| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 4:28:54 AM | Besides, I don't NEED a man. I have 2 kids. What do I need a man for now?
IMO the essence of the failure of modern relationships.
You have replaced your emotional needs with children who will by just existing will love you unconditionally ( until they are teens )
You maintain an adult scenario by hanging out with your ex and his new gf.
( wow who wouldn't want that ?)
You don't need money, you have a job.
So what would you want a man for then?
Why would he need or want you?
He can buy sex. he can buy food already prepared, he could do his own laundry or send it out, clean his own place or hire that too.
Both sexes can.
So what is it then? What do you bring to the plate that can't be had by other means?
Replace he with she and it is the same story.
It has finally happened that our North American get the latest thing has taken over our most basic of needs, companionship. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 7:49:47 AM | Maybe people are just in denial about what they are missing.
They are missing adult romantic love, orgasmic sex, companionship with a best friend. They are missing out on a person who is on their side, through thick and thin. They are missing their other half. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 10:21:42 AM |
Did you ever notice how overly attached single parents are to their kids.
That's interesting, I didn't know that. I thought it was the other way around, that single parents spent less time with their children because they were always at work or something. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 11:43:39 AM | Ok... here's my take on this and I know that my dynamic is not typical. I've got a son and his father and I have what I'd think is a very good relationship. My son sees his father at least 4times a week (dad lives close by and I work the night shift), we go see movies and fairs together as a family, we both go to parent/teacher conferences or end of the year parties together. Given all that, I think my son's father would raise holy hell if I tried to usurp his place or namesake as daddy. So my approach to men is not looking for a 'Cosby-esque' father potential, it's a nice perk, aids in my consideration for seriousness but it's not essential. I am very guarded about bringing men around my son unless it's a serious committed relationship.
I don't know if you're giving these guys the desperate 'need a man' sense. I heard that kind of scares men and attracts the 'hit it and quit it' sort of guy. You kind of have to accept that there will be men that aren't into women with children. Have men approached you? It sounds like you approached them first - not a bad strategy if you refine your selection process. Stick to your principles and be honest to yourself and to them. Having a child is not a stigma or burden and screw the guy that thinks so. Good luck! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 12:03:55 PM | Yikes jla1982..that's not a good thing to say. If you are dating and looking to , unless you're looking for a woman, why say that? No one wants to be mistaken for desperate but if I were a guy, you just gave me a huge kick in the nads with that statement. If I were in a serious relationship with someone, I would want to know that I am wanted and needed. I think something like that speaks volumes to an ability to form meaningful and commited relationships. I think many independent minded women mistake the need for a man with the previous two generations and women who can't seem to function without a man in their lives. We all know these sad co-dependent women and it's anathema to us. Gone are those days when women had to depend on men at a substantive level. We bring home the bacon.
I cannot speak for the culture of white women too much but as a black woman, we struggle with this tremendously. We are always expected to be strong and independent unable to possess that softer femininity. Hence, the world at large sees us in terms of masculine traits and if we don't possess those traits we're 'oreo cookies' abominations (aka 'the not really black myth'). Many black women struggle with this dichotomy and more often then not, we tend to end up on the losing side. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:31:22 PM | I do not like to live with a single mother BUT I DO NOT MIND to date one for short term. People are people - we all get our own problems and dilemnas.
I CAN go to clubbing or dining or casual going out with a single mom but ONCE she starts to mention about if I want to move in or she wants to move in with me, NO NO NO NO NO NO. I have a big problem with that. Otherwise said, I like to enjoy the company of genuine people but to live with someone, is a whole different story. I HAVE HAD bad experiences living with A single mom.
I Date and f*c* single moms but do not want to live with them. I want to see them as short term gains but as far as my sh*tty future might seem to be, I do NOT see any future with them.
Single mom = short term + baby drama + financial/emo problems + inflexibility + unwillingness to have more kids
Single woman = long term + financial/emo problems + flexibility + potential willingness to have kids
my 2 cents............ | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:58:22 PM | "hey church and jacob..thanks so much for making me realize how great it is to be single...you guys are true douchebags..thanks for everything!"
Jenny cedes -
Church m is 100% correct in asserting that no man, in his right mind, would want to clean someone's mess.. I got the same problem - got a single mama who bangg the sh*t out of this motherf*cka and then when the sh*t goes down, you become responsible to take care of a kid that is not even yours - I called it involuntary inheritance | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 4:05:35 PM | jenny cedes -
" not all single moms are created equal.."
