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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:23:53 AM |
Church, it was true for YOU, and the class of woman you go for. If you walked into some womans life with that attitude i dont blame her kids for wanting to be rid of you.
Actually, if you read my previous posts, you would know that my G/F's kids didn't want her to date ANYONE! I actually get along better with her kids now than before... so that theory of yours is out the window....
Did you really have them fetch your beer Actually one woman I dated, her kids would bring me a beer when I they were asked. They also brought me tea... mom had trained them to do that, but I think in my case they did it was possibly because I brought them ice cream.... not because they liked me...
I also still see those girls, now they are adults, and have kids of their own... we have gone out and had beer and pizzas' together... I get greeted with a hug when they see me... The last time they got me a beer was a couple of weeks ago, I was helping one of them move. They bought the beer...
make sure they got an eyeful of watching you have sex with your mother
That comes from my G/F's teenage daughters who would barge in to moms' room without knocking because it was what they were used to . So we put a lock on the door after a few reminders failed to stop the interruptions... Then they'd stand outside the door and either knock until we answered, or shout questions through the door...
and play little macho games of talking crap abut their dad?
And I never said I was 'talking crap about their dad' did I? I said you can tell them things that will annoy him...
As for the "dad", they also got to see their dad' and 2 of his buddies ambush me and that particular mom in the street... while we were walking home with her daughters... "Dad" and his buddies announced they were going to beat me and mom up and take the kids... Mom and kids had to run to a house and bang on the door to be let in and call the police... by the time they got there it was over...
I feel for those kids, having to endure mommys bad taste in men for the duration of their childhoods.
If so you should be on the sex offender registry, and be charged with child abuse.
So tell me, why do you feel it necessary to insult me...? A nice sensible rebuttle would have been so much nicer.... insults and so forth are not required...
It's fascinating that I get insulted for what I post. Why is that? | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:36:10 AM | So, I asked this of you....
So now, I throw it back at you... why did you get upset with my posting... and please, don't offer a generalised comment, I'd be interested in hearing specifics....
In response you offer:
for church and all his followers...i'll admit..youre "book" is interesting..here its gibberish..but interesting nonetheless...
It seems that, while you don't like what I say, you can't say I'm wrong either.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:41:57 AM |
It seems that, while you don't like what I say, you can't say I'm wrong either....
I guess they have no rebuttals and just do not like hearing the obvious. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:10:32 AM | Alright ladies lets try not to take every comment so personally. They aren't exactly talking about you but from their personal experiences.
While what church said was possibly a bit insensitive, there lies a great amount of truth in his original post. While your children may not be like that, while your circumstances may not be like that, there are a large number of women and men that do have those circumstances.
So if we are going to ask questions we need ALL the answers, not only the ones we want to hear. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:36:06 AM | FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!! ARE WE THERE YET??!!!!!
Is there not anyone else on this forum who is BORED SHITLESS with this topic?
Given that there are actually a few posters here capable of some intelligent and critical thought (if they could ever just get off the endless reply of the same track over and over and over.........), it is truly unbelievable to me that the Single Parents Forum seems interminably restricted to just a few highly repetitive, and entirely unconstructive themes:
1. Whiney single mothers who want to know why men don't want to date them.
IT'S A PREFERENCE. FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OVER IT AND CONCENTRATE ON THE THE MEN THAT DO WANT TO DATE YOU.
It does not make a man shallow, immature, stupid, etc, etc, etc. Many men have very valid reasons for not wanting to date a woman with children. And there are *some* men, as so ably demonstrated here by 2 serial posters who truly are so ignorant and so entirely clueless that all they are capable of posting the same message over and over and over; leaving one wondering what the hell their twisted obsession with single mothers is. And of course, let us not forget the truly bitter and cynical who have determined based on their own highly anecdotal and limited experience that the vast majority of single mothers should be avoided at all costs.
And if that wasn't enough, we can always count on another poster to 'grace' us with her self-righteous, moralistic, 'one size fits all' view of single motherhood, based on seemingly zero personal experience, but oh so many pieces of 'research'.
Seriously people, surely there must be more interesting things to talk about?
2. Whiney single fathers who want to know why women won't date them. See 1.
3. Endless variations on the theme: Justify why you are a single mother so we can all tell you what a crap thing you are doing/have done to your kids by 'denying' them a 2 parent, mother/father household and find yet another outlet to pass on all that good self-righteous holier than thou stuff.
Of course occasionally we get the 'Justify why you are a single father'; but in true patriarchal tradition, the same contributors happy to crucify single mothers at any opportunity are right in there patting single fathers on the back.
