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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:08:09 AM | | I beg to differ. I received some great answers to this question. If you don't want to 'play' Don't....but, don't just be a naysayer....lol! | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:24:15 AM | Putting the cart before the horse????..........Thought that stopped when we started mass producing the combustion engine????.......... 
OT.........I do not know why one must lump all men into the clueless category, just because some might not be as sensitive to your wants, needs, and desires, as you believe they should be.
There are many of us that do not hand out our personal information easily, and will wait until invited to do that equally before we even try. With this said, it also becomes very apparent that there are far to many that feel more comfortable hiding behind the computer, instead of taking this from computer based, to reality based, in a short amount of time.
I will take my lead from the ones I get to know on here, but if interested in knowing them much better, and that can happen because they live close enough to make that a reality, I will suggest that we do meet and greet, and find out if what we have here, transfers to real life, up close and personal.........
No matter what, I will not force anyone to do what they do not want to do, or are not comfortable with, and more will only happen, if invited by both to make that so.
Just my opinion.........   | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:46:55 AM | Ahhhh.. my pretty lil Ms Misdeed,
You cannot "appreciate" me OR my humor very much..
I tried to email you.. and you got them restrictions.. 
Restricted: Misdeed does NOT accept corresponce from jerks and loosers
Jeepers... you gals are sooo darn picky..!!
How the heck yous gonna get a date iffin
you keep us away..???
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:23:35 AM |
Yea you didn't want to abide by his and he didn't want to abide by yours. You think there is something wrong with someone that forward, and he thinks there is something wrong with people who are slow. Who is right? Neither of you are right, you both are making negative statements about the other because neither will conform to what you believes. Both of you lack the ability to adapt to others, you would be perfect for each other.
floridaknights, I have to agree with you on this one and while I don't give out my personal contact details until I know if I like the person enough to do this. I don't consider those who do to be any less decent than myself. Meeting people in any circumstance is a risk regardless of how you meet and how quickly you exchange contact details. I remember the days when a guy would get your home phone number if you had one and would walk you home, without knowing much more than he had told you after an evening drinking. Or heaven forbid, he gets your number then when he does call, you can't remember his name or the name you told him the night before. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:11:08 AM | I think perhaps men are not as careful dispensing personal ID because, historically, and realistically, they are less at risk for doing so. Women have been, historically, and realistically, preyed on because of their smaller size, weaker muscle system, and lack of aggressive hormones. . . . But it's sure a dumb dude who can't see *why* a woman feels a little unsafe throwing around her personal info right off the bat. That said, dumb is as dumb do. And Praise the Lord they are few and far between. . . .
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:53:30 PM | OP, I will add my voice to the many here that have pointed out that you have one man acting in a way you feel in inappropriate and then have painted “many” men with this same brush. What’s the point of setting up this “us against them” trivial debate? If you didn’t like his response, delete it and click the “next” button. I think you just want to rant and get sympathy. You have actually shown what I would consider to be major red flags yourself in doing so. You indicated that you believe yourself to be decent and good then you go about disparaging the man saying he has “no clue” and is a “knukle-head”. The “wrong again Einstein” comment is just more of the same. Proceeding on to block the man shows you have your own control issues. So you didn’t like what he said. Fine. My feeling is that “blocking” is for those cases where the other person continues to send messages that are unwelcome. You don’t indicate that he sent you more than one response, so why the block? My guess is that you sent him an email that was equally hostile to the one you feel you received and you blocked him so you could have the last word.
Each of us has had experiences that make us sensitive to subsequent comments we get in emails. Because about 70% of meaning is lost in communication via email, it's easy for the recipient to totally misunderstanding what the sender meant. Often we sift through emails looking for what’s wrong rather than looking for what’s right.
I don’t think that it’s wrong to be cautious but I do think it’s wrong to be rude. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:19:40 PM | I agree with poster 776877
Message 4
Many guys want to eliminate or include you in the list of "possibilities" a lot quicker than some woman are comfortable with and this is easier to do with a personal meeting or contact other than POF email.
All in all, I don't think it's such a bad premise to operate from. That's not to say woman should be careless, but there are lots of public venues to meet briefly and casually without revealing a lot of personal information. Endless writing back and forth doesn't really give you an idea what the other person is like.... we can fill in all the blanks with out own imaginations and longings.
