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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:04:59 PM |
I would say that a woman who puts off having children until she is educated, has a decent career, and is married to a good man who is good father material is a probably going to be a good mother. I did everything right second time around and yet ended up a single mother, you never know what can happen.
That is precisely why this part is so important:
she is educated, has a decent career | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:42:48 PM | | I didn't say it applied to all...and your right just because she seems like a good mom doesnt mean she would make a great partner...That's just a risk you make have to take...Church you seem like a hurting guy...who doesn't like kids and has no respect for them...If you have such low tolerance for single mom and the shit that goes along with it...hmm do us all a favor and don't date them!! and just because there maybe other kids in the mix, doesnt always mean that they will be treated differently... you guys overgeneralize...its terrible, im sorry that those single moms that you have seen has closed your mind off...its sad. ood luck on your search in POF... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:20:41 PM |
"hey church and jacob..thanks so much for making me realize how great it is to be single...you guys are true douchebags..thanks for everything!"
It kills me in the forums when someone asks a question and the get an honest responce how many people get mad and start with the name calling. If you don't want others thoughts don't ask the question. Talk about douchebags!!!
This isn't the first time I've seen m_church's form response, and I hope it isn't the last time, because it's excellent.
Most of the things he mentioned have happened to me while dating a single mother, and all of them are reasonable fears and considerations for men entertaining the idea of dating a single mother.
A single mother who reads that, understands it, empathizes with it, and tries to ameliorate the situation could be worth dating.
A single mother who rejects it, is offended by it, and disregards it has demonstrated that she is uninterested in giving to a relationship and only interested in demanding. She is not worth dating, and she had better get used to being alone save for men who are only interested in her sweet poon, because that is what is likely to happen. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:06:55 AM | Church you single mother generalisations simply dont apply to every mother.
1... No overnight stays...
Why is that? I have had overnight stays as a single parent.
2... Sudden cancellations to plans... I've been sitting down to a great dinner in a nice restaurant and we have to drop everything and leave for a kid emergency...
I never had that happen. Though my husband who had NO kids when we were dating had to leave in the middle of dinner constantly for work.
3... Kids may do whatever they can to ruin your relationship (See #2) Including accusations of just about anything.
Uh, no they dont. Because your girlfriends kids didnt like you doesnt mean every kid wants to ruin their parents relationships. My daughter adored my husband when he arrived on the scene. She told me often he was cooler than i was. Both my kids adore my new boyfriend. I doubt either of them would ever accuse anyone of anything untrue.
4... You get to put up with all the flak the kids want to give you, but you are unable to have any say, discipline or argument on the matter... They can be little angels when mommy is watching and Satan incarnate when she's not there...
My husband had as much say as i did when we got married. Though he was given very little flak, he was respected by my child. Neither of my kids have been Satan incarnarte, with or without me watching.
5... Anything you do costs more... Dinner in nice restaurants for 2 becomes dinner at McDonalds for 4... Hotels, don't ask... maybe need two rooms? or larger suite...?
So it costs more, I can pay for my kids. We have gone to nice restaurants in a group. Getting a larger hotel room or buying extra dinners never drive us broke.
6... You and your girlfriend are welcome at your friend's cottages... You and your girlfriend and her kids are NOT welcome at your friend's cottages...
So we would hang at my cottage then.
7... Like walking around naked when it's just you and your G/F? Well, no more.... because it's never "just you and your G/F" anymore..
I never dated or married a man that had an aversion to boxer shorts.
8... Depending on the age of the kids, and their bedtimes determines what you do even if it's only watching television.... Arguments over what to watch are more interesting when you get to choose between Sesame Street or the Game.... You cannot win no matter the outcome...
The kids have their own TV's. And none of us are huge TV watchers anyways so they likely wouoldsnt give a hoot if the channel was changed.
And most men i would think have careersd and are not sitting around all day waiting on me. My husband worked crazy ass hours, and the new BF gets off workm around the same time my kids fall asleep so no issues there.
9... If the kids get sick, EVERYONE gets sick! And Kids do get sick a lot....
Mine dont get sick a lot. And the few times they have i did not get sick from them.
10. Nothing kills the mood like having the kids open the door without knocking.... or the threat of it happening...
Locks. Sold at Home Depot's everywhere.
11. Money is usually tighter... if not for you, for her..
Im fine with money.
12. Get used to meeting the kids father all the time if he's around... and oddly enough, he may not like you... If you're not big on meeting your G/F's ex lovers, this can be a strain....