4. Single mothers are either scum sucking/welfare bludging/child support gouging losers and/or gold digging/meal ticket searching predators looking for the next Daddy for their kid/s.
5. And of course, last but not least, the tried but true "Benefits of dating a single mother"; which inevitably results in a the parade of usual suspects coming out to yet again copy and paste the same old bile to see how many more unsuspecting new members they can bait.
Surely, the bottom line is that just like any other person in the dating world, no 2 single mothers are the same and there is not a single one person here in a position to make the highly simplistic and all too often extremely ignorant generalisations about the life of a single mother and what it might be like to date them.
Conversely there is no single mother here who is in a position to judge *all* men who don't/won't date single mothers as being of a particular type/character.
You know, I look at M_Church's little diatribe about how it is supposedly likely to be if you date a single mother and just laugh. It is so far removed from my reality and clearly loaded with a highly subjective and personal bitterness and bias that I really feel sorry for anyone who has become so cynical and jaded. For an apparently intelligent man, your taste in women seems to really suck.
And no, Futureshock, there is not anything "obvious" about it.
But, hey, instead of getting on the same old roundabout YET AGAIN, can we not just concede that it has all been said 100+ times or more before, that despite all this rhetoric many single mothers have successful and fulfilling relationships with 'good' men, many people (men and women alike) wont' date a single parent as a preference, there are in fact many single mothers (and no doubt fathers) out there that don't even bare the slightest resemblance to the trite and grossly simplistic stereotypes trotted out repeatedly by the ignorant, cynical and hurt and find something more interesting to talk about?
END RANT.
PS. And please, don't waste your keystrokes on the "Don't like it, don't read it" response and variations thereof. Because I am just as entitled to have an opinion and post it here as anyone else.  | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:54:56 AM | Hi
I do not know much about in the USA, but here in the UK I get a bit of both. There are guys who do not want to date women who already have children but there are just as many who are not phased by it. I have spent a lot of time with 2 guys since splitting from my daughters dad and both have been amazing to my daughter. Both have their own kids. My daughter has a dad and I am not looking for a new one for her, but theres plenty of place in her life for someone who will be a positive influence. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:36:18 AM |
It seems that, while you don't like what I say, you can't say I'm wrong either.... I guess they have no rebuttals and just do not like hearing the obvious.
And no, Futureshock, there is not anything "obvious" about it.
Let's make sure we are agreeing on what m church wrote, that one is calling obvious and one is saying isn't obvious. This is what I was referring to, and it is just some things that have happened to him while dating women with children. If you don't think they happen, please point out which ones in particular, and why they don't happen:
M CHURCH WROTE:
I posted the following in another thread on the same subject:
In Canada, and some other places, if you date a single woman with kids, you can often be held liable for child support for her kids if you split. All you have to be is a 'perceived father figure'. To be fair, most women will not nail you for this. However, if for some reason, she has to go on social assistance, the government can and WILL come after you for support for kids that are not your biological kids... On top of what they get the natural father to pay...
For a man, dating a woman with kids may mean:
1... No overnight stays...
2... Sudden cancellations to plans... I've been sitting down to a great dinner in a nice restaurant and we have to drop everything and leave for a kid emergency...
3... Kids may do whatever they can to ruin your relationship (See #2) Including accusations of just about anything.
4... You get to put up with all the flak the kids want to give you, but you are unable to have any say, discipline or argument on the matter... They can be little angels when mommy is watching and Satan incarnate when she's not there...
5... Anything you do costs more... Dinner in nice restaurants for 2 becomes dinner at McDonalds for 4... Hotels, don't ask... maybe need two rooms? or larger suite...?
6... You and your girlfriend are welcome at your friend's cottages... You and your girlfriend and her kids are NOT welcome at your friend's cottages...
7... Like walking around naked when it's just you and your G/F? Well, no more.... because it's never "just you and your G/F" anymore...
8... Depending on the age of the kids, and their bedtimes determines what you do even if it's only watching television.... Arguments over what to watch are more interesting when you get to choose between Sesame Street or the Game.... You cannot win no matter the outcome....
9... If the kids get sick, EVERYONE gets sick! And Kids do get sick a lot....
10. Nothing kills the mood like having the kids open the door without knocking.... or the threat of it happening...
11. Money is usually tighter... if not for you, for her...
12. Get used to meeting the kids father all the time if he's around... and oddly enough, he may not like you... If you're not big on meeting your G/F's ex lovers, this can be a strain...
