| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:19:49 PM | | to be honest i have dated single moms and i will not ever hesitate to do it again i will say i seem to get the same problem with people not wanting to date me because im a single dad so i know your feeling | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/4/2009 8:09:39 PM |
...would men really date a 23 year old mother with kids as young as mine??? It's not about you. Not at all. It's about your kids. They should be your priority. If they are, don't worry about a guy. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/5/2009 5:30:17 AM |
I know its about my kids and they are my top priority. But that dont mean I cant think about a guy...
Well hopefully for your children's sake you find the right one this time. Good luck. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:18:36 PM | All I can say is you're lucky your post thread is still up and running lol, I asked a question similar to this one last month, (twice) and both times it was deleted, hahaha... You're young you really have nothing to worry about you have plenty of time, someone will come along when you least expect it, I know that saying is cliche but its the truth.. just be patient... =)  | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:36:12 PM | You have THREE kids and you are on a dating site at 23....hummmmm gimme a freakin break....the girl that posted before me was RIGHT ON the money......DONT worry about any men and just worry about your children... You think JUST because you are a single mother that allows you to screw around and look for men to be with and raise your children.....HAHAHAHAHA....
Oh, I have an idea, how bout YOU get your stuff together for YOUR children and make a life for THEM and stop worrying about YOUR needs... | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:20:39 PM | Jennifer that's where you're dead wrong kid, as soon as you say your kids are your top priority that eliminates 94.5% of eligible men, 4.5% of the remaining men are freaks with fetishes and leaves about 1% guy who would accept you and your children.
If your kids are you top priority you shouldn't date, you cant have it both ways, you wouldn't expect a man and he has a dog,and he says my dog is my number one priority because he/she is a puppy and only 4 weeks old? what then. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:00:05 PM | | i'm 23 and a parent of one. personally I agree with most of what people have said here, especially mahogany-rush. i know you love your children and while yes they are your world you need to set aside time to date and have focus on that rather than your kids 24/7. having all that stuff about your kids in a dating profile has to be extremely intimidating for some guys out there too. it's more than possible but be sure that a potential mate understands that they are dating you, not the four of you. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:40:07 PM | TO BEHOLDER123.... This is what you said..
You have THREE kids and you are on a dating site at 23....hummmmm gimme a freakin break....the girl that posted before me was RIGHT ON the money......DONT worry about any men and just worry about your children... You think JUST because you are a single mother that allows you to screw around and look for men to be with and raise your children.....HAHAHAHAHA....
Oh, I have an idea, how bout YOU get your stuff together for YOUR children and make a life for THEM and stop worrying about YOUR needs...
FIRST OFF.. YOU DONT KNOW ME AND YOUR BASHING ME?? WTF?? Yes, I'm 23 and on a dating site! Thats because I dont go out to the bars to meet men, like you probably do! Yes I am a young single mother but I do not screw around and I dont know where the hell you got that from! I raise my kids and they have a daddy so I'm NOT looking for anyone to raise my kids!! Also, I have my stuff together! I have a good job making great money and I love my job, I own my van, my home will be paid off in 2 years.. What do you have?? I will worry about my needs but my kids needs will always come first! I dont know who the hell you think you are! I did ask a question but you had NO RIGHT to jump back like that and say I dont have my stuff together and that I screw around and want some man to raise my kids! Honey, your ALL WRONG!! | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:52:37 PM | Beholder wtf was that for?
She never said she wanted a man to raise her children, nor did she say she doesnt have her stuff together. Where do you get the idea she isnt making a life for them?
Coming from another single mother on a dating site, that is one huge ASSumption and stupid cruel comment you are making.
OP: everything comes in due time. Some may be intimidated by you having 3 kids at a young age, but one day the mana of your dreams will pop up and wont mind a bit. Cupid will strike one day. Until he does just enjoy being single and fabulous. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:01:23 PM |
I raise my kids and they have a daddy so I'm NOT looking for anyone to raise my kids!!
I see this sort of statement all the time....
Ok... so supposing you meet a guy and decide to have a long term relationship.... (maybe even marriage)....afterall, for most people that is the goal of dating.... you move in together....
So since you don't want the guy to raise your kids, please define his role....
Particularly, say about rules in the house.... chores, telling the kids to go to bed, turn off the lights, discipline... Will he make food for them?, or is that not part of his responsibility? Can he ignore them completely? Will he pick up after them or just ignore it...? Will he help with homework, or ignore them? Fix bicycles? Fix toys?
If one of the kids needs a ride does he get to opt out of providing it...?
Will you for example pay the bulk of expenses as you and your kids will consume more food, water, gas, electric than he will....likewise, rent or mortgage costs if the place needs to be larger to accomodate 3 kids...than say for a childless couple... (unless of course the guy has his own comparable number of kids...)
I'd really like to see someone explain this.... | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:06:16 PM |
I raise my kids and they have a daddy so I'm NOT looking for anyone to raise my kids!!
I see this sort of statement all the time....
Ok... so supposing you meet a guy and decide to have a long term relationship.... (maybe even marriage)....afterall, for most people that is the goal of dating.... you move in together....
So since you don't want the guy to raise your kids, please define his role....
