| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/12/2009 6:11:24 AM | | I can only give a bit of insight. Most of these women were married.....raised children, did without to now have their children raised and divorced and are finding themselves. They are having fun. They are learning who they are and what they are. They are entitled to their mistakes they are living life again and finding their way........in other words a lot of us are discovering ourselves. It is always easier to look at others and decide what they are doing wrong. It is so much harder to do that to yourself isn't it. Whenever I find my mind wondering to how others live it is time for me to place that focus back on myself and look at what I am doing. Having fun, flirting, dating and living life and being able to put yourself first is a new concept that many of us haven't experienced in a long time. I don't have a problem with this in men either I understand having a new life and discovering yourself. It is only a problem for the person doing this whenever it becomes a drug and alcohol addiction. But most of us settle down again after our fun and learning our likes.......its all about discovering yourself at this age and making up for some lost time........... | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:15:48 AM | ^^^^^^ Good points Blue, many of us have gone through something like that. ^^^^^
I still have my copy of "Leisure Suit Larry, Love for Sale", but I haven't played it in 10 years. And I certainly wouldn't post all those photos of me in action. In fact I buy them when they pop up on E-bay so I can burn them.
I don't think there's an issue with any of it, I think the OP is just questioning why someone tries to market themselves that way. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:56:02 AM | As I've looked at the POF profiles, I've noticed a trend. Many women around my age (I'm 45 for a little while longer) are not growing up. Their profiles are all about partying and all of their pics were taken at bars. Their taste in entertainment (TV, movies, music) leads me to believe we'd have nothing to talk about. They are not women; they're girls.
I'm all for cutting loose and having a good time, but it seems there comes an age where you move from "age-appropriate" to "pathetic." I'm sure the same thing goes for boys/men as well, but I don't spend a lot of time looking at their profiles.
So is this a valid observation? If so, any ideas as to the root causes? I have a few opinions on the matter, but I'll let people chime in first.
No, I don't think it's a valid observation to look at profiles of single women over 40 on a dating website,( where the objective is GENERALLY to find men to date) and use these women's attempt to present themselves as funloving, happy, easygoing, and enjoying mainstream accessible forms of entertainment, and posit that women are in an arrested state of emotional and social development. It would be interesting to hear what the OP thinks of as "age appropriate"? Or taste in entertainment sufficiently cerebral to avoid being labled "immature"?
Bridge tournaments? Church socials? Gardening? Or is it just another case of a man thinking it's only "appropriate" for single middle aged females to be "invisible"?
As for preferred term of reference, I PREFER to be called "Your Majesty." I used to have those failing to do so beheaded, but that was becoming way too big a project. Now I reserve beheadings only for those who call me slut,b*tch, or late for meals.
Cindy O | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:27:45 PM | You've made such a valid observation, and so tactfully put across. My feeling is that they're living in LA LA LAND (according to Judge Judy).
As a man hoping to find a woman on the net for a serious relationship, do you think I'll really pay attention to a profile that only talks about clubbing, going football games and the like?
These are what the profiles of women in their 30's!!!! are saying. Some have pics of themselves in revealing clothes. What are they really selling? Certainly not character or personality. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:36:20 PM | I think this profile illustrates the point.
This woman:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member13821437.htm
profile was all jumbled up. After I wrote her and also pointed out how difficult it was to read it, she writes me back and says that I sound like the kind of person who'd shoot up a gym....and blocks me. (I wish to tell her thanks) | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:56:42 PM | trini, I checked out her profile, I didn't find it hard to read and maybe she just didn't appreciate criticism, even if well-intended to be constructive, since it wasn't asked for.
Besides that, she's 31, this forum is Over 45... has nothing to do with the OP. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 5:18:40 AM | Leona, you should have seen it before she changed it. Like a cluttered confused person. 
Even though the forum is for 'over 45', remember men my age generally do consider women up to about 15 years younger as potential mates, so we may need to vent about women in their 30s too ;-) | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:33:58 AM |
remember men my age generally do consider women up to about 15 years younger as potential mates, so we may need to vent about women in their 30s too ;-)
So you're not really 39? You're 45+ and contacting 31-year-olds. What a shocker!  | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:52:14 AM |
I think this profile illustrates the point.
This woman:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member13821437.htm
profile was all jumbled up. After I wrote her and also pointed out how difficult it was to read it, she writes me back and says that I sound like the kind of person who'd shoot up a gym....and blocks me. (I wish to tell her thanks)
Um - if you don't understand what she wrote - it's a pretty good sign you won't be compatible. Why bother writing her to criticize? Just move on. It's a no-brainer - surprised you didn't think of it.
