| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/11/2009 4:01:23 PM |
Why do single parents even question this?
Before I had my son, I would never have been interested in men with children! I dont expect single childless men to be interested in me.
You made your choices, as I did, to have your children. Live with it. Some have chosen to wait, and they are entitled to that. Some have chosen to not want to raise others children, and they are entitled to that....as you were entitled to make your choices. Get over it and focus on meeting men who want the situation you are in.
I just dont see why any single parent would expect childless singles to want to be in thier situation...it is a difficult role!
Some of the comments made here, although crudely written, are bang on-there are issues with dating single parents that just are not part of the equation with childless people, and we are all entitled to choose which situation suits us best, without being judged for it.
Spot on | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/11/2009 7:56:26 PM | wow.. I don't know if i should touch this one or not.
It's not only about the "not wanting to be an Instant parent"
Being a single Mum myself... i completely agree with grendal.
Many men shy away a lot from single mum's.. and a lot of single women shy away from single dad's. We single parents have baggage, as much as we don't want to admit it.
I also agree with most of what church was saying (msg 7) but there are some of those statements that don't apply to some single parents(I say single parents because those too could apply to single dad's as well as single mum's.)
How ever unfortunate it is. Its a reality that single parents have to deal with when dating.
<div class="quote"> Raising kids is time consuming, but hardly the onerous task that women like you make it out to be. I also agree with what Capitano wrote. Raising kid(s) is very time consuming but not as hard as some people make it out to be. Its stressful if you make it stressful.
I like to think that being a single mum and dating is just as difficult, if not more because you have to juggle to make time for not only your children but for whoever your dating as well.
This seems like a redundant topic. Some guys will date single mum's for whatever reason.. and some guys wont for whatever reason. Just deal with it and move on. In the end, everyone(pertaining to single parents) finds that certain someone who doesn't care if you have kids or not.
Just my 2 cents.
Bring on the flaming  hehe | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:23:01 PM | I am actually in the process of dealing with this right now. My sister is a teacher at the nearby High School and she told me about this teacher friend of hers who is now single. I was briefly introduced and she is a beauty queen knockout.
However, I'll be honest. I am still hesitant. There are several reasons for this that I could go into but I had a life long friend send me this by email which made me laugh and pretty much explains why men are this way in laymens terms.
There is a mild language warning so be prepared for that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18WyL4OIpbg
It would be interesting to see if other guys feel the same way. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:40:33 PM | OP there is nothing wrong with being a single parent woman, the real issue is that there are men who want to have a family even an instant one and are more than willing to take the responsibility, however you have to make that man feel just as important to you as your child is to you.
That is the issue that all men dating single parents come across-always feeling like second bananna, when the fact is that yes the child will always come first however why can't that man in your life be made to feel as important and special to you as your child is??????
The guy always winds up feeling like there is no real important place for him in your life or in your heart if it is all consumed with your child and not enough time is spent in developing your relationship with him.
It's about a sincere desire on the part of that man to want to be a vital part of you and your child's life and just as vital that he knows he matters just as much to you as your child does.
Otherwise dating as a single mom will always be an endless string of booty calls and dissapointments. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:03:14 PM | a man should date the woman only...then get to know her and then get the child involved...it depends on what you want
if you want a serious relationship...then after a while the children are a package
if not
you can date the man ...and your children do not get involved | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:17:37 PM | Ok seriously...... there is nothing wrong with a single parent... if you click with the right person then everything slots into place. Take no notice of the silly guys on here with no kids who are making comments, who cares that guys won't date me because I have kids, seriously i would not want to be with someone like that anyway. :)
Good luck!! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:16:44 PM | | I am a single mother BY CHOICE. I think there are very good men out there who are willing to accept children. HOWEVER; it is challenging!!!Single Mom here looking for single Dad...Anyone around? lol....This sea is wide and deep with many fish that require the catch and release policy...lol. Keep your chin up! we will both find someone ALMOST (LOL) as great as us! :) | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:19:55 PM | | I myself dont see anything wrong with a single mother. I actually prefer a single mother because most have just been screwed over by some guy who is a sorry excuse for a man and gives the rest of us a bad name. Also most single mothers have their life together and are independent. To me an independent woman is a big attraction. Most single mothers just want to find a good honest man and are not into playing games. Where guys screw up is they think of the child as baggage and not a package deal. If you are not willing to love a womans child then you should not be trying to fall in love with her. Sometimes there is no father figure for the child. A good man would not only want to be something for the woman but be a figure for the child as well. Ill end this with......most guys are complete idiots anyway. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:47:22 PM | Hmmm.... perhaps because he then isn't dating just you, but dating your children and your ex and the grandmother. He isn't a 'dad' so when you little angel does something bratty, he can't discipline them and Gd forbid, he tells you that you need to correct your child.
