| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:35:52 PM | Wow - you've spent a lot on your 4 dates.
In my opinion it is an awful lot too quickly. It might give the lady the wrong impression. How about a couple of lunch dates - not too many drinks and a less expensive fare. You can still pick a spot that has ambiance conducive to conversation.
As for your dates of home cooking - KISS (keep it simple). I'm sure your date won't mind. Whenever I invite a POF 'friend' over for dinner, they always bring the wine. If I were invited to a man's home for dinner I would bring the wine. I think it is only fair in this economy.
Good luck! | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:21:33 AM | I think I would have to judge how a man presents himself before accepting an invitation to his home. From even positing this question, I feel you are a man of character and I would accept your invitation.
It's true that people act different when in a comfortable, homey atmosphere than out on a date. A lot of the pretenses are dropped and the "real" person shines through. It really does depend on each situation. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/10/2009 7:56:10 PM | Software lady; you crack me up! BTW, I saw your post in the "how comfortable are you getting nekked with someone.." Ha, ha!
I get it, got it. Truth is that in recent experiences, I failed. I failed to communicate my real intentions and got ... what should have been predictable results ... and I should have known it. Shame on me. I've always been very, very perceptive and as a result have typically been able to navigate even tricky territory, but recently? Well, like I said; I goofed. Next time I'll know better. I hate having to re-learn my lessons.
Love the KISS analogy... and your remarks about contributing to the evening. You sound like (and look like) a great gal. Thanks!! | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:19:28 PM | Mirabelle;
You posted, "A lot of the pretenses are dropped and the "real" person shines through. It really does depend on each situation."
THAT'S IT! That is exactly why I want to do this, but of course, now in my more, .... uh ... shall I say more mature years, it's the hearing thing :-]
You saw through me, didn't you? That's true. So true! I've found that when I get them to my place.. even more than their own.. that I truly get to see them for who they are... almost... thought not really ... like what they look and behave like without make up! LOL!
The truth is, Mirabelle, and I feel no shame sharing this; my AGENDA is to disqualify the prospects as quicly as possible. I get the value of sparks and chemistry, but also know that these are available to even the most disfunctional relationships. What I seek is deep and real. I have found that the "dinner at Dan's place date" seperates the 'could be's' from the 'wanna be's.'"
Courting a potentially worthy woman, to me, is costly in more than the financial way. It's also costly in terms of time given and energy expended. I'm at a point where I'm ready for the real thing, thus I want to test and prove. Does that make sense? I mean, there are sooo many that qualify intially, but don't prove out when they are in the morning light, even if it's not morning! GAWD, I hope that doesn't cast me in a terrible light.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/10/2009 8:51:27 PM | Op, I feel your pain, most of the time I can hear....but at times I have the same problem you do and when you mention it to anyone you get the same type of responses you have here ...get a hearing aid, or unasked for medical advise or they either ignore the request to speak up or proceed to talk down to you cause if you cant hear you must be dumb! One thing i have done is learn to sit so I can also read their lips it helps some.
As far as when I feel comfortable going to someone's home...in all fairness to you there are so many men out there who aren't inviting you home for the same reasons you stated...they think if a woman accepts an invite to a man's home that means she is willing to sleep with him. So I make it easy for everyone, I wont put myself in a position to hurt someone's feelings or feel pressured to be with someone when I havent determined yet how I feel about them. Bare in mind that men wouldn't invite women over to sleep with them if some women didnt do it...it isnt something that one sex is involved in...both are but rather than be confused as the type of girl who will, I prefer to just not go. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/10/2009 9:23:21 PM | From your post and responses, I think you're wise enough to ferret out all except the most masterful manipulators and sociopaths. You'll understand that most women like to take a more security-minded approach to asking a man to our home - and for good reason. But, that doesn't mean that women can't be Clingers, Drop-Ins, Deluded or just the type that won't go away nicely when things have ended - thus, compromising your home security.
I like to keep it friendly and say, "You're invited to my home, but keep in mind that I've got a killer security system and guns in every room so, if you'll just show me your driver's license, and submit to having your photo taken, I'll give you the address!" ;) | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 1:40:03 PM |
Dinner and movie at your house is an invitation for sex...
