friend. And yet, it seems an utterly preposterous thought growing ever more so as time passes. There are enough obstacles to love without inviting unnecessary complications right off the bat. Clearly, the right thing to do for me is not to do so and tough it out alone until a new woman comes along with whom I can start from scratch with my decks clear. Despite having actually met some exceptions to the rule, I would venture to think that this is probably the most healthy approach for most people. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:28:29 PM | Those who who keep their exes as friends, please let the new partner in your life know that you wont be able to love him/her 100 % because you want to keep some of it for your exes. If the new partner still decides to be with you, I have full sympathy for him/her. He/she is a great person who deserves a better lover.
I think it's okay to be friends with your ex, as long as your not sleeping with them
It's not about insecurity or sleeping with ex which everyone is repeating in this thread. When a person talks/meets an ex, it definitely reminds them of good time. They wont do anything , but if you think of good times with your ex, that is also a kind of cheating and not respecting the love of your new partner. Secondly, even if the new partner is fully confident and trustful of his(her) partner, if he(she) sees/knows about them talking or meeting, it will remind him(her) of the partner having sex with the ex in the past. It's not jealousy but signals new partner that his(her) conterpart is not fully into him(her).
unless you actually have logical reasons to not trust them (i.e. you caught them sleeping with their ex).
Sometimes, even if you are not hungry, you will eat little bit if food or snacks is kept infront of you.
Do you wait for something like that to happen:)
Why not just remove the reason and show your new partner how much you love him/her.
WindRoper
Do you make friends only through relationships? I doubt you have any other friend.
I wonder which is shorter -- your fuse or your d***
If you have big loose ***** than everything is small for you. It's relative. I am sorry for you. But there are some exercises I heard:)
Although we've moved past that over the years, ain't no way in h*** I'd so much as kiss the man
Tells much about your character.
oblivion77
I can not believe the level of insecurity and controlling-ness some people so proudly display and seem to think that it's normal or ok
I can not believe the level of disrespect for new partner and emotional attachment with exes some people so proudly display and seem to think that it's normal or ok
People you have known for ages and have been through a ton of things with don't simply disapear because someone new showed up.
"someone new showed up" sounds like dirt. With so much emotional attachment, how the hell you will fall in love with someone.
I was with a guy for five years - we went through important things - university graduation, family deaths, moving to work in a Asia - five years worth of stuff doesn't disapear just because we lost the 'spark' and decided to move on.
If you lost spark with sucha nice guy and still have feelings for her, how long will your spark last with the new guy whom you consider like dirt and not willing to give yourself 100%. you are not made for LTR, I am sorry to say but..
I would suggest going back to him, sparks do not last long in any relationship. If you want spark throughout your life, you will have to keep changing partners every year or two. Oh... you are here for dating not LTR, good for you.
That guy and I email a lot and see each other at Xmas or the summer, and my boyfriends since have not had a problem with it
Any guy who reads this wont think you as long term partner, you are screwing yourself. Your boyfriends dont have problem because even they are not thinking of long term with you, they are just fvcking you.
Meface
I go out sometimes with my last ex, while his girlfriend has business engagements. We're just on the honor system. He goes out with other women too.
honor system.. yes i have heard these open relationship where neither partner honors the relationship. I am talking about normal loving and respecting relationships. Good that you dont have kids, they would have been ashmed ( if they were not like you) to know that their parents were ....... | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:40:28 PM | | Bandito: Yup, I am divorced as my profile states. Also as my profile states, I live single and have freedom as a single person does. I don't answer to someone. I have one boyfriend and am not seeking others, nor is that my intent in the future. Knowing what I want out of life and where I'm at suiting me can mean many things, not just as it relates to relatioships. It can be work, accommodations, remaining single or deciding some day that I choose to marry. It's quite laughable that you believe someone in my position can't commit to a long term relationship. If 35 years isn't long term in one relationship and in today's relationship climate 4.5 isn't classified as meaningful, I'd like to know what you would consider meaningful - the 3 month stints that so many talk about where they're controlling who their partner can and can't see?? As far as my profile and what it states, as far as I'm concerned, it's inconsequential and should be to you as well. I'm not looking to meet anyone. I could say anything I want and it would be meaningless because I'm not attempting to entice anyone for a relationship. You, on the other hand are, and your rigid philsophy of not wanting to be with someone who can have an ex as a friend says much about the insecurities you have, or are afraid someone in your future may have, that you can't possibly deal with. How well has that stance worked for you to date? Not very well, judging by the tone of your own jaded profile. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:41:07 PM | | I think sometimes people genuinely stay friends with there ex's, and keep it as just friends. I used to feel like the author of this post, but some one proved me wrong. Anyways I think it is a great injustice to live close minded, and this is speaking from personal experience. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:58:55 PM | | I work with my ex. We don't socialise with each other outside of that, but in a work context we get on really well. The other people in the building found it strange at first, but they got used to it when they realised I was okay with it. I still see his son from time to time, and so do my daughters. We were all part of each others lives for more than a decade, so why not? I still see his mother too, and give her a lift with her shopping if she needs it. Life is too short to be bitter; I say dump the baggage, get over it and move on! | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:10:00 PM |
but people in this thread who support being friends with exes are still emotionally attached with their exes and are really happy to see them. i firmly believe that these people should have worked out on their marriage.