He is dead.
13. Get used to hearing all about him... the kids love to tell you all the great things he does for them....
Any man who would feel threatened by a loving wonderful father that passed away is no man i would want.
14. Get used to sometimes having to sit at home, while your G/F and her Ex go out together to do some kid related things....
What you dont have your own life?
For me, moot point, the kids dad is dead.
15. Your evening with your G/F doesn't really start until after the kid's bedtimes... or an hour or two and or a few interruptions later...
Well like i said, the man i have had in my life had careers keeping them busy so that was never a problem.
16. Said evening means having the music or TV turned down low so as to not wake the little ones...
LOL, my kids have slept through 10 hurricanes and the Wilma flood of 2005.
17. Sometimes you will have to meet the kids grandparents from the Father's side... Oddly, they won't like you either...
My mother in law thinks the new BF is fabulous, and wonders why i didnt snap him up sooner.
18. And consider this, if you do get involved long term with her and her kids... What happens to the kids if anything should happen to her...????
Thats taken care of in my will. They go to my mother in law, or my sister in law if she is unable. They have their fathers money set up in accounts for them that would go for their expenses, plus i have life insurance as well. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:38:10 AM |
Thank you for proving my previous point.
methinks the gentleman doth protest too much ?
Spider....this is a bit of a running joke between soldier and I, the Sir thing. IMO he's just previously stated his basic right not to date single mothers, and also his opinions based on his direct experience of all the single mothers he's invariably encountered up until posting in these forums. Cool though that after "hanging out" with a few of us for so long here, he's actually changed his perception. As for poptartboy.....no he doesn't get me wet, but there's still time for him to be converted if he hangs out here a while longer ....bwahahahahahahaha | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/16/2009 3:25:43 PM | I thoroughly enjoyed this....I like it and will prolly read it again! I am a single mother and I believe I agreed with every word you wrote!  | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/16/2009 4:06:54 PM |
Church you seem like a hurting guy...who doesn't like kids and has no respect for them
Actually I do for the most part like kids... I also like cats and dogs too, but that doesn't mean I will tolerate them messing the carpet... likewise kids...
I still get along with the kids from the first woman I lived with... they're adults now... but I still get greeted with hugs....their kids like me too....
Also, I have kids... grown now... ones in college, the other about to be...
My daughter is not a single mom... she's waiting for kids after she's settled an got her career in order and well established... she's been living with the same guy for about 10 years... My son has no plans for kids until he's established either.... both are happy, and sensible... I respect them...
I have no problem giving respect when I feel it's deserved...
If you have such low tolerance for single mom and the shit that goes along with it...hmm do us all a favor and don't date them!!
Well, ideally my G/F and I are permanently joined at the hip.... so dating another single mom would probably be out of the picture... However, I would make an exception if I met a woman who had well mannered kids, that had good sense and a smart mom. I think a smart mom (and I don't just mean educated - but thats definately part of it) is the most important thing if it's going to work dating a single mom. And for the most part, a great deal of what I've said has been to open people's eyes... I started two threads on how to make it easier for single moms to date... the first one got deleted... the second is still going... but faltering... I've made suggestions and so have others... But for the most part, I see mud slinging and insults hurled at me because single moms don't like my posts... Yet, they don't offer much in creative... answers on how to improve things... how about a few less digs at me, and a few more suggestions on how to make things work...
Realisitically single moms are thier own worst enemies... eager to blame but not willing to look at themselves....
To be fair, there are a few smart moms on here... but a couple of them have obviously given a bit more thought to things than the rest.... some of the rest, however, are just showing nothing good....although they think they do....
you guys overgeneralize At the risk of over generalising... most of you women don't see yourselves and your kids from an external Point Of View... and I'm not saying you're doing it deliberately, or selfishly... but I think you are not aware of it... we all do it to a certain extent... look at the way we all perceive our kids... I do it too....
We don't see a lot of women who say anything other than the equivalent of "My kids are the greatest!" or "Everyone loves my kids!" Well, sorry, they're kids... not angels... get some perspective... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/16/2009 4:35:48 PM |
Thats taken care of in my will. They go to my mother in law, or my sister in law if she is unable. They have their fathers money set up in accounts for them that would go for their expenses, plus i have life insurance as well.
And what if your guy wanted the kids to stay with him instead of going to your Ex's family? So in the event something happens to you, he loses the entire family he has come to love then?
