| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/17/2009 5:51:31 PM |
There is no point dropping your standards, whatever they may be.
What I'm looking for in a man is good manners, being able to spell (you'd be amazed at how many women consider this important guys!), how he talks about his ex or his kids, if he puts himself down alot (huge turn off).
I couldn't care less whether he's wearing expensive shoes or ones from K.Mart. If he's comfortable with who he is then that will come across and I will see a wonderfully confident man.
If I drop my standards I won't find him and I won't be happy and if he's not out there then so be it!
I must say that because there seems to be alot of "miscommunications" on this site with emailing and humour I don't believe this is the ideal way to meet the "right" person.
I know that my looks and personality are much more appealing in the real world but unfortunately the types of men I'm meeting every day are married men. They flirt and I die inside thinking where are all the single men? LOL
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:43:16 PM | Most women have no idea that they ARE NOT THAT GREAT!
Young (read HORNY) men will take whatever they can get. The women now assumes that she is in the leauge of the guy she slept with. Often incorrect.Sometimes years later if divorced she acts as if she is equal to THE YOUNG MAN that just tried to pick her up.This creates quite a delusion. With a woman you often (for the long run) need more than looks(read MONEY). This is part of the attraction for them. When these
"standards" are not met the women often react by stating that "there are no good men"! These premises have already been researched by several including (but not limited to) Warren Ferrell and his book"Why Men Are The way They Are".
Brandon Green | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:55:24 PM | | Lol, your standards are not to high and you are not asking much you want a goodlooking person in your life, who knows what you want more than you do? just realize nothing in life comes easy, you may someone really attractive, bankroll or whatever you want is not going to come easy, especially if that person you seek thinks his standards are too high for you in return. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/23/2009 12:47:24 AM | It's a yes and no question. NO, a person shouldn't try to force him/herself to be with someone to whom they aren't attracted, but at the same time a person should try to avoid going through life with shallow blinkers on. There is an infinite range when it comes to physical beauty, and not all physically "beautiful" people limit themselves, in their relationships, to those that others would see as automatically, physically, in their "league." I know many people (male and female) who I consider to be more attractive than me but who are married to people who I wouldn't automatically think of as "good looking"... but they, as I know them, are certainly good enough for ANY set of "standards."
It's obviously important to be emotionally, intellectually, and physically attracted to a person before settling down with him/her, and one can't force one's self to be attracted where they just are NOT. But IF a person is seriously "looking," I also think it's important to challenge one's self by considering what it is that one really wants, and to consider, if one comes to recognize an internal shallowness, to think about whether or not it would be possible to overcome it. Because IN a relationship, when/if the problems come, it really makes very little difference what your partner/spouse looks like. There are some very miserable people out there married to very beautiful people (as I once was), and sometimes, far from being too picky, a person who picks based on looks CAN discover that he or she wasn't actually picky ENOUGH (if at all): when it comes down to it, a good looking idiot is simply an idiot; a beautiful jerk is really just a jerk; an abusive person is abusive, whatever he or she looks like. I know some very beautiful men who I would definitely consider to be below my "standards"--for reasons that are much more significant than anything to do with physical appearance.
That doesn't mean that I think a person should ignore his or her own impulses, but it might mean REALLY thinking about what they REALLY want and need rather than what, for example, would superficially impress the crowd or look really great in a photo. Sometimes, when a person is overly focused on physical appearance to the extent that superficial "standards" interfere with actually exploring potentially GOOD relationships with good people, this can be about their OWN insecurities and have LITTLE to do, really, with anything beyond that. And while I can struggle with this myself, my experience tells me that a person who feels secure with him/herself is MUCH less likely to focus primarily on physical appearance in others. Sure, you have to listen to your own reactions--chemistry--but if you find yourself thinking "I could like him but what would my friends think," then it's time to examine yourself....IMO. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/23/2009 5:37:07 AM |
spicynicegirl--There is no point dropping your standards, whatever they may be.
There can be a "point" to adjusting one's standards, when there are no others available, who meet those standards.