I have generally not had problems dating men because I meet them as friends first and my child has always been well behaved. However, I have seen crappy single mothers. They never have money to chip in for dinner... they complain about how hard life is... they can't have spontaneous affection during the day when the kids are awake... cancelled dates... having to pay for a sitter to go out... clingey, constantly complaining about the ex and how the child support is late or how is isn't chipping in enough, the list goes on and on. A man hears these complaints and he hears, 'She wants me to fix this for her. WTF?". These same issues are often with the single dads too. They can't contribute either because of child support and they can't spend every other weekend with you because they have the kids.
Some men look for wife material and see how your child is being raised and judge you based upon that. Other men, they want the sex... they aren't ready to settle down but lets face it, a single mom - she's generally an easy target.
My best advice is to join a single parents group or a singles group in something that you enjoy. If you don't have time to belong to such a group, perhaps you don't have time to date. If you must date someone who is single, if he has a dog, he will be understanding to your needs as he has responsibility too.
While I hate the fact that so often my son was considered baggage, he was to someone who is a singlet. This isn't a slam on the man. Lets face it, why would any man take the time to get to know a woman with a child when there are so many single women without children available? It does get easier when you are in your mid-30s but it is still something to consider. A single mom generally is at a socioeconomic disadvantage to her non-child peers and competition. The singlet also knows that eventually, he will have to support her child. Once he loves mom and child/ren, that isn't a problem but its getting to that point. That's the reality.
Seven, I don't agree that most single moms have been screwed over... any more than i believe that all single dads have been screwed over by the woman. Sometimes, things just don't work out. I can gaurantee you, that for every woman who complains that she has been screwed over, there is a man who is also saying that. You also have the fallacy that men date a single mom to fall in love with her. Sometimes they just date a single mom because she's an easy mark. Throw the kids a toy, help her with dishes, look deep in her eyes and tell her how sorry you are her ex screwed her...and then wait until the kids go to bed. After that, does it matter how it ends? You'll never see her again anyways.
To be fair to men, I have known single woman who play with single dads too. They don't want a relationship with him because he'll never be able to give himself completely to her and her future children, but he is sexy enough to play with. The games go both ways. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/19/2009 1:25:07 AM | | "The games go both ways"....you my friend are a game player. Oh how witty you are. I respect your opinion but try to stick to replying on the main subject and not fixating on the reply of others. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:48:32 AM |
I actually prefer a single mother because most have just been screwed over by some guy who is a sorry excuse for a man and gives the rest of us a bad name.
Bleh... Another case of Captain Save A && / White Knight. You forget that she willingly chose that "sorry excuse for a man".
Most single mothers just want to find a good honest man and are not into playing games.
A pity they didn't want that before becoming single mothers
Where guys screw up is they think of the child as baggage and not a package deal. If you are not willing to love a womans child then you should not be trying to fall in love with her.
On the contrary, we think about them as a package deal. But guess what: WE DON'T WANT THAT PACKAGE. That's why they criticize us.
Ill end this with......most guys are complete idiots anyway.
In your case, After reading your ass-kissing, I'm-so-desperate-for-a-woman-that-I-will-accept-anybody-else's-dregs post, I agree. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/19/2009 7:39:07 AM | Well said Rock and Ape.
