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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 1:45:39 AM | i adopted my three teens when i had acute lyme disease. i often had to support them and my ex as he continued to lose his jobs. there are some things i just cannot do with the lymes still. i suppose the one thing i truly miss is a hefty, hard and long hike up the mountains. so many of my friends are actively athletic and stronger than me physically.
but, so far i'm way up on the chart with emotional and spiritual strength. i get things done! i have done some amazing things professionally before my lymes. i believe that my lymes is just a spiritual space in my stay on earth to adopt my kids. i wanted to do this since i was five years old. it took me forty five years. if not doable by myself, i hire assistance for a physically demanding project-- or i break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces ,which take longer, but so what? some just give up or don't even bother and they are physically "able". or, i create alternatives. not everything has to be perfect.
so, if someone cannot hack my health history, well then ta ta! i look good and i smell good and i'm a pretty dam-n good person! i want the same in my mate, not some cranky judgemental irritant in my life. i would imagine that some who are 100 percent activity prone, would not be a match for me. however, most people have different aspects to their lives. i imagine that some of that would fit into my reportoire with a man who shared "chemistry"! i think that if you have chemistry, not to be confused with lust, you can make things work, because it's worth it.  | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:23:51 AM | Honey, when you're in love it won't matter if your guy's sportin' three heads and is in a wheelchair. When I met the love of my life I found out the first week about a health problem that he had that would affect a future with any woman...not just me.
It didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now. True love is unconditional. If you found out your best friend had cancer or was mentally ill would you leave them? I should hope not. I used to have this long list of what I wanted in someone...until I met him then everything in the world I thought I knew about what love was supposed to be was thrown out the window but I do know one thing. When you find the right person...if he resides under a bridge and has open wounds all over his body it won't even matter. I've landed the most wonderful, caring man in the world. He isn't rich. He isn't divorced yet. He lives in his RV and has some health issues that we'll have to deal with for years to come but every minute spent with this man is like magic and our relationship is the closest thing to a fairy tale that I've ever experienced in my life.
Sans | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:52:26 AM | | When I turned 50 (now 52), developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol (family history of both).....Was shocked because I had never had these issues. Both are controlled now, had to make some changes, diet, exercise,, etc. If I were to meet someone that had "issues" with this, would think "they" had the problem, not me.... | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:08:23 AM | I have no health issues myself, and I prefer a man who is healthy. However, I do understand why some would hide their health problems until getting to know a person better. Especially of that person has not stressed the point that they are looking for someone who is healthy. (I always put that in my profile.)
I'm pretty active and prefer a man who can keep up with me. Also, I'm not looking to be a nurse companion. If a man does not reveal his health issues to me, then he is in effect, lying by omission, since that is in my search criteria. I'm finding it extremely difficult to find a man in my age category who is healthy and fit! Even some younger men (I've met) have health problems. So, it's not age specific.
I think it's only fair that if one has health problems, they should be honest about revealing them, up front. And on the same note, younger men who have health problems should not think that just because a woman is older, she does not mind if he is not healthy!  | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:53:47 AM | serenitycw said,
most people have different aspects to their lives. i imagine that some of that would fit into my repertoire with a man who shared "chemistry"! i think that if you have chemistry, not to be confused with lust, you can make things work, because it's worth it.
Yes, the fit,to share together=love is worth it in my book too!
Sans said,
Honey, when you're in love it won't matter if your guy's sportin' three heads and is in a wheelchair. When I met the love of my life I found out the first week about a health problem that he had that would affect a future with any woman...not just me.
Sans is living proof that it does work and as being on the same repertoire,
can do that and the rest is just part of life and not a issue.
Life is short, and love makes mountains look like moles hills...... | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:31:53 AM | I believe it is only fair to disclose any health issues early if they would effect the other person. There are many managable problems that make no demands on a partner.
But some conditions would require much sacrafice.
There is no right or wrong choice, it is a personal desicion. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:58:11 AM | You know, I have to make this decision on a case by case basis.
But, I know one thing for sure. EVERY and I mean EVERY person I have known that has died suddenly and way too young, were people who exercised daily, had no body fat and were very strict about what they ate. These people just drop dead one day and often the reason is not found by autopsy. That has made a deep impression me and I know was a huge factor in me changing my opinions about how to live and what I need to be fussing over.
SS | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:30:30 AM |
But, I know one thing for sure. EVERY and I mean EVERY person I have known that has died suddenly and way too young, were people who exercised daily, had no body fat and were very strict about what they ate.
They say the good die young and when this old marine dies I want to look good in the coffin too! 
Or at least still fit in the coffin. lol  | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:37:35 AM | EVERY and I mean EVERY person I have known that has died suddenly and way too young, were people who exercised daily, had no body fat and were very strict about what they ate.