So you're not really 39? You're 45+ and contacting 31-year-olds. What a shocker!
AND they don't find you interesting? There's another shocker.
One of the first questions on greet and meets is - "OK so how old are you really?" A lot of people here lie about their age. I don't see any reason to but insecurity comes in many shapes and sizes. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:39:43 AM |
AND they don't find you interesting? There's another shocker.
Don't know if it's "me" so much as women "my age." I don't know how interesting I am but I don't think I'm hard to understand lol. I just don't fall into the "desired age range."
One of the first questions on greet and meets is - "OK so how old are you really?" A lot of people here lie about their age. I don't see any reason to but insecurity comes in many shapes and sizes
That and also don't know how many times I've heard "for search purposes" or to "keep out the ones who are too old" or "POF won't let me change it." I really couldn't care less anymore about stuff like that. Actually, that may not be true, because it does affect my perception of the other.
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:58:24 AM | With friends like these . . .
triniguy: Thanks, really, for taking my side. However, your support just weakened my entire point. Casting aspersions at another profile and offering unsolicited advice to her? Yikes!
I've obviously hit a nerve here with the majority of the population on POF. I wasn't trolling, but I think I stepped on enough toes that it moved the discussion off point and it is irrevocably stuck there.
I'll say it for a third time. I am not against women going out and having a good time (those who have posted otherwise obviously have not read the thread). I want my S.O. to be able to go out and cut loose. I have nothing against bars, nightclubs, etc. I've been known to darken the door of such establishments now and then.
Profiles on POF offer the opportunity to give a snapshot of who you are. Obviously you want to put your best foot forward and portray the "you" that you think will work out best for whatever goal at which you're aiming. With all of this opportunity to craft the "you" you're presenting to the POF world, why not strive to present yourself as someone who can be both "classy" and "trashy," depending on the situation? | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:40:44 AM |
Their profiles are all about partying and all of their pics were taken at bars.
I don't know where any bar is... | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:52:58 AM | | I'd rather meet someone on their forties that thinks they're still in their 20's than someone who thinks they're already in their 60's..... | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 2:48:31 PM |
is this a valid observation? If so, any ideas as to the root causes? I have a few opinions on the matter, but I'll let people chime in first.
A fear of growing old and bidding youth farewell.
It happens in both sexes and isn't very attractive, IMO.
Growing old gracefully is the way to go. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/13/2009 3:22:18 PM |
Even though the forum is for 'over 45', remember men my age generally do consider women up to about 15 years younger as potential mates, so we may need to vent about women in their 30s too ;-)
And when women make that same statement about men, we get called "cougars".
Cindy O | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 5:02:57 AM |
Girl, girlie, woman, femme fatale, diva. These are all just labels. Who cares?!!
^^^Exactly! Really why does this matter? I can be all of these things and still be appropriate.
Are people to be lined up and shrink-wrapped with some moniker suggesting that we've conformed to perceived expectations as to how a 45 year-old should be???
What's with that? How boring would that be! We're all different women and out there are different men wanting different women.
Some aren't overly savvy as to how to put together a profile that shows dimension. What most people I think do when they construct a profile is go with shots of themselves that they feel makes them look terrific. If that 'dress' that they're wearing shows them full of confidence that night 'in their eyes', then that's a good thing. Further, if that happens to be when they're out and about, then so be it.
Invariably, when I'm out someone in the group has a camera and we goof it up a bit...no big deal. If the personality suggested or the range of that person in that profile seems stunted or somewhat limited for one, believe me, for the next guy it might be just what rocks his boat.
Their taste in entertainment (TV, movies, music) leads me to believe we'd have nothing to talk about.
^^^One could say the same thing about men...and about some of the interests or entertainment that suggests 'limitations' as well.
Variety is the spice of life and tolerance--completely underrated. jmo. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 9:19:44 AM | Instead of focusing on what women (and men) SHOULDN'T be doing (going to bars, clubs, etc.), how SHOULD they be having a good time? Playing bingo? Attending retirement home dances? Strutting down the halls of a hospice center?
I'm so sick of negative rants... | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 10:49:02 AM | ^^^good point.
for me, it was the word SHOULD in the headline.
most of us, male and female, have had a lifetime of people telling us what we SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be doing. we don't need random strangers online doing the same. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 11:13:12 AM | I would think that we should encourage more +45 singles (men and women) to get out. It not always easy finding places that cater to our crowd for one thing unless you live in a big city.