Let's see, your Ex is deceased... and money is seemingly not an issue? Well, gee, that does make you different from most single moms.... and yes you do make some valid points...
It would be interesting how quickly you would be a 'generalisation' if you didn't have those two factors alone... you don't even work full time...
Church you single mother generalisations simply dont apply to every mother.
I agree.... but if your Ex was alive, or you didn't have $$$$ they would apply to you...
Kids don't hope you will get back with your Ex for a start... so they don't have that added impetus to ruin your relationships....
Beyond that, your kids are still young... wait until they're teenagers...
BTW I loved this part of your post...
So it costs more, I can pay for my kids. We have gone to nice restaurants in a group. Getting a larger hotel room or buying extra dinners never drive us broke.
Especially in light of this post of yours in another thread...
I buy those canned spaghettios in bulk for the nights when someone doesnt like what i made, that way i dont have to cook a seperate meal, you juust heat em up for like 3 minutes in a saucepan, give a flinstone vitamin, and nobody goes to bed hungry.
Which puzzles me considering in an other post you wrote...
When i had my children i did not just become a mother of my own children, i became a "mother of all", meaning that if i see ANY child that is in need of attention, love, guidance, or whathaveyou, i do my best to offer it to that child, because that maternal instinct runs very deep.
Nothing says 'maternal instinct' like spaghettios.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:55:50 PM |
And what if your guy wanted the kids to stay with him instead of going to your Ex's family? So in the event something happens to you, he loses the entire family he has come to love then?
If i was married to the man and he adopted the kids, and he wanted to raise them in the event of my death, then i would change my will.
If i died tomorrow and my kids went to my in-laws, i am positive they would allow the man in my life to be involved with the children, as they are a very warm-hearted loving people.
I agree.... but if your Ex was alive, or you didn't have $$$$ they would apply to you...
Kids don't hope you will get back with your Ex for a start... so they don't have that added impetus to ruin your relationships....
Beyond that, your kids are still young... wait until they're teenagers...
If my husband was alive, i would not be a single mother.
If i didnt have money i would be way to busy working to change that to have any kind of relationship with anyone.
And i highly doubt they would ever ruin a relationship, at any age.
Nothing says 'maternal instinct' like spaghettios....
If you read the post in context, that was reffering to what i give them when one of them does not want the meal already prepared. If i make, say, meatloaf and mashed potatos and carrots, and one of them decides they loathe of mealoaf and mashed potatos and carrots, i am hardly going to spend another hour in front of the stove, or haul the clan off to eat somewhere when there is already food on the table.
i dont believe in sending kids to bed hungry, so darn right i give them spaghettios and a vitamin if they dont care for what is served.
Thats why i love places like Fridays, Outback, Ihop, etc, they are child friendly and everyone picks what they want.
They do not eat spaghettios for breakfast lunch and dinner.
Its called an alternative, and has nothing to do with maternal instincts. | |
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| nothing
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:15:15 PM | 8soldier! What! I thought you were the strongest of us all, how can you do a complete 360 on us like this?
<div class='quote'>If I ever take the plunge, she would have to be a ridiculously incredible woman.
There are a lot of great single moms, but that doesn't make the kid disappear, therefore the issues remain.
<div class='quote'>And previously married.
Never married single mom, divorced single mom, whats the difference? Actually the divorced single mom is worst because it regards legal issues which are a pain.
<div class='quote'>I didn't say I'm going to head down the welfare office today and try to score a breeder...
Once a mom, always a mom.
<div class='quote'>Just that recent friends of mine have made me think that maybe the black and white approach is not truly honest for me.
Any of your friends who are telling you to go against your instincts and beliefs are not your true friends. Are they Liberals? Do they smoke pot? Take all that into consideration and do what is best for you. If you talk like an Alpha male be an Alpha male. Let me hear you roar "There is only one Lion in this Den and all the cubs are mine!" | |
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| nothing
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:34:37 PM | | What if your Alfa male brings cubs of his own? | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/18/2009 2:59:19 PM |
And i highly doubt they would ever ruin a relationship, at any age.
Funny, My Girlfriend kept saying almost the same thing as that all through our relationship...
It wasn't until after the kids admitted to her what they had been doing that she could see it...
If i didnt have money i would be way to busy working to change that to have any kind of relationship with anyone.
So basically, you're admitting your situation is kind of an exception aren't you....??????
If i was married to the man and he adopted the kids, and he wanted to raise them in the event of my death, then i would change my will.