Being healthy and staying fit isn't just about longevity. It is also, and most importantly to me, about how you feel on a daily basis. I live a certain type of lifestyle that would be curtailed were I not able to be fairly physically active and strong. If I die tomorrow, at least I've been able to live the way I want to live. Actually, I think that's what a lot of people who don't want to be active in certain ways, who aren't interested in outdoor activities or activities that call for a lot of physical exertion don't get: it is not all about living to be 90 or 100, it is about how you live and what you feel like. I have no aches and pains. I have no complaints. No bad this or that. As long as possible, I'd like to keep it that way. Whether I live another 5 years or another 35 years. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:47:43 AM |
But, I know one thing for sure. EVERY and I mean EVERY person I have known that has died suddenly and way too young, were people who exercised daily, had no body fat and were very strict about what they ate.
Well I know someone the passed away young that was very fit however his diet was not good at all.. Couple that with a history of men in his family dying by the time they hit the age of 40 made him a prime target for dying young.
Also I read that they examined soldiers that have passed away young (in their 20's) you will find a whole lot of these fit soldiers on autopsy are already showing signs of cardio vascular disease..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:00:14 AM | My BF has a couple of long term health issues as a result from injuries he sustained while serving in the military. One of them is quite serious and requires medication that he has to take for the rest of his life. Should he require other medications for age related illnesses he may acquire as he gets older (such as high blood pressure or cholesterol) he will have to be very careful as there could be some potential life threatening interactions.
His health issues don’t impact any of the things we like to do together. If they do in the future, then that’s something we’ll deal with when and if it happens. He is more important to me than my activities or my lifestyle.
Neither one of us has a crystal ball and I simply don’t live my life in fear of what MIGHT be. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:07:12 AM | Also I read that they examined soldiers that have passed away young (in their 20's) you will find a whole lot of these fit soldiers on autopsy are already showing signs of cardio vascular disease. This study was done regarding the autopsies of soldiers who died in WWII. I read a long article about in the the Atlantic Monthly quite a few years ago. They found narrowing or blockage of the coronary arteries and believed it to be caused by a diet high in animal fat: eggs, red meat, butter, whole milk. This was in young men, in their 20's and 30's. This kind of diet is why men in their 40's and 50's now often have heart disease.
Dropping dead for no reason at an early age if you eat right and exercise is a fluke. Not typical and definitely not brought on by healthy habits. I rarely eat red meat, butter, and never drink whole milk or use cream in anything. I drink alcohol but very moderately. Again, to me, it is really about what I can do now. I don't know how long I will live; I could develop cancer tomorrow or get hit by a bus. In the meantime, I want to feel good, to feel strong.
I have a friend whose husband used to travel all over Europe to do 100 kilometer runs. He is now in his mid-60's and has a very serious heart condition. It is genetic. His lifestyle had nothing to do with it. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:27:03 AM | a man I truly, thoroughly and completely loved was WAY "into" staying healthy ... he exercised daily, had zero fat, was very strict about his diet and, in fact, used to jokingly criticise my diet ... I thot we were soul mates ... I thot love would last forever ... I thot we could and did discuss everything ...
after my birthday party when we'd gone to dinner with a bunch of folks, gone dancing, played board games at someone else's house then talked until 1:30 a.m. ... he was jokingly talking about his plans for the afterlife but, other than that, everything was relatively normal ... I went home, he went to bed and died at 2:15 a.m.
when I discovered that he'd HAD BRAIN TUMORS and HADN'T TOLD ME ... even tho we'd been dating for 3 years ... my emotions were strangely all over the place ... I "get" that he didn't want me to know cuz he wanted our relationship to be pure and free of the fear the cancer information mite have added ... but I also felt disrespected in that he hadn't trusted me with the truth ... he didn't trust that the truth might NOT have destroyed what I thot we had ... very strange outpouring of emotions ... I was devestated by his death, angry that I hadn't been forewarned, felt disrespected cuz he hadn't trusted me but MOSTLY devistated by the loss ...
it's not a simple concept ... I wish he'd told me but then I mite have treated him like he was ill ... which he didn't want ... but ... he DIDN'T tell me ... so we'll never know ... | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 1:36:35 PM | None of us know when we may drop dead. That's not what healthy living is all about.
It's about being the best we can be, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, for as long as we can. It's about having a good caliber of life and being able to do what we want to do while we're here.
If I were in a committed relationship and he would become sick, I don't think I'd leave him because of it. But when searching for a new relationship, I would not willingly take on a man who has significant health issues. I should be able to make that choice, and not be surprised later on in the relationship by finding out. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:24:07 PM | satx, it was 8 in a 2 year period. In their late 30's to late 40's, all were very strict about diet, some vegetarians for their whole life, all exercised daily, mostly runners. Not one had a single health issue. No reason could be found from the autopsy.
Last year my very beautiful and very healthy cousin woke up in the middle of the night and hit her husband, then died. For 9 weeks her body was held by the Houston coroners office and no reason could be found.
Dropping dead for no reason at an early age if you eat right and exercise is a fluke. Not typical and definitely not brought on by healthy habits. I rarely eat red meat, butter, and never drink whole milk or use cream in anything. I drink alcohol but very moderately. Again, to me, it is really about what I can do now. I don't know how long I will live; I could develop cancer tomorrow or get hit by a bus.