Trying to shame strangers on here into behaving the way you think they should is about as productive as pushing a string. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 12:07:00 PM | #97 and 98--
I'm all for disagreement and discussion; that's what the forum is all about. However, attack the argument, not the arguer. No one is telling you how you should behave or forcing anything on you. No one made you read the thread, and no one is making any demands on you. If you'll read my OP in its entirety and my subsequent comments, you'll see how many are taking one of several points completely out of context and running with it.
C'mon, you should know by now that you're not going to agree with everything you read in the PoF forums, and you might even be offended (gasp!). Besides, most of us here are "random strangers." If I expressed some point of view you happened to agree with, the phrase "random stranger" probably wouldn't even enter into your mind.
Let's make sure tolerance cuts both ways. It is for people with whom we agree and for people with whom we don't agree. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 1:07:01 PM |
As I've looked at the POF profiles, I've noticed a trend. Many women around my age (I'm 45 for a little while longer) are not growing up. Their profiles are all about partying and all of their pics were taken at bars. Their taste in entertainment (TV, movies, music) leads me to believe we'd have nothing to talk about. They are not women; they're girls.
I'm all for cutting loose and having a good time, but it seems there comes an age where you move from "age-appropriate" to "pathetic." I'm sure the same thing goes for boys/men as well, but I don't spend a lot of time looking at their profiles.
So is this a valid observation? If so, any ideas as to the root causes? I have a few opinions on the matter, but I'll let people chime in first.
OP- Attack the argument not the person? You really don't have an argument- just an opinion based on your own projections and judgements of some women's profiles. So I'll just attack your words instead.-lol
What clearly defines grown up? Getting wrinkles and gray hairs. Your clothes and your social life? Not really. That's up to the individual to decide whats right for them. "Pathetic" is simply your opinion and not any hard fact.
By looking at these women's profiles- you can really tell that much about them? Or are you projecting your own morals and ideas on what is "appropriate"? Hate to tell you but your going to get some other opinions.
Maybe these girls
-got married young- raised a family- never had time to have "fun" like you did until now
-want to get out and socialize in a place where there is a common activity that relatively easy to do
-don't want to be seen as old and frumpy - they want to be seen as fun
-sometimes the only time some one takes a picture of them- its at a party!
-Maybe trying to pick up younger men- the guys their age act so old (ouch-those evil judgemental girls) LOL
-and a million other reasons
IMHO- I would like to be with someone fun myself. Maturity and fun are not mutually exclusive. You can choose to see the good or the bad in others- your choice. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 1:18:43 PM | I'm looking at Msg 54 and am stunned at the level of anal retentiveness some here exhibit.
Was it just me, or did others scroll back to Msg. 54 and breath a sigh
of relief when you realized it wasn't something you said?
I agree with the poster that said something like I forget but anyways it
was better to have a woman that acted like a girl rather than a girl that
acted like a woman...or maybe that was on another thread...I have no
clue.
I'd rather meet someone on their forties that thinks they're still in their 20's than someone who thinks they're already in their 60's.....
I decided to look for it after all...jeepers...I wasn't even close.
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:09:27 PM |
If you'll read my OP in its entirety and my subsequent comments, you'll see how many are taking one of several points completely out of context and running with it.
as i said to someone else on another thread earlier this week...
you don't get to dictate how others interpret or respond to your threads.
YOU implied that women over 45 SHOULD act a certain way.
at this age, most of us have earned the way to act the way we want.
and, yes, you would still be a "random stranger" even if i agreed with what you were saying. that applies to everyone that i don't correspond with off-forum or have met IRL. | |
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| Girls who should be women
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:46:32 PM |
you don't get to dictate how others interpret or respond to your threads.
That is obvious. It's just interesting to see how one comment about having pictures taken in bars has everyone frothing. I'm merely stating a trend I've observed with many (by no means all) women my age, and wondered if anyone else had noticed it too. And contrary to my many protestations otherwise (even in my OP), most of the posters to this thread think I'm some sort of a killjoy.
I've re-read my OP, and I will admit the title is (slightly) purposefully provocative, it is for the purposes of hyperbole only. The body of the OP has no such imperatives, only indicatives and opinion.
People can interpret the thread how they chose, but their choices are somewhat telling. | |
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