Agree but they all have the same situation/environment that they put you through namely:
baby drama inconvenience with another man in you life - uncalled and unjustified.
Change in living accommodation (Let's say you live in a 1-bedroom condo and that mommy wants to move in with you - now you have to find a new place with 2 bedrooms | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/21/2009 7:00:16 PM | | There is nothing wrong with a single parent women they are the same as us single parent dads i have raised my 2 kids for the last 7 years wel my daughter for 7 yeras and my som for 4 they chose to live with me and i ask there mom for help $25 a wk just to pay for therre school lunches and nothing. There are good and bad on both sides of the fence. I have one left at home now. I have even went out with a pregnat women it is the person i go out with and how they act not what they have or how many kids they have | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/22/2009 11:42:03 PM | Here’s my own experience with dating single moms.
I did date single moms. I mean a lot and often. Most my exes were single moms. They were always so absorbed by their kids and never really had time for anything else. I was always number 2,3,4 or 5 in their lives. Ok fair enough...... Every Sunday night, we fought over the stupid ex calling because he had no gas to bring the kid back and I was the one who had to drive hours to get them. How often did I get in a confrontation with a jealous ex because she won custody, screwed him over in court and he couldn’t accept that I was spending that much time with them despite half his pay checks were garnished. The exes were ALWAYS in the picture and the source of all our arguments and trouble.
If they were young, I had to sleep in the other room since they all slept with their kids. I never got it and still don’t. When they were older, the nasty teenagers would tell me to **** off and I would set them back straight just for the mom to say; HEY these are NOT your kids! And yes, this was in my own home! And yes, I was always the one who had to go to school for emergency “parent”, meetings in order to bail the kids out of trouble. I always got to love these kids like my own. Once I got dumped by their mom after years, how often do you think I heard from the kids after? How about never? Ok, they were NOT my kids! Their moms were always good at reminding me....
The scariest part is what if the dad is deceased and if the mom has a low income. If we live common law for years and dump me; Who keeps the house? And everything in it? You guessed it! Been there 3 times already! Now, what about alimony support? Oh interesting! All the sudden the kids are finally mine! Would I do it again? Never.
Ok, OK, I can hear the ladies screaming at me! Hey, this happened to me often and every time.... If having kids is causing you a hard time meeting interested partners, it could be because they’ve been there already. You’re different? Of course.... then you’re now paying for all the others who shouldn’t be dating in the first place. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/23/2009 1:01:32 AM | | nt all men are that way i for one am a single father with not one but 2 girls and they are both under 2 and i have the same problem as women are having no women want to be with a man with kids so it works both ways im not on here to meet a one night stand i am on here to meet someone that i will hopefully be with for a while sex or getting laid as you called it just is not on my priority list | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/23/2009 10:33:01 AM | | I am a single mom of a wonderful six year old boy..Why should woman or men be punished or looked at differently for being a single parent for what ever reason? I was married for 5 years to a man I thought was going to be a great father, person, and it would last forever....didn't happen for many reasons! I think the fact you are looked at differently for the fact the relationship didn't last with that person...and they wonder why....they don't care that you are a great person. I wish you the best of luck! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:44:10 AM | | Wow, the fact that you have a complete laundry list of items means you've thought about this way to much and still haven't come to the conclusion that a decent man would. You've illustrated exactly why I don't get upset when men pull the, "I don't date women with children card... " This simply tells me you're not worth my time anyway. Any decent man would realize that most women who are worth anything aren't going to be going to hotels, dinner, or anywhere else with you and their kids until the relationship is heading down that serious path. Not to mention that if you're going to get pissed off about plans getting cancelled because of children you are a true peice of work. As for the Canada thing, we're not in Canada and for them to do that you would have to be the commonlaw husband, that means 7 years of being with a woman and still not being married to her... if that's your plan, totally lame. I could go on and on about your whole list but frankly it and you are not worth the time and energy it would take to type it down. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:01:31 AM | Wow, the fact that you have a complete laundry list of items means you've thought about this way to much and still haven't come to the conclusion that a decent man would.... Not to mention that if you're going to get pissed off about plans getting cancelled because of children you are a true peice of work.
