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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:40:40 PM |
Make sure your daughter's father has as close a bond as possible with your child, and spends as much time with her as possible. I didn't check carefully about your daughter's father, so if he is a wonderful father, ok, great, let him spend time and have a great bond. Not all mothers or fathers are good to be in the child's life. A one parent household where the parent does a good job is more important than two parents that aren't their for the kids. Every situation is different.
The OP said this about her daughter's father, before I wrote the above statement:
Thankfully my daughters father is very much a part of her life, so we have a much different situation in that respect. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:22:54 AM | Flame, none of us are, BUT it is just like Labor, you don't have an option NOT to go through it...
Watching your younglings go from these sweet kids, to these challenging beings can be rough, BUT the beauty is when they cross that graduation stage, with high honors, or honors, give a graduation speech.
My middle daughter is missing... She is 22, and over a year ago she stopped talking to everyone in the entire family. I believe she's in NYC, her goal was to become a Dr in genetic engineering.
That is where a mothers soul feels a rip...
Both of my other two children tell me repeatedly I didn't do anything wrong, my 2nd daughter was diagnosed early with Bi polar disorder... She refused to believe that is true, and figured if she didn't talk to me, a year before she disappeared, then she didn't have it...
My soul aches in a way that I never thought possible...
NOW I am not in the least saying this will happen to you, but even good parents, the ones who volunteer at all their kids function as much as they can. Know their kids friends, and have restriction, that someone like my middle daughter thumbed her knows at. This can happen, and you have to work day by day, hoping one day the prodigal child returns safe...
Police state since she is over 21, they don't have to file a missing persons report, because adults can disappear if they want...
Sometimes I feel like a fraud when I talk about my parenting skills... However I do know in my heart that I did my very best... Was an active parent, wasn't in the drugs, or alcohol, OR had endless men in and out of my life...
My one regret is that no matter how much counseling I took, and the counseling I sought for her, she just had to do things on HER OWN terms...
Embrace you child, and know no matter what, as long as you are there, in her heart no matter what she will know you love her...
I do know my daughter knows that, but she has her own idea on things... Wants to do it herself her way I guess...
Your friends daughter decided the same thing, and it got her into a lot of trouble she didn't count on... I hope your friend gets her into counseling, so she can figure out where her lack of self respect, and care for herself is coming from... | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:00:43 PM | I'm 18, and I was never like that at 15. I argued with my mom a lot and gave her hell... and still do... BUT I've never done drugs or had sex with a bunch of people. I had/have no desire to. It seemed stupid to me then and still does.
There is a reason why I don't hang out with kids my own age. I can't relate to them.
My mom still thinks I'm a bad kid, though. Wish she could see how other kids my age are.
Oh, and I grew up without a dad as well, so I don't see how the "not having a dad" argument holds water. I turned out OK.
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:15:26 PM |
I'll comment...THANK GOD. I would never force a child to suffer through the sickness and emotioal pain of an unwanted pregnancy and the torture of labor and childbirth.
Lol, a child? Fifteen is not a child. She made the decision to have sex. Last time I checked, sex was for grown ups. Not children.
All this is teaching her is that she doesn't have to face the consequences of her actions.
NOT that I think she should have had the kid. Man, what a sh!tty life that poor kid would have had. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:56:39 AM | | It's not that hard to avoid such a thing. First and foremost, a parent can't be their kids best friend. You can have a great relationship and be able to talk about anything, but you still have to be the parent. The " Johnny stop that" crap only works in books, if they don't stop the first time you say, let them know it won't be said twice. Even my kids want to slap those parents. The idiotic belief that kids need to express themselves. Any parent who lets a 12 year old dress like a goth, a skank, a skater, whatever...is just plain stupid. You're letting you child make social choices of which they have no understanding of the effects. My daughters and I are very close, always have been. They are now over 18 and in college, and I still have no worries. I raised mine alone so it can't be that hard to raise them right. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:10:37 PM |
I'll comment...THANK GOD. I would never force a child to suffer through the sickness and emotioal pain of an unwanted pregnancy and the torture of labor and childbirth.
Lol, a child? Fifteen is not a child.
Yes, a 15 year old is still a child. Their brains have not fully developed, and they can't use logic, reasoning,
or understand the consequences of their actions at any where near the level that adults can.
She made the decision to have sex. Last time I checked, sex was for grown ups. Not children.
All this is teaching her is that she doesn't have to face the consequences of her actions.
