| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 9:54:07 AM | | Bandito....where does all this anger and hatred come from? Everyp ost of yours comes across as YOU being unfit for relationships. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 10:19:13 AM | | dittos lovemesumboys. His posts prove absolutely nothing. He states something and believes because he states it it's fact, then clings to one other individual (hey boss) for affirmation of his beliefs. Funny, there are many more people who believe it's healthy and mature to be able to be friends with an ex than otherwise. He can hold strong to his beliefs. I'm living a great life (with a committed partner I just don't happen to live with). Can he say the same thing? I don't think so. One only has to read his profile again as well as a number of his posts to see what an angry and jaded individual he is. In fact, it sounds like he doesn't like women all that much, even though he would like to. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 10:25:13 AM | | I'm friends with my X, but I think it has taken a while and is just for the sake of my son. To be honest, if we hadn't had a child together I don't think we'd ever contact each other, but I guess each situation is different. If it's just an X girlfriend/boyfriend with no children involved then I guess there's really no need to keep up communication. However having said that I know plenty of people who have split and managed to stay friends with nothing more on the agenda. Basic thing is, if this situation is bothering you then how much do you really trust your partner? If you don't trust them then how can you possibly love them as a person? | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 10:45:15 AM | | bandito you are trying to rationalize with folk that are in a very small percentile. they are about a step up from swingers. who else would invite the drama of having ex's around in an atmosphere of such high divorce rates? all the more reason to create strong gender boundaries. sick people.....engaging others in intimacy is not a game. children emotionally harmed by divorce is almost commonplace and acceptable in this society. it's not a game either. improper boundaries with the opposite sex is a contributing factor in many divorces. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 10:50:44 AM | I have been friends with pretty much all my ex's. If anyone came into my life and told me I had to chose her over a friend I would tell her welcome to being one of my ex's now. You can join the group that I don't talk to.
Just because a relationship did not work does not mean that you can't still remain friends with that person.
I agree however that being friends with a ex should have it's limitations. Just because I am friends with them I'm not going to go over for drinks and dinner on Tuesday nights. That would be disrespectful to the person who I would be seeing. However if they called me because they were in a emergency I'm not going to turn my back on that person especially if I consider them a friend.
The ocassions that I would speak with my ex's are few and far in between and it's not a 2 hour conversation or anything. Being friends with a ex is a good thing in my book.
However if you think that being friends also includes late night booty calls when your angry with the person you are with ok then that is a completely different story and that would be unfair to the person you are with. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 11:09:35 AM | Sure sure Bandito. As I've stated, I'm not friends with my exes. I see no point. But I don't care if the person I'm dating is. Continue to deny your anger.
EDITvvv At your age, you really do need help. I don't have anger inside me. I'm going on how you come across in your posts. God, if I was married to you, I'd rather succumb to an illness too. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 11:18:08 AM | | its normal to be friends and keep positive relations with people you have loved in the past. wow.... narrow minded thinking on your part | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 11:43:25 AM | | wow the words of bandito are certainly ruffling some feathers here. i find his posts to be the most intelligent, mature and sane on this thread. he has values, you guys should try it some time. values are a good thing. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:45:02 PM |
Make a Wish: "Do you make friends only through relationships? I doubt you have any other friend."
And just WTH do YOU think a friendship IS if not a relationship?! And, actually, I've never f***ed MOST of my friends. I'm more interested to know if you f*** people without even knowing them since you appear not to feel the need to have a friendship with them first.
If you have big loose ***** than everything is small for you. It's relative. I am sorry for you. But there are some exercises I heard:)
ROFLMAO! Now you're just flinging sh** like the primates at the zoo.
Wind: "Although we've moved past that over the years, ain't no way in h*** I'd so much as kiss the man"
Make a Wish: "Tells much about your character."
The fact that I would not participate in a kiss with my ex?! Yeah... it says I HAVE character, integrity, and self-respect... along with a brain and I use it.
You might wanna consider not pi**ing into the wind, moron. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:32:38 PM | The reasoning for some people who believe you can't be friends with exes is pretty much desplayed here by those few that have a belief system that there will always be some kind of romantic entanglement. It's a very narrow view. They're the type of people who lawyers reject on juries because they already have their minds made up before they've even heard the facts of a case. For others who can't be friends with exes, it's because of the horrible life and/or horrible exit to the relationship, which is very understandable. In yet other cases, they just simply have no interest in being friends in the same way you lose touch or lose interest in any other friends you have in your life. Whatever works for you. I'm not advocating it should be for everyone. Where my "feathers get ruffled" is when some aszhat who knows nothing about other people's relationships figures he's got the answers based on his small minded views and lack of understanding that there are relationships that can and do end on a good note. To then deduce that the next step is a swingers life further proves the demented thinking. Wow...just wow.