This broad brush statement does not take any variables into account.
There is a vast difference between being 'friendly' and being emotionally attached
Surely, you must see this..
No matter how things ended, the only way to move on with life is to accept...and to forgive...if you are holding on to any bitterness, or anger, or unforgiveness..then that is emotional attachment. Emotional attachment is not just meant in a 'wanting them back way'.
I would like to be more 'friendly' with my ex wife, for we had three wonderful sons together...but she doesn't see it as I do. She somehow is holding on to bitterness...and unforgiveness. I can't change that about her...nor do I try. Yes, I can be 'friendly' when I see her....which is very very infrequently....but let me be very clear here..I am 'never' really really 'happy' to see her...hahahaa It is, for the most part, uncomfortable.
As far as should have worked out things in the marriage...well, it doesn't always go that way. Two people must be willing, and on the same page about that. We weren't. But..we gave it a fair shot.....six plus months of counseling...and , when it was clear to me, that it wasnt going to budge, I said...'no mas'. I'm done. It still hurt, but sometimes one must do what one must do.
sorry to go on...but in my mind, it just makes more sense that two people who were involved for a long time.....well, it would just make life a lot easier if friendship were possible. I don't think that is such a crazy notion. It's just not always possible.
And yes, I've heard it...an ex is an ex for a reason. Actually, there are usually many reasons...and not all of them are horrible and awful reasons that caused the breakup.
Sometimes, things just run a natural course to demise.
regards
Kimbo | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:43:05 PM | Bandito: I wasn't referring to the loss of your wife when referring to your profile. That's a very unfortunate circumstance for you and I'm truly sorry for your loss. When it comes to your own profile, being that you bring up mine and what you "get" from it, it is nothing compared to the blatant presuppositions you have for the majority of the opposite sex - there's no room for doubt that you're a jaded individual when it comes to women and dating them or what the "majority" of women are like, particularly online. As far as being committed to someone goes, where is there a rule that says you have to live with them to be committed to them or that your sole focus in life has to be with them with no room for friendships with people from their past? It smacks of control on at least one person's part because of insecurities. I'm sorry, but this is going way off topic so I'll end my discussion here with you because of it. Email me if you wish to continue in this vein.
As far as the topic of this thread goes, I maintain that it is fair to be friends with your ex, as long as the friendship is just that...a friendship. What isn't fair is a partner who reads more into it than is there because they are insecure or because they have had past experiences with deceitful and/or untrustworthy individuals. It seems when people hurt inside for whatever reason, they tend to paint everyone with the same tainted brush. | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 86 | |
| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:15:07 PM | Hey OP, I see alot of people are being negative and calling you jealous and insecure, You know what everyone is a little different and we have all been in your shoes, Its not like you can chose to not let something bother you it either does or it doesnt, and really the point you bring up is very circumstancial but I mean if you dont have kids with someone than maybe talking to them once in awhile to see how their doing is fine,but when it comes to the point where your partner is spending more time with the ex's and giving them her affection more than you, than thats an issue, don't ;et ignorant remarks harm you man, its so easy for everyone replying to this thread to act as if their the perfect mate and never get jealous or even insecure.
I'd hate to cut to alot of the people on here like such, but each and everyone of us is human and has flaws,and jealousy is common in all relationships, think about it if you never got jealous even the least bit I would say you really dont care much about the person your with, sometimes jealousy can be cute, Now when you go overboard and act psychotic with your Jealousy thats just wrong,but to get a little jealous every now and than is totally human nature,those that deny it are lying.
Ive been in your shoes before with women who cannot let go of their past, like I said its circumstancial sometimes their are circumstances where the relationship ended well but both parties remained friends and talk now and than, thats totally fine.
Usually when two people get together relations with the opposing sex kinda dwindles.