NOT that I think she should have had the kid. Man, what a sh!tty life that poor kid would have had.
Sorry, I don't think forcing pregnancy, labor and childbirth on a child is a proper punishment, especially since the BOY gets off scott free (pun intended.) How does the boy face the consequences? Oh right, he doesn't. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:38:47 PM | Yes, a 15 year old is still a child. Their brains have not fully developed, and they can't use logic, reasoning,
or understand the consequences of their actions at any where near the level that adults can.
You're right. So right. If a 15 year old murders someone, lets just let them get off scott free with a little, "Now don't do that again, dear. It's bad. Do you know what that word means, sweetie? Bad. Now lets bake some cookies." Because of course they can't use reasoning and logic to KNOW that they did something wrong. God forbid they be held accountable!
I was never a stupid kid who slept around and did drugs and got pregnant. And I'm still 18. She has NO excuse for acting that way.
Sorry, I don't think forcing pregnancy, labor and childbirth on a child is a proper punishment, especially since the BOY gets off scott free (pun intended.) How does the boy face the consequences? Oh right, he doesn't.
Wah, wah, wah. I don't know. Perhaps you haven't noticed that life isn't fair? He would have had to pay child support if the child had been born and the mother had kept it. And besides, I never said "forcing" pregnancy on her was the answer. Hell, I'm thankful she got an abortion as well. Teenagers who don't know the meaning of being responsible should never have kids. What a terrible life said kid would lead.
Again, she isn't a CHILD. It's people like you who consider teenagers children that make kids the way they are today. They have no sense of responsibility, they can't think for themselves. We NEED responsibilities. We are not little children. We CAN think for ourselves. Let us. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:54:29 PM | As someone said, a father in the home or one that has 50% custody cuts teen pregnancy rates and deliquency rates SIGNIFICANTLY
I would also be willing to be that Goth girl's mom was out partying and getting laid and leaving her daughter at home unsupervised. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:33:57 PM |
Wah, wah, wah. I don't know. Perhaps you haven't noticed that life isn't fair? He would have had to pay child support if the child had been born and the mother had kept it. And besides, I never said "forcing" pregnancy on her was the answer. Hell, I'm thankful she got an abortion as well. Teenagers who don't know the meaning of being responsible should never have kids. What a terrible life said kid would lead. shug unless you are abstinent, or have been castrated, you too can end up preggers even on birth control pills.
It used to be certain antibiotics would cause the pill to be unreliable, however current information says not so... HOWEVER during that time when a woman is OFF the hormone cycle, her body can do an over ride, and if you have had sex during the "period" when this little oops shot out an egg, a pregnancy can occur.
Most pregnancy accidents are because of human failure to use it properly, but there is that .01% that a pregnancy happens... Some one very close to me had that happen, and opted for an abortion...
This 15 yr old has so many meds she has to take, that the baby would have a really great chance of severe birth defects...
I had my two oldest daughter out of wedlock, didn't believe in abortion FOR ME, it was a tough road, but we made it... Daughters are 25, and 22, oldest has her bachelors, and AA, 2nd one is at a University back east getting her MD for genetic engineering PH.D.
Here's the funny part. The second one had the hardest time in school, went to job corp at 16, got her HS diploma, and trained in the field of cooking... She worked as a cook in an upscale hotel, and said screw this, and enrolled in a University...
WHY did this work for my daughters??? because mum graduated from two different practices when they were young, and they seen me work my butt of till I was nearly dead from exhaustion, and starting kidney failure...
This girl is NOT ready to get a punishment past what she will have to live with the rest of her life... She probably has a permanent STD to live with, so she didn't get a slap on her wrist...
Hun, from two middle aged women, educated in the medical, psychology and other training, she actually still is a kid, her brain has NOT discovered that there is a WHOLE picture out there... Some kids are really bright and do, but something happened to this gal. If she had a home life that was stable, and she had been TRAINED to know that being a ho was bad, and causes pregnancy, she probably would have made better choices...
If you found out she had been abused and sexually molested for many years, would that give you any less of a need to judge her harshly??? | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:40:11 PM | Hun, from two middle aged women, educated in the medical, psychology and other training, she actually still is a kid, her brain has NOT discovered that there is a WHOLE picture out there... Some kids are really bright and do, but something happened to this gal. If she had a home life that was stable, and she had been TRAINED to know that being a ho was bad, and causes pregnancy, she probably would have made better choices...
