| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/2/2008 11:59:48 PM |
Anyone who says they are in love without meeting in person and spending time with them are "in love with being love"...and have never been in love.
pure b.s. based on your own limited experiences. it's very possible to begin to fall in love prior to a meet...although, one always tempers it with the possibility of the meeting going awry. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:09:58 AM | | So many people don't even have a clue what "love" really is. Most of them are just in love with the idea of falling in love. It's probably real easy to immortalize and fantasize about someone you've met online (even though you've never met that person) if you're the kind of individual who's desperate to be in love with somebody...anybody. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/3/2008 1:10:40 AM | Love holds no bounds seriously when you think about it, I met someome from online
about four years ago that just completely gave my heart it's wings, I'm not talking lustfully here either. (I know the difference)
True honest romantic love is something felt in your heart, not your head...even if it's
1300 miles away...it's a feeling, a knowing.
So, whether it's the girl next door...or someone across the country, and if you're willing
to open yourself up, the possibilities are endless, and boundless.
Just my 2 cents... | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/3/2008 1:31:10 AM |
Why would you not be able to do that online? What prevents this?
The fact that you only know a small percentage of a person at a distance and that nothing but in-person contact can fill in the rest of the information (not to mention correcting misinformation that you may have developed).
People can hide a lot of serious flaws from you when you're not near enough to know them well. Someone with a violent temper can seem sweet as pie when you're not with them - for months on end, even. Alcoholics, abusers - anyone telling you about themselves can and will picture themselves favourably. Oh, sure, they'll confess to 'flaws' - in a way that charms you. However, if they have serious flaws, you'll not know about it.
How do I know? I was all dreamy and naive like you. Then I met and spent time with him. BIG difference in person.
Now. Some people will be exactly the same in person as they are online. However, you can't guarantee that your particular loved one is one of those people until you go and spend a goodly amount of time with that person. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/3/2008 1:36:56 AM | I don't believe in god, yet hundreds of religions are built around an idea that he does exist. I fell in love with someone on-line and i believe i know the difference between real love and infatuation. It's been almost two since the first messages exchanged and we are still together.
Whether people believe it or not it does happen and will continue happening to sane productive people that have lives. I for one would like to see more people find love no matter how they find it. The internet is not the end all be all but another way for love to find it's way into our hearts you just have to be open. But then that is a whole new thread on why so many people don't find love. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:32:06 PM | For months before my first in person meeting with my new gf, I read these forum posts about love online. Finally, I am in a position where I can comment with at least some personal experience.
Yes, craztlifting, you're right. It does happen. And it just happened again.
On the day you wrote your last comment, I was travelling 1200 miles to meet my gf for the first time in person. We spoke online and phone for 3.5 months before finally meeting in person. The connection and chemistry at our first meeting in person was instant. We spent the next two weeks together, for many hours, every day, enjoying each other as friends and lovers. Unfortunately, I had to return home and work. What's the next step? I'll travel to see her again in October; She'll travel to see me over Christmas, I'll travel to see her for a week in February. If the connection persists after those meetings, well... then the real planning begins. ;) :)
The most important factor here was the absence of surprises. We were both exactly what the other expected. We both had been completely honest about who we were. There was no attempt to deceive intentionally or inadvertantly. We had both presented ourself online/phone exactly as we were. Consequently, when we met in person our love continued exactly where it had left off on the internet and phone.
While online, was I in love with a dream or the real lady? So long as my dream proved a reality, does it really matter? Dream? Reality? The feelings and emotional impact are the same. Our dream is now our mutual reality. Will it last? Patience. One step at a time ...  | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:19:49 AM | | sure they can but you have to be open for just about anything.most women on here will not because of past realationships.but love at first sight are on here can happen if you let it and stop over analyzing things. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:28:16 AM | | I suppose you could fall in love with the idea of them (ie. personality and photo) but until you meet each other - it doesn't make alot of sense. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:57:14 AM | So you all are saying that because you can't physically see the person, you can't fall in love? Kinda stupid if you ask me.
I saw someone say "You don't truly know the person until you meet them" Ummm....bullshit. A person can lie to you face to face just as much as they can over the phone or over the internet. If you talk to somone on the phone for a sustained period of time, over a period of a couple months, you would know just as much about that person as you would of hanging out with them.