I've found it easier to be more decisive by meeting quicker, and writing less, but that's just me. Everyone has to go with their own comfort level, but most guys I know don't want endless emails, but prefer phone call initially, and then let's get together and see if we are comfortable in each other's presence. They just don't want to waste time otherwise, and I get that. I prefer it that way too. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:46:06 PM | I'm always amazed by the guys who contact me and don't have a picture in their profile. When I reply to them jokingly asking if they're in the Witness Protection Program, they'll write back asking me for my email address so they can send me a picture.
I don't think it's fair that I have to share MY private information just because some guy thinks he's too important or too high profile to put his picture on his profile. That's HIS problem and not mine, so I'll answer back that I'm not willing to share my private information simply because they're not willing to post a pic and that they're going to have a tough time getting ANYONE to hand out their email address.
Yup, alot of them are pretty clueless. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:53:02 PM |
don't think it's fair that I have to share MY private information just because some guy thinks he's too important or too high profile to put his picture on his profile. That's HIS problem and not mine, so I'll answer back that I'm not willing to share my private information simply because they're not willing to post a pic and that they're going to have a tough time getting ANYONE to hand out their email address.
I've had some contact me that don't have pics in their profile that are public,,,
One is supposedly a public official in NY
When I asked, she made her private photo appear in my email and all was good,,,
If you have one of these guys do this again, tell them they can have a pic in their profile and make it private for situations like you've mentioned. If they don't brush them off,,, | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:37:44 PM | When you say I prefer to do it this way.. they freak and call you crazy or names. Right. Anyone who would start berating you because you don't want to do things his way is a jerk. Has nothing to do, as far as I'm concerned, with different approaches regarding how to get to know someone from here; the way this guy reacted to your saying you prefered not to do it his way tells me he is not someone I'd want to deal with.
they'll write back asking me for my email address so they can send me a picture It is very easy on POF to have a profile w/o photos and still have photos to send to someone. You simply upload an image, as you normally would, but mark it as a private image not shown on your profile. Then, when sending an email, it can be sent along with the mail. Very easy and simple. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:58:40 PM | what this guys reactions or the OP's response was only the OP really knows..
As far as being clueless .. that's a view point ..that could be valid
The reality might be . Not every one is so mistrusting, we don't all believe the other guy is out to do us harm. Not every one that say Hi, is going to rape . steal, or do harm.
The person I do distrust is the one , the one that distrust others. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:58:10 PM | Okay, I would really like to know if it's true that people can find out personal information
from some sort of program, if you give them a hotmail email address. I've always thought that a hotmail address is safe. You don' t even have to use your right name to make up that address.
As you can tell, I am not very tech savvy. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:59:57 PM | Geez - Could we all be meeting the same guy online?
A couple of weeks ago I thought I'd throw caution to the wind and call a guy that sent me his number. He pretty much did everything previous posters were talking about in this thread. The guy trampled over boundaries left and right, push push push, in a huge rush wants me to come to his house for a first date and spend the night with his 9 year old daughter there, wanted confirmation of me wanting to run my fingers through his chest hair, divorce not yet final, can't meet somewhere for dinner dutch treat because he's broke, ex has a restraining order, when he's cooking dinner will I come up behind him and........ well you get the picture.
I kept telling him to relax, slow down, told him he sounded like a car salesman trying to close a deal, he's going too fast we haven't even met yet or had a 1st date, ........and this was in the 2nd and 3rd brief phone conversation. He kept insisting I come over and finally I just told him look, I'm not coming to your house, I will be happy to meet you for dinner in a public place. He still continued to question why I wouldn't just come over and that my knowing his name, phone and address should be enough info for me to feel safe. I talked with him a 2nd and 3rd time because I thought maybe after coming out of a 19 year marriage maybe he was just nervous. I was going to give him a chance, but it was not going to be at his place. He didn't like that obviously because I blocked him and he didn't call me again.
It's like he wanted to skip all the formality of spending some time with me and getting to know me, and just have instant attraction, instant relationship etc. He seemed to think he knew me after reading my profile and thought all that was necessary to know about him was his name and phone number. The past 3 local guys that have contacted me have all been recently divorced with restraining orders and complaints about their wive's lack of desire. I don't why they volunteer that kind of info to me - I guess I just listen to them so carefully they just talk themselves right into a pit of despair.