13. Get used to hearing all about him... the kids love to tell you all the great things he does for them....
14. Get used to sometimes having to sit at home, while your G/F and her Ex go out together to do some kid related things....
15. Your evening with your G/F doesn't really start until after the kid's bedtimes... or an hour or two and or a few interruptions later....
16. Said evening means having the music or TV turned down low so as to not wake the little ones...
17. Sometimes you will have to meet the kids grandparents from the Father's side... Oddly, they won't like you either...
18. And consider this, if you do get involved long term with her and her kids... What happens to the kids if anything should happen to her...????
The plus side:
1... Kids can be trained to retrieve a beer...
2... Kids can be trained to do chores...
3... You can tell the kids stuff that you know will piss off her Ex when it gets back to him.
4... You can leave the door unlocked when having sex, so the kids inadvertantly walk in.... (see #3 immediately above)
5... That's it, there is no #5
Then, also, how will getting involved with her affect her kid(s)? Will they get emotionally involved with the guy and vice versa....?
There are just so many dynamics involved when dating a single mother.... it's a big decision and involves a lot more than taking a 'chance' on her.... it affects more than just the guy and the girl....it can and often does affect their futures even if they don't stay together...
.
You have to realise that if you already have kids, you are quite likely limiting the possibility of having kids with the new guy...
A lot of guys want their own kids too.... Is that so hard to understand....?
Guys actually might want to further their bloodline so to speak...
Supposing you already have 2 or 3 kids of your own.... Now, you want a relationship with a person who might want kids of his own... How many can you have with him? Hmm.... 1 kid? maybe...
How about 2 kids? Hmmm That's really pushing it economically... 3 kids is probably out of the question for most couples... remember that gives you a total of 5 or 6 kids between you....
So for a lot of couples, it ain't happening....
How about all you women who say you're DONE HAVING KIDS? Hmmm tough titty for the guy is that it?
And as for that "other guy"... Hmmm, Many women have no problem telling us about how the guy was a louse, a cheating **stard, a liar....an ass... a whatever... and THEN you want us to raise HIS kids with you....? Gee, thanks.... The last thing some of us want is a reminder of the guy that fcuked you (likely for years) before we came along.... got you pregnant....and then we get to pay for that reminder's upkeep and so forth... and then you don't want to have our kid(s).... Nice.... makes us feel so freaking special....
Even better, if he's still around, he comes over, shakes hands with us oh so very freaking nicely... and leaves us to raise his kids, and if we're really lucky, he might come by once a week to tell us how to do it....
And we're supposed to be nice and politically correct to this "guy" who did everything with you except raise the results of all that sperm he left in you.... He got you when you were young, and smooth skinned and innocent, and left you when you were older, jaded, with stretch marks and all the other little after effects of giving birth....
No wonder I saw a smirk on his face as he left.....
Thanks.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:39:41 AM | | I am a single parent, and have dated other single mothers, to me women who are single and have kids "Usually" are more mature, and know what they want in life. to me, I do not want to miss out on what may be a great partner, saying you would never date someone with kids means there is a lot of potential great partnerships you are missing out on. Why limit yourself and exclude a portion of the human population, to me it makes no sense. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:11:32 AM | If you don't think they happen, please point out which ones in particular, and why they don't happen
How about you first investigate the difference between saying a group of stated experiences are "obvious" and then asking subsequently whether or not they "happen".
Do these things *always* happen? No.
Do these things *never* happen? I don't doubt that at various times some of these things do occur.
Do *all* of these things happen within the one relationship? Possibly I guess. But only if you are dating the most selfish, disrespectful, clueless, insensitive dope of a parent on the planet. And trust me, with the exception of the "parent" part, none of those traits are the exclusive domain of the single mother.
And none of it is "obvious". Much of what is on that list can be minimised or indeed entirely avoided with careful planning and a commitment to making the relationship work.
But the bottom line is this. Single parents have a child/ren. ASTONISHING I KNOW. And that is the only thing that is "obvious" about them.
There are going to be dynamics, logistics and practicalities that don't exist in a childless couple's relationship. Well, duh.
So if that sort of thing is just way to hard to contemplate and/or deal with, then don't date them. Or date the ones where those issues are not going to arise. Take me, for example:
1... No overnight stays...
Nope. Overnight stays not a problem. Have had them and will continue to have them.
2... Sudden cancellations to plans... I've been sitting down to a great dinner in a nice restaurant and we have to drop everything and leave for a kid emergency...
