| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:13:03 PM | | You can be upset/mad all you want but it's irrelevant at this point really. As hard as it may be MOVE ON, dont waste your time. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:14:33 PM | | time to let go and move on...and u have every right to be upset | |
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| Holy freaking over-analysis, Batman!!!
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:35:46 PM | | Yeah this sucks even more... My fault in a way but she had something that looked like a zit above her lip... Yeah I found out last minute it was a fever blister... Now I got it.... Which I heard is a sign of herpes. | |
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| Holy freaking over-analysis, Batman!!!
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:39:35 PM |
Yeah this sucks even more... My fault in a way but she had something that looked like a zit above her lip... Yeah I found out last minute it was a fever blister... Now I got it.... Which I heard is a sign of herpes.
WTF? She had herpes and didn't tell you? I might have killed her if I were you.  | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:39:46 PM | | It's called passive aggressive and I would suggest extricating yourself from the ride regardless of what she does or does not decide to do. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:54:36 PM | | You have every right to be upset. I know how hard it is when you are willing to work on a relationship with someone who has emotional issues and then all of a sudden they are interested in someone else. The fact is that she DOES have emotional issues. I have realized that no matter how many other things I might share in common with someone (interests, philosophies, enjoyment being together, background, etc.) - it really is pointless if you both are not at the same emotional level. Don't give up - there's someone out there on your level that you will connect to - but don't waste anymore time & energy on that one. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 5:57:42 PM | | Yeah when I found out it was a fever blister. She said she knew it was herpes but she swears she has no idea she could spread it... | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:01:15 PM | There is something else no other posters are talking about, you need to get therapy as well. It is not just about giving her space, there is something really off in your behaviour, to allow this type of drama to go on. You also dont seem to realize, that it is okay for you to be upset when someone lies or manipulates you in a so called relationship. There is a part of you that is trying to save a person that has already told you, that she has done this on numerous occasions.
Go get therapy! You need it, because you will continue to do the same over and over again. Im just hoping that the 2 of you do not have any children.
No one is saying that she had a right! That is just it, she doesnt, but I cant tell you that. It is not my place, you are allowing someone to be destructive in your life. She gave you cold sores, (that you think might be herpes) she possibly cheat on you. All in a span of 2 weeks, and you already have stated that you are upset because she ended the relationship with no regards about your feelings.
You are an enabler, plain and simple and blaming other posters for telling you a simple truth about being a door mat is not going to stop this behaviour. However, going to therapy might! | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:11:20 PM | It's called having a heart and thinking of other people... If you care enough about them... She asked me to give her more time. I kept telling her if this continues I'm gone... I do have self respect in myself... I gave her plenty of time. But for those people that are saying I was acting like a door mat and she walked all over me... Your just as bad as she is thinking oh she had a right to do this to me because of the way I was acting?
If you want a sweet guy, and if your a great girl you wouldn't take advantage of them in the first place... Simple as that and use them as a door mat... As far as all these profiles I see why can't i meet a great guy or a great girl... Look at yourself in the mirror first... | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:27:02 PM | well sorry about your situation but she does sound like a slut bomb!!
aka hey i cheat on you and then blow up and make a scene blaming you for it
so yeah nothing personal but run like hell she might try to knife you in your sleep!!
or do the Lorena Bobbet!!! | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:31:38 PM | Yes...
It's noted that you have a heart (25 x's)....
Yes, you as i said " really want to be that Knight"....
"You keep telling her" yes, whilst she keeps asking for yet another chance.
So, you do need a little more respect for yourself, a heart is a heart but if someone wants to abuse it, you need self respect.
Don't stoop either to "Verbal abuse"
Look at yourself in the mirror first... | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:46:28 PM | OP, the push-you-away and pull-you-back behavior you describe is one of the nine traits of an affliction called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If your ex does have strong traits of BPD, that push-pull behavior is occurring because she has an extreme fear of both intimacy and abandonment. Hence, when you draw near to her, she feels like she is being engulfed by your strong personality, causing her to push you away in anger. Yet, as you back off to give her the needed space, she becomes very fearful of being abandoned -- as seems to have occurred when "she got scared and begged me not to go."
If she has strong BPD traits, a light bulb shoud go off in your head when you read a short article at BPDfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm. It clearly describes what a relationship is like with a person who has high functioning BPD (if she were low-functioning, you likely would not have been dating her). Another excellent description is at curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=780158.
In a nutshell, you will find that a woman with strong BPD traits has no stable self-image or ego. Hence, when she is attracted to you, she will mirror your personality, taking on your likes and dislikes -- giving you the impression you have met your "soul mate." That behavior, together with her extremely passionate nature, creates a honeymoon period that lasts until the verbal abuse starts occuring. The abuse is so unpredicatable (being triggered by harmless comments you make) that you feel you are always walking on eggshells. You describe that sort of behavior as a "mood swing." With BPD, however, moods do not "swing" in any meaningful way. That is, the bad moods do not occur with any regularity in response to body chemistry changes (as occurs with bipolar disorder). Instead, a tantrum or bad mood is triggered by an event and then it quickly ends -- usually within 5 hours to a day and a half later.
Those characteristics are reflected in the titles of classic books on this subject: "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me." Because such a woman was abused or abandoned in childhood, she has a deep hurt that makes her unhappy and creates a strong need for drama. The result is that, as your relationship progresses, she increasingly resents you due to your inability to fix her and make her happy. Moreover, because her current emotions are so strong that they overwhelm her past emotions, she will have easy access only to her recent feelings. Hence, nothing you do will be appreciated for more than a week or two. Instead, it will always be "what have you done for me lately?"
