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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 2:28:45 PM | Jennifer, why don't you stop putting words in peoples mouths, nobody said not to put your children first, why don't re read what most of said S L O W L Y , what some of said was, if you're going to put your children first you shouldn't be dating, its not saying you have to put the guy first then your kids.
Tell me what guy your age is going to want a instant family, and be put in second position, is that fair to the guy? you're only seeing it from your point of view, then again guys your age will see things from their point of view. SOME of you single mom kills me, you chastise guys for not seeing past you have children yet you place unrealistic expectation on the guy, " oh my children are my life and they come first" " my babies are number one priority" Well Hello .. no kidding what guy wants to be told that??
How would you feel if you meet the man of your dreams and he tells from the get go, " my children I have custody of is the number one thing in my life" or " my priority is my children" even though you have kids and he sees you on HIS time, how would that make you feel?
By the way You're the one on here asking for help? | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:02:05 PM | After going back and reading more thoroughly, I agree.
She asks for mens points of view on the matter. Theyve given it.
I can see how she would not feel happy at a man having that attitude, however she still must accept it.
Any woman with kids will put their children first, all men understand that, just some men want to find a woman where they will be first, not put first over kids, but first where there arent any kids. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:14:54 PM | Jennifer0214
I understand what you are saying. It is our duty as a mother to protect, love and teach our children, so that when they are of age, they are capable of taking care of themselves.
Most men on a dating site are aware of this, and commend you for taking responsibility and fulfilling that role. However, they do not need to hear it. Whenever that special man does enter into your life, he will also want to be part of your world. He will want to know that he is important to you, just as important as your children. No words need to be said that "my children are important to me and come first". You are mother hen, and you have a priority to fulfill, he understands that. Instead, tell the man how important he is to you, and he will thrive.
I once dated a man who told me just that..."My daughter is important to me and comes first". I too have children, I know that. I found those words to be very insulting. Made me feel like I was chicken liver, and not worth the time of day. That relationship did not progress, as I was devalued.
I also married a second time, and had 2 children in tow. I made sure that I chose my words wisely, as I wanted a partner, an equal, and someone who could love my kids, just as much as I did. There are men out there, wonderful men.
Right now, it would be best if you take the time to love and nurture your little ones. They need you. Then when they enter into the schooling system and you have more time available to you, then start the dating process. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:48:38 PM | Educate yourself on building a loving and stable (mental/emotion/physical) , work hard, buy a home, exercise it's good for your own well being and a good example for your children, and I promise you the men will come in groves and then you will sit back and ask them what they are bringing to the table- hah!!! | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 11:01:06 AM | Jennifer,
I will admit I was harsh but it's because it hit a sore spot.......I have a hard enough time raising ONE child with a great job and a house- I OWN- and two cars- I OWN-..........And to let you know.....I havent been with ANYONE in 3.5 yrs because I CANNOT imagine sacrificing my time with my son...THAT being said...MY ex is GREAT and has my son part time, we are very loving parents to our child.....which left me wondering, if you have your children -THREE OF THEM- and you have time to work, take care of a home AND DATE.....Either YOU are lying about your situation or there is actually more time in the day on whatever the planet you are living on ...
Sorry dear but you dont make any sense. Like it or hate it, I am just being honest...
Sorry if I offended you, YOU asked.... | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:00:49 PM | Wow what a read. Pretty harsh atmosphere here. Being a single dad of a beautiful girl who unfortunately does not live with me or even in the same city. All of you with kids should feel very lucky you have that chance to be with your wonderful children each day and see them at will. I would give anything to see my princess everyday after work, and tuck her in everynight, and then wake up to her in the morning. Jennifer... yes there are plenty of men that would date you with three kids and it may take time or it may happen tomorow. If any of us had a clue we would probably not be on this site. Just beyourself and keep your kids number one and you will find the right man.
Cheers everyone to loving parents  | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:04:04 PM |
Wow what a read. Pretty harsh atmosphere here. Being a single dad of a beautiful girl who unfortunately does not live with me or even in the same city. All of you with kids should feel very lucky you have that chance to be with your wonderful children each day and see them at will. I would give anything to see my princess everyday after work, and tuck her in everynight, and then wake up to her in the morning. Jennifer... yes there are plenty of men that would date you with three kids and it may take time or it may happen tomorow. If any of us had a clue we would probably not be on this site. Just beyourself and keep your kids number one and you will find the right man.
Cheers everyone to loving parents
What is stopping you from seeing your own child? | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:07:37 PM | | Well after working ten hours a day to afford a two bedroom condo for me and my girl, i cant just get up and drive the 2.5 hours to see my girl, see her for a half hour before its her bed time and then drive back to make it home by 11. I do however get great visits every second weekend which i love and they are amazing. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:19:22 PM | | Yeah it was harsh, yes I did ask BUT I ASKED MEN.. Not you! I do a great job with raising my children! Just because I wanna date dont mean I will take time away from my kids! They go to bed at 8. If I wanna go out with someone then it will be after they go to bed or when they are at their dads. If the guy dont understand that then oh well, to bad for him! And no I'm not lying about my situation, maybe I know how to manage my time! You have hit a nerve with me also. Being rude instead of being a lil nicer! I dont like being a b!tch but I feel you have left me no choice! Next time you wanna post in a fourm maybe you should look at the subject! | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:21:55 PM | Arc Flash--
I'm sorry that you dont get to see your lil girl that often! I know it would drive me crazy to go that long without seeing my kids! I know they said move closer, but I dont think they understand that its just not that easy! Her mom should work with you a little more!! | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:32:27 PM |
Arc Flash--
I'm sorry that you dont get to see your lil girl that often! I know it would drive me crazy to go that long without seeing my kids! I know they said move closer, but I dont think they understand that its just not that easy! Her mom should work with you a little more!!