Well at this point I don't go out when I have the kids and neither does he, so when there is a "kid emergency" they are with the other parent who will deal with it. A true dire emergency? Yes, I would have to go, as would he. How often is that likely to happen? Statistically, there is a tiny tiny chance.
3... Kids may do whatever they can to ruin your relationship (See #2) Including accusations of just about anything.
Well, mine are 2 & 4. So not much chance of that.
4... You get to put up with all the flak the kids want to give you, but you are unable to have any say, discipline or argument on the matter... They can be little angels when mommy is watching and Satan incarnate when she's not there...
If my relationship is at the point where I am leaving a partner alone with my children for a period of time long enough for "discipline" to be relevant, then he will absolutely be in a role where he can have a say or argument on the matter; and discipline would be a matter to be worked out loonnngggg before he is put in that position.
5... Anything you do costs more... Dinner in nice restaurants for 2 becomes dinner at McDonalds for 4... Hotels, don't ask... maybe need two rooms? or larger suite...?
Again. Nope. Perfectly feasible for dinner to continue to be in a nice restaurant, just the 2 of us. Hotels, also possible.
6... You and your girlfriend are welcome at your friend's cottages... You and your girlfriend and her kids are NOT welcome at your friend's cottages...
Well that's a shame. But c'est la vie; guess we go you "your friend's cottages" when I don't have the kids.
7... Like walking around naked when it's just you and your G/F? Well, no more.... because it's never "just you and your G/F" anymore...
Nope. Wrong again.
8... Depending on the age of the kids, and their bedtimes determines what you do even if it's only watching television.... Arguments over what to watch are more interesting when you get to choose between Sesame Street or the Game.... You cannot win no matter the outcome....
Which of course is why the children have their own television in their play/living area.
9... If the kids get sick, EVERYONE gets sick! And Kids do get sick a lot....
Ummm....nope.
10. Nothing kills the mood like having the kids open the door without knocking.... or the threat of it happening...
Problem solved if they're not there of course.
11. Money is usually tighter... if not for you, for her...
Yep. This is one of those logistical, practical issues I referred to earlier. Money will not be tighter for 'him', but of course it is for me.
12. Get used to meeting the kids father all the time if he's around... and oddly enough, he may not like you... If you're not big on meeting your G/F's ex lovers, this can be a strain...
I can assure you my ex-husband has zero interest in playing happy families with any new partner of mine.
13. Get used to hearing all about him... the kids love to tell you all the great things he does for them....
Well duh. He is their Dad. And this is a problem because.....you're insecure? threatened? what?
14. Get used to sometimes having to sit at home, while your G/F and her Ex go out together to do some kid related things....
Hmmmm....Nope.
15. Your evening with your G/F doesn't really start until after the kid's bedtimes... or an hour or two and or a few interruptions later....
Yep. This would be the case if the kids were here when my boyfriend was. Hasn't happened yet. Again, once of those logistical, practical things.
16. Said evening means having the music or TV turned down low so as to not wake the little ones...
Hmmm...Nope. Unless we are talking Heavy Metal blaring through the speakers (which would piss my neighbours off before my kids more likely), there is no need. My "little ones" don't need silence to sleep.
17. Sometimes you will have to meet the kids grandparents from the Father's side... Oddly, they won't like you either...
Well, my parents have met my ex-husband's partner and they like her just fine. Can't imagine my ex-in laws having a problem with a partner of mine.
18. And consider this, if you do get involved long term with her and her kids... What happens to the kids if anything should happen to her...????
Again, one of those logistical, practical things. Tiny tiny tiny chance of it occurring. But if you feel the risk is too great to take, then.......It ain't rocket science.
"How about all you women who say you're DONE HAVING KIDS? Hmmm tough titty for the guy is that it?" Now that one slays me. Nope, not 'tough titty'. If you are a man who wants children, don't date a woman who doesn't want any/more. Now THAT is what I call obvious! And the rest of that bile isn't even worthy of comment.
Now, I hardly think I am unique in being a single mother, with shared care of her children, who respects others and is raising her children to do so as well. So I am fully convinced that it is entirely possible to date a single mother without it being the unmitigated disastrous misery of a time that m_church has apparently encountered. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:20:42 AM |
Actually, if you read my previous posts, you would know that my G/F's kids didn't want her to date ANYONE! I actually get along better with her kids now than before... so that theory of yours is out the window....
Im sure they didnt, seeing the caliber of men she chose.
Actually one woman I dated, her kids would bring me a beer when I they were asked. They also brought me tea... mom had trained them to do that, but I think in my case they did it was possibly because I brought them ice cream.... not because they liked me...