Ohhhh, and Seven. Perhaps I am a game player because I know how the game works. To play the game, don't you need the rules? But that said, I still love and cherish and have fun...and while it makes me sad when an incredible relationship ends, I take comfort in knowing that when the one for me comes into my life, it will be even more incredible. I think adults have relationships, or at least should, on realism. We now know that halitosis sucks and we all fart and boobs and balls start to sag, etc. More than that, we have learned that people aren't perfect and that at the end of the day, we just want to be enough for someone.
You can't make two puzzle pieces fit together if they don't without ruining the overall picture and causing damage to the piece itself. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:05:04 PM | My relationship of a year and a have, hell we were engaged ended recently. She had a daughter who was calling me Da da. I was ready to be a dad. She said she wanted a father for her daughter. Kid was spoiled from living under grandma's roof and when we moved out we discussed how things would be different.
Well when I actaully acted on those discussions, simple things like getting her to pick up her own toys. or giving her a time out when she was throwing a fit well then I was accused of being mean. She yanked the kid from my care. Soon as she could moved out and then led me on to believe we could reconcile. Found a new guy and I found out I was being lied to the night I found the guys car at her new place.
The child was picking up her toys and was a lot better minded with me. I did not nor had no interest in spanking the kid.
If your a guy I do not suggest you date a girl with kids. Not only must you please your woman you have to please the kid to the woman's satisfaction.
Never again.
Mike | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:15:37 PM | | I should add that while my heart is crushed and I bent over backwards to accomidate my girl, even said fine we'll not do the things we discussed with the kid you can raise her however you want, not only do i miss my ex who's taken up with another guy and I have to see it on the way home where she parks her car but I also miss the child. She was my buddy. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:09:21 PM | | I know exactly what you are talking about jenny cedes. I have dated a few guys that KNEW I had a son.. I never tried to hide it from them at all! Then, when it came time for them to meet him, they act like they forgot you had one, and its a total surprise. Gotta love em right LOL. It really is a lot harder to find someone when you have a kid or kids. I have fallen victim to the guys that just wanna get in my pants too. I think there is a stigma about it because there ARE some female.. or hussies as I like to call them that give independent mothers a bad name because they actually get a guy in their lives and PUSH their kids and all the financial and father hood obligations on him. No its not fair, but thats what it is. I too provide very well for me AND my son LONG before I recieved child support. Made enough to pay all my bill (and I lived alone mind you) my sons dads bills, and my sons child support LOL. so his child support meant nothing to me as far a me making my way. Heres a post to all the guys that are reading this right now.. just know THERE ARE females out there that dont need you to support them or their children. Apparently if they are still alive then they must have been making it one way or another long before you came along. So if you are one of those single douchebag guys that thinks because you make a little cash and you come across a single mother looking for a man that she needs you to pay her way.... remember.... mothers know how to love people better than most single woman and just because they have kids does not mean you wont get your attention too. Mothers know how to sacrifice and make time. And they are fighters.. Hell you may be better off looking for a single mother if you want a REAL woman. lol | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:13:15 PM | GQSunset
I have to say something about what you said as well.... any guy that I have dated has gotten my attention, and more than enough affection. I have never made any guy that I have dated feel left out. So the spending time together or lack there of isnt always the issue. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:23:14 AM | "Church, it was true for YOU, and the class of woman you go for. If you walked into some womans life with that attitude i dont blame her kids for wanting to be rid of you.
I feel for those kids, having to endure mommys bad taste in men for the duration of their childhoods. Did you refer to them as "the results of the sperm some dude left up in their mom"? Did you really have them fetch your beer and make sure they got an eyeful of watching you have sex with your mother, and play little macho games of talking crap abut their dad? If so you should be on the sex offender registry, and be charged with child abuse. ""
HURRAY HURRAY HURRAY!!!!!! Thank you "sweetnessinthekeys" ... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:23:35 AM | ^^^^Great. Another single mom talking about sending some innocent guy to the sex offender list.
Thanks by giving us another reason to avoid single moms. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:28:58 PM | | You've already gotten the male point of view on this. Men don't want to date women without kids because they don't want to become fathers. That's it. Really. And that's their right. Really. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:37:22 PM | My son is 14 and starts college next year. He is well liked and has no major issues. I didn't have much time to date and have always tended to find good men who looked at both of us, as individuals. He wasn't an extension of me and I am not one of him.