No, it is not a fluke. Either people die when it is their predestined time (aside from suicide), or lifestyle simply doesn't have as much to do with it as this screwed up image conscious society has bought into and pushes downs everyones throat and beats others over the head with to exclude and make insults toward because they have genetic flaws. It is about time that all of you who do it find out that you aren't perfect eiher. Everyone has flaws. Some of you just pick and choose the ones to insult people over, like a 5th grader. Often I wonder if the so-called "fit" people have a mirror, cause thinner bodies do not equal nice to look at or perfect shapes. It is a fact that some people are genetically engineered to be heavier, NOT obese, just not even near thin. I am so glad these forums are here. It is the best way to know who people really are.
How many times in life have I seen the hate and venom come out of people who are interested in a certain good looking man or woman only to have that man or woman choose someone who is more plump. Oh boy do all of the BS excuses, which always are lies about the couple, come out to try to make themselves look more worthy of being chosen, so the man or woman obviously has big issues. Ahhh sweet Justice.
SS | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:44:38 PM | None of us know when we may drop dead. That's not what healthy living is all about.
It's about being the best we can be, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, for as long as we can. It's about having a good caliber of life and being able to do what we want to do while we're here.
If I were in a committed relationship and he would become sick, I don't think I'd leave him because of it. But when searching for a new relationship, I would not willingly take on a man who has significant health issues. I should be able to make that choice, and not be surprised later on in the relationship by finding out. Absolutely agree. I could have written this myself!!
msg 168: No one insulted you, not in anyway, though you were disagreed with, and the only venom I see is in post 168. I don't see the logic in the statement that some people are genetically engineered to be heavier. If you take a look at news programs of faminine in certain ares of the world, it seems pretty clear that if people don't eat, they don't get fat. However, I do agree that there are different body types, and that it is more difficult for some than others to be 'thin.' I am not thin. I am, however, fit. There is a difference. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:50:22 PM | | Health issues and the consequent impact on my life are precisely the reason that I am no longer dating. I have absolutely no desire to ask someone to change her values or lifestyle because of my problems. So I will likely "shuffle off this mortal coil" alone.. but so be it...it's the hand Fate dealt me. In the event I should meet someone, and there's some spark, I would certainly explain my issue and how it affects me. I am a believer in total honesty in any relationship, whether it be friendship or romance. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:36:48 PM | Folkie ~~ *don't* decide for the whole tribe of women. . . . Just be honest up front and early, and let them decide if it's too much to handle. You might be surprised. Indeed, I 'spect you would be.
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:38:02 PM | old folkie....
best wishes to you.
if i ever love someone with significant health issues, how i handle any problems that may ensue would depend entirely on my significent love for him.
as a, now extremely healthy, survivor of a long term ,debilitating illness i'm proof that poor health can improve for the better....
sometimes people are too willing to "write someone off"....simply because they don't care enough to put themselves out for a loved one. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:44:56 PM |
Folkie ~~ *don't* decide for the whole tribe of women. . . . Just be honest up front and early, and let them decide if it's too much to handle. You might be surprised. Indeed, I 'spect you would be. I agree completely. Wooby is right. There will be women who don't care about your health issues, who will want to be with your regardless. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:52:04 PM | ismene2 - Msg 165
have a friend whose husband used to travel all over Europe to do 100 kilometer runs. He is now in his mid-60's and has a very serious heart condition.
I can't see how running 100km marathons would improve your health. Sometimes less is more. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:59:00 PM |
I agree completely. Wooby is right. There will be women who don't care about your health issues, who will want to be with your regardless.
Absolutely. I have a relative who has major health issues. Her husband is a saint. You just have to be you and have someone embrace and accept that. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:03:56 PM |
I can't see how running 100km marathons would improve your health. Sometimes less is more. People who can do such a run have to have very strong hearts. It's not like he did it continuously, maybe once or twice a year, in his 30's. The rest of the time he ran regularly. My other friend's husband was his running partner, and he is just fine today. My point was that the heart condition this guy has is unrelated to his lifestyle. It was unpreventable because of genetics. He may have put its onset off, however, due to lifestyle. | |
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| Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 9/12/2009 8:50:54 PM | "For women, who have chosen not to do HRT therapy, due to other health risks, these two products help keep the vaginal area healthy.
I'm not sure if they're available in the U.S. but readily available over the counter in Canada."
A woman's 'choice' frequently depends on where she lives. In two separate states, I've gotten the same responses from doctors when I asked for Premarin: "You might get uterine cancer." Uh, no, i don't have one. "You might get cervical cancer." Nope, don't got one of those, either. "You might get ovarian cancer." Read my lips! If I had ovaries, I wouldn't need the danged pills, would I? It took me literally years to convince the doc who did the surgery that I really didn't need a PAP any more, because I wasn't going to get cancer in something I no longer have.
Final answer: "You can't have them anyway."
Me: "Why not?"
Them: "Because."
Back to OT:
I don't have a problem with just about any physical ailments or disabilities. I'm also not ready to be a live in caretaker, so anyone who's on O2 24/7 is not going to be on my list as anything but a potential friend. Same with TBIs, if someone I was with suffered one, it would be different, but I have no intention of deliberately choosing someone like that. Other than that, if you're in a wheelchair, have artificial limbs, scars, whatever, it doesn't matter. Character and attitude matter. | |
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