I also still see those girls, now they are adults, and have kids of their own... we have gone out and had beer and pizzas' together... I get greeted with a hug when they see me... The last time they got me a beer was a couple of weeks ago, I was helping one of them move. They bought the beer...
Trained,,,,,,like dogs,,,nice. Well theres a happy ending for your sad single mother tales, thew kids and you got to grow up to be drunks together. That can be benefit number 5.
That comes from my G/F's teenage daughters who would barge in to moms' room without knocking because it was what they were used to . So we put a lock on the door after a few reminders failed to stop the interruptions... Then they'd stand outside the door and either knock until we answered, or shout questions through the door... a little to late to backpedal on that one, you already ousted yourself as a creep and predator. See plus sides to dating a single number 3. Is that why you date single mothers despite all your logical reasons why they are to much trouble to date?
Yuck. I hope Dateline catches you one day.
And I never said I was 'talking crap about their dad' did I? I said you can tell them things that will annoy him...
As for the "dad", they also got to see their dad' and 2 of his buddies ambush me and that particular mom in the street... while we were walking home with her daughters... "Dad" and his buddies announced they were going to beat me and mom up and take the kids... Mom and kids had to run to a house and bang on the door to be let in and call the police... by the time they got there it was over...
If you like getting your jollies off in front of, kids and doing things to piss the ex off a "benefit" to dating their mom, and the mom allowed it, im not surprised they wanted to beat you up and get the kids away. They should have handled it through childrens services and Chris Hansen, but are you really surprised?
So tell me, why do you feel it necessary to insult me...? A nice sensible rebuttle would have been so much nicer.... insults and so forth are not required...
It's fascinating that I get insulted for what I post. Why is that?
because of your negative generalisations towards single mothers, and then turning around and listing "pluses" to dating a single mom as letting her kids watch you have sex, fetching beer, and insulting their bio-father.  | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:51:56 AM |
Im sure they didnt, seeing the caliber of men she chose.
Ok... Apparently you think that insulting people is acceptable.... it's really not...
Trained,,,,,,like dogs,,,nice. Well theres a happy ending for your sad single mother tales, thew kids and you got to grow up to be drunks together. That can be benefit number Oh and how would you have worded it then? So do you accuse everyone who has a few beers of being an alcoholic too?????? WTF is wrong with you....??????
a little to late to backpedal on that one, you already ousted yourself as a creep and predator. See plus sides to dating a single number 3. Is that why you date single mothers despite all your logical reasons why they are to much trouble to date?
Yuck. I hope Dateline catches you one day.
Sorry, you have no call to accuse me of anything like that. Your accusations are groundless and I strongly suggest you avoid stating things that are untrue and potentially libellous.... I have not outed myself as a "creep and a predator". Maybe if reading comprehension is not your strong suit you should stay out of the forums.
If you like getting your jollies off in front of, kids and doing things to piss the ex off a "benefit" to dating their mom, and the mom allowed it, im not surprised they wanted to beat you up and get the kids away. They should have handled it through childrens services and Chris Hansen, but are you really surprised?
First off, different family, different kids... and their bio-father ended up in jail for assault( on someone else) and drugs...the kids have not seen him since they were small.... (after the incident I described) ( And who the hell is Chris Hansen?)
because of your negative generalisations towards single mothers, and then turning around and listing "pluses" to dating a single mom as letting her kids watch you have sex, fetching beer, and insulting their bio-father. Again you apparently don't understand what you read and would prefer to misunderstand what little you do take in....
In the meantime, keep your opinions of me to yourself, and don't attack, insult or otherwise try to flame me. I don't attack YOU, I never have. You are free to offer opinions on my posts, you are not free to offer libellous opinions on me. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:03:39 PM |
Nope. Overnight stays not a problem. Have had them and will continue to have them. Having joint custody or shared custody is a big advantage that way... Overnight stays are usually more of an issue when mom doesn't have the backup etc to take the kids for such 'events'
That takes care of a lot of issues on many of the points.... although the opposite is also true, you will not be available for a lot of things when you have the kids...depending on the arrangements that's probably at least 50% of the time....
Now, I hardly think I am unique in being a single mother, with shared care of her children, who respects others and is raising her children to do so as well
As you say, you have shared care.... not everyone has that...
Again, one of those logistical, practical things. Tiny tiny tiny chance of it occurring. Again, much easier to deal with when a father is in the picture... Although I do wonder what would happen if the kids are still young, and they would prefer to be with step-dad as opposed to bio-dad.... would make some interesting legal problems...