Honestly, I think my son is successful because I am a single mother. He has been dragged to classes that ordinarily he never would go to because there would be a dad there. When I was in college, he often went with me and colored in the back hall or went to study groups and had the young girls fawning over him and the younger guys dragging him around for football or sports. He goes on camping trips and to movies. When he was littler, I never excluded him and I carried him in a carrier everywhere, for miles during hikes on my back. Now, if there is a class that I want to take, I make sure there is a spot for him. He spent a few years in a private academy. So he has been exposed to an incredible amount of life that children often do not get. He goes to leaderships conferences outside my state and camps in the Catskills for two weeks in the summer. He never has to worry about hand-me-downs. For someone his age, he has a netbook, i-pod, cell phone and next year, an older car compliments of his uncle - who loves him as though he were his. If I want to jump on a plane for a weekend in Vegas, he comes with me. I have also always taken jobs where there is flexibility of schedule and where he can come along with me if he had to. One year for Thanksgiving, we went to Aspen for the long weekend. This year, probably California. I'm not sure... but the point is that if i were married, I couldnt' give to him as much as I give to him now.
I am able to do this because I am a single mother. I am single so can take the time to go half way across the country for a weekend for a conference for him... or to drive 5 hours to a ceremony he has to attend. I don't have to apologize to a husband why dinner isn't ready at 6 when he gets home.
I flew my son out the NY this past summer for camp. We left at 4 am for a flight from Colorado to NY and then I turned around, on the same day...and flew back home. I walked in my door at almost 11pm. I could do this because I was single.
I think because of this, I tend to date men who don't have children. Single moms are expected to be poor and sometimes, I think men date a single mom for that stereotype. It makes them feel more powerful. So when they find a woman who isn't needy, I think it makes them feel strange. and Gd forbid you are able to give your child more than they can give their three kids...
So single parents - it isn't just that you aren't a good enough parent, sometimes - you are too good a parent. My son gets more attention from me than most children get with two parents. Not so great for the dating life sometimes but not so bad.
Being a single mom isn't an excuse for how life is. It is only an added dimension of how incredible life can be if you only step out of your comfort zone. I get so tired of all the whining I hear from single parents about how hard it all is. The successful single parents get insulted when they have people tell them, ' i don't know how you do it when I can barely do it with ...'my husband/wife'.' We do it because we know that we don't have anyone else to blame if our lives fall apart.
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:36:59 PM |
HURRAY HURRAY HURRAY!!!!!! Thank you "sweetnessinthekeys" ...
Maybe you should read the actual posting instead of the someone's deranged rant about it before you go bashing other people.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:59:32 PM | I have always gone for good men, before, and after, becoming a single mother.
There are many good men out there, that want loving women, and dont mind if you have children, dont look at the bottom of the barrel for men look on the top shelf. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 4:27:54 PM |
But tell me what else there is..i mean is that it really?? And are most men really thinking they cant date a girl because they dont want to get close to the kid or whatever in the hell it is.
Why do all single parents (mostly moms) assume it's because of thier kids that a man won't date them? Even if they did say it was your kids... well, they have every right not to date you and I think that's a pretty valid reason.
Maybe it's YOU, maybe he doesn't like you... the way you talk, the things you say, the way you dress, your size, or maybe it's your laugh or that you nag or... whatever. Just like the world of single people without kids, there are millions of reasons why a man won't date you. Leave your kids out of it. Chances are if they say it's your kids, it's probably not, they're just using them as a scapegoat.
Leave it be. If they say they don't want to date you, then they don't want to date you. Move on. I can tell you right now that there are single fathers, and people with kids who are adults that left home, and single people with no kids and teenagers just out of highschool having as much, if not more trouble than you dating. So buck up and move on.
There is NOTHING wrong with single parent women... just know that not every man will want to date you. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:26:31 PM | I really don't think there is anything wrong with anyone raising a child. My daughter's mom is deceased and I have been raising her for 7 years. I just think that it's my responsibility to teach her those values. My self personally, I don't date women without children because its easier for them to understand what its like for me to be alone.
I do hope that you find the answers and the man to fullfill your desires and future expectations.
Jay | |
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