Um. My home life was not stable. My dad was never around. I rebeled against my mom, and I still do, and that's normal. Sleeping around and doing drugs and getting pregnant is NOT normal. It is not acceptable. It is not OK.
If you found out she had been abused and sexually molested for many years, would that give you any less of a need to judge her harshly???
Pfft. This is not some strange case. Most all teenagers act this way, because they're allowed to get away with such behavior. If you don't teach the consequences of life to someone they will continue to do the wrong thing over and over.
If a teenager is telling you these things about other people her age, how could you possibly argue? I know how kids my age are. They're given no responsibility.
But go ahead, people. Continue treating us like children. You'll get child-like decisions and actions in return. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:17:16 AM |
I rebeled against my mom, and I still do, and that's normal. This is considered NORMAL, but the 15 yr olds is not, but
Most all teenagers act this way, because they're allowed to get away with such behavior.
My teen agers didn't act that way... Second daughter rebelled, but she pulled her life together on her own terms, and as I said is at a medical university back east, working towards her MD, in genetic engineering, PH.D. Life was a picnic or stable particularly for my kids either, I was there, and took parenting seriously...
If you don't teach the consequences of life to someone they will continue to do the wrong thing over and over.
Not sure where you got so much information on this girl, and how her home life was, or has been... She is NOT my kid, and I have no idea why she turned out how she did... Obviously something wasn't right at home, past that, we have NO history what went on with her...
Telling the OP, that this girl needs punishment really is MOOT, simply because she is not the 15 yr olds mother...
Legally she is not considered an adult, she has a heck of a lot to learn, and grow through, will she get her life together who knows??? | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:04:44 AM | Hun, from two middle aged women, educated in the medical, psychology and other training, she actually still is a kid, her brain has NOT discovered that there is a WHOLE picture out there... Some kids are really bright and do, but something happened to this gal. If she had a home life that was stable, and she had been TRAINED to know that being a ho was bad, and causes pregnancy, she probably would have made better choices... Um. My home life was not stable. My dad was never around. I rebeled against my mom, and I still do, and that's normal. Sleeping around and doing drugs and getting pregnant is NOT normal. It is not acceptable. It is not OK.
I didn't say it was OK. I really think you are misunderstanding me. Many teens in this 15 year old's predicament would be keeping the baby, willingly, and THAT is wrong. That is a much, much worse outcome than the outcome that is actually happening. That is one reason why I am against using the age old excuse to force someone through pregnancy and labor, to punish them for having sex. The world does not need another teen mother.
If you found out she had been abused and sexually molested for many years, would that give you any less of a need to judge her harshly??? Pfft. This is not some strange case. Most all teenagers act this way, because they're allowed to get away with such behavior. If you don't teach the consequences of life to someone they will continue to do the wrong thing over and over. If a teenager is telling you these things about other people her age, how could you possibly argue? I know how kids my age are. They're given no responsibility. But go ahead, people. Continue treating us like children. You'll get child-like decisions and actions in return.
So how would you like to punish this girl? | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:52:07 AM | Op you said that your friend and her daughter were close and I understand that but like someone else said, in what way were they close, were they close as in the mother was always her best friend? And there is a reason why I ask this.
My mother was always my best friend but she was my mother first, we are VERY close and always will be. Yes my mother did everything with me, she baught me everything, she took me where ever I wanted to go, I was spoiled BUT at the same time I was riased right, I was not aloud out all hours of the night at a friends house, I was not aloud to be at party's at the age of 15-18 like most teens are, I was not aloud to date tell I was 15 and even then it was with a group of friends, or was with his or my parent's. My mother was always my best friend and I could always talk to her about anything without being scolded for it BUT at the same time she was my mother first, so depending on what the situation was she steped in as mom or steped in as a friend.
A lot of people can not realize that you need to be a parent first and then a friend, and some do say that you can't be both but you can as long as you do it right. I was not out sleeping around as a teen, yes I had sex for the first time at 16 BUT I was with the guy for a year already and we were together tell we were 19 so I was not sleeping around with this one and that, and I did not end up pregnant at a young age (not that there is anything wrong with young mom's depends on the situation), I had my daughter when I was 22. Because I was taught right. Just like my daughter will be taught. You are always there for your child but as a parent first and then a friend. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:51:12 AM | Beccabeth:
Yes, a 15 year old is still a child. Their brains have not fully developed, and they can't use logic, reasoning,
or understand the consequences of their actions at any where near the level that adults can. You're right. So right. If a 15 year old murders someone, lets just let them get off scott free with a little, "Now don't do that again, dear. It's bad. Do you know what that word means, sweetie? Bad. Now lets bake some cookies." Because of course they can't use reasoning and logic to KNOW that they did something wrong. God forbid they be held accountable! I was never a stupid kid who slept around and did drugs and got pregnant. And I'm still 18. She has NO excuse for acting that way.