The catch? There has to be phone conversations, (a lot of them) for this to become reality. I don't think talking through text messages can make you fall in love. However, over the phone you can hear their tone of voice, the way they laugh in response to the things you say, and you can totally play off them and get comfortable with them. My point is, if you meet somone online and then progress the relationship into phone conversations for a long duration prior to meeting them, then yes, you can fall in love. Simply talking through walls and walls of text? No. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:01:59 AM | I've used Skype to talk to someone who was overseas. So yes it's possible, provided you actually get to talk to them and have a webcam to see what they look like.
Obviously meeting each other and spending time together in real life will solidify the relationship. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:13:12 PM | Congrats beelieve i hear what you are saying about the absence of surprises. One could say that you fall in love with the idea of love or the idea one has built up about the person they are relating to. When you take the time to be truly intimate (in to me see) it is easy to fall in love with someone you truly resonate with.
If either have lied, i believe it shows up the moment you meet in person. I met another woman years ago i had been talking to and writing to and when we met in person it was like the person in front of me was not the person i was talking to before we met. The feelings i had for her were gone the moment i set eye's on her.
Keep it real, keep it simple and keep relating to each other and not ideas of being together. You will have up's and downs and as long as you both remember you are on the same side your relationship with each other will grow. Never force things, let them unfold when they need to. Logical boundaries are there for a reason and if you try to cross them to quickly you've lost focus on the most important thing, each other. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:41:02 PM | You're right Rusty.
In my case, we got off the chat within the first two weeks. We spoke almost exclusively on the phone for about three months - 2 to 3 hours a day, everyday! The physical connection in person was almost immediate because of all the emotions we had developed over the months.
I think it really depends on the personalities involved. My lady and I are both very direct and open people. We talked very openly and honestly and discussed in intimate detail all of the issues leading up to our in person meeting. The in person umcomfortable tension lasted only very briefly.
Actually she made the first move. She leaned over to kiss me while stopped at a stop light. Focused on her face and lips, and trying to gently pull her close to me, I reached for the side of her body. Ummm, I made direct contact with her breast instead, oops! Thankfully she was forgiving. I am sure some of you ladies would have concluded I was a pervert. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:53:35 PM | "Can people really love - I'm talking romantic love here, not friendship love - someone they've only met online? "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YES!
YES!
YES!
I believe in love at any extent.
When/if it happens to you, you'll just "know it."  | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/23/2008 12:05:04 AM | I tend to agree. I met a woman through a phone call at work ... I then spent the next 6 months falling in love with her over pages and pages of mostly emails ... I mean, this girl was amazing ... everything I thought I might be looking for in a woman.
I finally decided to meet her ... I knew within 30 seconds (and possibly sooner) after she opened the door that we would not be lovers. She remains one of my best friends to this day, but we would never be lovers.
There's just no substitute for the actual presence of another human being. I don't care how cool your avatar is.  | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/23/2008 12:14:28 AM | it's possible, many people fall in love online, but the underlying question: is it the real person you are or just the "online profile/avatar".
philosophically, if you meet a person face-to-face even than it's fundamentally the same thing: you get to know a small part, fraction of a person before you fall in love.....so based on x% information about the person, and some interaction involved, you fall in love.
said it in a complicated way, lol.
the short answer is
1. yes, they can love!
2.- compatibility -that person is right for you and you are for for that person, is another thing.
risk of online love you fall in love with the "wrong" person, someone you are not compatible with. that risk is probably greater online, than via the traditional face-to-face way.
just my 2 cents. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/23/2008 12:07:56 PM | _Absolutely_...  ...
But...as so eloquently stated in #180,
Misinformation and what they're willing to admit to , flaw-wise , can radically affect
the actual physical 'Chemistry' when the truth hits the fan..!
~ Sure ~ . . she's Pretty, and Shapely, and likes fine wine, and Thunderstorms,
and even Football and Hockey..  ..
..but if she turns into a Screaming Banshee the first 'morning after' ..
when her lusts and cravings have been satisfied .. then she held something Back .. !!!
Heck...I'll be the First to admit that I Fall-in-Love at the drop of a hat ..
with a pretty smile, and an allurung pose ..
But Disappointment has become so commonplace .. for the most _Trivial_ of reasons
[ distance ]
that if 'The One' ever shows-up .. .. _I_ may be the one that doesn't trust Her sincerity!
And that would be Both our losses..!! | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 8/23/2008 1:28:55 PM |
When/if it happens to you, you'll just "know it.