So, what you think is that a "decent" man will just allow the single mother and her children to dictate what is acceptable in the relationship while the "decent" man just shuts up.... got it....
As for the Canada thing, we're not in Canada and for them to do that you would have to be the commonlaw husband, that means 7 years of being with a woman and still not being married to her... if that's your plan, totally lame.
Well, no.
In Canada, a couple living together can be considered married common law in as little as 6 months, I've heard, but courts usually look at 1-2 years. A guy could be considered as being in loco parentis and could be nailed withCS if he's lived with mother and kid for a year. In fact, he could be on the hook for CS even before he's considered married common law to the mother....
I could go on and on about your whole list but frankly it and you are not worth the time and energy it would take to type it down.
.... she says as she crosses her arms, stamps her ickle feetsies and leaves the room in a huff....
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:21:11 AM |
As for the Canada thing, we're not in Canada and for them to do that you would have to be the commonlaw husband, that means 7 years of being with a woman and still not being married to her... if that's your plan, totally lame. I could go on and on about your whole list but frankly it and you are not worth the time and energy it would take to type it down.
Nope, see the Captain's explanation. Also, it isn't just Canada, it is the same in the U.S. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 10:22:23 AM | | i agree with you hun this guy is a prick ..i am also a single mum and i find dating hard but i would never let a guy talk to me or refer to my son like that, his dad is his dad and as far as dating goes i am careful who i go out with and i never introduce guys to my son ...i wait til i can trust him if i can't i won't let him near my boy. I know singles dating for mums and dads can be extermely difficult but be patient the right person will come along who appreciates you and your kids, and will get on fine with the ex and his family...that is if he exists(i am quite sceptical myself,haven't found mr perfect yet don't even know if he exists) guys like the one in the long dating speel of s**t need to get a life and pull thier heads outta thier backsides. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:59:21 PM | | No what they say is true, my last relationship with the mother was fine, but the kid and especially the nutty EX ruined everything. Jenny you have to understand there are guys and there are many of them that will not date women with kid(s). Also understand Church and Jacob are free to express themseleves and their opinion.... I really don't want an instant family and the BS that comes along with it so in the future I know what type of woman I will date/marry etc... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:52:26 PM | I have to say that from reading some of these experiences men have had dating single moms, the problem really seems to be more about dating women who are drama magnets. If these women didn't have kids, the drama would be about something else - crazy ex boyfriends, anger management problems, not being able to pay their bills or whatever.
I am a financially secure, independent, emotionally stable single mom with no crazy ex. And I know plenty of single moms just like me. I don't worry much about men who don't want to date single moms because they have experienced too much drama with single moms in the past. Frankly, I suspect that men who have dated more than one woman like that are looking for drama, and wouldn't be my type anyway. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/24/2009 10:59:43 PM |
That's interesting, I didn't know that. I thought it was the other way around, that single parents spent less time with their children because they were always at work or something.
Parents that work spend time with their children, regardless of their label as a single parent or as part of an intact family dynamic. What appears to be different in a single family home is the closeness of the relationship between parent and child, especially if there is only one child.
My life pretty much revolved around my son because aside from being his Mom and earning a living, I had little else in my life and certainly no husband or significant other with whom he had to compete for my attention. When he began to pull away and seek out more independence (about 8 years old), I started to develop my own social life separate from the role of "Mom". Even now with his sister being 4, I tend to put my social life on hold for the week that she is with me (or hold off until she is in bed sleeping) because I believe that is what she deserves...my attention. As a single parent, it is a luxury I have that perhaps I couldn't have if I was married or living with a partner. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:17:05 AM | You know,
I"m aware that people have their extreme sorta mean opinions and hell i assure you even though im a victim of throwing the douchebag comment around, which surprisingly struck a nerve with a few of you (giggling inside a bit) know one thing people:
Each single parent that has replied up here is a person too!!!! Some of you who state "i'll never date a single parent because of all the bullshit, baggage and yadda yadda", are definitely entitled. But i ask you,why make us feel like were the worst human beings to crawl the earth? This is the vibe i get from most of you who seem to feel you know ALL about what goes on when dating a single woman or man. I remember growing up and remember single parents i knew, the respect that many people had for a working parent, raising their children solo and simultaneously being great women or men who lived not only for their children, but for other people as well and treated others wonderfully while getting that same respect back. I also remember the empathy many had, not sympathy or pity that many seem to possess for us.