We think alike. I hold a this 15 year old accountable, just as I would my own children, if this would be the case. Did you read where I said, "Anywhere near that of an adult"? Your brain is not even done developing yet. The full capabilities of who you are to become, as well as this 15 year old child, is not done yet!
I applaud you, in your abilities to rise above and hold true to values you hold dear. My point in all of this is, for the most part, young people today have guidance is for the most part, misguided. We all need to learn self control and self worth. It is apparent this child did not. We learn this, for the most part, from a parent, (two, one, single, intact: does not matter). If she has a medical or emotional problem, which is often hard to diagnose these days, because of such accepted open defiant behavior, and the numbers and peers back it up. Parents today, will allow their children to partake in non-age appropriate behavior, because their friends do it, instead of taking a look at consequences and knowing their child enough, to see if they can actually handle it. Instead of being the parent who says no, and parenting.
You fall into the category of being young and having great surviving skills. Probably stellar. Having great surviving skills comes at a cost as you well know, but this also does not guarantee, age appropriate maturity. The two are confused often.
Regardless of the deed done, and the age, people should not only be held responsible, but accountable, in an age appropriate manner. And I believe we as a society, need to start paying attention. I am glad to see, you hold yourself to some good, clear cut parameters for yourself. Brava! You may or may not get your parents approval, but as long as you can look in the mirror, and feel good about what you see, for all the right reasons, you are on a good path. It is one that I have been on.
Nexthyme: we are like minded. Parenting: I know I do not have all the answers, nor do I pretend too...but I know that my values, and parenting has worked just fine for my family, as I am, like you, seeing the proof of what I set out to do, those long, challenging and exhausting years ago, become a reality. It's pretty sweet, isn't it?
T. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:58:42 AM |
But go ahead, people. Continue treating us like children. You'll get child-like decisions and actions in return.
I know you aren't going to like this - but that statement is what makes you a child. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:58:43 AM |
Is this how all the teens are in today's society or is this kid especially outrageous? (For what it is worth, we live in a rather upscale community and she is in an upscale high school, so she is not in a bad school) My daughter and I are very close, however this mother/daughter are too. Can anyone give any advice, thoughts on this?
Welcome to reality.
At birth you start with a human life that is utterly dependent on you - literally - for survival. No food and drink, that life dies. That relationship is one of absolute power and authority - you are the power and authority, the child is the subservient in all respects.
As time goes on that life becomes more capable of independence and this structure shifts.
Successful parenting is, in my opinion, about the transition over time from a power and authority structure into a relationship of equals where mutual respect and admiration replace power. If you succeed you wind up with a functioning, independent adult when your child leaves the home and that decision is a voluntary one taken by both parent and new adult. If you fail you wind up with a psychopath who you will either have to eject forcibly from your home at 18 or, if you refuse, who will drag you into the toilet with them.
Note that there are two people involved in this transition - the entire responsibility does not rest with you if you fail, and indeed may not rest with you at all. Where the responsibility rests, however, does not matter in terms of the outcome.
By 15 or so it is usually too late and those who claim otherwise are, in my opinion, delusional or trying to sell you something. If as a parent you do things that are irreversible - particularly if trust and love are destroyed in a child's younger years, and such destruction can happen with a SINGLE ACT - there is usually no possibility of true recovery of that relationship, no matter how hard you try or how many thousands (or tens of thousands) you spend on "therapists" and "help." The act(s) that caused the disruption have been burned into the psyche of the developing mind and while the kid in question can choose to bury those hatchets, he or she is under no obligation to do so and most importantly, can't be FORCED to do so. Attempts to force that sort of result so will almost always lead to even more trouble. The ONLY way out for a parent who has committed such an error is to come clean and make restitution when possible, and it needs to happen QUICKLY; denials and active cover-ups simply reinforce the lack of trust and beyond a certain point nothing you do will matter.
Our political system is rife with the latter, as are the stories of so many in both public and private life. Yet when kids are involved such actions nearly ALWAYS have catastrophic consequences for the relationship between parent and child.