Some things can't be compromised. Physical attractiveness is what it is, and if you aren' t at all attracted to someone, there's no point to dating him/her. Other things, though, are merely preferences, which could be "adjusted".
For example, if your preference is to find someone who lives within 25 miles, and you haven't found anyone suitable in 3 months, how critical is that really? I found, when I first joined POF, that there were only 17 women, who lived within 25 miles, only two of which I found to be "attractive". Neither of them were interested. So, I "adjusted" to what the "market" was telling me, and expanded my geographical preferences to 200 miles, and found that there were more women than I could ever possibly even look at, let alone try to contact. In the ensuing two years, I had many "first meets" and two "live with" relationships that lasted longer than a year.
Having certain "absolutes" is fine, so long as they don't have the effect of "excluding" everyone. Knowing what those are and why is critically important. However, not every preference is an "absolute", and some preferences can be adjusted, if you are sincere about wanting to meet someone. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:57:08 PM | When are standars too high? Never.
There's not a damn thing wrong with going after what you want, or choosing to pass up an opportunity because it isn't all that you want. It's all relative anyway. There's people out there that think I'm a ten, but then there's people who would rank me below five. If you want to hold out for your "10" that also sees you as his "10" then all the power to you!! Never settle. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:31:01 PM | | Your standards are only too high if there's no-one who can meet them, or if you cannot possibly meet the standards of the kind of person you're seeking (it is, after all, a mutual match). Otherwise, don't lower your standards even if it takes years to find a match where you'll both be happy and satisfied. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:58:39 AM | In the dating scene/game, women have to and should always have high standards. Most men cannot and have no choice to settle and have lower standards.
All depending on the guy too. If he possesses great looks, a great job, has style or money then he can have high standards because there is not a shortage of women out there who would like a guy who had any of those qualities.
Women too many times get hit on by average looking and ugly men. Which women hate and wish would not happen so much.
What men have to do is take a good look at themselves and know if they are either good looking, average looking or ugly looking and go from there. Most men seem to think they can get any woman.
Women can get almost any guy, this is why they need to keep their standards high in order to get that above average guy.
My standards are very low. I can tell by looking at a woman if I am at all in her league. If she is very good looking I won't waste her time or mine and take a chance, I already know what the response will be.
Women are more and more visual and less attracted to substance in men. Only if she is physically attracted to a guy, will she care about substance, which she will believe that because he is good looking, he must be a great guy.
Looks is the most important thing when it comes to first impressions and men have to realize this. If a guy lacks good looks, he is just wasting his time thinking he can get the woman. Reality sucks sometimes but we all have to experience it. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:11:22 PM | | I say just look for what you have to offer. If you are athletic, look for someone athletic. If you have a few extra lbs, look for someone with a few extra lbs. If you make $40,000 try to find someone in the same range, same with if you make $80,000 or whatever. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:07:43 PM | | When men are seeking women, if you are an average looking guy, stay within your boundaries. It will be rare if an above average looking woman will give you the time of day. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/19/2009 3:39:50 PM | Your standards are too high when no one can meet them. They are too low when virtually anyone still breathing could fill the role.
Life happens somewhere in between as far as I can tell. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:07:15 PM | I think standards are a good idea, because if you have no target then you really have no idea what you want. As the old saying goes, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
That being said, you have to be very honest with yourself about your standards, and objective in your evaluation thereof. Most of us have seen it before - attractive, intelligent women who constantly pick losers. If you set your sights on a guy solely or in large part based on that flashy car, then you're setting your self up for the ego that tends to go with it. Not that it is a guaranteed problem, but the odds are pretty good. Same goes for any other standards based solely on appearance. Similarly if you base your attraction on something like say, occupation (pro athletes, doctors, investment bankers), aside from the fact that such a standard is rarely attributable to an emotional factor. Usually, it has a lot more to do with the anticipated income and/or status involved. Not to mention the limited number of people who fit those demographics; so if you have trouble finding a date in such a case, you kinda only have yourself to blame.