Particularly, say about rules in the house.... chores, telling the kids to go to bed, turn off the lights, discipline... Will he make food for them?, or is that not part of his responsibility? Can he ignore them completely? Will he pick up after them or just ignore it...? Will he help with homework, or ignore them? Fix bicycles? Fix toys?
If one of the kids needs a ride does he get to opt out of providing it...?
Will you for example pay the bulk of expenses as you and your kids will consume more food, water, gas, electric than he will....likewise, rent or mortgage costs if the place needs to be larger to accomodate 3 kids...than say for a childless couple... (unless of course the guy has his own comparable number of kids...)
I'd really like to see someone explain this....
That whole scenario reminded me of living with a bunch of room mates at and after college. Does anyone remember putting dots of different colors on your milk, your butter, your eggs, etc., on your stuff in the refrigeratior and in the cabinets?
That is what this whole post reminds me of. It seems impossible to gel as one family under these circumstances. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:10:02 AM | I would feel lucky to find a nice, considerate young woman. Kids would actually be a bonus because there would be a better chance we share the same values - Kids and family.
What kind of guy are you wanting? If you want the 'bad boy" I doubt he would want kids or be good with them. You are going to have to look for the lamer tamer domestic guy. (read OLDER) | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:00:37 AM | NewCaneyTX......
I would much rather a older man. Not to old but yes, older.. lol. I dont like the "bad boy" type, been there and done that, not for me! I want someone who knows what they want in life and has goals. Not someone who parties every weekend and isnt going anywhere with their life! | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:10:04 AM | I raise my kids and they have a daddy so I'm NOT looking for anyone to raise my kids!!
I'd really like to see someone explain this....
I know this is going to sound crude but maybe they are just looking for a few dates and a good fvck. And I definitely do not mean that in a derogatory way. They aren't all looking for a LTR even if their profiles say they are. They don't want to attract all the creeps and want to at least have an illusion of romance but come on.....they don't all want to marry the next smoking gun or even move in with them.
Forgive me if this post is hard to read. Just getting done with some horrible bug and all jacked up on dayquil/nyquil still. lol | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:05:03 AM |
I dont like the "bad boy" type, been there and done that, not for me! I want someone who knows what they want in life and has goals. Not someone who parties every weekend and isnt going anywhere with their life!
This should be posted in every "Why don't the Nice Guys get a chance!" thread... If they hold out long enough, they finally get the girl and then they get to raise the "bad boys" kids... | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:33:48 AM | Having toddlers will make an impact.Now, your children require almost 24/7 supervision. As they grow and become more independent, you will be more available and able to supply the commitment a man deserves with his commitment.
I know 2 women who were in almost identical shoes. Now, at age 29 and 30 and all of their kids in grade school, one is engaged and the other likely will be soon.
Give it a couple of years. Your stress level will drop and you'll appear more attractive. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:18:24 AM | | I think the others are right, it may take some time. Most people ready for that commitment are a bit older. But there is that someone out there I'm sure. They just haven't grown into it yet. Just remember not to settle, and that having kids is plus not a minus to many guys. Most guys ready for that would be 30's and up, so just enjoy what you have until you find someone ready to shoulder that responsibility. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:20:47 AM | (I hope I'm doing this right, it's my first post)
Some men will some wont. Its all part of what people want. I dont think guys are bad for not wanting to be involved with someone who has kids, after all, kids are for life!
I used to talk to a bloke, he was about 36 and he has no children. He once told me that it is near enough impossible to find a woman to date who hasnt already got children, and he would much prefer a woman like himself where they would only have their own children. Now he posted this in a public forum and he had a swarm of single parents ripping him to shreds. He understands at his age there are many women at that age who have already been married and had children, but he didnt understand why women had an issue with him not wanting to take on others kids.
I fully agreed with him on his stance.
When you have children, dating is a whole new thing for us. When we're looking for a partner, we have to think long term in a sense. I mean if you meet a guy, if things are going to work out it is inevitable hes going to have to meet your children, and of course get on with them. If you think further down the line - moving in together - he will be taking on you and your children, financially and emotionally supporting everyone. Not every guy wants that, and I dont think its a bad thing, its a personal choice thing. After all we all have our preferences on what we want in a partner.
No one should have to defend their situation by saying theyre not looking for a replacement daddy etc, you have kids and thats it. Any man is welcome to accept and be happy with that or feel its not for him.
I know most women, when they have their children, they may be married or with someone, and when we have our kids we arent thinking ahead that one day we might be looking for someone else, hell I dont think anyone would ever think "I best not have my child in case I end up single and no guy wants me".
Appreciate your children, theyre more important than any partner. I'd happily die single as long as I have my kids. Not every guy isnt looking to meet someone with kids, but in my experience most guys arent put off.
Men shouldnt be thought badly of for it. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:06:46 PM | | LISAKINS... I respect what you just said! I know what you mean also. I know its sometimes hard for a men to put into a relationship with a single mom, esp her having 3 kids.. And I do agree with you. I would rather die single as long as I have my kids. Some people on here put me down because I said I put my kids first. But sorry, my kids will always come first in my life! And if men cant understand that, then sorry!! I will not mistreat or put off my kids for anyone. Yes, I would get a babysitter or whatever to go out but thats it. My kids are my kids and will always be my life! If I stay single because of that then oh well!! | |
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