Darn! Darn! Darn! I never made a move on the last two that came to my house, maybe that's why they didn't want to see me again?!!? 
I don't what the right answer to this is. I met someone at a dance that liked campfires, a couple nights later we were sitting behind my house enjoying a campfire by the lake. On other occasions it's been a couple months before someone came to my house. I think it's all situational... I'd say something funny here but I can't get that "gallon of mucus" comment out of my head. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 2:39:20 PM | "my AGENDA is to disqualify the prospects as quicly as possible. I get the value of sparks and chemistry, but also know that these are available to even the most disfunctional relationships. What I seek is deep and real. I have found that the "dinner at Dan's place date" seperates the 'could be's' from the 'wanna be's.'"
Trick testing may cause someone you are interested in to walk away. Would you like to be tested?
If you are looking for something deep and real, what is the hurry. Lots of people hurrying into their next bad relationship.
Sound like dinner at your house is all about pressure. If the lady doesn't do everything on point, she will get the boot. Charming. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 2:59:43 PM | I haven't read the other replies yet and jumping in here...but having a date at your house after we've had a number of dates and feel comfortable with each other is nice. Especially if YOU are cooking dinner!
I will also ask you to come over to my house for the same since seeing how each other lives is a part of learning if we want to proceed further. I also like to cook and enjoy making dinner for man. I like it even more if he wants to help me cook and clean up so WE can have quality time together. Add a bit of wine with low lights and I am a very happy camper! Watching a movie is snuggle time!
I like to see where and how you live and want you to see how I live as well.. and how you interact with my furkids. How each of us lives on a day to day basis is important in the process of moving on to a relationship that's more than just dating.
I would think that you would mention the part about your hearing long before this date and that's not a problem at all. Let me whisper in your ear.. .... ..... ..... | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 3:52:31 PM | Phew! This posting a blog can be dicey... almost inviting criticism it seems.
Ain't scared.
GAWD I miss California! The five years I had there probably added 10 to my life span! Thank you to my new Southern California friends! LOL!
Now, Moraima, let's keep this positive, OK? What lacks even in my diligetn efforts to communicate and share is the qualitive factor. You don't know me and you didn't have the experience of the two prospects I dated. Having been a technical products sales guy most of my career, I learned how to make people comfortable with my presence and ideas. That's why I posted this; things didn't go well for me recently and thanks to my peers, I now understand why.
Thank you ALilMsChevious, you seem like a well balanced lady who knows that she can say no and she's confident that if he doesn't get NO, that she can put some hurt on him while dialing 911. See, that is so far from what I am, I don't even think about it.. and didn't until I read some of these responses. Damn!
I have had the experience of a first date that went out of control. In fact recently for Sunday brunch this very good looking very tall blonde asked me over to her place after a couple of hours of rich brunch and too many bloddy marys. Well, I'm not unhappy to say that as she showed me through her beautiful new home, the last stop was her bedroom where she practically tackled me! I said, Babe, take it easy! Let's get nekked first! LOL! A good time was had and we haven't seen each other since. AND, NO; I do NOT feel the least bit guilty about what happended. I don't feel cheapened, violated or any other negative emotion. In fact, when I think of it, I Grin from ear to ear  | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 4:21:42 PM |
I have had the experience of a first date that went out of control. In fact recently for Sunday brunch this very good looking very tall blonde asked me over to her place after a couple of hours of rich brunch and too many bloddy marys. Well, I'm not unhappy to say that as she showed me through her beautiful new home, the last stop was her bedroom where she practically tackled me! I said, Babe, take it easy! Let's get nekked first! LOL! A good time was had and we haven't seen each other since. AND, NO; I do NOT feel the least bit guilty about what happended. I don't feel cheapened, violated or any other negative emotion. In fact, when I think of it, I Grin from ear to ear
ogg....I was with you right up to this post. If I saw this post on your POF profile, it would change my impression of you completely. You are looking for an LTR with the right lady, but dont see anything wrong with taking advantage of someone who has had a few too many bloody marys at brunch, only to never see or hear from them again. I cant say that behavior is on my list of "must haves" for any potential partner. I wonder if others feel the same way. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 4:36:30 PM | Woh, Golfgirl. Go back and read my post again regarding the blonde.. the one who tackled ME in her bedroom! I certainly did not initiate that session. I was being my usual easy going, pleasant, harmless guy when BAM! I GOT TACKLED! This gal can drink and she holds her liqour (or is that licker) much better than I do. And I sure as hell didn't hold her down. I don't do that. If I have intimacy with someone, it's because that's what THEY want.