Today's legal environment is such (and it has been so for more than 20 years) that a kid who decides to make your life hell can ruin you (and themselves) and there is little or nothing you can do about it. As such the destruction of trust, and many parents commit it, turns into emotional and frequently economic suicide. It requires only a kid who is willing to go to the wall for what they perceive as an injustice, whether they're right or wrong.
Your only defense as a parent is to do the best job you can, and keep in mind the goal: It is not to be right or to enforce a viewpoint, it is to transition your relationship with your children from one of power to one of mutual respect and admiration of equals, and the instilling of ethics and values is a core part of this process, although by no means the only component necessary. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 1:01:04 PM | Great post Tickerguy.
By 15, with defiant behavior, the numbers do state it is usually too late, and these situations do not know socioeconomic boundaries.
Your post says the way it is, so sad, but true. Sobering. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:10:10 PM |
I know you aren't going to like this - but that statement is what makes you a child.
It makes me a child because my mother raised me to accept responsibility for myself and the consequences of what I do? It isn't my fault that many people today don't instill that in their children and get rebellious teenagers with no sense of self or moral responsibility. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:12:53 PM |
We think alike. I hold a this 15 year old accountable, just as I would my own children, if this would be the case. Did you read where I said, "Anywhere near that of an adult"? Your brain is not even done developing yet. The full capabilities of who you are to become, as well as this 15 year old child, is not done yet!
Well, I don't believe I ever said she was capable of being AS responsible as an adult, but just because she isn't on an "adult's" level of logic and understanding doesn't excuse her behavior. She's not too young to know the difference between right and wrong. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:35:52 PM |
It makes me a child because my mother raised me to accept responsibility for myself and the consequences of what I do? It isn't my fault that many people today don't instill that in their children and get rebellious teenagers with no sense of self or moral responsibility.
I don't know what it is that you did that you have to accept responsibility for and what consequences you're enduring.
I'm saying the statement, "If you treat us like children, and we're going to act like children," is incredibly childish. Children will act like children no matter how much you try and treat them like adults. The latter is worse.
I don't really understand where you got that I was blaming you for other parents' lack of parenting skill. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:20:10 PM | | It might be one of those things where they are close when they are in public.Growing up my mom told me"dont have sex you will get pregnant and your not ready to handle a child" and thats basically it. I have a little girl as well and scared to death that she might make some of the same mistakes I did. I want to be close with her and be able to share everything that goes on between us. My cousin and her stepmom were really close and everytime she got a new boyfriend her mom would ask her when am I gonna get a grandbaby. She didnt lose her virginity till she was 18 and she now lives with the guy and very happy with him. My mom and I were not all that close and she told me dont dont dont have sex and I lost it at 15 , she had a dad and I didnt. I think parents do all they can and just because you preach one thing doesnt mean teens are going to follow your rules. You just have to let them know your opinion and hope we make the right decision.Having more money can make things worse because when you dont have the money you cant spend it and having money makes some people think thats how you can win over your teen when they are mad at you. I think being close at from the very beginning talking to her about things will bring you closer and dont ever let them catch you in a lie. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:34:53 PM |
It might be one of those things where they are close when they are in public.Growing up my mom told me"dont have sex you will get pregnant and your not ready to handle a child" and thats basically it. I have a little girl as well and scared to death that she might make some of the same mistakes I did. I want to be close with her and be able to share everything that goes on between us. My cousin and her stepmom were really close and everytime she got a new boyfriend her mom would ask her when am I gonna get a grandbaby. She didnt lose her virginity till she was 18 and she now lives with the guy and very happy with him. My mom and I were not all that close and she told me dont dont dont have sex and I lost it at 15 , she had a dad and I didnt. I think parents do all they can and just because you preach one thing doesnt mean teens are going to follow your rules. You just have to let them know your opinion and hope we make the right decision.Having more money can make things worse because when you dont have the money you cant spend it and having money makes some people think thats how you can win over your teen when they are mad at you. I think being close at from the very beginning talking to her about things will bring you closer and dont ever let them catch you in a lie.
So why did you have sex, get pregnant, and have a baby when your mother explained what would happen if you did have sex? | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:41:45 PM | I don't know, but the whole "goth" thing has nothing to do with lack of morals.
My son isn't goth, nor are his friends (well, most of them aren't). He hangs out with beautiful, intelligent, extracurricularly active girls - girls who are Honor roll, athletes, cheerleaders, etc... and these kids are "boffing" like bunnies.
