| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:10:12 AM | | What BDJ said in msg42. Also, why do you pick men who can’t show their feelings? They are out there, why do you not gravitate towards them? Waiting for someone else to go first perhaps? | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:30:29 AM | It is not because they are unmanly per se, but they are just protecting themselves from any broken hearts in the future. Of course, this is just my opinion..This is how I view things... | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:50:13 AM | | Well, if it's only women who express their feelings verbally and men who don't, I guess I must be more masculine. I'm one of those "actions speak louder than words" sorta people. If you can't read how a person feels about you and you have to be constantly told, how does that make it any more believable than how you are treated? You could be told pretty much anything then and believe it. I hate that whole validation thing. A spontaneous, out of the blue proclamation of a feeling now and again is great but this whole dragging out of feelings when it should be plain to anyone with any level of perception skills is just too needy and a total turn off. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:53:32 AM | I'm feeling sad, lonely and stressed out financially, and you're looking pretty good to me, mysb. How's that?
You have to understand that, if you had sex, for many guys, our passion gets expelled with our seed. Maybe your guy is just spent from too much fvcking and needs a breather to recharge and reload his sperm. You CAN wear us out! | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:26:25 AM | I think the key word in your post, OP is that
recently he stopped talking to me and
everything was going cool but then the communication just stopped
The reason will be either one of the two:
- You have a habit of criticizing him or firing at him or making him feel like shite when he comes to you talking about how he feels. Or you have done something really selfish that makes him doubt your sincerity.
OR
- An external factor is distracting him.. Something if he opens up and it slips out, it will make him lose you. So for him not to spill the beans, he is keeping his distance. | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 58 | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:41:02 PM | | As others have pointed out, our society sees men expressing their feelings as a weakness. And as a product of this society, I've also been conditioned to not show my feelings in public. However, I will freely show them to a significant other. And will also reciprocate public displays of affection, though within reason of course. Now if only I can find somebody to be comfortable enough with to express my feelings. Though being single, there are times I think that I might not have any feelings left. I want to feel again! | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:47:15 PM | I have a hard time expressing my feelings. and sometimes all i need is some time.
guys will eventually express their true feelings. you either have to find some clever way to force it out quickly or give him some time. and i need time to think before i show my true emotions. yup unfortunately that's how most guys are. they simply need some time. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:04:39 AM | This is an easy one...
He did not epxpress his feelings-and then suddenly he did something "stupid" as guys do-and just stopped talking to you (smile).
Have I got it right?
Okie Dokie-here we go.
Ever had a young man tell you how he felt when you were young?
You know the one that poured it on-and let you know how he would love you forever....? And you said "eeeewwww-you are too needy" or "eeewwww you are to close to me" etc etc...
Men know something about women that women don't know about themselves...And that is that they have no idea what they want-thus they can never be satisfied.
You tell them you love then-they say "but I want that".
You tell them nothing and they say "but I want this".
Some men get the idea at a pretty young age not to tell a women about how he feels blah blah because women usually see that as a sign of weakness early on. If a man is kissing her ass-then he must not be strong. Women generally respect guys that treat them like crap...men learn this. And thus learn to adjust accordingly.
Soooooooooo...
Looks as though he didn't treat you like crap-but he remembered his early lessons. This person-as you stated-showed that he felt for you-but you were not satisfied and probasbly nagged him day and night-thus he got tired of you and left. Thats pretty simple.
The reason why "guys" dont express the feelings is learned-ironically while dealing with women. The reason why he left...as I said-you nagged him away.
Contrary to what you have been taught and what you strive for-you cannot "have it all". I know that that is a womanly motto. But you'll have to realize that in order for one to have it all-someone else has to have nothing. And I dont think many men will sacrifice that for someone who can never be satisfied-this is why chilvary is dying...But a few would try to give you everything. But then again you'd say to that "eeewwwwwww your too nice"...
(smile).
My last only bit of advice to you is some advice that you will never be able to take: Enjoy the good life in what you have and don't nag nag nag about what you don't have...But then again-that is a woman's nature. So good luck with that.
Travix | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:10:04 AM | Intimacy issues? Another girl? Fear of commitment? Maybe he's just not really that into you? There are a million answers to your question, and I'm sure we've all experienced this, but only he can really give you the answer you need. Just ask him.
Good luck with this, OP. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:21:44 AM | They aren't afraid to express their feelings but just careful who they express them to. He has probably had relationships with women similar to the one that you had only to open up to them and have them end up using it against him in some sort of way or other.
It could be anything until you try to find out for yourself. No one here has any more idea than you since you were the one dating him. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:41:40 AM | I'm not sure why you feel this particular man is not able to express thoughts and feelings. The fact that he was not willing to talk about his thoughts and feeling with you and then suddenly clammed up IS his way of communicating with you, sweetie.
This is how he expressed his feelings. So to say men are incapable of expressing feelings would be inaccurate. Human beings communicate. It just depends on the way they choose to convey their messages.
