| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:03:53 AM | Even when you get to th real conversations - they can still blow u. How about the conversation I had last night? First call - to check each other out. Had a list of questions on likes and dislikes mostly geared to "Do I wear high heels and hose" and am I spontaneous. Laying out a "scenario" where he takes me out to a restraurant for a nice dinner - imaging that "I look hot in a black slinky dress, hose and heels" and during dinner where I "playfully" put my foot in his crotch (direct quote LOL). His concern is - IF I did that - would I get upset if he snagged my hose! 
Talk about creepy! He's blocked, emails deleted, and am I ever glad I used *67!
Guys - this i s NOT how you get a real date  | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:11:42 AM | Wow...
That is amazing that guy moved that quickly to a fantasy "role playing" with you..before the first call was over.... unless the emails might have been suggestive (at least in his mind). | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:18:12 AM | First off, some men in their 50's haven't dated in YEARS!!!! The last time they dated may have been more than 10 years ago.
I don't see what's wrong with a personal email address unless your fool enough to use your REAL LAST NAME in it. You can set up an email account just for dating purposes and then delete it, IF necessary.
I do agree about NOT giving out your home phone number.
I give out my cell number and email address. You cannot find me so far through my cell number.
If a guy gives you his home phone number, you can ALWAYS block your number using *67.
I don't have low standards, and I'm very selective.
There are lots of women and men on this site who NEVER intend on meeting the person. There are many people that use Internet dating sites because they are VERY, VERY SHY. There are some women in their 50's, and I've read in on these forums, who back out of dates, are too shy to even call a man, etc.
Some people unfortunately, get off by just emailing back and forth, being a penpal.
There are many MEN AND WOMEN that are clueless and knuckle-heads on this site.
You do what's right for you and it really doesn't matter what others think. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:06:45 AM | I have no problems with talking on the 'phone early in the game. I can always use my cheapie WalMart prepay phone for the initial conversations, and block my number if I use either my landline or real cell. I don't do the personal emails quickly. I learn a lot from what happens to my friends. A couple of them have had their financial info stolen by people who get their email addies and then send keylogger programs to get passwords to online credit card accounts and banking info.
I also am one of the meet quickly advocates. Too many people spend too much time talking or writing and not doing. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:47:18 PM | Why are so many men in their late 40's and 50's so clueless???
You cited one incident with one man. How does that get to be "so many men"?
I generally take the lead, if it's someone with whom there seems to be mutual interest, in providing some personal details, so as to put to rest some of the fears some women have. If we've talked enough online, that she seems "normal", I will give her my full name, and invite her to do a background check, if she feels a need to do so. I will also give out my cell phone #. I wait to do those things, until it seems that we're approaching the right time to meet IRL, and giving her some sense of "safety" seems like it might be reassuring. I don't care, really, if she reciprocates until after we've met IRL.
This guy was rushing a bit, and he revealed that he has "issues" with his response. That's true of "some women", too, who will blow up over some little thing early on. Those are valuable, really, because it tells you to "move on". | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:00:48 PM | Just had a man with a brand new profile message me twice here in about 15 mins. In the second message he called me Nancy which isn't my name. (Sending out multiple troll messages I would guess.) Asked many questions but in a nice way, and wanted me to join him on an offsite instant message site. When I said I don't do instant message sites. Suddenly messages disappeared, and he is no long in the "new profile" system. Don't know if he was a spammer and got clicked off the site or if his wife caught him sending those messages. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:14:44 PM | They were married for 20 years and have lost all their skills.
Ketch
...You may be on to something there... Cripes...nobody told me how hard it was gonna be, there should have been a memo....where's the memo?
...maeflowers | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:17:56 PM |
moraima :Just had a man with a brand new profile message me twice here in about 15 mins. In the second message he called me Nancy which isn't my name.
With all due respect, and in defense of the guy who messaged you...you look like a Nancy.
It was probably an honest mistake. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:20:28 PM | Hi, I am pretty new to this site but not dating sites persay.
Agree on line dating can have its problems, and attract some people with hidden agendas, but I disagree with the excessive emailing before you decide if you are going to meet someone, or even have a conversation through IM. You can get on great through emails, but the other person, male or female, has time to think about the reply so you are not getting a true picture of who they actually are anyway. I am great believer in the chemistry and you are only going to know that once you meet. So, I personally, would rather meet up sooner rather later. If it aint there, no amount of emails is gonna change that. Much better just to meet and see what happens. Then you can exchange personal details if it all feels right...and if doesn't then just be honest and move on. In my experience they (men)actually don't have an issue with that.