At this point, it is important to recognize that the codependent (i.e., people-pleaser) aspects of your personality may make you a sitting duck for other women with strong BPD traits. There is some danger, then, that you will be sucked into another BPD relationship if you don't take the time to learn how to identify the nine BPD traits, which are explained at the websites cited above. Two other good sites are BPDCentral.com and bpd411.org.
Of course, the website information will not enable you to determine if your ex's BPD traits are so severe that they rise to a level warranting a clinical diagnosis of BPD. Only a trained psychologist can make such a diagnosis. But, to determine whether someone is too selfish to be good marriage material, you don't have to be a psychologist who can determine whether the selfishness is severe enough to be called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Likewise, you can learn to recognize strong BPD traits when they occur. The websites will explain why BPD sufferers are so attractive, why they appear to be your "soul mate," why they are so passionate, why you cannot possibly fix them, why their anger can be triggered in 10 seconds by an idle comment, and why it is unsafe for you to be living with one of them. I wish you the best of luck! | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:51:26 PM | I'm just wondering can't these be signs or symptoms of bipolar disorder?
Some fluctuation of emotion in a young girl can be attributed to immaturity or hormones - but to this extreme?
Makes me think it's something she is not capable of controlling on her own.
Generally I do know that people who are bipolar tend to want to dwell with people who don't confront them on how erratic their behavior and emotion choices are. Many people suffer from this and do not know it, and are unable to understand their own responses and impulses....and find it easier to be with people who are equally unreliable for them.
? Could be your experience with her was about that? | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:09:16 PM | Op Posted: (She started becoming more mean it turned into verbal abuse then I hear 10 mins later baby Im sorry... I finally got fed up decided to defend myself and say something back... Now its all my fault? Anyways I gave her like 25 chances and I was still willing to stand by her... sShe knows deep down she messed up our relationship. Then the arguments that she started and she said she has a hard time thinking before she says something...
She turns around and says well we arguing alot... She ended the relationship just like that... Only thinking of herself... By saying I need time and I need to go find myself. After her friends talked to her which her friends have never met me which she took their side and not mine... When I've been nothing but good to her... Yesterday we had a calm discussion. I told her I wanna work this out she mentioned every relationship i get into I mess it up)
It sounds like based off of these comments they both might be bipolar or have BPD. The reason why I have such admancy about this issue is because I use to work as a social worker in a shelter. The only duty I had was going through medical and psychological reports on the residents. There are so a lot of males as females that have problems maintaining a health relationship, they prefer dysfunction. This is always ignored when pertaining to the man.
Hence, why some women say he didnt love me and I did everything for him . Sometimes, you want to scream, just in certain cases but not every case. Honey you was not dysfunctional enough for him. Just as a lot of women love and thrive on dysfunction in relationships, so do a lot of men.
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:55:25 PM | Actually I got fed up with her once... She started crying I made fun of her and said I'm not falling for it... Then she slapped me across the face... So yeah sorry folks forgot to mention that... :0) | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:27:04 PM | ^^^^^^^^^
So that's why you're still with her  | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:42:14 PM | Quit worrying about diagnosing her and figure out at what point did you decide that her happiness is more important than yours. She's unstable and unsuitable for dating. That's enough to make a decision for yourself. Don't overthink things like this.
Finding her mental health is her job. Keeping your mental health is yours. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:00:35 PM |
Do I have a right to be upset about this?
If I say, "No", you won't be upset? I can't believe you have to ask for permission to be upset. And I can't believe that other people are actually grating you such permission as if it is their the grant.
Dump her. Call her and officially end it.
I don't know about you, but I generally have no tolerance for bullshit. From what you wrote, it sounds like you are in for some major bullshit. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:51:42 AM | She does need to find herself.
Until she can recognize and own her feelings in general, she'll continue on this same course. She filters her world through ill feelings. It's not the world she needs to make to be a certain way, but rather to deal with her ill feelings first so that the world can come to her.
Particularly about verbal abuse. If a monkey lives with it's tail cut off, it may try to cut off the tails of other monkeys to help equalize things. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:23:28 AM | LOL! sound like my Ex almost copy/paste.
Very sweet, attentive and caring..until her mrs Hyde side show up and her abuse, both verbal and physical came out.
Nothing to be done with: she is bi-polar and there is NO cure for it yet, just medications to slightly atone the variables.
Endure or leave, those are your choices. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:40:59 AM | By your writing only, she sounds a bit sociopathic to me.
These kinds of people are very good at manipulating every mood and casting blame from themselves onto those around them.
You just need to take a deep breath and look over your shoulders as she rolls off.....and keep moving forward without looking back....just keep breathing that sigh of relief. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:09:43 AM | ^^^^got a few issues, yourself, eh?
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:38:39 AM |
Do I have a right to be upset about this? Thanks for reading...
Of course you do. But more importantly, I question why you wouldn't be jumping for joy that you don't have to put up with another bipolar moment with this girl.
Apparently loving and honoring yourself isn't at the top of your list.
Rejoice, sanity is at hand! And the darkness has released you! Wooot! | |
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| Holy freaking over-analysis, Batman!!!
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:41:45 AM | pilotforlife: Yeah I found out last minute it was a fever blister... Now I got it.... Which I heard is a sign of herpes.
mcwr- WTF? She had herpes and didn't tell you? I might have killed her if I were you
You're confusing HSV1 with HSV2.
Over 80% of the population has been exposed to HSV1 by adolesence, and is a carrier of the virus. Most do not ever show symptoms and those that do, are usually limited to cold sores on the outside of the mouth.
Kissing someone who has an active sore will expose you to the virus as it's very contagious but like I said the odds are that you have already been exposed to it and you wont ever show symptoms. | |
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| verbal abuse
Posted: 8/23/2009 12:46:22 PM | | When verbal abuse raises its ugly head, suggest abuser seek help and meds. | |
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