Again, because the kid's father is deceased that is much easier.... If the father was still around he could prevent adoption... and would have the kids even if the step father was a better parent or the kids wanted to be with the step father....
So again you are a bit of an exceptional circumstance...
If i died tomorrow and my kids went to my in-laws, i am positive they would allow the man in my life to be involved with the children, as they are a very warm-hearted loving people.
Hopefully yes.... but it doesn't always happen.... out of curiosity... ask them what they'd do in that event.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/18/2009 3:10:20 PM | And don't forget some of these men in here are only for adoption-they are also looking for "mommie" and would like you to support them!Ouch! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:03:08 PM | I guess maybe it is.
if i did not have money, i would be working all of the time, thus i would have NO time to bein any sort of realtionship, with anyone. So i wouldnt be a generalisatio sbecause i wouldnt be anyones girlfriend, date, or wife.
If my husband was still alive, i would NOT be a single mother. I would be a married mother. So there would be no adoption for him to stop, HE would be the family patriarch.
I can ask them, sure. | |
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| nothing
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:06:44 PM | | If you know anything about lion prides the lioness does all the work. If it weren't for her all would starve. So be careful of you anlogies Hannity. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2009 8:09:13 PM | | Well it seems its a one way street with you Shaniqua. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:44:11 PM | | Being a parent involves giving a lot more than you receive. As parents, we do that happily. However, it is a lot to ask of someone not biologically related to the child. | |
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| nothing
Posted: 8/20/2009 5:50:18 AM | That may be true gadget but he would kill off the enough of her cubs so that his would be fed, if she does anything to prevent it she would lose her place in the pride.
One does have to be careful when speaking of analogies. | |
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| nothing
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:32:33 AM |
If you know anything about lion prides the lioness does all the work. If it weren't for her all would starve.
Female lions also will not breed while raising cubs...
The male lions will usually kill the cubs of the preceeding male once they take over the herd. This makes the females ready to mate again and makes usre there are enough resources for the new male's cubs... Some older cubs from the preceeding males will survive but only by permanently leaving the pride... | |
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Posted: 8/20/2009 4:12:08 PM | If you know anything about lion prides the lioness does all the work. If it weren't for her all would starve. So be careful of you anlogies Hannity.
I am well aware of and knowledgeable of all of my analogies. If it weren't for wives cooking everyday, most husbands would rather strave than lift a finger, especially if she's been doing it the entire relationship. However the Alpha male is in charge of and defends the Pride and the territory. If you think that you hear a burglar in your house at night who's going to grab the baseball bat and walk out of the bedroom first, you or your wife? Alpha men are very proud, so what if they expect their wife to cook everyday so that they won't strave. I think that most women would rather cook than grab the bat anyway. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/20/2009 10:41:58 PM | Hi !! I totally feel where your coming from!! I'm a single mom too and find it so hard in the dating world being a mom. I realised I kept attracting guys in my life who I shared amazing chemistry with but were simply at different stages in life because they were a bit younger then me and didn't have children.
I was drawn to these guys because they were outgoing and we had a lot of fun, they helped me reconnect to the person I was prior to being "mom".. which sometimes you can get wrapped up in being so responsible role model that you lose touch with your own hobbies and interests.
I realised that I needed someone more mature and man enough to handle a woman with a child.
I am 29, my daughter is 5 and I believe that if a man truely loves you for you and his intentions are good, then he will love your kids because they are part of you.
Doesn't matter what your situation or story, there is someone out there for you who is great!! All these jerks we meet are learning experiences, to teach us to be grounded, gaurded and take time to learn people before giving them your heart.
My parents have been married 30 yrs and when they met my mom had my two half sisters from a different marriage. My dad didn't have any kids and then they had me. They love eachother very much, so there are good men out there who will treat a mother well, my dad is one of them :) | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/20/2009 10:55:23 PM | I've said this before, and I'll continue saying it...
As far as me and wanting "a new daddy" for my kids, its not going to happen. MY kids are MY kids and they have their dad. They don't need a "new" one. He's a fantastic dad. If a man can't understand that my kids' dad is involved in my kids' lives, and is still a very good friend of mine, then I don't want him. Simple as that. I won't change my friends for any man or ask my kids to abandon their routine that their dad and I have established for any man. Friday nights are "Family Night". My ex and his girlfriend, the kids, AND I get together and have a family dinner and watch movies. It works for us.
Besides, I don't NEED a man. I have 2 kids. What do I need a man for now? | |
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