If the kids get sick, EVERYONE gets sick! And Kids do get sick a lot....
Ummm....nope.
Your kids never get sick? Are they not in school yet? (Curious, don't know their ages... seems like as soon as kids enter grade school they get every bug known to man... and a few others besides.... LOL)
If you are a man who wants children, don't date a woman who doesn't want any/more. Now THAT is what I call obvious!
So many women's profiles leave the question of more kids as ambiguous.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:28:42 PM | Church....I am laughing sooo hard at your "novel"...and I truely don't mean to "step on toes"....but you are soooo right. I'm a single parent of 2 (one from my previous marriage), and I can honestly say that almost ALL instances you listed HAS happened to my ex. My kids come first foremost, and that will never change. However, dating men who have children of their own (I would think) tend to understand this more clearly.
Again, I have to say thanks for the laugh....
I even copied it and sent it around the office......LOL | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 2:46:47 PM | As chliche as it sounds, the right guy wont care that your a single mom. Ive had my share of being turned down by guys just becuase I have my son, but at the end of the day I really dont care. If you cant accept my son, then you sure as hell dont deserve what we have to offer. I met a guy here a few months ago, we went on a few dates, bc he lived kind of far from where I was. I have recently moved and we have been together almost every night for the past 2 weeks. My son has never ONCE been a factor to him. I dont need someone to support my son, I have that under control as I have had for the past 3 years of his life. This guy is AMAZING and I couldnt ask for a better person to have met.
Just keep fishing and remember your kids are always number one! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:54:13 PM | There is no issue for me with regards to dating a single mother. Getting into a relationship, living together or getting married is something that has to be approached with a little more caution than when dating a single person with no kids. The reason, the potential financial liability from having to pay child support for step children.
All this means is that you have to really get to know the person because although they may state, “I would never go after you for child support”, they have a legal right to where I live in Canada. Lets not fool ourselves either, feelings and emotions are also very different when a relationship breaks down. So I would need to know was her breakup with her ex amicable or did it drag out through the courts for years. Does she believe in shared parenting ( a big thing for me), how does she get along with her ex… All things to take into consideration and be a little more cautious. Just like a mother is with introducing her children to any man, it doesn’t make either a bad person, it just makes them a prudent.
It doesn’t mean excluding single parents all together but going in knowing that if things don’t work out this is the potential financial impact. Some of us cannot afford to have a 2nd marriage go south as we are already paying child support for our first family, paying for a second would be ruinous both from a financial perspective and entertaining the idea of have another relationship afterwards. Or if your boyfriend or husband is very young and the relationship does not work out, how will paying child support for step children effect any future relationship he might want to have.
Sweetness;
I think your comments regarding mchurch ending up Dateline were out of order and you owe him an apology for such comments. Making a false accusations of sexual abuse is clearly wrong so you should either apologise or be removed from this site. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:04:40 PM | Oh my God. I actually agree with M church. Never thought it would happen. Those are valid disadvantages of dating a mom. Often there are things called locks on doors, baby sitters, and common curtisy to curb some of those issue, but you are right.
Now I realize the question posed was what is wrong with dating single mom's. Those are all true and therefore welcome (by me anyways). But have heart ladies those just happen to be some issues with our "type", other types out there (for example the bar star's) have there own special disadvantages. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:16:54 PM | I didn't mind m_church post with the list of problems that can occur with dating a single mom.
He does have his own past experiences to draw upon and it definately explains a lot about the drama he has endured. But to state as a benefit:
4... You can leave the door unlocked when having sex, so the kids inadvertantly walk in....
m_church I know u know u crossed the line with that one. To imply that while having sex with mom u should leave the door unlocked so that the kids can catch u. Well I wouldn't want my child exposed to any of that. That only makes me think that I will never bring a man into my home.
Sweetness took major offense to it because she has a daughter. I took major offense to it because I have a daughter. It wasn't funny.
soccersweep how would u feel if u had a daughter and she walked in on the new guy banging mommy?
Children should not be exposed to an adults sex life. Seriously talk about doing permenant damage to ur child. As parents our goal should be to always keep our child safe. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:32:06 PM |
m_church I know u know u crossed the line with that one. To imply that while having sex with mom u should leave the door unlocked so that the kids can catch u. By now, you should be aware that most of my posts have a tinge of humour to them.... However, sometimes humour is lost on those who are too quick to jump to conmclusions...
Anyway, I have started a serious thread entitled:
So how can we make it easier for single moms to date? I'd like you and all the other people to look at it and contribute.... hopefully it won't get deleted within an hour....