You're not wrong for feeling what you feel, but the more important thing is, is your gf giving the ex's more affection and attention than she gives you?
One more thing, I truely think the key thing that ends most relationships is the inability to communicate and value one anothers opinions this goes for men and women, we all get so self rightous and dont want to change anything when in reality a true successful relationship involves alot of compromise, Like for instance many people will do whatever they want whenever they want and not give 2 damns about what their partner thinks or feels, I firmly believe we all should empathyze and put ourselves in the other persons shoes and instead of shutting the door on our supposed partners heart try communicating things and compromising, but again in alot of cases pride and selfish needs are way more important to people than communication respce and compromise..when really if more people did those 3 alot more problems would be worked out in relationships, instead people would rather be selfish and only see things from their own perspective..
Damn I wrote a book hope this helps. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:18:26 PM | Not being jealous doesn't mean you don't care about someone. Just means you're secure in the relationship. I don't get jealous. I don't see the point in it. Doesn't mean I don't care.  | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 88 | |
| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:24:55 PM |
Not being jealous doesn't mean you don't care about someone. Just means you're secure in the relationship. I don't get jealous. I don't see the point in it. Doesn't mean I don't care
Im not saying if you dont get jealous you dont care about someone, but to say you never ever get jealous is just hard to believe, and believe it or not Jealously isnt something someone choses to feel its automatic, some people may get too jealous and over do it,but I dont think ive ever known any man or woman that has never gotten jealous, and as far as insecurity goes, anyone that wants to claim they never get insecure I believe is lying, we are all imperfect and we all have ups and downs, if you never got jealous or insecure well maybe your a super human and thats awesome im proud of you, I know alot of people say such things to make themselves feel better and look good.
As a Very self assured and Confident man I admit without any shame that I even get insecure now and than, as far as jealous goes Ive been single for 2 years I dont get jealous when Im single and Id like to think in the last 2 years of being single ive grown quite a bit, Ive never gone overboard with jealousy, but I guarantee when I am with a woman again Im bound to get a little jealous now and than, really if your in a great relationship than the person you're with wont ever give you a reason to be jealous, but often I notice in others relationships they try to get the other jealous for some sick reason. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:12:42 PM |
Im not saying if you dont get jealous you dont care about someone
think about it if you never got jealous even the least bit I would say you really dont care much about the person your with
I'm sorry you find it hard to believe but I don't get jealous. When I was 18 and 19, I might have gotten jealous. But I don't see the point in jealousy. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:22:45 PM | dman82
nothing is happening with me, i made this thread with my views:)
if you never got jealous even the least bit I would say you really dont care much about the person your with
i agree, people in relationship do silly things to make their partner jealous and love it when the partner gets jealous because that confirms that he/she loves her/him.
But here people have a different attitude . They say" i dont care if you feel jealous or insecure or whatever. I will do whatever I want. I have spent 4,5,10,20 years with my ex and you just showed up. I have the security of my ex, he/she will help me in need. So if you feel bad about it, go away. I have plenty of guys/girls in line waiting. My exes are my best friend, who are you? Whenever i feel lonely or sad, i call them . Sometimes we meet and we have good time. They remind me of all the good times we had and that makes me happy. So basically i dont need you. If you need me you will have to accept all the BS otherwise fvck off. I dont care about you, i dont care about the new partner of my ex. All new partners are insecure and jealous of old partners. We are the best , you are the loser. How dare you ask me to forget my exes who i enjoyed sex so much. How can i forget the best moments of my life. My past best moments are my treasure, i dont need future best moments. I am just looking for a partner who can accept all the BS and if we do not get along, we can be "friends". And you will enjoy the same honorable status as my exes. So dont worry, come and have fun. When you start getting jealous, i will put you in friends category and find another partner through POF. But I have no intention of keeping you as partner for long. I enjoy being in dating pool because it makes me feel young like in high school. I will never do anything to reduce your insecurities because i dont want to spend rest of my life with you. It is your problem. Either live with your insecurities or become my lover and later FRIEND. When you will become my friend, i will give you priority over my then new partner. You will feel good then, just wait till then. Still you dont want to be with me? Who cares, i care for my exes . You insecure butthead, learn something from me and be secured with your exes." | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:21:22 PM |
Just look around here at posts about exes screwing up new relationships... all the unresolved crap that just needs buried, not churned up again and again with every conversation with the ex.
Insecurity, indeed. It's more like not being a damn idiot. Contact with exes sparks old feelings that are acted upon ALL THE TIME. It has nothing to do with security of myself. And you know what happens when these contacts occur? It's not the bad feelings that are remembered. It's the good ones. This is why all these people try things again with exes and ultimately end up back where they started. They forgot about all the bad crap that made them split up to begin with.