When we spoke of our time together a couple of days later she admitted that she was in need and that she found me very "appealing." I was just grateful that the Cialis I use was still kickin from the night before with someone else! Bet you like me even less now? LOL!
Golfgirl, please, if you're going to be judgemental of others, you need to be prepared to be judged yourself, right? But this is SO not the forum for such things. I'm reminded of something my Dad used to say to me and my sibs as we were growing up; "If you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all. OK? | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 4:51:39 PM | From the begining of this thread, I kept trying to put out of my mind the fact that this thread sounds like an advertisement designed to line up ladies. Now it is getting creepy. Mr. Niceguy is showing his real self and real agenda. With the warning "if you don't have anything nice to say" he is trying to turn it back on to anyone who doesn't agree with him, and tell him how wonderful he is.
You reap what you sow. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 5:54:37 PM | Moraima, this isn't really directed at you, though I think you may spend the rest of your life with dogs instead of aworthwhile man. You are just too suspicious and negative to attract a quality guy. Perhaps you can learn from those remarks, though I doubt you will.
For myself, this has become too negative. I came here with a simple question of protocol between two descent peopleseeking a future together, and the thread has turned ugly and indifferent. I find this troubling. It speaks to the observation I've had for four years; there can be no second life when so many of us are so damaged and jaded!!! I search for the rare jem who is unaffected.
I am a fairly simple, yet sophisticated man. I have a Mensa certified IQ of 151, which explains why I can be so stupid. I am sensual and still quite sexual and I am not ashamed of that. I will continue to seek, NOT stalk, what I wish for even in this hour of disapointment.
We all need to keep in mind that thoughts shared in a formum such as this that we can actually hurt someone we don't even know. We can extinguish the hope of a person we do not know.... and for what? I emplore all to be as kind and as gentle as you can be as y0u participate in this new dimension of interaction. We could actually kill someone with our thoughts and our words!
Worry not! This isn't even a hemhorhoid to me.
Best to all! I shall no longer contribute. To my briefly known California friends: THANK YOU! You reminded me of the cool attitude and healthfull mentality I so miss in the land of fruits and nuts. What a wonderful place you live in. I miss it so much.
Continue to contribute if you wish, but for me? This blog is closed. I wish all the very best experiences and a happy life.
Ciao! | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:07:45 PM | I stand by what I said....ANY man that takes advantage of some woman who is completely whacked out drunk out of her mind, does not posess the level of integrity I am looking for in a partner.
Is that judgemental? Well yeah, I guess it is. Like it or not, we are all judged by our behaviors and actions.....I can only form my opinion based on what you reveal, and that behavior is not cool in my opinion. I expect to be judged, that is what sentient beings do, it is part of their conditioning. I can only lead my life by the example I wish to attract, someone with a level of integrity to match my own. By this example, your does not. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:10:21 PM | Ok, the initial question posed was a good one. To me it would be difficult to begin a thread because I'm not sure I would not take the replies personally - I think you have OP. That said since you now wrote you are no longer responding I do hope you will still read.
My experience has been that I'm more cautious with online meets than first dates from other circumstances (friends work community etc). Therefore I am NOT comfortable early on in a guy's apartment.
I only point this out because it seems that men really don't understand the level of caution many woman take *until they get to know you*.