What’s in his mind: Some people will tell you he’s afraid, he’s immature, he’s a coward…but the truth is: he’s none of these things. He’s just a human being looking out for his own interests. Fear does not consume a healthy, able adult to the point where they manipulate others. He’s not afraid of you or his own feelings; he’s just taking the most non-confrontational, easy way out. But at the same time, he has absolutely no regard or consideration for your feelings. And that’s where he’s erred. If I know a thing or two about life, however, he’ll get a taste of own medicine at some point.
What’s in your mind: Because he didn’t communicate with you the way you expected or him to, it jostled you. So that’s why you are experiencing hurt and confusion. Not only are you hurt by his disinterest in you but also by the way he expressed his disinterest. It was a double ouch. Its one thing to date someone and have them tell you “listen, you’re great but this is not working out.” But it’s a completely different level of rejection when they DON’T say those words and walk the other way.
So now you must heal. And you will. We all do. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 12:04:46 PM |
Okay, I had been seeing this guy for a long time and we had great chemistry but for some reason he was always afraid to tell me how he felt about me. It's like I always had to guess and I hate that. I knew he cared by his actions but I'm the type who needs to hear it from a guy's own mouth. Just recently he stopped talking to me and I have no idea why, so I'm confused as all H*ll because everything was going cool but then the communication just stopped. I don't get it. Why do guys do stupid stuff like that?
Three words. Fear of rejection. If you haven't, read some of the forum posts and you'll see why so many men (and women) expect to get rejected. 'Am I smart enough? Am I sexy enough? Do I interest her? Can she accept my faults? Is she using me?' are just a few of the endless questions one may ask themselves.
Then add to this the fact he may not have been ready for a relationship, may not have though he was good enough or maybe he just wanted you to make the first move. Women are supposed to be equal, but I don't hear about very many women who make the first move. Equality is equality across the board, not just when it's convenient. It was as much your choice to not say anything as it was his. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 12:28:48 PM | OP, get a clue about how guys are socialized around the discussion or expression of feelings. Listen to the responses of the men to your thread, please. There's not too much mystery here. Just listen and learn.
I can recall to the day my own reluctance to express mine started. I was 8yrs and was complaining about the fact some thing I thought I needed wasn't going to go down. My mom told me to put a lid on it and if I didn't, the circus was out. I got the message. I t was years before I was able to move passed that.
Case in point; I was discussing with my Russian friend's Russian mom about how I was feeling about my wife's suicide a few years back. I got a little emotional and teary and she , who doesn't even know me all that well, just up and tells me to quit it, "Men don't do that". Yeah, that's what guys have to live with, so get over it.
" A woman's right to tears will be hers until she dies...but a MAN ain't supposed to cry..." | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:03:11 PM |
Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Because that's when the chick usually bales on the guy. If we show you we care , all is cool except you keep saying you want to hear it, but you do stick around. If we let it out of the bag and speak are feelings thats when you usually run away or find the new guy on the sly.
JMHO | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:09:48 PM | I can't talk for the rest of the guys but, for me it is because when I did say something it was used against me later. Some guys learn this lesson quick and each word is measured. Other guys express their feelings and find the consequences later or immediate.
There is also a certain measure of trust and when that gets burned many times it is more diffcult to establish trust.
-Travis | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:21:09 PM | | Women, that is girls are raised differently then boys are. Girls naturally gain social communicative skills young, while boys learn confrontation, competiton, and comradery. Boys are expected to "suck it up", "be a man" "take it like a man", which alienates us to our feelings. So were taught by society not to speak of our feelings, that somehow its tabu, creates ridicule by peers. So many boys grow up to be men that "stop talking", dont express thier feelings well, . Its not "Why do guys do stupid stuff like that" this is how we develop as male in our society. The fact is we are not women and dont react like women do, were men and react how we know. My suggestion is to talk to the guy regarding whats going on. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:38:13 PM | I was taught to keep my feelings to myself unless it was appropriate, and honestly as I got older it did me a lot of good. It's not a fear of expressing feelings, it's just a general privacy about it. Getting overly emotional about stuff usually doesn't do a lot of good, at least not in the presence of others.
Sometimes you have to realize it's a blessing when someone keeps a lot of that stuff to themselves. It can be uncomfortable when someone is overly emotional or doesn't have a filter. | |
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| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:47:25 PM | Personally speaking, I have no difficulty in expressing my feelings. At all. When I'm not expressing my feelings, it's usually because I'm confused as to what they are at the time, or it's not the right time to express them, for some reason I've determined.
Pretty simply, really. | |
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1jamez
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 75 | |
| Why are some men afraid to express their feelings?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:07:32 PM | "I'm the type who needs to hear it from a guy's own mouth."
there is not better way to make them run for the exits faster!
when will wimmen ever learn...
Why move at a different pace than them, why not keep treating them with a glove. Evil grinning their spleen was a dead giveaway. | |
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