Just when I give someone the benefit of the doubt it ends up to be a lot more BS than it's worth.
I know that guys probably get women who email them or pressure them into taking things to fast or being presumptuous, or maybe even worry about a woman's mental stability, but men don't worry about their physical safety like women have to. A MUCH higher percentage of violence is commited against women, not men.
Men here don't understand why women need to be more careful. We get accused of being silly man hating paranoid rape-fearing women. Dealing with a man's feeling and a possible rejection is a delicate issue sometimes. It can bring out some real anger and hostility. Quite frankly I'm shocked at the hostility that it brings out in some men. They push things so fast we end up having to reject them before even meeting with them or being able to get to know them. If it was a casual encounter I was looking for, it would be in my profile. 
This is what I pay attention to:
-Poor behavioral controls — expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper
-Not respecting boundaries repeatedly
-disregard for others
Sorry for the rant but this topic seems to be an issue for me lately. If even meeting dutch treat for dinner where I can feel safe for a first time meeting someone is too much of an expense and too time consuming for him he shouldn't be "dating". | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:03:20 PM | maybe,,, just maybe
you could think outside the box MissMewsic,,,
lift a few restrictions?
might get more possibilities and more real people instead of sociopaths?
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/17/2009 10:07:18 PM | maybe,,, just maybe
you could think outside the box MissMewsic,,,
lift a few restrictions?
might get more possibilities and more real people instead of sociopaths?
Hell, after that clown, I put up all the restrictions I could. Because of him, I'm not accepting any gentleman callers anymore. I have to sleep with a loaded gun beside my bed for peace of mind. I have a cop friend that told me I should just hang up the minute I hear "restraining order". I try not to be rude.
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:19:25 AM | | A woman says she would like "a few emails" to get to know a man before deciding to meet, and many men read that as "endless emails." I run into this all the time. Since when does "a few" equal "endless" ? As soon as I ask for a few emails, they complain that they don't just want to write, they want to meet. I'm actually glad they do that, because it weeds out the impatient ones who wouldn't be a good match for me anyway. The only time emailing occurred over a long period of time with me was the man's choice -- I decided to meet him after a few emails, but he decided not to meet me, so we ended up as email friends instead. We talk to each other about the people we do meet. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:33:53 AM | MissM.....
Some stranger sends you his phone number, you call him up, he gives you all kinds of static and a tale of complex woe, then you call him back again a couple of times????????
I really think you have to ask yourself some serious questions. I now understand why you are a gun enthusiast..... | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:44:34 AM |
As soon as I ask for a few emails, they complain that they don't just want to write, they want to meet. I'm actually glad they do that, because it weeds out the impatient ones who wouldn't be a good match for me anyway. Yep. Anyone who pressures you, who is not sensitive to what the woman is comfortable with, this is a guy who should be passed by, imo. | |
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| Strange and clueless knuckle-heads
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:33:01 AM | | I'd bet my last banana that anyone who starts with name-calling so quickly, will never have any better than that to offer. It's less about who's right on how fast to move, and more about how to act when you encounter people who do things differently. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:53:14 AM | Some stranger sends you his phone number, you call him up, he gives you all kinds of static and a tale of complex woe, then you call him back again a couple of times????????
The first conversation was somewhat normal. He called me back the 2nd and 3rd time.
Women here are constantly being told that we are too judgemental and picky.
I said for once I gave someone the "benefit of the doubt". The crazy crap started coming out in small tidbits during the 2nd and 3rd conversation. Just because I try to be a kind person doesn't mean I'm stupid.
If I never extend any ounce of trust online dating wouldn't be possible. If I'm not even supposed to talk with someone on the phone, how am I supposed to decide if he's a possiblity or not?
Silly man - we have to start somewhere. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:59:46 AM | | I would like to talk someone by the phone after a few messages. If someone trusts me by providing his detail information, I'll return my respect to him. I don't like to waste time on emails. Usually, reading the first message from someone and his profile generates an enough ability for me to decide if I am interested in knowing him more. | |
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