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:33:02 PM | jenny cedes, don't listen to church and up, bigben they are woman bashers. First of all church doesn't even have a pic up and we all know what that means, right girls, he's the one your bf says; "I have a friend who wants to double date, HE HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY". And you wouldn't want to date a man like bigben because he would be a poor example for your children. You know how us single mother's are always telling our children the importance of eating properly and brush your teeth or you'll grow up and suffer from obesity and bad teeth. For the record bigben I would never date an unemployed man anyway. I work far too hard to piggy back any man. So, until church fills out his profile and puts up a real pick he shouldn't throw stones at anyone, especially us amazing and I do think we are brilliant single mothers!!!!!!!!!! What, I know I was a bit rough but why can men be such pigs and we always have to be so polite!!! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:51:05 PM | First let me share a True Story with you. I had a friend who, until his death last year, lived with a woman and raised her daughter. When her daughter was born, he became an instant father and he was not her real father, now she is 20 . Her memories of her step father are all good ones. He raised her good and he once told me he loved her as much as he would if she were really his .
There are tons of guys out there who will accept women with children. But I would suggest to the ones who keep failing to find them to quit looking in BIKER BARS, BARS IN GENERAL, AND WILD PARTIES. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:02:13 PM | Jen,
I would be willing to bet if a nice kind warm hearted caring man showed up in your life you would friend zone him and never think twice about it.
As you said in another thread
<div class="quote">men i fall for want to pursue their career more, move away or just plain emotionless...
You pick money oriented emotionless people. Most likely this is so you do nt have to worry about getting close to someone and getting hurt. Quit blaming men and have a look inside. Go back and find one of those poor souls you frind zoned and call him up.
Once you mature a lttle and can handle a decnt man you might find happiness.
tl;dr - Quit trying to change people into somethhing they are not | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:05:14 PM | Having joint custody or shared custody is a big advantage that way... Overnight stays are usually more of an issue when mom doesn't have the backup etc to take the kids for such 'events' Of course. Overnights for the parent with sole custody are going to be trickier, or even out of the question in the early days.
So, if you are a man for whom o/n stays are a big deal and/or are only looking for a more casual dating thing, rather than a more serious longer-term thing where ultimately you would be staying o/n, with the kids there, then don't date the single mother with sole custody and/or little/no capacity for overnights. There are plenty of single mothers out there who don't have sole custody.
See how simple that is? 
That takes care of a lot of issues on many of the points.... although the opposite is also true, you will not be available for a lot of things when you have the kids...depending on the arrangements that's probably at least 50% of the time.... Well yes, I do have more limited availability for child free activities....because.....I have children! Shocking.
So more careful planning is required it is true. Although it should be said that issues of availability are not the exclusive domain of the single mother. There were times in my single, child-free life where I had so much going on availability was very tricky. And the man I am dating now (who is a single Dad, but only has about 15-20% care) is way less available than I due to his work commitments.
So again, want someone who is readily available? Don't date the person who is not. I have had no issues with availability in my dating life post-children simply because the men I have dated have not been the types who needed a level at which I was unable to meet.
As you say, you have shared care.... not everyone has that... And as *I* said, no, they don't. But plenty do. So if you are a man who finds the additional potential logistical/practical challenges of a parent with sole custody too hard or not your scene, don't date the woman with sole custody. Still leaves plenty of single mothers to choose from.
Again, much easier to deal with when a father is in the picture... Although I do wonder what would happen if the kids are still young, and they would prefer to be with step-dad as opposed to bio-dad.... would make some interesting legal problems... Possibly it would. But again, tiny tiny tiny possibility of finding yourself in this scenario. And again, if any amount of risk of that, no matter how tiny is too much to to handle, then...........'altogether now...say it with me...' 
Your kids never get sick? Are they not in school yet? (Curious, don't know their ages... seems like as soon as kids enter grade school they get every bug known to man... and a few others besides.... LOL) Now, did I say that? Yes my kids get sick....BUT.....contrary to your claims....they do not get sick "a lot". More so than your average adult? Yes. But a lot in the course of a year? Nope. And they are in day care at times, so plenty of exposure to bugs. But a healthy diet and adequate exercise builds a strong immune system, leaving them less susceptible to getting sick and the severity of any illness greatly minimised.
Additionally, contrary to your claim, when one child gets sick, everyone DOES NOT get sick. I practise and teach good hygiene in this house. Even at 2 & 4 the children know how to use and dispose of a tissue, wash their hands, put their hand/a tissue over their mouth when they cough/sneeze, etc, etc. I can barely recall a time when either of the kids has passed on their bug to me or the other child. Not saying it has *never* happened, but it is so rare, hardly rates a blip on the radar.