So many of these girls' parents have NO clue.
Any girl that dates my son is treated much as my son is - I am very open about talking about sex. I don't beat around the bush or wonder - I ask: "Are you on birth control?"
And nine times out of ten, I get, "OhmygodNO! I could NEVER tell my mom... she'd KILL me!!"
Great, so here you have this bright, talented, incredible fourteen or fifteen year old girl who is on her second or third sexual partner and she's counting on HIM to provide protection. Which, my son is very careful and always has condoms available to him (he's 16 and I have beaten it into his head that he doesn't use his penis for anything but urinating without a condom on it), but so many of these teen boys are either clueless, don't have consistent access to condoms, or "don't/won't wear them." One of his friends changes girls more often than he changes his underwear and refuses to wear a condom. I'm just waiting for the day his mother tells me she's going to be a grandmother. He's 16.
I wish more parents would realize that even though they are not ready for their son or daughter to be sexually active, the kids ARE sexually active and the majority of these girls are not emotionally strong enough to insist their partner wears a condom - the LEAST a parent can do is make sure the girl is on birth control - you can't make the decision for her to have sex or to wait, but you can offer her at least that protection. | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:45:41 PM |
My son isn't goth, nor are his friends (well, most of them aren't). He hangs out with beautiful, intelligent, extracurricularly active girls - girls who are Honor roll, athletes, cheerleaders, etc... and these kids are "boffing" like bunnies.
So many of these girls' parents have NO clue.
Any girl that dates my son is treated much as my son is - I am very open about talking about sex. I don't beat around the bush or wonder - I ask: "Are you on birth control?"
And nine times out of ten, I get, "OhmygodNO! I could NEVER tell my mom... she'd KILL me!!"
Great, so here you have this bright, talented, incredible fourteen or fifteen year old girl who is on her second or third sexual partner and she's counting on HIM to provide protection. Which, my son is very careful and always has condoms available to him (he's 16 and I have beaten it into his head that he doesn't use his penis for anything but urinating without a condom on it), but so many of these teen boys are either clueless, don't have consistent access to condoms, or "don't/won't wear them." One of his friends changes girls more often than he changes his underwear and refuses to wear a condom. I'm just waiting for the day his mother tells me she's going to be a grandmother. He's 16.
I wish more parents would realize that even though they are not ready for their son or daughter to be sexually active, the kids ARE sexually active and the majority of these girls are not emotionally strong enough to insist their partner wears a condom - the LEAST a parent can do is make sure the girl is on birth control - you can't make the decision for her to have sex or to wait, but you can offer her at least that protection.
What will you do if the condom breaks and your son gets a girl pregnant? Do you feel obligated in any way to tell the girl's (the one your son is sleeping with at the time) parents that she is sexually active?
Did you tell your son not to pressure girls into sex, while you were beating him over the head about condoms? | |
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| Sex and other outrageous behaviour in teenagers???
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:53:51 PM | I think I am developing a crush on Beccabeth.
Anyone who believes strongly in personal responsiblity has my respect.
When I was 15 or 16, I was not dumb. I knew exactly what I was doing.
Keep in mind folks - a couple hundred years ago, 13 or so was considered to be the age of adulthood.
I think that everyone should be held accountable for their actions. Even elementary school children.
When I was little, and I got in trouble, I KNEW it was coming... because, get this... I KNEW I had done wrong!
lol
So preach on, sister. It's unfortunate that so many of the posters in the POF forums are older and have completely forgotten what it's like to be young.
I get talked down to a lot around here, and I am a 27 year old combat veteran.
-8sf8
PS
I'm saying the statement, "If you treat us like children, and we're going to act like children," is incredibly childish. Children will act like children no matter how much you try and treat them like adults. The latter is worse.
You know I love you, Bosox.... but I highly disagree. Take it from a man who has had "children" soldiers try to kill him in a foreign country.
People in general are malleable and will adjust to their environment. So it stands to reason that regardless of age, people will oftentimes adapt to situations they are presented with, or the environment they find themselves in.
Case in point: how many girls do you know who were never, "children" because their mother passed away and they had to fulfill the motherly duties of the family? I have known many girls who were raised in this situation, and these girls were more responsible than some adults I know before they were even 10.
My argument is that the more a child is coddled, the longer it will take for that child to "grow up." Sadly, some never do these days. | |
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