=========VVVVV
Insecurity can very well be at the heart of it for some people, or any of what I've stated in the above paragraph. If a person has no rational reason for not wanting a partner or future partner to have contact with an ex, yup...that smacks of insecurity (fear) and control. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:40:08 PM |
To then deduce that the next step is a swingers life further proves the demented thinking.
Isn't it also wrong to deduce that those of use who are not comfortable with our partners remaining close to their exes are insecure, jealous, immature, and have trust issues? The labeling and name calling seems to swing both ways. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:54:33 PM | | I much rather someone to be friends with their ex than enemies, it is called maturity. I married my 2nd husband and when they celebrated both of their daughter's birthdays and grandchildren this included both families including the ex's and their spouse. My daugher and her ex also are doing the same thing, healthier for the children rather than revenge or hatred. This doesn't mean that they are getting back together. After my 2nd husband cheated his 1st wife when she heard through her daughters came to me as support. It was rough at first but after time it wasn't so bad and enjoyed myself and I wasn't the "Wicked Stepmother". After we divorced I was on a bowling team with my step-daughter and for another league her mother (the Ex) wanted to be on our bowling team but due to the Economy it didn't happen. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:45:14 PM | | you guys don't have a clue as to who bandito is. i would bet that he would be the first one available to help an ex in a difficult situation. but he is not the type to make any kind of regular catching up phone calls. thats what he is talking about. and that makes him a man of class and distinction. he has better and more creative things to do with his time than keeping the scraps of an old relationship alive. end it with respect and love, be there for each other in emergency or hard times within reason especially when he finds someone new. and only if his new woman is comfortable with it. real men act like this. take note. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:55:53 PM | ...and bandito has no clue as to who the rest of the people responding to this thread are. sleeping beauty, it sounds as though you are his friend. If you aren't his girlfriend, then you must be prepared for him to drop all connection to you if he ever meets someone to share his life with. Then again, you may not have slept with him so I guess that's where his line is drawn so you may well be able to continue the friendship with him and do the catch up online or phone call thing.
Anyway....this is pretty much one of those threads where you either understand or don't understand the other person's POV, so I'm off to get a bag of beet tops ready for my ex's girlfriend...he doesn't like them but she does. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 3:10:09 PM | | chameleonf: like the old saying goes........you are either a constructive person or a destructive person. sarcastic and childish replies to my last post put you in the second category. i happen to be on friendly terms with both of my boyfriends ex's since kids are involved. it bothers him when we talk too long so i keep it to pertinent business only about the kids in respect to him. and i just don't have a need to keep up with the old boyfriends. i don't like drama and if the ex's hanging around doesn't create drama i don't know what does. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 3:27:09 PM | The original post, written by a truly jealous, untrusting person!  I know it's hard for some to understand that a person is quite capable of being friends with others while not neglecting nor cheating on their partner, but mistrust comes from inside, which explains a lot about people who cannot & won't trust others without a huge blackhole needing to be filled, constantly, with proof of love & loyality. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 3:29:23 PM | | sleeping beauty...I wasn't being sarcastic or childish in my reply to your previous post. Seriously...you sound like you are a friend because you apparently know much about him and because you felt the need to defend...and you are of the opposite sex. It stands to reason that if you have not had a physical relationship with the individual in question, you may be allowed to remain his friend - maybe. The fact that you don't keep in touch with your old boyfriends because it causes you drama is likely a good thing. In your case you have drama...other people don't have the drama but they do have the friendship. As I said, different opinions and preferences for different people because of different life circumstances and different levels of (in)securities and control issues. You're either in favour of, against, or sit on the fence, depending on each individual situation and each individual personality. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:01:20 PM | chameleonf
i think you are making fool of yourself in this thread. none of your examples prove that keeping in touch is important or necessary.
there are many more people who believe it's healthy and mature to be able to be friends with an ex
does that make it a right thing? all the criminals believe that crime is good:)
how many of them are in LTR?