That said I don't think the apartment meet for first second or third dates is a good idea. If the hearing thing is an issue in a crowded room ( I hear ya, LOL me too) then find a quiet pub or a not too popular diner works as well. Problem solved. Plus --- for some reason, once you're in a noisy place with someone you know intimately you can hear them better. Maybe because you're so close together..... | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:26:24 PM | Wow. This one came out of the woods fast! It usually takes more than two pages before the real "boasting" motive, behind the innocent opening post, is revealed. OP is a stud (maybe even a slut), a genius, wealthy, willing to spend big bucks and a few other self-proclaimed accolades.
Will he post again? I'm throwing ten into the pot to say he will. A true N cannot resist. Nonetheless, he will continue to read.
To answer your question, 'onegreatguy', you can invite a woman over for a home date whenever. Most women wouldn't accept unless they were interested in getting initmate with you unless you bent over backwards convincing them that sex is not on the agenda. | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 7:32:38 PM | I stand by what I said too.
The initial question was indeed a good one. It would have been a great topic if the OP wasn't looking to blow his own horn and attract women by posting it. If OP had discussed the topic and not personal things about himself.
Where the issues came in was the little hints about tests, controlling, rushing into things.........and so on.
ps OP when you judge women you might wait until you know their background before you judge them unman worthy. Some of us have had the good marriage, so your words can't hurt us.
"I emplore all to be as kind and as gentle as you can be as y0u participate in this new dimension of interaction. We could actually kill someone with our thoughts and our words!
Worry not! This isn't even a hemhorhoid to me."
???
Trying to tell people not to speak their mind because someone might take it personal in cyber space speaks of more controlling of other people. Do what I say, or I will be hurt, then I will hurt myself. Manipulation can be read in other people if we just stand back and let them hang themselves. Those people can do their little romantic dinner but in the end their real self will still be there.
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/11/2009 9:00:51 PM | OP:
When ever they wish to come over is fine with me! I mean, I am as I am- and if he is the strong type---I might be tempted to spend the evening admiring his muscles.....course we can always watch a DVD, swing on the porch or take a walk in the woods. And if my housekeeping is the MAIN DRAW--I already in TROUBLE~~~ I live in a DIY house--
as for the hearing difficulties---They make some wonderful hearing aids now days that does away with the buzz.... Go get one, as
most women would consider you either rude or not really listening to them when they speak. It is embrassing to have to say over and over ((Pardon)) (( Would U repeat that)))) Oh-- sorry, afraid I didn't read your lips!! Give it up and get yourself one of those discreet
little miracle ears---AND ask---the only thing you have to loose is---She might be busy as she got tired of repeating herself!! | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:36:57 AM |
later she admitted that she was in need and that she found me very "appealing." I was just grateful that the Cialis I use was still kickin from the night before with someone else!
lmao another man who doesnt think he should let his****dry before venturing into new places!
The fact that the op doesnt see where any of this is wrong, while tagging himself "Onegreatguy" is also funny. He invites women over to his home and gets offended if they request not to come there cause of the implications, saying..."Hey! Im not that type of guy." and then brags on the internet about how he bedded two different women within hours of each other.....so yea you are that type of guy! | |
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| When is it appropriate to take the step of inviting new friend home for dinner/movie?
Posted: 8/13/2009 3:41:44 PM | I just couldn't past it UP, Sapphireeyes===
YOU ladies think he remembered to use a good quality CONDOM---
LOL------I mean--2 new ladies sharing the same man who has a powerful sex drive, WOnder if he has different one every night?????
I just got good laugh out of the fact that ----HE glad the CIALIS was still working!!!! LOL----I don't know, but perhaps someone with more experience than I could explain -if medically it is enhanced to help keep your BODY CLEAR of Stds'
'''''''Don't believe the fellow had that on his mind, do you and he might procure his thru the mail order business----
What a way to go!
He might wish to entertain himself with one of those BLOW UP PLASTIC BARBIE GIRLS that he knows hasn't been somewhere else the night before!!!! She be ready when he is!!!! He would just need to insert HOT AIR and away , he can go!!!!
and this Blonde thought his post was about the ability no to understand ladies when they spoke to him and I suggested discreet hearing aids.....Go figure~
Guess my IQ at 142 is being tampered with by simple encouraging thought!!!! | |
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