Make no mistake - you are entitled to whatever standards you think will make you happy. You should never, ever feel like you have had to "settle". But I'm just saying, you need to be realistic about the implications of your standards. Good luck! | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:29:56 PM | | The problem for women is that they all set their standards way higher for their mate than they do for themselves. They end up with guys willing to stick them a few times but not stay with them because they are out of their league. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/20/2009 12:30:52 AM | Apparently mine are. I thought it wasnt totally unreasonable to find someone around my age range, that hasnt any kids, never married, university educated, travelled some, and has a job of her own, and live in my area (under hour commute) I figured she should at least be bringing to the table what I had in my background. I gave up. I was fishing in the wrong pond.
Headed overseas this year. Change of venue, change of fish. It helps if you speak the language ;) Over there, I am in high demand. Bring on the imports, you locals can keep the domestics. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/20/2009 1:00:28 PM | | I think everyone has standards and they change along the way as our live styles and life experiences change. For example... someone seeking a one night stand may only require the person be of the opposite sex while if your seeking someone to take to a wedding you want them to be good lookin and social. When your seeking a possible life partner sometimes we tend to seek perfection but perfection doesnt exsist. We all have our preferences and some are more important than others. Without selling yourself short you may need to look at the whole package rather than what's just infront of you and I know that's much easier said than done... | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/20/2009 1:14:23 PM | Women hold more power in dating today, many men will disagree because the truth hurts.
As women get older, they want more perfection, in turn become much more selective.
Many men as they get older, drop thier standards, take whatever comes thier way settling, or stay single and accept that yes thier standards are too high and will be dateless well into thier 40's.
Just the difference is reality and dreaming. We all dream, we all hate to accept reality. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:56:23 PM | The only time a guy dumps this "your standards are too high" nonsense is when he's NOT meeting those standards.
You are attracted to who you are attracted to.
Don't change what is fundamental about yourself in order to please some guy who isn't getting into your "romance zone." | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:00:30 AM | | Standards are never ``too high,'' per se. However, what many people consider to be high standards are simply misguided ideas about what that means, so when they get what they held out for, it isn't what they wanted. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:25:07 AM | Dunno..I dropped my standards and got the bad residues...so I'm upping my standards with some level of testing difficulty together with the Rorschach Test . My minimum criterion must be able to answer to basic general knowledge questions like:
1) Who the feck is Joe Strummer? And what was his issue with Mick Jones?
2) Contrast the difference between a transitive and intransitive verb.
3) What is a passive sentence? An active sentence?
4) What is a particle?
5) Explain thermodynamics and how it relates to relationships between two prideful people.
6) What is Lux Interior's real name and to whom was he married to. What was the cause of his demise?
7) Why was Cathy so cold?
8) Why is that film titled The Colour Purple and what was Oprah doing on it?
9) Which part of Moonraker was the most unbelievable?
10) Name the product placements on Golden Eye. Casino Royale?
11) Dee Dee, Joey, Marky and Johnny were members of which theatrical group
12) Who the heck is Patrick Bateman and would you date him? Was it just a dream or did those events actually happened?
In my experience, women who cannot answer these sample questions have serious bad taste (=bogans) and have no right to demand a high standard when their own standards to themselves are pretty shot. | |
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| when are standards too high?
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:00:01 PM | Interesting subject....
Back in the stone age (said with a great degree of sarcasm) we actually formed our likes and dislikes by looking people in the face, listening to their voice, watching their interaction with others. Because we met them in class, or through a friend or at a party...the key word here is met.
Many people met others and grew to like them because they were funny, or quick witted, or athetic, or intelligent.
Maybe they were just your average joe, but once they got talking they were the life of the party, or perhaps she was alittle over weight, but as soon as she got up and sang karaoke, everyone stopped to listen and were literally floored, suddenly she wasn't to bad afterall.
What I'm going after is we limit ourselves so much online. We see a picture and maybe pass on by. That's limiting ourselves, how often we miss out on so much that cannot be seen in a picture. | |
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