I'm living a great life (with a committed partner I just don't happen to live with).
you told everything about yourself by this line. You proved Bandito's claim that you are not fit for LTR. People like you are reason for fragmented society.
daynadaze
The original post, written by a truly jealous, untrusting person! a person is quite capable of being friends with others while not neglecting nor cheating on their partner
my question is not "can we be friends with exes?"
it is "should we be friends with exes?"
people can kill people does that mean people should kill people?
Should i compare being friends with exes to crime? Well Keeping in touch with exes hurts the new partner on your side and your ex's side, so it is little bit like crime:)
IS THERE A NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EXES?
NO
In normal cases, no not at all.
Will you die if you forget your exes? Does it matter if your exes are not in your life?
If yes, you should be with him/her. If you have multiple exes with whom you want to keep contacts, open a harem.
If no, then forget him/her.
In cases where kids are involved, you can just be "exes" not friends. Communication can be limited to kid's requirments. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:49:05 PM | bandito: As you seem to like to conduct personal surveys, take a count of how many people in this thread are in favour of remaining friends with exes, as opposed to not.
make a wish: If you deem true friendship as unneccsary and unimportant in one's life, no matter the journeys those friendships take along the way, I'm proud to be foolish. Actrually, the only foolish thing I'm doing at the moment is continuing to debate with individuals who have such a closed-minded "my way is the only way" attitude. The question was, as stated in the thread title, is "Is it fair to be friends with your ex?" The answer for many is "yes". It depends on who you are and what type of people you have in a relationship. If you don't want to be friends with exes and they don't want to be friends with you, great. Because I'm friends with exes and it's totally platonic, the type of person I sought was one who was secure enough in himself and me to be extremely comfortable with it. I tend to like secure individuals. Equating the ability to kill people with "should people be killed" is too far out in left field to be an equal analogy. Will people die if exes aren't in their lives?..of course not. Neither will people die if they're friends with exes. So what's you're point?? Open a harem?...omfg...again, back to sex. What's the preoccupation with sex? Wait, don't bother answering because there is no debating with you. I can agree that you are uncomfortable with exes/friends and that is your right. Too bad you can't see that other people have their right to their own comfort zones.
 I'm out of this one for good. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:52:56 PM | | chameleonf: i have never met bandito. i have read several of his posts on this thread only, and completely get what he is saying. he has presented an intelligent and comprehensive viewpoint, and his compassion and wisdom shine through. he's a quality guy. i don't like or need to hang out with my ex's. i could give you several examples of why it creates drama but i don't even want to recall because it's just plain boring. my current guy rarely if ever exhibits jealousy but he has mentioned that he doesn't want to meet any of my ex's. thats a no-brainer for me. | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 122 | |
| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:58:46 PM |
I'm sorry you find it hard to believe but I don't get jealous. When I was 18 and 19, I might have gotten jealous. But I don't see the point in jealousy.
Wow Man I have been reading the back and forth stuff, and Honestly I agree with alot of what you said, as a matter of fact I dont think I could word it as good as you.
Often on this site people with opinions like you and me will seem to be the minority and people will try and make it look as though we are the idiots, the insecure ones etc etc..In all Reality We know the truth and we have that true Joy knowing that the few who understand are the lucky ones who really have a clue.. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:39:25 PM | chameleonf
Wish you a better life than being on POF. Thanks for contributing your ideas. This thread is meant for a healthy debate with logical arguments and to discuss things which can improve your life if taken in a positive way. Many a times, we dont recognise the mistakes we make in life and keep repeating them. Such discussions can prove to be an eye opener. | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:27:05 PM | Let me put it another way
Please remain friendly with your EX...OK?
Did you ever date, or, been involved with someone that has a rage on...a fcuking hard on ..and a fight and deep hatred around their EX. ????
Welcome to frigginn HelI...and you're standin' in the middle of it just going....
I wish they would just be friends. Please God...just let them be friends.
We all get the point you're trying to make there, (you few above and ...well, whoever else.....who have taken this teensy thread and ran to helI with it.
we get it..ok??
 KimBo | |
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| Is it fair to be friends with your ex?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:37:07 PM |
Did you ever date, or, been involved with someone that has a rage on...a fcuking hard on ..and a fight and deep hatred around their EX. ????
I am not suggesting hating your ex when i say dont be friends with them. I am saying dont communicate or keep in touch, dont cling to your past. If this is done then the problem you are bringing will not be there. Let them be EX not FRIEND or ENEMY. | |
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