| Understanding how a guy thinks -- questions
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:43:22 PM | Hes put you on the back burner and keeping you there just long enough so that he can play the field. He does it because you let him. Of course when he is with you he is going to pander to the old relationship, it gives you just enough hope to hang around and think that he will change his mind.
He already has changed his mind. You are on his mind as a stand by, as the person he can come to after girl X, Y, Z. Quit settling. Go get a new guy, get on with your life, if he is a true friend, he should be happy for you. If he aint well then he is showing you his true colors.
Its a big wide wet ocen, try swimming outside of the same local waters. | |
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| Understanding how a guy thinks -- questions
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:20:32 PM | Wouldn't the right question be - why you are still so pursuit in being involved in his "dating life" for your own personal goals that you admit - you really do not know about and doing such third person.
True friends talk more frequently than say someone you are first dating. After nine years of a relationship that from what is transcribed you have always been just that friends - and each others own personal crutches. Both of your behaviors probably reflect that.
Personally, when in upper 30's and so forth - a guy (I think most women too) finally gets confused about their role in relationships and the obtainment of that relationship. Lessons learned and each one learned ends up being an excuse for not doing such (such as the 3 day rule for calling after a date) behavior or excuses for more erratic behavior (thinking dating many leads to the one) in attempt to satisfy that definitional aspect of what a relationship truly is...It all comes full circle eventually for that person - eventually it will be for you as well as long as you stop being so intent on being focused on what neither of you could of had and your focus of trying to being involved in what you already know probably will never be.
Our behavior today due to the mindless possibilities of communication and influence of all these rules, and dating styles and relationship guides derails personal happiness to begin with. You need to start not being such a communicator and the rock you have always been - as you have already learned through time - you didn't get the desired result. Focus on yourself and move forward...My mindless two cents... | |
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| Understanding how a guy thinks -- questions
Posted: 10/6/2009 11:55:17 PM | | Just wanted to give an update...I have put distance between me and my ex and feel great. And I've actually gone on some dates. Great advice everyone! :) | |
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| Understanding how a guy thinks -- questions
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:02:51 AM | I think that your EX is looking for someone that possesses your best qualities to an exact "T", and he isn't finding them in any of the women that he's meeting.
Even though he may not be in a relationship with you now there are certain good qualities about you which he may be using as criterion for choosing a suitable woman and that would be his memories of "the best of you".
He may be gauging his choices on the memories he has of you at your best behavior so to say. He might be weeding out women that the demonstrate behaviors of why you 2 broke up to begin with.
People change in time because they become mature more or less. They develop new interests, career and family choices, schooling plans, spending habits, substance abuse choices. So what happens is that the significant other is left with only the memory of the person they had once desired. That is who they really want to be with ....... NOT THE NEW YOU. If they are going to form a new next relationship then they might be seeking a woman who resembled the best the "old you" because that is who they feel most comfortable, secure and happy with.
There was a woman I had once dated for a while that had lots of great qualities that kept me wanting to be in a relationship with her, once she became unglued after her mother's death and started abusing substances and other bad behavior then she was someone I no longer wanted to be with.
I used to wish that she would go back to being her former self, but that never happened. I did however keep my best memories of her alive and desire to meet a woman who somewhat has those qualities naturally without me having to explain it to her. It's a type of woman that I like and not one that I would want a woman to pretend to be only to please me.
I could image a woman somewhere in this world right now might be saying .... I'm me; I'm not her why can't you see that?
You can't force a person to change toward your liking even though many people believe that they can indeed mould a person into the perfect mate for that person's own good given the chance and a little time.
Many people believe that they possess the persuasive talent to change other people.
What they discover is that they are not going to get their ideal mate after all the hassle; ergo they are never fully satisfied. | |
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| Understanding how a guy thinks -- questions
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:26:04 AM | The fact of the matter is that he's tired of banging you when he can have a variety of a$$ at his disposal.
However, there are aspects of the relationship with you he desires like support, friendship, companionship etc. which he obviously can't get from these other women he's banging.
When it comes to sex with women, men want variety in their lives. Why drive the same old jalopy when you can have a new one in the garage every week?
Hope this helps... | |
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| Understanding how a guy thinks -- questions
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:03:24 PM | The guy is trying to hold on to a past relationship. The reasons are unclear it could be fear it could be lots of things. He could also be using confusion is guise or a front to do what he wants to do. I have used that one before. It does work in some situations.
The situation is of manipulation and sometimes it is best to let me people figure out what they want before you get yourself involved.
-Travis | |
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