This doesn't come to asking or expecting another to stop being friends with their ex. It is something that should just happen because it is the wisest course of action in a relationship. People who view their relationship as a top priority do not do things which will jeopardize it.
Any woman who allows male friends with whom she continues to associate with is not a viable LTR option. She is not doing anything "wrong," but she is not a viable candidate.
I haven't said a word to them in a long time. They try to contact occasionally. I ignore it. New woman appreciate not having to deal with the stress of old girlfriends.
Make a decision here. What is more important? A weird friendship with an ex, or a fully healthy and functional romantic relationship with a new person? Pick one. If it's not ridding yourself of the ex, you are unworthy of a healthy new relationship. You should be doing this without any asking of the new person just because YOU know it's the right thing to do and you don't want there to be potential problems or issues that will jeopardize things.
You still have feelings about the ex? Too bad. All the more reason to stay away from them. Your emotional intimacy belongs to the new person. THEY deserve all those feelings. If they don't get them all, you don't belong in that relationship.
You guys wonder why you're in such bad straits when it comes to relationships. All these divorces... all these whines about not finding good people. YOU are not good people. You're not dedicated to being worthy for long term relationship bonding. You simply care about what only you want. You don't care about the relationship. You don't want to sacrifice. You shouldn't have gotten into these "long friendships with my ex that i can't end now" to begin with. Break up, cut ties, move on encumbered, bright eyed and ready to truly bond with a new person without this baggage that screws everything up.
All this shaming about insecurity is a cop out to allow yourselves to do what you want. It's rationalization to allow you to do as you please. "oh it's YOUR problem. i can act inappropriately and you're not allowed to say or do anything without looking dumb."
I'd never ask anyone to stop seeing their ex because I'd know they were not prepared to be serious relationship material anyway.
"Controlling" is the other shame word. No,i'm not controlling. The only person i control is me. Don't meet my standards of conduct, and I leave. It's pretty simple. Either way is fine. Good luck dating all the losers you get on message boards to whine about.
+1
Brilliant post.
I don't stay in touch with ex's either. Period. They are history.
I learned the hard way. I won't muck up my future by hanging on to the past.
Ex's always try and throw a monkey wrench into the works of a new relationship, or try and go down "memory lane".
I don't even keep pictures of ex's. It's baaaaaad.
Women are always in competition with one another.
Once a woman discovers how madly passionate you are with her, her imagination runs wild with how insanely passionate you must have been with you ex. She'll forever play over in her mind how many years you were as passionate with your ex.
If your ex was hot, you're screwed.
Do you care about a new great relationship with even better guys or not?
Do you not have other friends that don't involve the complications that you can't sacrifice a few for the person you claim to love so much beyond all others that you are ready to make a life commitment to him? Doesn't sound like much of a commitment if you can't remove one or two obstacles from your life for them without being asked. I have lots of friends. I can make lots of new friends. I haven't even met my woman yet, but I already know I love her so much that I'm preparing to create us the best of worlds right now.
If your ex is more important than a life long partner that you expect to sacrifice for you, then you are undeserving of that partner.
Keep on half assing your relationships as you half ass the rest of your lives.
+1
Brilliant post.
Some people just don't get it. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:41:23 PM | i would like to reiterate a point i made earlier. and that is:
this is a new phenomenon. never in the history of our society has it been acceptable to be friends with ones' ex lover when one enters a new relationship. even in some of the most chauvanistic societies men have mistresses but they are not pals with the ex girlfriends.
there is a reason for gender boundaries. they create the space to develop trust, intimacy and love. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:59:17 PM | i would like to reiterate a point i made earlier. and that is:
this is a new phenomenon. never in the history of our society has it been acceptable to be friends with ones' ex lover when one enters a new relationship. even in some of the most chauvanistic societies men have mistresses but they are not pals with the ex girlfriends.
there is a reason for gender boundaries. they create the space to develop trust, intimacy and love.
to chameleonf:
to give you a little perspective. i have a similar mindset regarding sex as the governator of california, arnold swartzineger. he claims that his long term passionately sexual relationship with his wife is the cause of his success. a relationship without passion is not a relationship. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:24:15 PM | | I think it’s perfectly acceptable to be friends with an ex; it shows a level of maturity that I’m not sure the poster has. It’s doubly acceptable if they share child/children. I work for the same company as my ex and we share a child. No big deal… We’re mostly friends and occasionally have to discuss work issues or child care issues. Why not be friends? It makes things easier for everyone. He’s remarried, there’s no danger of us getting back together, and anyone who isn’t accepting or comfortable with our friendship then isn’t mature enough to have a relationship with me. JMO. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:41:13 PM | I don't think this should be a problem. I think the only time a problem may arise is if one or the other still have feelings. Which, to be honest, is usually the case. But if it was a mutual split for whatever reason and their is not a chance of you getting back together, then I don't see how this would be disrespectful to your current partner.
