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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:02:59 PM | Aww, what a sweet question! 
This is the most delicious time! In my experience, when I didn't feel I could stand to wait any longer to say it -- the man said it first because he felt the same thing at the same time. That's more than once. And I was and still am glad the man said it first, because that way I knew for sure he wasn't just saying the words because I had said them.
I like the suggestion someone made about peppering your talk about him with the word and saying things you love about him or about (non-sexual) things he does. I think that would make him more comfortable about saying it. I mean, it's hard to say it the first time. For me, anyway.
However, if you feel you want to say it first, nothing at all wrong with that. Hope you come back and let us know how he responded.... | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:03:26 PM | ^^^^^^^^^
Thats funny!!
If you only think your ready then dont say it! If you are truely ready you wont think about it, it will just come out!!
If that happens, have NO EXPECTATIONS of him feeling the same or ready to say it back to you! Thats where the problems lie. To many people (esspecially the women I know) think that if they say I love you, the other person should automatically say it too.
Dont say it unless you MEAN it.  | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:37:33 PM | | You guys are great. Great advice and I've really enjoyed the stories from past experiences of how you went about doing it, very cute. Anyone have anymore? | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:50:38 PM | | I wouldn't drum it up... If you're in a solid phase of your relationship with him, and the boat's not rocked... After making out on the couch a bit in front of the TV, just smile and say "You know what? I love you", and quickly follow it with a playful kiss. You'll get it out of the way very comfortably, and at the same time, it's genuine and doesn't ask for drama. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:16:14 PM | Since you've been dating for a year that seems to be more than enough time to honestly express your feelings. I really cannot see what is wrong with being honest with someone you say you love. If after a year he does not feel the same way I would have to say there is a good chance he never will. Isn't it better to find out now that let it worry you for a while longer.
I asked my ex wife to marry me after 24 hours and she said yes five weeks later. It was a terrific marriage and was only destroyed by her not being able to cope in the end with the consequences of my injury. I also had a girlfriend who told me she loved me first after three months. I loved her too but she was very immature and at the time I was worried about whether loving her was enough and that was my reason for being cautious. Loving her was not enough in the end.
I certainly understand how nerve wracking your thinking on this would be, especially since you've never said it to anyone before. But is it worth the worrying and possibly telegraphing to your boyfriend that you are concerned about something. The anxiety thinking about this might just have a much greater affect on your boyfriend than just telling him how you feel. But I'm a great believer in the importance of communication in relationships and would never dream of keeping this type of feeling bottled up. What's right for me may not be right for anyone else and you really have to decide for yourself what is right for you.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. Everyone frets about whether something they do will damage a relationship even if it has been going for years. If something is very important you wouldn't be human not to. So one thing you shouldn't do is worry that you are indecisive right now. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:41:36 AM | | I usually don't say it first. Never say it when sex is happening or about to. Always do it during a comfortable passionate time when you really mean it. I cant stand it when people that always say "I love you " to everyone they know. It then means nothing. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:44:51 AM | | Save yourself a lot of wasted time...tell him the minute you know...if he doesnt feel the same way...after a year...let him know his happiness means a lot to you because you do love him....so it's best we dont continue our relationship...he deserves to be with a women he loves...and who loves him.... | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:10:15 PM | I am also a person that never was in an enviornment to learn that social skill for it wasent openly spoken or shown openly in acts of hugging and touching. My foulks lacked it probably because they themselves didnt learn it from their parents or maybe for other unknown reasons.
Having said that, I did struggle with the issue myself and developed where I started saying it when and only when I felt it and and meant it but it is still difficult and not a normal reflex.
Lacking the ability to say the words becomes distructive in a relationship because in many instances the girlfriend SO would doubt if I did love her because most need to hear the words to confirm ones feelings toward them. They just arent like someone that uses signs of love by the actions one does to show it. What is powerful is doing both, showing your love by jesture(actions) and reinforcing the other by openly letting her know by the words.
If your guy/girl friend doesnt say it either, dont be disappointed if he doesnt say the words in return, but the most you can hope for is a response of something like, "me too" some may say "I love you" when someone says it to them but will rarely initiate it. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:01:24 PM | After what I've been through, I don't really care to hear those words.
Show me, then telling me is unnecessary.
27 years with the wrong one, always telling me, but convincing me with actions that she didn't, made me finally split. Those three words had become reduced to a salutation that had become meaningless. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:19:49 PM | ...
yes. i have advice.
know that if and when you do say it you will be saying so with the purpose which thrust the expression over. and that expression will have an image on your intuition model which your mind may question even as you speak it. doubting your self.
but the affirmative voice must win over. and so don't worry how it is perceived by another. for you are practicing to say 'i love you even though i may not be able to express why or that you would believe of it' .
upon release of that you can begin the building relationship purpose by the ideas of environment which shall facilitate the bodily drives which may be pushing your life cycle onward.
saying i love you for the first time and often the second or third time do not come easy.
but it must come. or be forever wanting to relate that loving side of yourself which lost its footing on the previous step in 'relationship' explanation.
never let someone put you down for saying i love you. and never be afraid to say it.
if they put you down. say it again.