That is a very good point. The mom should move halfway and Arc Flash could move halfway. Or at least they both could move a little closer together than they are now, to facilitate the dad's relationship with his own child. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/10/2009 9:05:28 PM | | No self respecting man is going to date a single mother with 3 kids (unless hes like 60). End of discussion. Now if you want to indulge yourself in fairy tales and prince charming, that is a completely different forum. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 4:28:03 PM | | Most good guys if they want to have kids want to have their own and definitely not to raise 3(!!!!!!!!) from another dude. If a man doesn't want to have biological kids he is usually the same guy who doesn't want to be around someone else kids. Especially in that young age. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 4:48:09 PM | I don't think it has anything to do with the men not wanting your children. It is always an issue of babysitting, last minute cancellations, children getting sick. It is difficult to date when you have three small children and you work besides. What time to you really have to date them?
I am a single parent of two kids. One of them is already an adult. This doesn't mean that it was easy and there was 9 years in between both children. The rules are always the same and sometimes for the parents of one child. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:43:51 PM |
Most good guys if they want to have kids want to have their own and definitely not to raise 3(!!!!!!!!) from another dude. If a man doesn't want to have biological kids he is usually the same guy who doesn't want to be around someone else kids. Especially in that young age.
perhaps then i am in a minority. i already have two children of my own and am 37 years old. when i think about going through that whole "pregnancy thing" and having more babies, sometimes i wince at the thought. i am very open to the idea of having more children and sometimes meeting a single mother with children is a more "convenient" option. | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 7:28:53 PM | 23 with 3 small children is a pretty big commitment. Period.
You're going to have some trouble, simply because of that - 23 year old guys are all testosterone and adventure - settling down is not a common plan for guys that age, so the guy you're looking for is a rare one.
You can't say that you're not looking for a daddy for the kids - in the end, you're a package deal, and whoever you wind up with long term will be daddy, whether you think so or not! They will find a role model in whoever is close - they learn by modeling their behavior on the adults, and so this guy will be responsible for forming their opinions about proper male behavior. You have to keep this in mind when finding someone to date, because you may accept someone who's a bit of a creep, because he's fun, but when children are involved, those personality flaws aren't quite so forgivable!
In the end, you need to focus on the positive in your life - because your children are very young, your life kinda revolves around them, but don't let that end your life. You're taking care of yourself and them, so remember to take care of yourself in that bargain!
Focus on developing a routine with the kids that allows for your 'me time', and that way you're able to have a relationship, the guy you're with doesn't feel that he's competing with the kids for your time, and you don't get overwhelmed. You need to find a balance in your life. There are plenty of guys out there (though they're rarer at your age) that want the family, like kids, etc. There aren't too many that you'll find that can deal with having to sneak time with you because your life is your kids.
Kids will try to dominate your time - that's really what most kid behavior revolves around, attention. By focusing on a schedule, keeping them in a routine, you are giving them the predictability that they need - they know when 'me' time is and you know when your 'me' time is, and they don't work as hard at diverting your attention to them (and remember, stopping to deal with a tantrum means they still have your attention!) | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:44:49 PM | | I don't want to sound harsh, because its commendable that you take care of your children, your best bet is probably an old guy that's infertile and can't have his own kids. As a 23 year old male, let me give you our typical perspective. I have lofty ambitions and lots of things I want to do and places to see. I want to explore the Andes, see China and Japan, maybe get a couple more degrees. All this requires time and money. Why would you throw that all away to instead spend all your time and money on somebody else's kids? What self-respecting man would possibly do that? Please don't take that personally, just some general observations | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 10:56:44 PM | first ...your focus are your children...you need to get yourself together...you are separated...so your relationship with the father did not work...hopefulyy he will be there being their dad and financially helping you...Think about the future with your children...if you do date...be casusal...you do not need any drama...and your children need all your attention...it is time for you to be unselfish...your needs do not exist...your children need to be happy and stable...having a mom worrrying about her love life is not good...men will not solve your problems...you need to be the strong one...i was a single mother...i did date...but i was in a long relationship...my ex boyfriend became a father figure...and i only had one child...plus i did take time out around a year just for my son and I...Please focus on your children...everything else will come naturally...Good luck...Bring them to church...  | |
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| MEN HELP ME PLEASE!! I'm 23 with 3 small children....
Posted: 8/11/2009 11:02:17 PM | i have read some of your response...wake up and stop daydreaming...you will date...that is not a problemm...but being serious...come on let's get real...i am a female but i dated men...it is hard for them to accept one child...three young children...you are only 23 years old...you would be looking for somebody older ...maybe in their mid-30's...i am confused...why are you in a hurry to find a men? can not be on your own? need to love yourself...set boundaries and respect yourself...being a mother is a challenging job but a rewarding job...my son is eighteen ...and he is a gem...you think if i was running around dating everybody ...he would be a sucess...no ...i did focus on family time and church is important...take it from a pro...Good luck | |
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