Someday go ask several of your divorced friends whether they 'just knew'. Ten to one they'll say they did. Really, don't trust 'just know' because, most of the time, you actually don't. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:57:55 PM | Yeeeeyyyyy! Finally someone who thinks like me. I have often wondered about this topic as I feel like I have fallen in love online twice and it was mutual between both of us. I wondered if it could have been really love or was I going crazy.
Your response was very refreshing.
Thank you.
Renee | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/13/2009 12:10:07 AM | ^^^^ rking28,
You were going crazy. :)
Falling in TRUE love before you meet? No, not even close. At some point coming technically closer to true love than people who have been on a few dates? Sure, that's possible. But there's a limit -- a glass wall well before you could be in true love.
I think you FEEL like you have fallen in love, you're not going crazy. But we FEEL like we've fallen in love with puppy love or crushes, and that's not on the same level. You could be in love with a celebrity and never met them -- sure on that level, you're 'crazy about them' and feel like you're in love.
I think people who say they were in love pen-paling someone has no idea what love is. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:30:09 AM | Really? I think that people can fall in love by pen-paling over a long period of time. No not the same as if you were with that person face to face all the time but I think that just because it may not have ever happened to you doesn't mean that it can't happen to some people . Whether it be pen-paling, talking on the phone or both. Then when you meet in person it is all that much more magical. Call me a romantic. I believe people can have an idea what love is in that situation!  | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:50:00 AM | ^^^^^
I think you're taking the fantasy cartoon approach. I have to totally disagree... if you're not in each others' presence, let alone being able to touch, then no. I don't think that would be romantic to say it would be true love -- I think it'd be unromantic, because it would dilute the meaning. Not having met or touched ONCE?
I think you can be crazy about someone, sure. Playing with fire playing the pen-paling w/ hopes game, sure, but that's besides the point. However, being crazy about someone you never met face to face will wilter away after time. Sure, there could always be that "special place in your heart" about them, but that's how we may be about some of our ex's.
If it can wilter away over time by itself, that's a sign, no, it's not true love. It's lacking the necessary ingredients, but yes, for a while in the beginning, and you're lonely, sure -- it can mimic it and make you crazy about them. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:45:19 PM | Although it probably rare anymore,history has told of many that carried on via letters for great periods of time that fell madly in love with each other,and then married .Although I could not do this,once upon a time things were far more simple,people married without sleeping together,perhaps just had a kiss,some not even that.Once upon a time,the letters were all that was needed to fall in love and marry,holding hands on a picnic was the height of a romantic day.
In today's world our jobs must be just so,our careers in just the right place,we must have this,we must have that,we have a long list of what she must be,we allow our friends to critique at our every move. Odd in a modern world where we dissect every fathom of the match we have never had greater divorce levels,.Our expectations are so high no one could live up to them.
Once upon a time people dated a few times,fell in love and married right away,no $50,000 wedding was required,it was a time when most everyone stayed married for the rest of their lives and it not uncommon for those to be happily married 50-60 + years.
We in general are way to picky now a days and our expectations are way to high. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/13/2009 4:48:08 PM | Falling in love at first sight happens all the time, sometimes even to people who don't believe in it. And sexual lust may or may not be a part of it; it's wrong to assume that those who fall in love at first sight have only lust for each other. Few who have had this experience would agree that this is the case at all. Usually it's just a realization, from subconscious impulses bringing the realization to the mind, that this person is your (near) perfect "opposite match"; someone who is like you in all the right ways, and different from you in just the right ways to be intriguing and fascinating.
Surely, however, if you want to remove the element of lust from the whole issue of a so-called "true love" relationship, the best way to do it is to have people get to know each other without ever seeing, smelling, hearing, or touching each other! What better way to form a pure love relationship than to get to know one another through words without the rest of our senses getting involved? And if that's not possible, then what chance does somoen who is both deaf and blind man have of ever falling in love? | |
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raceme
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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 200 | |
| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:07:22 PM | This is an interesting thing to consider. At first, I would say no. But, I'm not everyone and don't know how other people feel. I think you can feel things you don't understand. Some of them could be pretty intense.
I try to never really get flirty or say things I could later regret because you could meet and just not like how you feel with the person in real life. So much of this is just an individual in a room with a computer and his/her or our own heads and thoughts. Interesting topic. I just couldn't say. You would have to see how it played out. I am taking a class with a woman in her 30's that met her guy on FB. She and he, had a lot in common. They met, now they're going to be married soon. Hard to say. | |
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