'i love you' ' i love you'
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:28:32 PM | Holy crap...over a year and hadn't said it yet? What if you get run over by a ten ton truck? Its only a problem saying it when you expect to be reciprocated...I mean it wouldn't be a bad deal to be loved too. But I would say it...I would have said it yesterday!
I mean its their guilt if I get run over by a ten ton truck and she did not say she loved me too and made me feel like an idjit.
Seriously, you know if you do and why hold back? There's no prescription to these things and people that follow strict protocols are just bitter, twisted, unlovable sub-humanoids. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:47:45 PM | | Its never easy to say those words even if you feel them for a long time. There is always the chance the person won't say it back, but its better to know then too stay with that person and find out that he never intended on loving you. There is no more powerful words in any language then I love you. In a romantic way. The first time I said I love you to a guy I said I think I love you. He said I think I love you too. But that was the relationship from hell. Saying I love you and knowing what love is is two different things. Eros love is the best feeling in the world but the hardest too find. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:42:19 PM | | Comment from gentle whisper - Saying I love you and knowing what love is is two different things. Must agree - there are several different types of love - You can love a person for who they are and how they treat you. But being IN LOVE with them is quite different. Saying that I am in love with you is the ultimate love - spiritually and physically. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:58:08 AM | ...
but you say it best whom say nothing at all.
speaks for your self. now give me a call.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bNfay6HiUo&feature=related | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:03:35 PM | If the word 'think' wasn't in that sentence I'd say to take the chance...but since it IS there...I'd seriously suggest sitting back and giving it time. Yes, it's been a year, but it's been 'on and off dating' right? So what's been causing the offs? If you two aren't capable of staying in the relationship for a full year, I don't think it's time to throw those words into play just yet... the time will come eventually, and when you know for sure you feel that way, if you're still confused about how he feels, talk to him. I know that when I first felt it about my guy I was really confused, but the feeling grew, and evetually I asked him how strong his feelings were and it went from there... so all in all I suggest that you wait until you're certain, and until you two can stay together without these off periods... on a final note: good luck!!  | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:02:42 PM | You say "you have been dating on and off for a year"....does that mean not exclusive, more time off then on....If you two can't communicate your feelings that you love each other that leaves you with only one option. If you are tired of waiting and are sincere with your intentions, profess your love. Logically a reply from him should not be expected to be reciprocated as he might not be in love with you at this time. Be prepared for an honest answer that might not be in your favour. 
It should not be a deal breaker, JMO; but I have seen it happen to people who have been together much longer than your relationship. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:23:17 PM | | When you feel it, say it. Nothing like taking the spontaneity out of it by plotting and planning. Geesh, why are people so afraid of exposing their emotional connection to someone they obviously care about? | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:39:11 PM | Saying I love you for the first time
Have you tried to say I love you in cards on special occasions or for no reason just send him a card and sign it I love you and see if you get any response.
It worked on me and the marriage lasted until she passed away. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:43:51 PM | | I've always had men tell me they love me before I say it to them, so I have never been in that situation. But I did like it when the man said it first. It showed me he was ready for a more intimate relationship, and he was not afraid to say his feelings. When one man told me he loved me, I actually had to stop and think if I was in love with him or not haha. But when another man told me he loved me, I knew it right away that I was in love with him as well. It should just come naturally. Don't plan it... just go with the flow. | |
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dp503
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Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 47 | |
| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:55:01 PM | | Ask him how many times has he been in love. He might say twice or three times or even once. He should mention you if he is in love. If he gives you that simple a 3 times you? And you say once, make him go into more detail. You can ask am i on that list. Either he is in love with you and wondering how to ask this same question, or he isn't in love. Good luck, thats is a tough one. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:58:27 PM |
My advice - don't say it.
I know I know you really want to. But don't.
Women show it. And men feel it.
But allow him to say it first.
Otherwise? It will mess up what for now and for you? Feels good. So don't take that step.
Sorry but I have to go with my gut on this one.
I completely agree with the above quote.....As a guy I'm reluctant to say it, and if I heard it from the woman first I might feel an obligation that I'm not ready for & that might scare me off. | |
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dp503
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Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 49 | |
| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:59:31 PM | | I wanted to add one more thing that just entered my mind. I was falling in love with this girl but wasn't ready to share that with her when she put it on my wallpaper on my cellphone. "Pablo loves Richie" Those are not are names but you get the idea. | |
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| Saying I love you for the first time
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:01:00 PM |
It's funny. Since he's gotten used to saying it to me, he now says it to his mom beore he hangs up the phone, his step-mpm, his sister...I told him how in my family we always say 'I love you' as the last thing we say to someone whenever we speak, because you never know if that's going to be the last time you talk to them, ever, and 'I love you' should be the last thing they hear from you. It has always been an important thing in our family, and I love the fact that he does it now too.
Beth
Hey Beth, that is exactly what I do & other members of my family & friends for just the same reasons you've expressed....So here's a BIG right on! for you.... | |
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