Now it seems, we're labelled as lazy slobs, couldnt make it work with the spouses welfare goers, and etc etc. Im just disgusted with how many ugly comments people have made up here. Granted, single parents are more difficult to date and definitely understand the issues that some of gone through or feel could happen. But f u c k !!! Were awesome women too, who i assure you, 3/4's of us have our act together and have no intentions of letting you meet our kids unless it is the real deal..just a chance to go out, have fun and get away from our very very busy lives while not being judged for past divorces and/or children that could ultimately judge you.
That is all, say what you want..im bored with this now..Thanks for those who left the postitive feedback and who really let me ponder over what people really think...And those of you who i called a douchebag, i still stand by my "constructive criticism" as you so do to yours.. Happy Posting! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/25/2009 10:05:55 AM | | OP, I have two relatives that dated and married women with children. My brother's wife already had 4 girls with three different husbands and my cousin's wife had 4 kids from her previous marriage. When I look for commonalities between them, both are more introverted and somewhat shy and both were relatively inexperienced. Now, while neither are up and coming executives, they seem to me to be good men/fathers/husbands. So, you might find more success in looking a little further afield. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/25/2009 5:13:21 PM | Church m is 100% correct in asserting that no man, in his right mind, would want to clean someone's mess.. I got the same problem - got a single mama who bangg the sh*t out of this motherf*cka and then when the sh*t goes down, you become responsible to take care of a kid that is not even yours - I called it involuntary inheritance"
(this makes me feel like shit, that people really think of us this way)
"I Date and f*c* single moms but do not want to live with them. I want to see them as short term gains but as far as my sh*tty future might seem to be, I do NOT see any future with them.""
"Single mom = short term + baby drama + financial/emo problems + inflexibility + unwillingness to have more kids
Single woman = long term + financial/emo problems + flexibility + potential willingness to have kids"
MR Nemo, those were the few examples on just this page, how bout read the post and its entirety before acting nonchalant and ignorant and calling me names such as Hypersensitive when i assure you, this is not just a figment of my imagination. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:58:47 PM | Jenn, you have to understand form some of the men's perspective they are dealing with the Canaidian, Family law system. I got a great education on it on another thread. I might be able to sit for the Candain bar if I read these enough. But, the have a law call parentis locus, (misspelled my latin words) which states in common law arrangement that the man becomes the parent of fact and is therefore, obligated to pay child support to childern that are not adopted or biologically his. So, you can see if you were a man in Canada, why you would look at a woman as a potential finacial burdern. Men also realize if they are not simply looking for a warm body for the evening, that there is the potential of having to support a "ready made" family. Some men, are unwilling to take on this obligation, others are. However, both types of men see it, and decide accordingly.
Gadget. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:03:40 PM |
If she is a single mother that had children before she was married that proves that she is morally lax, has poor impulse control, is highly likely to be sexually licentious and that she shuns traditional social mores. Men target these women because they are easy to get in bed. Men wont be in a long term relationship with those baby mamas they just use them as a piece of ass
There are situations in which the woman was not sexually promiscuous, but instead wanted to have a baby, for a number of reasons. I'll agree, however, that the situation of being unmarried/unpartnered is not an optimal environment in which to bring children. Sometimes the woman doesn't understand or doesn't take into consideration all of the ramifications of having a fatherless child.
If she was married when she had her kids thats better, men tend to respect them more than the unmarried baby mommas. They should judge her on what the circumstances of her divorce were and how she treats her ex. Like if she allows him to see his kid often and whether or not she is gold digging off him. If she is an independant woman with a dad for her kids and doesnt need a new one and isnt looking for a meal ticket and keeps up her looks then she should have no problems getting a man.
I would elaborate a bit on inquiring about the circumstances of the divorce. I would want to know why the marriage ended, and if the two parties genuinely tried to make it work. I would also want to know if they thought about what impact their actions would have on their children. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/26/2009 2:18:24 PM | | Well if it makes you feel any better it happens both ways.I've been on this site off and on for about 3 years and I am getting the impression women think I am looking for a mother or something of that nature for my 2 boys but I'm not.If it happen that would be awesome but not what I am looking for.From my experience I think people (men and women) are not open minded to the single parent thing.They may think the perfect person for them has no kids.And the one with isn't.Not sure to be honest.Completely clueless and frustrated myself.Good luck to you in your search. | |
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