Clearly it has to be in a public place, in daylight, but that's all common sense.
I can understand the frustration some men feel on dating sites when they want to meet up but feel they can't ask for fear of us women thinking they are a predator.
Just as an aside, I get the impression most of the posts on here are from the USA? Could this be making a difference? Not meaning to start a different topic, but I do believe we have a different, just get on with it attitude, this side of the pond. We are all responsible for our own actions at the end of the day.
Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:30:34 PM |
but I disagree with the excessive emailing before you decide if you are going to meet someone, or even have a conversation through IM. You can get on great through emails, but the other person, male or female, has time to think about the reply so you are not getting a true picture of who they actually are anyway. I am great believer in the chemistry and you are only going to know that once you meet. So, I personally, would rather meet up sooner rather later.
On an IM or on the phone which is even better you will get an immediate response.. If this person is local and after a few conversations you do not reach a comfort level of meeting then you simply don't meet. I do not believe it has to be excessive in this case.
However if this person is traveling some great distance then a whole lot of conversation should take place before hand. No one wants to travel a great distance and end up disappointed? Nor do you want to be entertaining someone for days when you are not enjoying yourself..
I am from Canada by the way.. However lived most of my life in the good old U.SA.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:36:24 PM | | If someone had to travel that far that a date meant an overnight visit I would not be chatting with that in mind anyway. So, appreciate the sentiment, but a mute point really. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:25:01 PM | Just had a man with a brand new profile message me twice here in about 15 mins. In the second message he called me Nancy which isn't my name. (Sending out multiple troll messages I would guess.) Asked many questions but in a nice way, and wanted me to join him on an offsite instant message site. When I said I don't do instant message sites. Suddenly messages disappeared, and he is no long in the "new profile" system. Don't know if he was a spammer and got clicked off the site or if his wife caught him sending those messages.
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Chances are he was doing #4 in front of his webcam and wanted you to watch him. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:23:00 PM | oh groan.
One man =
Why are so many men in their late 40's and 50's so clueless???
OP, it was ONE man! If you wanna play on the forums, you've got to come up with some better ground rules for the misplays. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:37:54 PM | | I'm not trying to be 'right' I just didn't like his style and, his presumption that I was strange because I didn't take him up on his 'offer'. I think your judgement of me is silly | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:40:12 PM | | I agree and maybe somewhat insecure too. I think they're the guys who never got girls when they were younger and, now are trying to make up for lost time! Thank goodness God created the 'block'...lol. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:49:45 PM | | Well, that's what I meant...he had low standards and expects any and every women to respond to him. I don't think he understands that his approach will not work with any woman who has a brain. Although my profile doesn't state my standards for contact overtly, I don't see how any person could get the sense that I would be a 'push-over'. Although, I do state that I will respond to all e-mails and, I do....maybe I need to re-think that...thanks :) | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:34:04 PM |
he called me Nancy which isn't my name. (Sending out multiple troll messages I would guess.)
I've had that happen more than twice, moraima. I think it's a trick so you'll write back saying "No, I'm not ....". He's got an opening then.. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:16:03 PM |
He immediately accused me
My Dear Ms Misdeed ,
If after the FIRST email he had no concerns for
your feeling (of safty)... it would only get worse..
Granted.. with his info he may have been wanting
to let you know he was real/stable/etc...
But bottom line... If I were a woman..
I'd be real leary of anyone wanting my private info
whom DOES not know me and I do not know them..!!
Just do what your gut advises and what YOU feel comfy with..
Ohhh.. and by the way...
Could you send me your credit card numbers so I can
get internet access and contact you...
I promise not to be a "knuklr-head"....
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:33:51 PM |
Even when you get to th real conversations - they can still blow u. How about the conversation I had last night? First call - to check each other out. Had a list of questions on likes and dislikes mostly geared to "Do I wear high heels and hose" and am I spontaneous. Laying out a "scenario" where he takes me out to a restraurant for a nice dinner - imaging that "I look hot in a black slinky dress, hose and heels" and during dinner where I "playfully" put my foot in his crotch (direct quote LOL). His concern is - IF I did that - would I get upset if he snagged my hose!
Any man who has been actively involved in the "dating game", could match you with equivalent examples of strange women he's encountered. So what? To contaminate the atmosphere with stories of the addled, strange, and disordered does nothing positive. Simply, there are peculiar people in the world, of both genders.
The whole "can you top this? process is pretty much off topic, but, then, I'm not entirely sure what the topic is, other than the OP feeling that one man tried to move too fast, and from that trying to extrapolate some "universal truth" about why "all men are bad'. | |
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