And it all started going down the tubes with getting on the online personals...I paid for the privelige of being rejected by even the guys who were not all that and a bag of chips anyway.

When you look at the female search engine..who do you think has the most self esteem? (that's another thread in itself)

I was taught in the old school that women are to compliment men and be polite and never show anger towards them. How to act like a lady, think like a man and work like a dog.

My conclusion to this thread is that a THOUSANDS of men out there are content in just sitting in front of a computer...being closed doors..in the dark...lost in fantasy.

No matter how good you treat a guy..they will still be addicted to that fantasy..

He was on POF a while ago but deleted it

I'm sorry you're hurting. It really sucks to pour your heart and soul into something and not have it reciprocated. You could spend however long you wish being mad at him for being such a wanker, but I suspect that won't help. It will never change him, or change the situation. But there are some important life lessons happening, and if you're open to learning them, it will go a long way towards helping you avoid a situation like this in the future.

I don't know either one of you personally, so mine is a completely unbiased perspective... First, each one of us comes into this world with the inherent right to make whatever decisions we like for our own life. We each have our own beliefs and values with which we govern our lives. But our truths are our own, we have no right to impose them on other people. For example
It's not fair to invite women to think they may have a chance with him when he has this fear of commitment.
That's your truth, not his. Clearly, he has a different opinion about this, and whether you like it or not, he has every right to live by his own standards. If they don't match yours, you're under no obligation to continue your association with him.

None of us has the right to impose our ideas as to the 'right' way to behave on another. The upside is, we each get to enjoy our own right to make decisions for our lives. The catch is, we need to respect other's rights to do the same for themselves. So if you have been over and over and over this, and he has expressed to you that he has no desire to have a serious relationship with you, why are you expecting a serious relationship? Yes, it's disappointing, but he DID tell you that clearly, more than once, right? So why were you continuing to invest in this relationship? I think your anger is misdirected. Were you "bending over backwards" for him with the intention of making them feel obligated to you? That's called manipulation, and it has no place in a healthy relationship... we need to be able to give freely to the people we care for, and trust that they have the willingness and the ability to give freely back to us. If it doesn't flow like that, you need to reassess where you're investing your resources.

You also say that he's not really all that and a bag of chips anyway, and even that he's fishing with no bait... Ouch! You clearly don't have a very high opinion of him as a human being. Is it possible he sensed that, and it may have had something to do with his unwillingness to commit to you? I wouldn't want to be partners with someone who thought so little of me, would you? Whatever "potential" you're seeing in him is potential for him to fulfill YOUR ideas about who he should be. Maybe he likes himself as is. Isn't he entitled to the right to pursue his own vision of who he 'should' be?

Boy do I miss that part now.