Now what I don't think is fair, is to be friends with an ex who you know still has feelings for you. I think it could potentially give them a false sense of hope. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:34:40 AM | | no i think my current partner is still seeing his ex and useing them being friends as a cover all my family and friends think so to so i think it not right to be friends with your ex there can be no trust if your partner is close with his ex | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 7:48:17 AM | To set the record straight, at least for me, when it comes to being friends with an ex, it doesn't entail going for coffee with them on a weekly basis and rehashing old times and getting butterflies happening in the pit of your stomach. It has nothing to do with sex as so many people seem to keep bringing up. It has to do with friendship, period. There seems to be this hang up with some people that if you've had sex with someone that you have pushed this button that has no off switch. If that's all your relationship was about, maybe that's all you have in common.
Here's some examples of my contact with exes: My ex of 35 years invited me and my daughter over last week (she lives in my basement suite). He has a number of ailments and has been off work for months. He has a girlfriend of 6 years and, like me and my b/f, they also don't live together but enjoy spending much time together. The reason for the invite was that he finds great therapy in doing yard work that includes ponds and waterfalls. He's proud of his accomplishments and wanted to show us. If he has a question on other matters that his other friends can't help him with, including his g/f, he may call me if he thinks I know something about it and likewise for me. He's built a number of things in his home. My boyfriend has only ever rented and has limited ability in that area, so if something comes up, I ask his advice and will even borrow a specialty tool. Another example is yesterday before my daughter and I went shopping, I did some gardening and had my daughter phone to ask if he and his g/f would like some of the green onions I was thinning. They said yes - we live about 2 blocks away. So my daughter ran them into them real quick on our way to the store.
Another ex is currently suffering through deep depression to the point that he has lost his house because he couldn't work (he was/is self-employed). He calls me to discuss his problems associated with it. I attempt to boost him and be his cheerleading squad of one, which includes urging him to seek psychological counselling in conjunction with the meds. A number of people disassociate themselves from people with depression because they don't understand it (I do because my ex of 35 years has suffered with it for many years and still does). His doctor told him to get out among people 3 times per week for at least two hours. He called and asked, as his friend, if I could help him out, being that the majority of his long time friends can't deal with his depression. So, on Saturday, we went to the local farmers market and then for a quick meal, then parted ways. We chat about how things are going for him often online, not even by phone.
The other ex was a long-distance relationship. I was telephoned a couple of weeks ago to let me know that he got married and to tell me where he had moved to and to catch me up on what he'd been doing the past year.
These are the types of interactions that friends have. None of this is kept as some big secret from my b/f and he encourages the friendships as I do with his ex, especially since they have a daughter of 10. You have friends because you care about them and vice versa and are interested in them as human beings. If you or they can't separate the fact that you once had sex with them and a past that entailed many things and you're afraid it will jump back to that, then yes, you have an issue where you'd be best advised to keep your distance. It has absolutely nothing to do with not being able to commit to the person you're currently with. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 9:05:14 AM |
anyone , men or women, who are in touch with any of his/her ex(s) are not respecting their current partner.
While I'm not technically 'friends' with any of my exes, your assertion in you op seems more than a little controlling to me. I'm wondering if you personally are threatened then by platonic friendships of your mate...you know the kind of relationship that comes about through interaction at a workplace, gym or some activity. It hardly matters what the scenario is really imo, if you don't have trust in you partner...a derailing can happen around the corner at a coffee shop.
I can not believe the level of insecurity and controlling-ness some people so proudly display and seem to think that it's normal or ok. Deny it all you want, but it's rank immaturity, insecurity and trust and control issues. Period.
^^^Agreed. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 9:49:54 AM | One of my best friends is an ex. And a coworker. Lol. He lived with me for almost 3 years after the dating relationship dissolved. Never once during that time did we cross any sexual lines even when we were both single. When me and my SO met he still lived with me. When we got engaged is when the decision was made for a relocation out of respect for my future husband and his role as man of the household.
We are still very good friends and my husband and him are too. Hell...they hang out more now than me and him do! I've been replaced. lol | |
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