So many women's profiles leave the question of more kids as ambiguous.... SO ASK THEM FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if they are non-committal about it and for you it is a 'deal breaker', then..........
And no, I am not so naive as to think that some women may either 'change their mind' at a later point and/or are less than honest about it (heaven forbid!!!). But again, this is most definitely not the exclusive domain of a single mother. You could just as easily get 'burned' by a childless woman on this one.
However, upfront, frank and open discussion on the subject before anyone is in too deep will go a long way to prevent this situation.
Look, dating ANYONE is a risk. Dating a single parent raises logistical/practical issues that a childless person will not have; and no question alters the dynamic of the relationship. That IS "obvious".
That does not automatically equate to it being a 'negative', nor a problem, nor any 'worse' than the issues one might face dating a childless woman.
Some men will view the unique characteristics of dating a single mother as being a total 'non-issue'. And some, believe it or not, will even find that there are rewards/benefits/whatever that come as a direct result of dating a single mother that make any compromise/characteristic borne of there being children something they are happy to work with. Yes folks *some* men actually like the children, the children like them and they feel more personally enriched from those relationships. They get to engage in different dynamics, activities and relationships that are unique to there being children...and they LIKE IT. Who'd have thunk it??!!
And if you just can't get your head around it, don't like it, want it and/or it doesn't interest in the least.....THEN DON'T DATE 'EM!!!!!!!!
But beware, there are PLENTY of childless women with just as many, if not more with logistical/practical issues and enough 'baggage' to fill a storeroom.
And of course, that brings us back to preferences, compatibility, 'deal breakers' and what it is you truly want out of a relationship.
Conveniently stereotyping *all* single mothers as having the same "obvious" issues around dating and determining that it is never possible to have a great, fulfilling and successful relationship with one is fine on an individual level. Personally I think it reflects an inability for intelligent critical thought and is a mighty big cop out, but whatever floats your boat.
However, to extrapolate one's own highly subjective and personal experience out to an entire group of people - namely single mothers - and to imply therefore that single mothers should not be dated *because* of the 'problems'/issues that *will* ensue is as ignorant as it is unintelligent.
And that is what is seen consistently in this forum. Men and even some women, making these grossly simplistic generalisations.
I simply cannot be the only single mother on the planet who has no problems/issues/characteristics of the nature consistently trotted out here. In fact I would venture I am far from unique.
So for all you men out there who like indulge in this oh so boring stereotyping, either your taste in women and single mothers in particular really sucks and I would suggest that you need to figure out what it is about *you* that attracts you to these particular women and/or them to you.
And if you are too lazy/can't be bothered/think it's all too hard to do that, then bugger off. Go date childless women, with our blessing!!!!!!!!
Just don't kid yourself it's about *all* single mothers or even *most* single mothers being such an awful dating prospect.  | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:05:55 PM | Whats to apologize for, i am not touting havingh kids see you have sex as a benefit to dating a single mom.
Even if it is a joke, it is not funny, imo, it is creepy, perverted, and sad.
Why would anyone even think of something like that, even as a "joke"?
If im offensive, or lack a sense of humor, or get removed from the site for finding this dude to be creepy and sick, so be it.
Its not funny. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:22:39 PM | Yes, I agree with yamahafortwo (biker bars, hmmm) not that a yamaha constitutes a real bike-lol.
There are tons of amazing men who understand life is life and things happen, and usually, no always for the best. (without sounding creepy; God doesn't necessarily take us where we want to go but he'll always take us where we need to go).
Now as for that extreme generalization that single moms hang out at bars etc, speaking as a single mom I didn't even like doing that as a teenager. When we aren't keeping the ship , ship shape you can usually find us; at the gym(5a.m.), grocery store, baseball, hockey, soccer games or the movies with the kids or god willing a gf. Wow, these forums are teaching me soooo much about the ignorance of men!!!! wow!!
I have run into a couple of men who didn't even want to date me (they said it was because of the children issue) but it was probably just coincidental that , that was followed by; " but if you want to get together for something casual." That is guy talk for I only want to chase you down like street dogs and jump on your back."(or something like that) These men conveniently use "the kid thing" to cover up their sleezy real motives and when they see you're an intelligent straight forward woman who's got it together, they use the kid thing not to look like dirt.
SMILE, WINK AND A BIG FAT PHEW, THAT FELT GREAT!!!!!!!!! | |
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